Divorce courts are overwhelmed with a caseload that never ends.  Since judges don't want to get decisions overturned on appeal, they want the litigants to settle which is why continuances are so common.  Strangely enough, our cases usually do settle, just not at first.

To blend my prior observation with Pook's response, can  you wait until your legal case is over and you get the final decree, then decide whether and how much to say?

Without her getting professional treatment - which she first has to accept she needs, which they rarely do - you’ll get the same cycle which is now clearly running. Plus she now knows that when she’s with a new guy you’re still there for her to go back to if this new relationship fails. BDP’s never want to be alone and her coming back doesn’t mean they want us specifically, they’re filling a needy gap in their emotions.

You’ll see the ‘Three C’s’ mentioned often on the site, which are wise words.. You didn’t Cause it. You can’t Control it. You can’t Cure it.

It’s okay to grieve over the situation - we’ve all done it and many still are grieving to some extent - but you have to try to get on with your life, hard though that is. If you don’t, then not only did she take away your happiness then, you’re letting her do it now, even when you’re not with her and you know you can‘t control her. Double damage.

Even if you still hope she’ll come back and are willing to ride the roundabout again you still owe it to yourself to take care of yourself, mentally and physically. Stay strong, keep busy and active and let your family and friends support you.

Best wishes

Hello and welcome to the family.  I'm so sorry you're still struggling.

BPD relationships go in cycles; they start off amazing because they've found the perfect person in every possible way.  They're so all-in on the relationship that they mirror everything the other person loves and make it a part of themself. 

But over time, they realize that hey, their person isn't perfect (because nobody is) and they begin to second-guess everything.  Maybe there's mood changes or new habits; these things are there to protect themselves from their own self-esteem and a massive fear of abandonment.

Over time, things might escalate, and seemingly little things are suddenly treated like life-shattering things.  That's because the non-BPD person thinks things are fine while the BPD feels like they're in crisis mode.  Everything gets scrutinized, every word, every reaction...they all signal that they're about to have their heart broken.

So what happens?  They get so insecure that they blow up the relationship and flee.

Over time, they enter a new relationship and restart the cycle- the new person is absolutely perfect!  But they're not, and the same self-destructive pattern unfolds.  Before long, they're blowing that relationship up and looking backwards...that old relationship was so much better! 

Maybe they go back or maybe they meet someone new.  Either way, the cycle starts all over again.  And it never stops until they feel completely safe and secure with their person.

Going back to your questions, being blocked is something that happens in the moment, it's a feeling.  Does that means it's forever?  Not at all.

Could she be happy now?  Absolutely...for now.  And maybe the guy is a narcissist, but she doesn't see it yet.

Why did she send the picture?  Who knows, but my guess is that she sees the guy as perfect and when you sent the story, she felt like you were trying to manipulate her.  So she did it back to you.  Maybe it wasn't your intention to harm her, but she's looking at this through a jaded lens.  In her mind, it was absolutely an attack.

Is this the end?  It's different for every BPD, but they all run in cycles in every relationship (with parents, friends, lovers, etc).  If she said that she never gives anyone a second chance, then maybe that's the truth.  But at the same time, she's tried to push you away and you're still around.  Maybe there will be a chance to reconcile...its very hard to guess.

What should you do?  It's been nine months, yet this still sounds pretty raw.  You need to give yourself time to actually heal and grieve this relationship.  You have zero control over what she does, but 100% control over your own path.

So this has dragged out as she and her attorney have delayed and gone back and forth with us for months over it.   We have filed a motion with the court to get a decision on that now and force the issue.

I'm so glad for the positive outcome, but especially for putting a end to that chapter of your life, and starting a new, more hopeful one.  Even if you experience some setbacks, your positive frame of mind will see you through.  If you overcame your past trauma, you can handle just about anything I suspect.  Thanks for sharing, it's nice to read uplifting stories here.

I’ve been in therapy with this trauma informed therapist for about two years. Before that it was just a general anxiety therapist which helped a lot for about a year.

Also right now I’m just trying to pass time by doing anything I can that seems fun to me. Video games, reading, tv, working out, chores, friends. I’m working a month long summer camp starting in a week so that should help pass the time by faster.

She never seemed like someone who had bpd until the split on me. I never noticed her having these mini splits. I feel like a lot of my hope rests in that we had a really good connection which is probably why she split anyways and the fact that she’s in therapy and her bpd doesn’t seem as severe as some others I have read about. But obviously it’s been three months and the only contact has been her blocking me even more.