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Author Topic: POLL: 10 dysfunctional ways we process things  (Read 471 times)
Skip
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« on: July 15, 2009, 10:11:41 AM »

David Burns received his M.D. from Stanford University School of Medicine and completed his psychiatry residency at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine and is best know for his book, Feeling Good, which introducd many to CBT concepts to the public.

Burns identified 10 dysfunctional ways we often process things that causes us lot of our own grief and unhappiness.

What is your total score?  Let us know in the poll above and tell us (post) what you think in a post.


0= Not at all        1=Sometime       2=Moderately        3=A lot        4=Often        











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All-or-nothing thinking

Overgeneralization

Mental Filter

Discounting the positive

Jumping to conclusions

Magnification

Emotional Reasoning

"Should" statements

Labeling

Personalization and Blame



Definitions:

1. All-or-nothing thinking - You see things in black-or-white categories. If a situation falls short of perfect, you see it as a total failure. When a young woman on a diet ate a spoonful of ice cream, she told herself, "I've blown my diet completely." This thought upset her so much that she gobbled down an entire quart of ice cream.

2. Overgeneralization - You see a single negative event, such as a romantic rejection or a career reversal, as a never-ending pattern of defeat by using words such as "always" or "never" when you think about it. A depressed salesman became terribly upset when he noticed bird dung on the window of his car. He told himself, "Just my luck! Birds are always crapping on my car!"

3. Mental Filter - You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively, so that your vision of reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolors a beaker of water. Example: You receive many positive comments about your presentation to a group of associates at work, but one of them says something mildly critical. You obsess about his reaction for days and ignore all the positive feedback.



4. Discounting the positive
- You reject positive experiences by insisting that they "don't count." If you do a good job, you may tell yourself that it wasn't good enough or that anyone could have done as well. Discounting the positives takes the joy out of life and makes you feel inadequate and unrewarded.

5. Jumping to conclusions - You interpret things negatively when there are no facts to support your conclusion.

Mind Reading : Without checking it out, you arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you.

Fortune-telling : You predict that things will turn out badly. Before a test you may tell yourself, "I'm really going to blow it. What if I flunk?" If you're depressed you may tell yourself, "I'll never get better."

6. Magnification - You exaggerate the importance of your problems and shortcomings, or you minimize the importance of your desirable qualities. This is also called the "binocular trick."

7. Emotional Reasoning - You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel terrified about going on airplanes. It must be very dangerous to fly." Or, "I feel guilty. I must be a rotten person." Or, "I feel angry. This proves that I'm being treated unfairly." Or, "I feel so inferior. This means I'm a second rate person." Or, "I feel hopeless. I must really be hopeless."

8. "Should" statements - You tell yourself that things should be the way you hoped or expected them to be. After playing a difficult piece on the piano, a gifted pianist told herself, "I shouldn't have made so many mistakes." This made her feel so disgusted that she quit practicing for several days. "Musts," "oughts" and "have tos" are similar offenders.

"Should statements" that are directed against yourself lead to guilt and frustration. Should statements that are directed against other people or the world in general, lead to anger and frustration: "He shouldn't be so stubborn and argumentative!"

Many people try to motivate themselves with shoulds and shouldn'ts, as if they were delinquents who had to be punished before they could be expected to do anything. "I shouldn't eat that doughnut." This usually doesn't work because all these shoulds and musts make you feel rebellious and you get the urge to do just the opposite. Dr. Albert Ellis has called this " must erbation." I call it the "shouldy" approach to life.

9. Labeling - Labeling is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking. Instead of saying "I made a mistake," you attach a negative label to yourself: "I'm a loser." You might also label yourself "a fool" or "a failure" or "a jerk." Labeling is quite irrational because you are not the same as what you do. Human beings exist, but "fools," "losers" and "jerks" do not. These labels are just useless abstractions that lead to anger, anxiety, frustration and low self-esteem.

You may also label others. When someone does something that rubs you the wrong way, you may tell yourself: "He's an S.O.B." Then you feel that the problem is with that person's "character" or "essence" instead of with their thinking or behavior. You see them as totally bad. This makes you feel hostile and hopeless about improving things and leaves very little room for constructive communication.

10. Personalization and Blame - Personalization comes when you hold yourself personally responsible for an event that isn't entirely under your control. When a woman received a note that her child was having difficulty in school, she told herself, "This shows what a bad mother I am," instead of trying to pinpoint the cause of the problem so that she could be helpful to her child. When another woman's husband beat her, she told herself, "If only I was better in bed, he wouldn't beat me." Personalization leads to guilt, shame and feelings of inadequacy.

