SURVEY | Do you think you fear being alone?

[foggydew]

Zen, I think you sound very sensible and I can totally understand your point of view. Personally, I'd much rather have friendships than romantic relationships now, all that stress isn't worth it, and friends can (and often do) last a lifetime. Relationships develop into friendships later anyway.

[pearlsw]

In a sense his constant breakup threats have helped "cure" this fear. After so many of them I've come out the other side and realized "being alone" is literally not the "worst" thing that can happen to you.

I hope I can find a way to be totally independent and yet not entirely unattached to others - I don't think that would be healthy for me either.

[Go]

Alone?  This is a truly great question in fact much of my issues related to moving on particularly on really bad days, may well be coiled  up somewhere around this one.  I have spent so much of my life alone, work and travel, study and single until 30 when I married, that this is fairly significant question for me.  I am part of a big family now, my own 5 kids (now no BPD wife soon to be ex-wife long gone).

Do I miss her in particular or do I hate being alone, Do I miss the je ne sais quoi, that was unique to our relationship, on the rare occasion it was good.  Finally is it  the jealousy of her having a great life with someone else,  (she isn't it turns out, not being sour grapes... .but she is in a very bad place, very sick now, stress related illness and her life an absolute walking disaster since she left, however I do not wish her bad omens, rather I do hope she heals and finds peace as she gets older, but suggest it will be a very isolated corner she finds herself in, before she comes free of the place she now finds herself trapped. 

OK, so what is my conclusion.  Guess what it doesn't matter.   I have moved on.  I am on a diet and down 2kg already.  Getting proactive.  Feeling great. I am already finding new friends and as I compare notes with so many others managing to escape terrible marriages, figure my BPD life was actually not as good as I like to cherry pick on my lonely days.  It was a case now just remembering of bracing myself as I walked in the door, as I was always greeted with a list of things that had gone wrong and I by some magic was supposed to either a) fix  or b) not fix but put up with her whining about it.   Even the bits I thought were pretty brilliant, turns out were far less than they should have been and very few in number... .overall score, substandard and heavily compromised. Pretty sad really.  Way too many points of disconnect.  So I am continuing to develop friendships first, then perhaps later I will be ready for a far better look around. 
Regards,
Go

[Zen606]

Hi Foggydew,
Yes, I need time for myself, to think about which road I want to take now. Friendship gives me companionship and space. And, its just right for me at this time!
Thank you for the encouraging words.
Zen606

[Chynna]

No... .I'm a frustrated writer. :0)