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Hi Everyone,
I’m sharing my story because I need support, clarity, and connection with others who have experienced the chaos of loving someone with Cluster B traits. I want to be seen, heard, and understood, and I hope that by sharing my experience, others may recognize red flags and protect themselves before it’s too late.
I have only been married for less than two years, and the trouble started from the very beginning. I overlooked all the red flags because I truly love this man and believed that he truly loved me.
When I finally spoke to a therapist and described everything I’d been living through, he told me that my husband shows strong signs of Cluster B personality disorders — including Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality traits, Antisocial tendencies, and Histrionic traits. He also told me something that shattered me: that a person like this is incapable of feeling or giving real love.
Even after the therapist said this, I continued to be with him. From the very beginning, he had told me he had been sexually molested as a child and had endured great trauma. As someone who is naturally empathic, I felt deeply for him. I stayed not just because I wanted to help him, but because I loved him deeply, and I believed that he loved me deeply. I thought that through my care and support, I could help him — that I could show him love in a way that might heal some of the pain he carried. My empathy and love made me vulnerable, and he preyed on that vulnerability from day one.
The Secretive Nights and Disappearances
He regularly disappeared late at night and throughout entire weekends, claiming he was “working” or “on jobs.” He would vanish for hours, sometimes days, only returning in the early hours of the morning. And every time I asked where he was or requested his location, he turned it back on me — accusing me of being “controlling,” “insecure,” or “invading his privacy.”
Meanwhile, those were the nights and weekends he was out entertaining other women, booking accommodation for them at hotels, buying them gifts, gambling away the money that I worked for, and living an entirely separate life behind my back.
The Cycle: Sweet, Kind, Loving… Until I Said No
He had two personalities:
1. The sweet, loving, affectionate version — the one who appeared when he wanted money.
2. The monster — the one who emerged the second I questioned him, confronted him, or hesitated to give him money.
When the “kind” version didn’t work, he switched instantly into rage:
• He broke things.
• He screamed.
• He threatened to kill himself.
• He threatened to drive into a wall.
• He threatened to hurt himself until I gave in.
He emotionally blackmailed me every single time.
He accused me of cheating, even though I never gave him a reason to suspect anything. I now understand that this was always a deflection tactic — a way to shift the focus away from his lies, his actions, and his manipulation.
The Financial Exploitation
I am now in financial ruin because of him.
He constantly needed money — every day, sometimes multiple times a day. He always had a dramatic story to justify it:
• His life was in danger.
• Someone was coming after him.
• He owed dangerous people money.
• Someone was going to break his legs.
• Someone was going to kill him.
When I began to question these stories, suddenly he said MY life was in danger, and that he was trying to “protect” me. Anything to create panic. Anything to control me. Anything to force me to hand over more money.
And where did the money go?
Not to debts.
Not to emergencies.
Not to “jobs.”
Not to anything real.
It went to drugs, to gambling, or to meet and entertain his girlfriends.
He also stole my jewelry and valuables, along with many other things, to support his addictions and lifestyle — the drugs, the gambling, and the women. Nothing was sacred, nothing was off-limits. Everything I owned became a tool for his lies and manipulation.
The Disappearances After Getting Money
The pattern was always the same: the moment the money arrived, I didn’t hear from him again. Not a word until he needed more — which was almost every single day. He kept me on a leash of constant crises, always dangling some emergency, some danger, some threat, until I paid. Then he vanished again to gamble, to entertain other women, or to feed whatever addiction he was hiding. I only existed when he needed money. The rest of the time, I was ignored, lied to, and discarded.
The Betrayal
He swore he would never cheat on me because he claimed he had been cheated on in all his previous relationships. That was a lie.
There were other women.
There were hotels.
There were gifts.
There was even an OnlyFans video of him with another woman — and he still had the audacity to tell me “nothing happened.”
He also sold and pawned anything he could steal from me, including all my jewelry and valuables belonging to my parents.
His Public Image vs Reality
He wants everyone to think he’s:
• the good guy,
• the helpful rescuer,
• the man with money,
• the hero in everyone else’s story.
But behind closed doors, he is:
• a pathological liar,
• a manipulator,
• a gambler,
• a drug user and dealer,
• emotionally abusive,
• financially abusive,
• psychologically destructive.
He is the villain who pretends to be the hero.
Where I Am Now
I have taken out a protection order.
I am moving forward with divorce.
He has said that he will “never let me go.”
And I know exactly why:
Because without me, he loses his cash cow.
He loses his gambling money.
He loses the money he uses to impress and entertain other women.
He loses the financial supply he has drained from me since the beginning.
But I am done.
I am choosing myself now.
And I am telling my story because for the first time, I’m finally seeing him for what he is.
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