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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: Left confused and blamed for everything, it now burdens my mind everyday.  (Read 399 times)
LostPossumleft

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken Up
Posts: 3


« on: January 21, 2021, 04:29:13 PM »

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LostPossumleft

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken Up
Posts: 3


« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2021, 04:30:35 PM »

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Lucky Jim
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 6211


« Reply #2 on: January 22, 2021, 11:07:05 AM »

Hey Lostpossum, Your task is to let the blame roll off your back.  Those w/BPD say a lot of hurtful things.  Fill us in on your situation, when you get a chance.

LuckyJim
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    A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
BuildingFromScratch
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 422


« Reply #3 on: January 22, 2021, 01:59:14 PM »

I took years and years of blame. She'd twist everything in a million ways to make sure I was always blamed, and the only way we could resolve fights was if I said I was sorry, even when I wasn't in the wrong. Yeah, not doing that again.

Just realize all that blame is bullPLEASE READ, she doesn't decide what is your fault, you do. Some things probably are your fault, most probably aren't. She was too fragile and disingenuous to take responsibility for her actions, and so she blamed you.

You might feel beaten down by her, your self esteem low because of her treatment, then you become more dependent on her, and think she's more perfect than she is, and for that reason you might blame yourself more, to keep her "more perfect" in your eyes. Don't do it. Be honest with yourself about who was really to blame for each thing, and what was acceptable behavior on both your parts.
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Lucky Jim
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 6211


« Reply #4 on: January 22, 2021, 02:19:44 PM »

Excerpt
You might feel beaten down by her, your self esteem low because of her treatment, then you become more dependent on her, and think she's more perfect than she is, and for that reason you might blame yourself more, to keep her "more perfect" in your eyes. Don't do it. Be honest with yourself about who was really to blame for each thing, and what was acceptable behavior on both your parts.

Nicely said, BuildingFromScratch.

I would add that blaming is a way to get issues off the pwBPD's plate and onto yours, which means that the pwBPD need not take responsibility for his/her actions, because the blame has shifted to you (if you allow it).  Don't catch this football!  I have a saying (yes, many have heard it before): "Poison is harmless if you don't ingest it."  In other words, don't internalize the blame and/or other hurtful things said by a pwBPD; instead, decline to take it on.

LJ

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    A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
Voudou

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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Dating
Posts: 24


« Reply #5 on: January 22, 2021, 11:33:46 PM »

I feel your pain. I really feel your pain. I have been broken. I have been faced with the blame and found myself apologizing and begging to not be broken up with. I am hoping, with time, I can be strong again. Please hang in there and please keep coming here. The stories and struggles have comforted me and have given me hope. Hope that if my relationship is over that I will heal and hope that if it continues we can find a way to balance things out using many of the tools I have found here.
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