Liz graduated and is coming home

[John Galt]

Well my friends,

Wife just called and told me that there was a meeting at her group with all the participants and clinicians and Doctors and she is coming home on Friday for good !

Last night she called and asked me my opinion of her coming home after the meeting tomorrow ( today) with the clinicians.

I told her that I want her home yet only if the clinicians and her all think that she has completed everything that she needs to complete.I told her I supported her either way in staying or coming home,and the decision was theirs and hers, not mine.

She just called me and said that she will graduate on Friday at 2 pm ! They felt that she had learned all she can there.There is a support system in place with a weekly meeting 15 minutes away from our home and Wife wants to go.Other stuff we will discuss later in terms of support and the future plans re: therapy.

For the record I always anticipated the chance that maybe she would attempt to get kicked out ( very easy if desired) and I also wondered if this was a ploy when she spoke of early graduation but I assure all my friends here who support me and supported me  that this is the real deal here !


Kudos for Wife, the kids and me. Being a little Ruthless helps !

Thanks to all for the unwavering support.

M

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[eternaloptimist]

Congratulations!  You deserve a fabulous homecoming - you give us hope.

[John Galt]

Thank you so much,and I think I will steal your name and re name my self ''eternal optimist '' !

[SadButHoping]

Great news, Marc.

I'll keep 2 on Friday on my calendar for good thoughts heading out for you and your family.  I hope the reunion is everything you want it to be.

SBH

[John Galt]

Thank you very much and I will get a dozen roses for Liz and greet her with the all the kids togeather .Forgetting about BPD for this next thought , I am a man who has always understood the very very hard job of staying home with the kids and raising them and the household.I have always seen this as harder than going out and making money,but I proclaim to all the stay at home moms and dads in the Universe that this last 9 weeks has taught me that it is way more difficult than I ever thought,and I will be more thoughtful in the future when sometimes I have not been.

And I have my mom, and a full time cleaning lady as well in the last 9 weeks !

[spamlady]

Ruthie,

This is soo good! Really, couldn't be better. Knowing where this started--how profoundly ill she was--gives me great hope for all of us.

And major kudos to the catalyst--Babe Ruth--for hitting this one outta the park!

Beaming,

spam

PS: Roses for your mom, too--from you AND Liz.

[John Galt]

Thanks munchkin !

She still is ill though, this is a start ,not anywhere near an end.Please understand this.This is a beginning of a long long road and she has completed the ending of the beginning,thats all.

It is huge and serious and amazing.

She now must apply what she has learned,thats the real test.The intimacy issues of the BPD.

Today though is only kudos day !

Hank Aaron 755

Bonds 720?

Ruth 714

Baby Ruth 1

Marc

[eternaloptimist]

You mustn't rename yourself - ruthless is what got you where you are now - We all need a bit less ruth in our lives!

[elphaba]

Oh, Marc

I am so happy for you and your family this will be a long road, but you are all now on the right road, the right path to healing and happiness.

congrats!

[crystal]

Marc,

I still feel relativley new to bpdfamily, but you are truly an inspiration! 

You set an example of how to be kind and yet set boundaries. How to use love, not abuse it.   How to be optimistic and practical at the same time.

All the best to you! 

-Crystal

[John Galt]

Thank you so much Elph and Crystal.

The day of change came when I was kind to me and the kids and ruthless to Liz though.

Marc

[JoannaK]

Marc, I'm so glad she is graduating early, and all of my hopes and prayers are with you, Liz, and your kids. 

Yep, being a stay-at-home mom is hard.  I was exhausted day in and day out when mine was a toddler and into everything... .

[At Bay]

Marc,

I'm so glad to know your family has grown in understanding, and put forth effort to be there for each other and trust one another with the truth. Sometimes things do work out all right. Someone (you), had to say the old ways are intolerable and wrong. Your kids learned to have faith in their abilities by your example. Liz received a chance to show them she can believe that, too. I can't say enough good things.

At Bay

[Golden Silence]

Amongst all the pain and bitterness of bpdfamily, you and your family are an inspiration and glimmer of hope for those who still have the opportunity to be committed.

I'm so happy for you and yours Marc.

Heartfelt Congratulations 

[supermom]

Oh Marc, I'm so happy for Liz, your children, and yourself!  My best wishes to all!  Such wonderful, positive news. 

[NewLifeforHGG]

YAY! Now you can bring the family down south for some good ole bbq ribs and sweet tea!

Happy for your new start.

[Mollyd]

Marc,

I am thrilled for you, Liz, and your kids.  IMO you have done absolutely everything you could have done to try to honor your committment to your wife and your kids.  Personal therapy, intervention for your kids and treatment for Liz.  What more could you do (except maybe put Em back up and lose Shakira?  Oh -wait - that's not related!)? 

You know, I see recovery as a life-long process.  While I am thrilled, and believe you guys deserve to seriously celebrate - being all Molly and all - I also hold a dose of caution.

Many, many, many people go thru treatment of one sort or another.  It is a serious accomplishment.  But, at the end of the day a month, year, decade from now - it will not be about whether Liz completed treatment or not.  It will be about what she takes with her. 

