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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Author Topic: I’m struggling  (Read 201 times)

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What is your sexual orientation: Bisexual
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 5

« on: November 19, 2021, 06:07:02 PM »

I’m struggling. My own mental health is done a down hill spiral. I’m seeing a therapist but it’s hard

Here’s is my story  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=351237.0

All I asked for her is that I wanted space and needed time to think.

“Honestly, I need space at the moment. I’m struggling ok. The message I saw yesterday on your phone hit me. With my psychologist and online sessions, I’m working really hard to move on.
You got to understand you hurt me (there name). I’m sorry I’m saying this. I know your struggling. But I need you too understand that what happened between us meant a lot to me. At the moment I feel their isn’t no healthy give or take, and I need to process this all. I’m sorry, I need to look after myself.”

I thought I was ready for the messages. But I wasn’t. I thought I was overthinking and overreacting from the messages but I sat down and actually read the message over. She kept putting words in my mouth. Using the excuse that “I couldn’t do that anymore because you were my best friend” Throwing back in my face that she has been here with me through all the trauma and problems I faced in my life.
Then I received this one here is snipets

“Sorry for that over reaction.
I understand it would be hard because it is on me too.
But if you don't want to be friends and push everything we have done for each other away because my feelings are elsewhere then that's fine.
We did say we wanted each other to be happy and help where we can.
Im here for you.
Always have been, always will be.
The ball is in your court now.
Sorry that your hurting.
I do feel really bad and now I feel even more PLEASE READ then I have lately.
Talk to you whenever.
I just would hate to see this friendship die”

I don’t know what to do. I’m so stuck. I haven’t replied, wouldn’t know what to say.
once removed
Online Online

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 12156

« Reply #1 on: November 25, 2021, 01:19:56 PM »

sorry to hear that youre struggling.

people with bpd traits especially can be pretty selfish in this regard, after a breakup.

most people can be, in a sense. their feelings tend to become more important than yours.

so i think shes trying to get across that she doesnt want to lose you, and shes not really able to see your need for space, or that giving it to you might be the best way not to push you away.

its tough.

i dont think a reply is really necessary. she expressed herself, and she also said the ball is in your court and "talk to you whenever". probably best to let her, and the situation, sit on that.

     and I think it's gonna be all right; yeah; the worst is over now; the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball…
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Sibling
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 231

« Reply #2 on: November 25, 2021, 02:18:28 PM »

There's really nothing more for you to say. There can be no "friendship" with people like this. What she wants is to have her cake and eat it too, entirely at your expense. She is using emotional blackmail by casually mentioning that she's suicidal. The most empowering thing you can do for yourself is to end contact as soon as you possibly can. It will really, really suck, but your therapist can help with getting through it. Best of luck to you!
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