I don't care what strangers think of me, but I do like having a partner who likes and respects me. During the love bombing phase I couldn't do anything wrong, and the things she suddenly hated she 'liked' in the beginning.

The weird part is I've seen my ex before her out in public, didn't really have an impact other than 'ugh go the other way'. Two gfs ago, that one came by my house to see how I was doing and that was really weird but I just moved on and shook my head.

No clue what it is about this one. Maybe I'm just in a place in my life where I was wanting marriage and a family, and aside from her psychotic behavior, we really were great 'friends' who had tons in common (or it was mirroring). Who knows, I'm doing better now. I just hate how that just shocked my system like that from a freaken picture.

And a big change, I don't know. I truly have a wonderful and fulfilling life.

Step*

Yeah, I do acknowledge that. I think it is just nice that he had taken a step and maybe that syrup will help him find the motivation he needs to actually start therapy.
Again, my hopes and expectations are on the floor and I'm not banking on this at all. I am standing firm in my position of not wanting to be in a relationship with him and if he abuses my kind nature then the crack in the door will be fully shut.
Have any of ya'll had success with your bpd partners or exes seeking treatment in a real way?

Lots of psychiatric and mood medications have side effects.  Some are minimal but over time many people discontinue them.  The concern is that just because a person needing meds does start using them, it does not mean they have achieved recovery.  They are still the same person, and even they their perceptions and behaviors can resurge.

So while meds can allow improvement and better behavior, it is not generally a cure.  Underneath there still can lurk looming issues.  The changes are induced, the treatments not fully converted to permanent normalcy.

Much of life is a Choice.  Perhaps not a conscious choice, perhaps influenced and made more difficult by environment, genetic variances, and much more.  But... as a person grows toward and into adulthood, to some extent every person has a choice... will they choose to make life better?  None of us are perfect, but it can be a choice to Try.  And we shouldn't feel guilty if we do try to better ourselves and the other doesn't.

I see.  I don't know the answer to that question but I do think you can set some clear boundaries for yourself and indicators to look for in his behavior (not his words, I think) to help you decide whether there is reason for hope.

Me88, it sounds to me like you get a lot of your sense of self and validation from being wanted or needed or seen positively by other people. That's wonderful, because it's right to want to help other people and make their lives brighter, but it also creates a vulnerability. Borderlines are expert at telling us how acutely, truly, madly, deeply they "need" us, and then yanking this affirmation away in the most abrupt and violent fashion, leaving us traumatised and lost.

When you imagine a big positive life change, what comes to mind?

This is so much.  I relate to the guilt and the worry and the loss and sorrow and the exhaustion.  I suspect you may not even be aware of how much you need the separation, how much better you'll feel with some time and how much clearer things will be. Take care.

He has started medication. And since that night, he has seemed more serious than I've ever seen about wanting to get better. About wanting to be in therapy. I told him that I would need time, space and a lot of repair and reassurance if we were to ever try again. If that is too much to ask then yes, i will have to fully move on for my own health.
Am i wrong for having hope that he will commit to healing?

A question I have is "What has really changed?"  You slept with him, but you seem to know that there's no future there and you should pick yourself up and get back to NC.  Or am I wrong?  Did something change?

Feeling remorse is good for helping us do differently in the future, but making our imperfect human selves crazy with guilt or confusion is not so helpful I think.