Hi malaclemys1960,
what you wrote sounds a lot like what we have here in the LESSONS under the keyword boundaries. Boundaries in the sense of rules for us limiting our engagement in the drama. Sometimes after some temporary escalation (Extinction burst) things cool down nicely.
My borderline seems to love to get a rise out of me, whether it's an arguement or hurt feeling on my face.
Yeah, that is likely. People with BPD crave validation and stirring up drama or invalidating the partner is a very reliable, robust way to do it. I've written a lot about this
here.
Boundaries are very, very effective in stopping game playing but they also create distance in the relationship. That can be a good thing in case the partners are too enmeshed. That can be too much if partners grow distant. It is important to remember that the root cause for BPD is in the area of emotional regulation and the healthy way to deal with excessive emotions is to validate them. When negative stuff is coming our way it really pays to be able to sort that into situations calling for boundaries (abusive behavior) or situations calling for validation (negative emotions reachable by validation). Validating negative emotions is often something that takes initially some thinking and learning.
My T told me that I sometimes have a very neutral face, and suggested I move my face more
when I talk to my pwBPD.
Yeah, also a learning for me. I dare to act my understanding of her emotions and my own emotions a bit more than I used to. At times it feels excessive but it definitely increases the chance that she gets the message.