With celebration - also, I believe your boundaries now will need to be even stronger, your resolve even more clearly stated, and your tenacity (which I don't think you could ramp down if you tried) ever present.

Know I support you and yours.

Molls.

[John Galt]

Thanks guys and dolls !

It is very true and I keep telling those here that this is a beginning, not an end.From here on in we will still have to fight the fight with love and boundries.

I spoke last night with the head of the BPD clinic here in Toronto.It was a real chance meeting at a fundraiser for something unrelated to BPD.Anyway we spoke for a little and I asked him what I needed to know about BPD and if in his opinion if there was any chance for these people.

He laughed slightly at the question and answered ''of course there is''.He claimes that there is much supporting evidence now that there is a burnout almost of some behaviours( I know this sounds a little old school) and much evidence CURRENTLY supports this,and how it can dye down late 30s and early 40s. I asked him what else I need to know and he said the only thing that is certain is that if anyone tells you they know about BPD for sure,then just to totally disregard that person !

It was an interesting conversation to say the least.

Thanks for the well wishes,

Molly, note Shakira has gone home and M returned ! I just felt like looking at Shakira yesterday !

Marc

[spamlady]

Hello my fellow Bama fan,

You sound like you have prepared the perfect thing to wear for the homecoming barbeque--a chef's blend of celebration and caution (celecaution).

That's interesting about the research, but remember that all stats come from averages--what "most" people with BPD do. Keeping in mind that "most" people with BPD would never do what your brave wife did, I think you two have a big leg up on this thing. I'm so glad to hear you say that you know it'll be an ongoing process, though--there will undoubtedly be good periods and bad, but you're now prepared to deal appropriately with both. I'm so happy for the entire Ruth family.

That Shakira pic had me all mixed up. I knew it was you talking on your posts, but I kept hearing your words in a female voice. Glad you're back to M.

spam

[John Galt]

 I like the metaphore !


Hey , so I like hot Latinas ,what can I say ?

Thanks Spamy

[optimistic]

Marc -- best wishes to you and your family.  While it is important to be cautious, etc., I believe that every step forward deserves a celebration. Thank you for sharing your process and your thoughts so willingly - it helps all of us who are committed.

[Oy-vey!]

Marc,

Mazel tov to you and Liz and your kids!  May this new beginning bring much happiness to you all!

[been there]

   HI marc,

   Congradulations to Liz, and wishing you all the best. Small steps in the right direction.

   Don't want to rain on your parade, but to encourage you to remember these small steps forward, when there is a setback. This is a long and hard road for everyone involved, and at least in Tina and my relationship there were setbacks along the way. For us, the journey was worth it, and I hope it ends that way for you and Liz too.

   Take care, Mark

[Caribou]

Congratulations to you, Marc, and your whole family.  What an accomplishment!

Yesterday I was thinking about how difficult it would be for any of our spouses to commit 12 weeks to a program like this.  The ones that have jobs have to take off that amount time and the ones with families have to make other arrangements.  Then factor in the difficulty of making the admission that you have problems large enough to warrant going to a program like that; not to mention the difficult personal work required once you are in the program.  It is no wonder that the success rate of recovery from BPD is so low.

On the flip side, If someone overcomes all of those obstacles and finishes the program, they deserve major kudos.

[spamlady]

Ruthie,

Sending all good wishes your way for the graduation and the homecoming. Liz deserves so much credit, and so do you.

Congratulations!

spam

[John Galt]

Thank you so much recent guys and dolls.


Yes , there will be a setback ,many. I am more prepared for these now cause I have learned many do's and don't s'.

First do  is to understand ourselves first !

Bada Bing !

Marc

[Ashlynn]

Marc,

I am thrilled that Liz is doing so well that she is graduating early!  Take her out for a beautiful romantic dinner this weekend and celebrate! 

Your story continues to be an inspiration for those of us who are working with our loved ones for recovery, and your resolve and strength are an example to us all.

Anna

[JerryZ]

AWESOME, ruthless.

Bless,

Jerry

[John Galt]

Thanks guys !

The thing about Liz is that she is really wanting to do certain things in the house that have been neglected.The house, also spending quality time with the kids, knowing that this time she is not leaving on Monday.She is wanting me to relax as well and just do whatever I want ( within reason !)

This weekend was beautiful and relaxing .There was a minor conflict between my 9 year old and her at one point and it escalated a little, and my usually strategy would be intervention yet I sat back and observed and Liz handled it very well.

Today ( Canada Day) I came to work to catch up a little ,and Liz would usually get upset , but she was great , and actually just called me from a walk with the kids !  This would never happen before. She sounded great and has called me twice today,which is usually around 158 times less than usual !

One thing as well is this program has a 3 month support group starting mid July that Liz wants to go to on a week night. her call, not mine, and its great !


Thanks friends,

Marc

[Silent Alarm]

Marc, I haven't posted much lately, but I've been following your thread on a weekly basis.

Congratulations, I'm very happy for you and your family.  Keep up the good work!