I have been dating on and off with a girl, she admitted cheating on me with a ex.
She has ended it with me dozens of times then reaches out to see me again.
Like a fool I agree and know its wrong.
She keeps going cold and when I ended things she keeps messaging me promising the world and she would change.
After a while the same happens again. I only ended it once .
Why can't I hate her for what she's done? Cheating, lies and lies but it seems she has a hold over me. My family and friends say I've changed. How do I move on and forget her
Greetings and welcome. It sounds like you have had a very rough time. You seem to be in a destructive cycle, and if she suffers from BPD, much of what you have experienced is typical, including family/friends being concerned about your emotional well-being. It's happened to many of us. Has she been diagnosed or are you guessing based on her behavior? In the very least her behavior is not healthy for you or for any relationship.
There is a lot written here on "detaching" from these types of relationships; how "ending" can actually be a stage in itself; a protracted back-and-forth, that happens because of re-engaging, whether via phone, text, email or in-person. Any contact simply starts the cycle all over again. Insanity it is, and long-term it can definitely affect your mental health.
I would suggest reading all you can here for now, so you understand what others have gone through and how ending a relationship such as this is truly a process. No-contact means exactly that: Nothing; no texts, phone calls, emails, etc. She will move on when she realizes you have "ghosted her". During that time however, you may get all kinds of messages that may range from "I love you", to those that are completely inflammatory and demeaning. Many of us experienced that as well (including me). I found it best to simply block messages, send emails to spam, etc. If you respond at all, the cycle will repeat and you will only feel worse.
Using the knowledge you gain while here, and staying firm in your committment to "end it", will help you to move on. Know that staying engaged in "any" form will cause the cycle to repeat, until one of you finally moves-on.
You making the decision to move-on, means
you are in charge of your life and not her. As of now, she is, and if you wait for her to finally move-on, you will have endured a lot more emotional anguish and really have nobody else to blame. We all know how hard it is to detach and go NC for good. It is far less painful however, than continuing in a relationship where things will not improve and typically will only get worse.
The following link provides helpful information regarding this.
Breaking up with a person with Borderline Personality Disorderhttps://bpdfamily.com/portfolio-brokenAll the Best