Some people do the opposite. They blame other people or their circumstances for their problems, and they overlook ways they might be contributing to the problem: "The reason my marriage is so lousy is because my spouse is totally unreasonable." Blame usually doesn't work very well because other people will resent being scapegoated and they will just toss the blame right back in your lap. It's like the game of hot potato--no one wants to get stuck with it.

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emmy24
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« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2009, 10:40:41 AM »

21.  I wonder how my DH would score me based on his perceptions of my reactions
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« Reply #2 on: July 15, 2009, 11:05:27 AM »

I think this would be most interesting if taken before and after therapy.  I engaged in these dysfunctional thinking processes much more before counseling than after.  Although we didn't necessarily define these processes so explicitly as this test does, I can see that we were working on these things and have noticed a marked improvement in my happiness and level of anxiety.  For example, I used to make a lot of "should" statements, mainly directed at myself, and I think this caused a lot of guilt and anxiety in me.  As in, I "should" be able to tolerate my mother, and since I can't I am a weak and bad person and feel guilty for not doing what I "should" be doing. 

Great post.

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« Reply #3 on: July 15, 2009, 12:35:14 PM »

In many ways, these questions could be labled the "Are You Human?" test.   When I see the choice of sometimes versus moderately, I wonder what is the criteria for the difference. I can't pick "never" or "always" because I am not 0% or 100% consistent  Smiling (click to insert in post).

I liked reading the different definitions; they are a good reality check. During certain times--winter in the northern United States or when I forget my thyroid meds--I can definitely feel myself engaging in more of the "stinkin' thinkin'" that is desribed. "I should be able to deal with certain family members better. . ." "Most parents juggle career and parenting successfully, why can't I?"

I definitely heard my enMIL in many of the types of thinking, sad and frustrating.

What are some of the suggestions Burns or others have for quieting these types of thinking in ourselves or helping us to disengage when others we know are engaging in this behavior? When my enMIL starts saying such things as, "I guess I'll never see the grandkids . . ." when she asks what we are up to, and I describe what activities the kids are involved in, I switch subjects or work to end the conversation.

Another thing I have started to do when dealing with enmeshed family or uBPDsil is envisioning myself in an obstacle course with funny objects to avoid--blow-up pool toys, rubber duckies, inner tubes, etc. EnMIL says something weird or guilt-trippy--jump over an inflatable lobster--uBPDsil writes something purposely vague yet hinting of drama family members-swing over that pool filled with jellyfish made of playdough!


Thanks for the thread!
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Skip
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« Reply #4 on: July 15, 2009, 12:58:33 PM »

What are some of the suggestions Burns or others have for quieting these types of thinking in ourselves or helping us to disengage when others we know are engaging in this behavior?

Good question!  Here are some thoughts:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56200.0
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« Reply #5 on: July 15, 2009, 01:01:50 PM »

Thank you, Skip! I am going to print out a copy of 10 Ways to Untwist Your Thinking. A good thing to pull out and read or keep tucked in my journal when I need it. Smiling (click to insert in post)
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blackandwhite
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« Reply #6 on: July 15, 2009, 03:39:38 PM »

A 9 here. My scores are all in the "beating yourself up" categories. I think I would have had a much higher score as recently as a couple of years ago.

Thanks--great way to raise self-awareness around these forms of thinking.

B&W
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« Reply #7 on: July 15, 2009, 03:54:13 PM »

24 Smiling (click to insert in post)

I'd say that is pretty darn good after what I have survived! I can actually see some areas where I am healing. The tape recorder doesn't play quite so often (of lies my uBPD family told me all my life until 5 years ago). Most of the work is just finding out who I really am, not who my uBPD family told me I was(actually projected onto me).  
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« Reply #8 on: July 15, 2009, 08:53:46 PM »

10 -

I'm much the same as blackandwhite - tend to be hard on myself but am definitely improving!  Before I started therapy 4 years ago, I bet my score would've been MUCH higher. 

I find this really helpful; I like to view each of the items as a sort of continuum.  Hopefully we are all moving towards the lower numbers.  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #9 on: July 15, 2009, 09:12:26 PM »

22-

Guess I better start practicing the ten ways... .
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« Reply #10 on: July 16, 2009, 12:49:04 AM »

21. It's all my fault. Sometimes I fall asleep by thinking about good things that have happened that day, or yesterday.

AB
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« Reply #11 on: July 16, 2009, 01:59:34 AM »

Is there a link to the test, please?
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« Reply #12 on: July 16, 2009, 02:24:06 AM »

Is there a link to the test, please?

