Self reflection. Take a look. Take the test. What are your results?

[UKannie]

To my teachers and other people I was a great kid, straight A's, quiet, overly conscientious, band member, no drinking, no drugs, honors classes, well-behaved friends.  To my parents I was the "bad" child.  I dared to express myself and hold views in opposition to them.

Pretty much the same goes for me too (and another INFJ here). When I read the posts on this topic I realise how the essence of "me", my spirit and my sheer will to live was almost crushed by the environment I grew up in. Twenty years later I am still trying to grasp hold of all of those things they (principally my mother) almost destroyed.

[Sara]

Sara, from one "bad" child to another... .I could have written what you just wrote, but you explained it so well!   xoxox  To my teachers and other people I was a great kid, straight A's, quiet, overly conscientious, band member, no drinking, no drugs, honors classes, well-behaved friends.  To my parents I was the "bad" child.  I dared to express myself and hold views in opposition to them.  I dared to think for myself and try to look out for myself.  I would speak the truth to their faces, and it was true, but they hated it and didn't want to see it.   I was "fresh," I "talked back,"  I didn't "respect" them.  All those phrases make me shudder.     It's true, I didn't, because they didn't earn or deserve my respect.  I always felt like I "wasn't in my heart one of them." 

silverfleur:

Your words, about your life, could also be mine as well.

Thank you.   

Sara 

[geekgirl]

Another member of the club here -- INTJ, "bad child", very good child in the real nonBPD world.  I think INTJ/INFJ personalities clash spectacularly with BPD's, which may explain why we're often the "bad" children.

[joiesophie]

Okay,

I came late to the party, but I'm an ENFJ.  Can I play anyway? 

Can I have the website again, my cat decided to play tech while I was reading about myself... .   

Do ya think I'm an ENFJ?  How did I ever make it in the foo? 

Or, on a more reflective note, is that why I thought I was invisible?

js 

[Lifeline]

This is too funny- I just took the test and am a "ISFJ". I read the descriptor and it's me all right!

Everybody loves me except my parents. xoxo

Are we that way as a reaction to them? It wasn't easy because as geekgirl wrote, we clash spectacularly with BPDs. I did... .still do.

I'm a winner by all of society's standards... .but never by Momster's. ?

BTW-I saw her today. I have LC, but today went sort-of okay because I used the power of the words I've read here to help me. Really. I know that sounds sappy, but I brought all your thoughts with me. I only meet her in public places, and when a rage seemed to be brewing I stood up and walked away to look at something else.

Progress at last... .after 48 years.

[DorothyFromOz]

JosieSophie, I'm ENFJ too. And yes, I'm the bad good child, too. I was not an easy child, though, I know (neither is my 7-yr-old). I was, however, a straight-A student (once I got to high school) on the honor society, in band and jazz band, math league, German club, you name it. And very active in and serious about our religion, too. But I am the scapegoat/bad child in the BPD world. Even my brother (who knows something's messed up with my mother but got mad at me when I suggested it was BPD) told me that he could never understand the fact that I tried all my life to be nothing but good and do everything right and got no respect from our parents, while he didn't try at all (he's not a bad person in the least - he's a great person, but he left the religion in which we were raised and definitely "experimented" with a lot more in his day) and has all the respect in the world from them.

[joiesophie]

Oooh!  I can stay? I've taken two different tests - and their both enfj (would you belive that I'm a teacher? ) It fits - it's way too weird! 

I wasn't the bad child - I just was the caretaker - comic relief person.  sistericky was the golden child believing she was bad child - anything for the spotlight... .

However, I don't fit in the foo! So glad about that.  Was horrendous, but now it makes soo much sense. 

This validated me.  Thanks for doing the thread!   

btw: I did get back to the site - does this explain my clutter in any way shape or form?

js

[PT]

from one "bad" child to another... .I could have written what you just wrote, but you explained it so well!   xoxox  To my teachers and other people I was a great kid, straight A's, quiet, overly conscientious, band member, no drinking, no drugs, honors classes, well-behaved friends.  To my parents I was the "bad" child.  I dared to express myself and hold views in opposition to them.  I dared to think for myself and try to look out for myself.  I would speak the truth to their faces, and it was true, but they hated it and didn't want to see it.   I was "fresh," I "talked back,"  I didn't "respect" them.  All those phrases make me shudder.     It's true, I didn't, because they didn't earn or deserve my respect.  I always felt like I "wasn't in my heart one of them." 

As a fellow "bad" daughter of a updmother and INFJ too, I could not have said it better than silverfleur - your quote also describes me as a child -- to my mother I was the "mean-demanding" child.  I had no idea about that Myers Briggs thing until I took the test here.  Then I was fascinated - the INFJ personality is me exactly - every description I have read of it is me.  And it is even more fascinating that so many of us kids of BPDs are INFJ.  I found a funny assessment of fictional character personalities - someone rated Cinderella and INFJ.  Love that!  In my 20s I always felt I was Cinderella to my mother - no matter what I did or how much I tried to help - it was never good enough... .but her other two kids did very little wrong?

