What do you mean by passive agressive behavior?
My uBPD+uNPDw is triggered to rage by me. It is not anything I am doing or have ever done. It isn't even about me from what I can tell. During lucid moments during therapy when I asked he to stop seeing me as a monster (when we had a joint therapist) she would say I think I can see what happened to me as a child. This would last for no more that a few minuted before she would rage at me again.
I am the target for all her rage now. Something I do not deserve. I was the glue that held our relationship and family together. I would have done things differently if i had know about BPD.
So one minute she hates me, blames me, and has said she wished she had killed me. She has made false accusations about DV and threatened to accuse me of child abuse. "I will destroy you" was her threat.
The I receive texts and emails saying it is a pity I act so pathetically and that we cannot just be friend for the sake of our children.
This is the extreme push and pull I am faced with. An abuser who plays the role of a victim and repeatedly state she wants to be my friend.
"what is you problem".
I know this is a mental health problem. I try to keep LC.
All contact with her is at a price. Just sharing information on what I am going to do with the children when thay are with me cost me as she will do all she can to upset my plans and throw a spanner in the works to frustrate what should be quality time for me and the children.
I now share very little.
And yet this is not my fault. She had a horrendous childhood. Sadly this is not her fault either.
Her rage and anger keeps her connected to me. This connecting is still clearly important to her. Trying to stay off the radar and not to respond or engage is the only hope of of pausing this dysfunctional dance until the next time I am forced to interact with her regarding the children.
Some day I suspect this will all catch up with her. Some day she will be forced to look at her past.
I wish her well and hope she finds a therapist who can help her. I hope she find peace and happiness.
She has lived a tormented life, her demons liew within her. Given the childhoos she had she deserves better but this is all she knows.
Her rage and anger for me is all projection.