Hi Itza

The test is at the very of this thread. If you have any questions, do let us know.

Patty

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« Reply #13 on: July 16, 2009, 06:14:28 PM »

A respectable, mid-therapy 8.

12 months ago I'd hate to think what the scores on the doors would have been!
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« Reply #14 on: July 16, 2009, 09:12:17 PM »

A 24 at the moment.  Of course when I have enough sleep and a lot less stress, the score will go down considerably (in crunch time at work and just went LC with momster). 
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« Reply #15 on: July 18, 2009, 05:35:43 AM »

7.

'Nauseatingly hopeful'... .I actually have a hard time deciding things and keeping focus, as I see so many possibilities.

If I weren't optimistic, I would have succumbed to my horrid uBPDm and killed myself a long time ago.

Self preservation maybe?
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« Reply #16 on: July 18, 2009, 10:30:41 AM »

5--can't decide if I should feel good about that or not. I guess it says I am basically OK (thanks to therapy and my own work) but makes me wonder how I let myself stay in this crazy place. Is it because I can think clearly and protect myself from believing all I hear from my BP? Makes me wish I was more unstable so I would "feel" this stuff more.
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« Reply #17 on: July 18, 2009, 10:32:05 AM »

Me too. I guess we should be grateful we are still here. Maybe we should be using these skills in another direction--no idea what that is though.
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« Reply #18 on: July 18, 2009, 11:32:12 PM »

18 sometimes, especially when I'm not faithfully taking my synthroid.

9 other times, when my sister hasn't stirred up the guilt I seem to carry with me all the time.

Gotta find a way to keep the crazies away, huh?
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« Reply #19 on: May 15, 2012, 02:58:17 AM »

I got a 7. How come?

Yoga and the 'wisdom' of advancing years, plus lots of therapeutic influence. The practice of 'reflective thinking' and the power of affirmations, visualisations and guided meditiations. A loving (and difficult too  ) husband. (uBPDd, B/NPDs, BPDm - 4 sibling nonBPD)   

If I had done it 20 years ago, my score would have sky rocketed off the page  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Interesting so many people have viewed this site, but only 40 have put in their scores... .

viv
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« Reply #20 on: May 15, 2012, 11:18:02 PM »

16.
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« Reply #21 on: September 18, 2012, 05:40:37 PM »

I scored an 8.
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« Reply #22 on: July 03, 2013, 08:33:03 AM »

Definitely in the 30s... . Not sure what difference is between 3 and 4 in some categories. I think the only one I wouldn't do so much is labelling- I consciously avoid that- although I do call myself a 'madwoman' quite a lot.

Been depressed to point of obsessively suicidal for many months/years and BPD relationship made this worse. Was just dumped and left pregnant for being too 'needy 'and 'hateful' by BPD ex so Im deep in the emotional pain right now. and although it is irrational I am constantly blaming myself. Especially the emotional reasoning resonates: if I feel this awful, it must be my fault. I must be an awful person, like he said.

I can see I direly need the therapy I am going into :-0
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« Reply #23 on: April 23, 2014, 06:49:40 AM »

My score was 32

However I am deep in despair ATM will do the poll again when I get out of this situation. Very helpful reading though, its made me much more self aware.
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« Reply #24 on: October 08, 2014, 07:53:28 AM »

I got 11.

So I've got some work to do.

The Ten Ways To Untwist your thinking - Here I come Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #25 on: April 28, 2015, 06:32:25 PM »

I got a 6. I can see where I sometimes still allow the old doubts about myself creep in. I also recognized that if I am given any criticism in an evaluation, I focus on it immediately and start to question myself and look for ways to explain it.

Recently I was given an evaluation by my administrator. He left the positive comments section blank, as well as other areas blank, but did make one negative comment about my performance. I was furious! I couldn't understand why he didn't include any positive comments. I spent the next hour wondering why he made the evaluation appear as if I wasn't doing my job effectively. The old familiar feeling of not being good enough began to creep in.  Once I started looking at the fact that he waited four months; he is under a lot of pressure since our district is in complete turmoil to the point jobs are being threatened; many of my colleagues are openly hostile towards him because of his leadership skills; and he is actively looking to leave, I was able to re-frame my thoughts. I was able to dismiss my initial thought of not being good enough, once again, to he has his own problems and didn't even complete the form.

One small step towards freeing my troubled mind! Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #26 on: April 30, 2015, 06:46:20 AM »

4 here but probably would have been about 20 a year ago. I am sure going through the BPD rollercoaster niightmare has ultimately helped me become a better stronger person... .thankyou to my ex for that.
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