[Creed]

Wow, what a fascinating thread.  I am INFJ also (was INFP in high school, but have become more sure of myself and my own judgements since then).  I also experienced that bad child/ good child dichotomy.  I was outwardly good in all the right ways, and was actually "the favorite" child, but I think that a trait of INFJs is a strong sense of self or high resiliency.  This also leads us to "clash spectacularly" as geekgirl put it so well with BPDs - that is definitely a pretty good descriptor of the fights I had with my uBPDm over boundaries / self-definition (i.e., eating what I wanted, wearing the belt I wanted - classic rebellion stuff 

PT - I'm also the "mean demanding" child, which I'm coming to realize simply means the "non-enmeshed child."  Love the Cinderella image - no matter what I do, it's never enough, or it's never proof that I won't bomb out completely in the future.  BPDm must monitor and control my professional and personal life to ensure this.

[sweety]

 INFP always get the same result

[Skip]

Incompatibility Profiles

There are 16 different Myers-Briggs types so there are 136 different type combinations that are compared in the book "Just Your Type" by Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger (ISBN # 0-316-84569-8).  They also have a website which is:  PersonalityType.com.   The book talks about the joys and frustrations of every type combination.  It also offers advice on how to "reach" your partner.

Here is some topline information on incompatibility based on four preferred ways of social interacting dynamics.

Chart-the-Course: INFJ, ISTJ, INTJ, ISTP
These types are usually talented at planning and determining a feasible couse of action for attaining a certain goal. They’re usually analytical and conceptualizing and shine at forseeing possible obstacles and outlining a good strategy in a variety of situations.

Get-thing-Going: ENFP, ESFJ, ENTP, ESFP
These types are natural motivators, great at energizing and involving people in a project. They’re upbeat, enthusiastic and open to new ideas and possibilities. Can be charismatic leaders with very expressive personalities and a desire to engage others in everything they do.

In-Charge: ENFJ, ENTJ, ESTJ, ESTP
Goal-oriented, direct and efficient, these types are natural leaders who focus mainly on results and effectiveness. They are energetic action people, fast decision-makers and very aware of whatever needs to be corrected and improved. They shine at mobilizing resources, mentoring people and monitoring a project.

Behind-the-Scenes: INFP, INTP, ISFJ, ISFP
These types are usually talented at defining, claryfing and improving different aspects of a project. They are patient, reserved and prefer to work in the backgound, where they gather information, mine for new data and consult different sources in order to better understand the process. They do well in research and counseling.

The Interaction Styles incompatibility theory suggests that the following styles are very likely to experience great stress when interacting:

Chart-the-Course least compatible with Get-thing-Going
----> in other words: INFJ, ISTJ, INTJ, ISTP least compatible with ENFP, ESFJ, ENTP, ESFP

In-Charge least compatible with Behind-the-Scenes
---->  in other words: ENFJ, ENTJ, ESTJ, ESTP least compatible with INFP, INTP, ISFJ, ISFP


Beebe’s 8 functions theory  Another model suggests that incompatibility happens between the types with the same functions but opposite attitudes.  This has been reserched by psychologist Ken Liberty that included several  couples, which revealed that the types with inverted attitudes (listed below) were having the most trouble getting along in the relationship. Liberty described them as “fighting every other minute”.

-------------------------------------------- ESTJ least compatible with: ISTP ESTP least compatible with: ISTJ ESFJ least compatible with: ISFP ESFP least compatible with: ISFJ ENTJ least compatible with: INTP ENTP least compatible with: INTJ ENFJ least compatible with: INFP ENFP least compatible with: INFJ

-------------------------------------------- ISTJ least compatible with: ESTP ISTP least compatible with: ESTJ ISFJ least compatible with: ESFP ISFP least compatible with: ESFJ INTJ least compatible with: ENTP INTP least compatible with: ENTJ INFJ least compatible with: ENFP INFP least compatible with: ENFJ

McAlpine's “Dynamic Opposites”  This is the another  incompatibility theory proposed by McAlpine and is based this time on opposing functions. The preferred cognitive process of one type is the least-conscious process of the other, thus creating the opportunity for a lot of tension and misunderstanding. Here are this model’s incompatible types:

-------------------------------------------- ESTJ least compatible with: ENFJ ESTP least compatible with: ENFP ESFJ least compatible with: ENTJ ESFP least compatible with: ENTP ENTJ least compatible with: ESFJ ENTP least compatible with: ESFP ENFJ least compatible with: ESTJ ENFP least compatible with: ESTP

-------------------------------------------- ISTJ least compatible with: INFJ ISTP least compatible with: INFP ISFJ least compatible with: INTJ ISFP least compatible with: INTP INTJ least compatible with: ISFJ INTP least compatible with: ISFP INFJ least compatible with: ISTJ INFP least compatible with: ISTP

Information Pages in the Thread

Here is the link to the test      

Trait Definitions (Introversion, Extroversions, Sensing, Thinking, etc.)

