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Author Topic: Is lying common in pwBPD?  (Read 12027 times)
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Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 123

« Reply #40 on: October 11, 2017, 09:18:26 PM »

My ex was a compulsive liar. She would cheat and then lie about it. She would lie and lie and the more I called her on it the more angry she would become.
It made me crazy and paranoid of everything she said.

However, her mother warned me on Numerous occasions that her daughter had a problem with compulsive lying. And that was the reason that her mother was constantly painted black to her, because not believing my ex’s lies were signs to her that you had abandoned her

LegioXX Victrix

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Gender: Male
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 17

« Reply #41 on: December 17, 2017, 05:38:09 AM »

I have dealt with my BPD for over a decade now. I have a few tools to share when it comes to dealing with the “lying” as we would initially call it.

A bit of background before I dive in on this. I am the son of a BPD mother who naturally predisposed me to thinking this was normal. So when i married a BPD I was already hard wired in being co-dependent with such and individual.

I have completed some very intensive therapy and the best tool is being able to seperate the illness form the person and diagram it and understand it.

You have to begin with the fact that BPD is an unstable personality, who for the purpose of brevity or clarity at times has a difficult time being grounded emotionally and cognitively. Simply they don’t think or behave as one would expect.

Lying or a better discriptive term I use is “ Cognative distortion” is a constant factor is coming to grips with the debris of any relationship with such an individual. I was lucky I was able to have several court hearings that were transcribed, and had an attorney smart enough to nail my BPD with her own interrogatories and admissions. These are key. Tools as has been in my experience as audio and video recordings.

A BPD just doesn’t lie from what i experience they usually create an alternate reality where they weave elements of truth with a changed context and narrative that protects the form basically being hurt, to include the reflection of there own behavior.

The first piece of advice I can give... it really work on detachment, and get into the practice recording and documenting everything.

The next big step is to work on maintaining a proper boundary with your BPD in my case it a no-contact order that allows limited communication due to our children.

As you become detached and develop your tools in maintaining your boundary, focusing not he lying becomes so much easier. Realize dealing with a BPD will drive you crazy, and the distortion and manipulation that comes with lying creates real chaos. The Question is why it happens... and that is the dog chasing its tail in the bathtub scenario you don’t want to get stuck in. BPD’s just can’t help it they distort everything wrapping reality to insulate and protect their own weak personalities and usually from what I have experienced is to maintain some form of unhealthy contact with an ex, as in my case. Accepting they are going to lie is a probably the best thing you can do... just treat them like an Altzhiemers patient.

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Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 162

« Reply #42 on: December 30, 2017, 08:47:30 PM »

This thread is so valuable and has provided me with so much insight.  I am grateful for the many contributors to this thread.  I too had an exBPDgf who had congitive distortion, problems, making decisions, frequent lying to avoid shame, blame, and guilt. 
And I also experienced people who were upset at me after talking to the BPD due to the BPDs lies. 
Detachment has helped me a lot.  I keep contact to a minimum.  The craziness is pretty much over and out of my life.  I am thankful. 
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