and if nothing deserves a response, don't even respond. You don't have to any more, and I think for a BPD looking for a fight, no response is worse than any response.
This.
The vitriol comes and goes. My pwBPD seems to be in a constant split/spiral/push-pull scenario at the moment. Yesterday it was calm for a few hours and then extreme. I'm taking the BIFF to heart. And being called a narcissist again and again. She's threatening this/that, but I just see a very sad, very alone, very angry human who can't keep from burning down all the bridges around her. I no longer feel an empathetic draw to her; I'm annoyed, now. Eager for her to cycle down so we can get a mediator involved and try to move this thing along.
I hate texting with her. Talking to her makes me lose respect each time. It's odd to see this woman who I once loved become a tiny, shrinking shell of a being who I no longer respect. That might be encapsulated in her responses of "you never loved me" and "you hate me" and "you have never respected me." And the newest one, "you bought and trapped me in this house knowing exactly what you were doing, and planning to never change!" Wow... talk about a commitment to the bit from me, were that the case. What's fun? Taking my mentally ill, psychologically imbalanced wife with Borderline, buying a home, moving in, and then moving out! Yup. That's real. That's a real perspective.
Truth be told... I have continued to lose respect for her day after day for eight years. Until I hit the end of my bucket a little over a month ago.
There is no redeeming this; my confliction is dissipating. She'll try and be controlling/destructive with the kids, and it'll cost her more than me. They're strong boys.
People with Borderline deserve to be understood. This doesn't necessitate loving them. I am not obligated to be in love with her or to continue this marriage... don't know why it took me so long to accept that.
I believe that when you set a precedent of treating a person a certain way (she/me) you lose right to mandated validation and understanding. I no longer owe the obligation of absorbing the blame, accepting the false realities, or validating a perpetual cycle of emotional dysregulation.
Naming it outload has been helpful. I'm no longer in fear. I'm almost laughing as I try and guess what extreme she'll take it to, next. It's all silly, sad, and a catastrophic collapse of a moment.