Profiles Descriptions (ENTJ, ESTP, etc)

Compatibility Profiles

Incompatibility Profiles

Data Summary

[Wanda]

ESTJ here

it said i am a leader like a  manager ,very strong and out going, but also sensitive.

ok i guess i have to be to deal with some one in my life with BPD and undiagnoised... .

[clean slate]

I'm an INFJ.  I didn't expect that, actually.  :)ifferent than I remember being coded the other times I took the test, but then again, I'm not the same me, am I?  This site also breaks down what all the codes mean in many areas of your life.  I just read this portion concerning my (perceived) strengths:

•   Warm and affirming by nature

•   Dedicated to achieving the ultimate relationship

•   Sensitive and concerned for others' feelings

•   Usually have good communication skills, especially written

•   Take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships

•   Have very high expectations for themselves and others (both a strength and weakness)

•   Good listeners

•   Are able to move on after a relationship has ended (once they're sure it's over)

www.personalitypage.com/html/INFJ_rel.html

So I cannot move on from my marriage, obviously.  I left twice before, thinking I'd go back when he said/did the right thing to "win" me back.  Now I'm wondering if I still think there's a chance for that.  :)o I not really believe it's over even though I'm the one who left and am now thousands of miles away from him without any contact of any kind?  Hmmmm.

[clean slate]

By the way, these are my weaknesses:

•   Tendency to hold back part of themselves

•   Not good with money or practical day-to-day life necessities

•   Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism

•   Have very high expectations for themselves and others (both a strength and weakness)

•   Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship

Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship?  You don't say!

[Sara]

This isn't "my" forum on this board, but as a totally confirmed (many, many times) INFJ, I think I can contribute some additional real life perspective.  

Although I always come up INFJ:

1)  I am extremely good with money and day-to-day practicalities.  Within both my family and also with the people outside my family who know me best, I have always been the "trusted" one--the one everyone else knew they could depend on (like: when they were dying; when they were becoming incompetent and knew it) to do the right thing, not only for them, but for everyone else involved in, or affected by, whatever situation it was.  (As a result of which, I am now an experienced Successor Trustee to Living Trusts, and I have General/Durable Powers of Attorney for several people so that, if necessary, I can act and decide, if necessary, whatever may be called for up until the moment they die.)  And I am excellent with money, both for short-term needs planning, and also achieving long-term goals.

2) About leaving bad relationships: I have left bad relationships, done it as expeditiously as necessary, and done it as well as it could be done given all the other "also trues" which were involved in that relationship at that time.  

I was once involved with someone who was either BPD or NPD/BPD, who tried very hard--in three different ways--to kill me.  I was able to leave that relationship immediately and with no looking back, despite a great deal of attempted recycling over the next approximately three years.

And on a far less dramatic level, I have left other relationships which were not good and done it (I think) as well as it could be done, all things concerned.  I know that I tried really hard to do it with as much wisdom as I possessed at that time, and I did consider everyone else's position and feelings.  

3)  I do hold back a part of myself until I know that my vulnerability or vulnerabilities are safe.  Once I know that, I no longer hold back.    

Other than these observations, I think this is a good description of some major INFJ traits.

[T2H]

I'm pretty much ISTP (mechanic/fixer) - but I'm 50/50 on one of those in formal testing (can't recall which but certainly not the first one).  I'd be interested in what most of our partner's MB type is.  Not sure about my exBPDgf but the one before (strong N traits) said she was ESFP.

[oaktree]

I always come up as infj too... .interesting.  supposedly that is the most rare type.

[kly]

Just took a free Myers Briggs assessment online.  So, I guess you get what you pay for? 

Here were my results, no surprises:

INFJ

33% Introverted

62% Intuitive

25% Feeling

1% Judging

Qualitative analysis of your type formula

You are:

moderately expressed introvert

distinctively expressed intuitive personality

moderately expressed feeling personality

slightly expressed judging personality


Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.

Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people's feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.

Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the Counselor's remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena.

Mohandas Gandhi, Sidney Poitier, Eleanor Roosevelt, Jane Goodall, Emily Bronte, Sir Alec Guiness, Carl Jung, Mary Baker Eddy, Queen Noor are examples of the Counselor Idealist (INFJ).

