Welcome aboard and sorry you're dealing with this mix of signals. The part that stands out to me: she crossed the boundary (the sexting), you held it, and now it's being framed as you not fighting hard enough for the relationship. That flip is really common in these dynamics. The disappointment she voiced is about her own abandonment feelings, not an actual invitation to win her back.

Her ghost-then-return cycle already showed you what re-engagement looks like. If you chased now, you would most likely get the detached version of her again within weeks, plus a harder reset after that. The kindest thing for both of you is to stay consistent with the boundary you set. It hurts because the good version of her was real too. But you are not ending it as punishment, you are declining a setup where you do all the adapting.

How are you filling the evenings lately? That first stretch after the breakup is rough, and routine matters more than people expect.

Glad you experienced peace despite the rollercoaster. I know that takes work!

With a disordered relationship we never know what will be the trigger that makes us hit rock bottom and decide we are done. When we get to that point, it is overwhelming because of all the past abuses we have endured and all the new boundaries to put in place. You are now on your way up and slowly things will get better.

If it's sent, then it's sent.  That's okay.  You said what you wanted to say and this is ultimately about you.

The odds are that he won't respond.  That's okay too.  This is about closure for you and getting it off your chest.

Hi guys if you’re reading this thanks sorry if it’s long idk what to do
So me and my ex have been together for a little over a year and everything was good in my opinion but like a month ago i started working 12 hour shifts so when she woke up i was almost half way through my shift and when i was done i went home because i was tired and we didn’t spend that much time together. We started to argue more than usual but in my mind it would get better after I finished working there. She just slept over like 2 nights in a row and the second night we argued and I thought we talked it over. She went on a walk with my sister and she at one point came to me and cuddled me and then they went on another walk so I thought everything was fine.And then i was at work and she texted me that we needed to talk and i knew where that was going and when i got home she broke up with me but she wasn’t cold she was crying and i could see it was hard for her I asked for a break instead and she agreed and she said that we will meet up two weeks later to have a talk. She asked if she could kiss me hug me and stuff so I thought maybe we just needed a little break. She kept on texting me like once every day i love you I’m sorry and I kept reassuring her that its fine i love her more and that we’ll figure it out together. One night after she went on a walk with my sister she texted her that if she thinks I could deal with her bpd or if it will drain me and my sister texted that she thinks i could handle it she just has to talk to me. And then she texted me for a sleepover and i said yes but if it would be too much than its no problem and later she texted me that she’s not okay she’s sorry. And then she next day i wake up and tell her like my friends invited me out just so she wouldn’t spiral even more and she sent me a break up text that like she’s sorry she can’t do it in person to watch my broken reaction that she loves me the most and to never forget or doubt that but that we could still have the talk. My sister then told me that she told her she’s writing a like letter/ journal for me when we meet up and im writing her a letter. I thought after the break up text we would go no contact until we met up but she keeps on texting me like every 2 days that she’s sorry she loves me and that she misses me. Idk what to do I want her back I want to show her that im there for her i just don’t know how to do that. Im lost because she’s like one moment breaking up with me the second she misses me and im in a spiral of my own in this situation.
Any help would be much appreciated if you have any questions please im just really lost and i love her very much.

Welp. I was writing and rewriting the letter to try to process the new information and I fell asleep with it open and I guess my hand hit it or something cuz it sent. Soooo.. that's not great. But i guess there is not much I can do about it now.

I just don't know what to do anymore and I'm lost. I love her, and I want to do what I can to find a better way, but I've tried anything and I don't know how much more I can take. I try and try and try, and I know I make mistakes but it's never enough. My best days aren't enough to fix it. I keep losing more and more of my sanity. I don't even know what's what with how she treats me. She told me she has BPD, diagnosed and everything, but she also talks to me so cold, calculated, claims she's not having some episode but is being fully honest and truthful. I just don't know what to do, I'm losing my mind and I can't take it anymore. I just want things to go back to what they were, I can't lose this after everything I've sacrificed, I can't have my son grow up in a separated household like I had to. I don't know what to do please please for the love of God please what can I do!?

Thank you, all of you. It means a lot.

Tonight has been another rollercoaster- ya’ll ain’t lying when you say there are hard times ahead, hah.

It’s almost insane to watch it go from normal to aggressive to really wounded and angry in single text threads. We’ve reached the “you must be sleeping with someone else” “I’m going to go sleep with someone else” segment. Meanwhile I’m lying on a rug with the cats she wanted and didn’t want.

Inside? I’m at peace. Hell, I’m going to go to bed early.

I am so sorry to read you’re going through this. Reading your post I could’ve written this myself. I’d be the stepsister in your story. My brother married a BPD wife, and we lost our sister to a terrible accident. Everything you said about your stepsons comments was what my brother would say. Blaming us for everything, calling us toxic, fabrications a story that his childhood was awful when it was beautiful, fabricating a story about our family that we reject him and his wife…the list goes on. The amount of hurtful things he’s said is more than I can remember.
The relationship has gone on for 20 years of ups and downs. So many times we thought oh this time it looks like he’s coming back to us after estrangement and he’s back to himself. Only to be let down again.
I’ve now had 6 years of no contact. It was emotionally too much. I was worried for my parents that it would be too much for them too.
I would never recommend that you slowly retreat but sometimes that’s all you can do for your own sanity and the sanity of your family. I stand by my choice to cut contact but of course it still hurts all the time. Of If I was in your shoes I would keep the door open but guard your heart.

Mendingway26, the snag was a conversation that went from her being flirty to her being mad that I was flirting with her within one sentence. It had me completely thrown for loop and upset through most of a 10 hour work day. When these situations happen I get pretty stuck in my head for a while. It had me reflecting and seeing patterns.

I've been learning to recognize these times for what they are and not take them to heart.