Hi there,
I've done a little bit of study on attachment and have been very interested in it for some time - some of the patterns you're describing do sound a bit like they fall within a preoccupied anxious style...
The way I understand attachment - we all tend to have a primary attachment style, which is something that is developed very early in our lives, even beginning in the womb. This is fairly set, but it is definitely changeable with some time, intentional work and healing.
People with an anxious preoccupied style tend to try and find safety outside of themselves, so that's why you see a lot of reaching towards others, over-sharing, clinging or protesting if someone distances or moves too far away...
Avoidants try and find safety within themselves, and they find the needs and emotions of other people overwhelming... which is why they distance and run away... being presented with someone else's high needs for connection can sometimes feel unsafe and overwhelming.
But having said that, even though we might have a primary attachment style, we all tend to display traits from all attachment styles (anxious, secure and avoidant), depending on who we are interacting with. So someone with an anxious attachment style could still act in an avoidant way if they are faced with another person who is behaving in an anxious way. It's kind of like a temporary protective mechanism. And sometimes we need these mechanisms for safety... sometimes there is good reason to shut down and avoid someone who is truly not safe, but sometimes it's just to protect energy or something like that.
So it's not a given that someone who is distancing is avoidantly attached. It could be that they don't have the capacity for the friendship in the way it's being offered in this moment in time, maybe they're overwhelmed by other things in their life, or they're being triggered by something in your dynamic and don't want to talk about it, or perhaps there is just some incompatibility in your personalities... or maybe they really are avoidant? But none of these scenarios are something you've done wrong or a rejection of who you are.
It's still possible to bridge the gap in anxious and avoidant friendships by allowing the person with avoidant traits a bit of space to think, and to feel safe that they're not going to be overpowered by someone else's needs or emotions... so going slow and steady in terms of emotional sharing can work well. But saying that, you do you!!! You can't twist yourself into a pretzel to please everyone else. The right people will be attracted to your vibe.
If you're anxiously attached, being faced with someone else's avoidant behaviours can really, really hurt and does make you feel a bit crazy, so I completely get you. I am anxiously attached, but I put in a number of years to specifically heal this and made great strides... I need to get back into therapy to get back to that place after what happened with my recent ex. But I did notice the difference after doing a lot of work and becoming more secure - I didn't take it as personally when people needed to step away... I could just let it happen and observe the interaction with more curiosity, wondering what was going on with them rather than wondering what was wrong with me. Turns out, there were people in my life going through some real stuff... and giving them the space to just be, but letting them know I was still there was game-changer for healing some friendships where I had felt distance.