If I am reading it correctly- on this forum splitting refers to cutting one out of one's life?  I thought splitting was pitting one person against another- like a child does with parents for instance. 

Could someone please explain what the latter is called if splitting is the former?

Thanks

One thing I've learned as a child of this disorder.  I keep having to overcome my own disordered thoughts.  I grew up participating in the irrational games my father played.  Back then I had to participate to survive.  Now, I have to work against my old habits of thought to get a little perspective.

I'm sure it's the same for people who have been in other kinds of relationships with such disordered people.

I am new to BPD and was wondering if someone could tell me what does it mean when the BP paints you black or white? Is it how they see you good or bad at the time?

It may be "at the time" as you say, or it may be long-term.

My ex has four kids - my son (11), my daughter (13), my stepdaughter (20) and my stepson (32).  She has always treated both girls as all-good;  that is, "painted them white".  My stepson she "painted black" starting at a young age, and it affected him dramatically.  When we first got together, of course she treated me as all-good;  nothing I did was wrong, and that was very cool!  But after she "forgot" birth control and got pregnant with my daughter, then she changed and treated me as all-bad, knowing that I wouldn't leave because of the baby.

Only the youngest hasn't really been split yet;  he's ornery but a great kid, and I've expected her to paint him black, but it hasn't happened yet, maybe because she's afraid I would get sole custody if she did that.

Just an example - with my ex it's consistent, but with some BPD sufferers it changes from time to time.

pretty much anything can be painted black or white too... if the trailer for a movie plays a song he doesnt like... that movie is painted black... wont see it... my partner does that a lot... with lots of things...

if a BPD person splits you black long term, i know they dont see any good qualities about you or remember them. but over time, will ceratin triggers set them off to start remembering good things about you and they slowly split you back to white? or when they start getting angry at there new boyfriend for not fufilling there expecations, do they start to remember the good about you?

can splitting black be permanent? i dont see how its possible to hate somebody forever. espically after being so close with somebody.

I'm so sorry Mara!

You are so in my thoughts...  

Coolfry77

Some members experience cycles of splitting with their BPD loved one, and some experience a single last splitting episode to never hear from the person again.  From reading around the boards you may notice some of this cycling is dependent on the severity of the trigger, coping skills of the person with BPD, and opportunity/availability of the non-BPD person to being receptive - and whatever else is going on in the person's life.

Sometimes the "hate" can turn to "love" again.  It just depends on the situation.  Maybe post a little of situation on the relationship board that best fits your situation and the feedback from members can help to answer this question a little more.

I am really wondering about splitting being permanent as well.  I recently splits from my wife nearly 3 months ago.  I believe she has filed, and is resistant to counseling.  She quit 3 counselors on her own and did one marriage counseling with me and seems done with that, though I am still hoping she will come on Saturday.  I believe I am just so painted black, all she can see is negative about me, and if you don’t agree with her narratives, she is done with the conversation.   We had been having increasingly intense fights nearly weekly for a few month.  I felt like she was trying to provoke a big fight to gain a reason to leave and have her families support.  She got it when I involved my parents in an argument, as I needed someone to witness how she was or no one would believe me.   She has completely turned into a different person, and completely turned on me and my family.   My parents and I both seem painted completely back.    I felt, and everyone I know felt we had a great relationship, and did not expect this or see this coming.    Being painted black seems the only answer that makes sense to me.  She had idealized and broke up with me about 4 times in the beginning of our relationship, and then painted my parents and I  black for 4 months about 8 years ago, and was extremely nasty.  I thought she was just immature and didn’t know what she wanted at the time.   We got back together and she seemed better,  then we got married and she seemed even better.    We had about 7 solids years, though looking back, I think I figured out how to give her space when needed.   This past year after having our third baby something changed and she seemed to have been devaluing me increasingly often.   Until now I seem to be painted completely black.   She says she doesn’t miss anything, hated me as a husband, is only seeing the negative in every situation, exaggerating and twisting everything.  Saying that I controlled, manipulated, and isolated her.   It is like a nightmare for me.  I loved and adored her and my kids.  We had arguments as any couple, but to me they seemed common and I though we got past them.  She is bringing things up from 11 years ago now.    We have so much great history together, and 3 beautiful children.  One only being a year old.   I would think something pretty significant would need to happen for a woman to give up her marriage with all that we had.     I am wondering if I am painted black forever, or if it will be longer than last time (4 months).    It is a total nightmare.  She’s had been competent ruthless. And this divorce appears as it may get ruthless.    I have been praying she snaps out of this some how.