Full descriptions of the Counselor and the Idealists are in People Patterns or Please Understand Me II

I'm going to be strutting (on the inside) like a peacock tomorrow.  I'm in GOOD company! All you nons and Mohandas Gandhi! 

[cmk]

Well I just took the test and it said I was an ENFJ. The teacher.

[brenduh]

I am an INTJ which is consistent with the results I got 8 years ago when I took this test.  No wonder dealing with my child's issues drives me insane.  I cannot fix this and I am racking my brain constanatly searching for answers.  Ugh.

[innerspirit]

Just took it -- thanks for the $5.00 opportunity!

ESFP, the performer.  Hmmm... .

[left4good]

I took a freebie test ESTJ

could somebody give me a more detailed description of me.  it wasn't very forthcoming with info! 

[JGirl2]

I took a freebie test ESTJ

could somebody give me a more detailed description of me.  it wasn't very forthcoming with info! 

here are some sites... .

www.personalitypage.com/ESTJ.html

www.keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=2&c=supervisor

www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ESTJ

[wchi]

INTJ for me. I used this test: www.humanmetrics.com

Introverted 89

Intuitive 12

Thinking 50

Judging 1

   

[Satori1964]

Got test twice... .once in college and once about five years after I graduated college... .  I was amazed that the results where the same... .ESFJ (Extraverted, Sensing, Feeling, Judging)

[Blueberry B]

Hi CleanSlate,

I'm an ENTP. (It's good to know your type, but as you might know the test spits out the archetypes based on how you answer the questions. You might feel differently one day and get a different result. Anyway, that's another discussion). I'm not sure that being an INFJ really matters that much as to whether you can move on or not; naturally there are tendencies within your INFJ personality that will determine just HOW you move on from relationships. Sort of the INFJ "way" of detaching. It might be more important to look at your childhood and any unmet childhood needs that may be lurking. This is the WHY part and your INFJness has nothing to do with it. Unmet childhood needs present themselves in our adult relationships. These needs are: attention, affection, acceptance, and allowing, and the extent to which your parents succeeded in giving you this love has shaped your emotional template on how to relate to others. And will most likely give and receive love in the way that you received it.

So, for example, if a person did not receive enough attention when they were a child, and along comes a BPD person into their adult life who showers them with lots of attention, splits the person white during the typically intense courtship ritual, then the relationship pushes your emotional hot button (and this relationship is not really so much about the person but more about the emotional bond between the two of you). You brought this emotional cargo into the relationship, the BPD brought their share (much more actually) and hence the "loaded" relationship dance begins its steps. Indeed, your INFJ patterns of relating will be your signature on how you move on from this BDP relationship but the emotional center of the disengagement really stems how your emotional health developed or failed to develop with unmet childhood needs.

[jardin]

Same.  INFJ.  Have been since I started taking the test (8 years ago?).  That said, 3 out of the 4 values now have moved from strongly IFJ to slightly IFJ.  I remain surprised that it doesn't consider me extroverted as I do really enjoy talking, meeting people, etc.  I think its because I also need a lot of time alone to recharge, relax, etc.  It IS interesting that so many of this rare type would be with a pwBPD.  Has there been a study done on the personality type of the pwBPD?  Is it us?   

[kly]

I wonder if the INFJ, and others that are close on the spectrum, are more empathic than most, and are more willing to give a BPD a chance?  I know I've been in a number of relationships that in retrospect I should have nipped in the bud. 

By empathic, I don't just mean sympathetic, but also feel the need within that person, and see the good within their hearts. 

On the leaving board I'm struck by two very different responses:  One anger and railing against the BP, and the other sympathy for the BP's disordered mind and a deep sadness for their illness.

[T2H]

By empathic, I don't just mean sympathetic, but also feel the need within that person, and see the good within their hearts. 

On the leaving board I'm struck by two very different responses:  One anger and railing against the BP, and the other sympathy for the BP's disordered mind and a deep sadness for their illness.

I only have one letter in common with you but I saw the good in, and am very sad for, my ex.  I do have anger too - but it's directed at the illness.

[hiddenlizard]

I had the results from this test which I took just around the time I met my stbx.

INFP - "The Healer"

89% introvert

50% intuitive

75% feeling

22% perceiving

Last night I came out INFJ - "The Counselor"

44% introvert

25% intuitive

62% feeling

44% judging

Subtle changes, I think, but as I thought about it in those moments between wake and sleep I got this sense of having shut down. My profession is helping people to heal (I dislike the power differential involved in one person being THE HEALER and the other being ill) and I know that what I do is walking a fine line between protecting myself and opening myself to their pain. I have noticed over the last year and a half my interaction with my clients has become more "mechanical" and I receive fewer of those intuitive messages about how to proceed.

I am afraid I don't "care" as much.