She then texted me saying if i didn't leave the home immediately she would be physically violent with me when she got home. I left, not responding to her texts. They kept flooding in. Then I called her and said "I will not text you, but I will speak with you."
That was a misstep. I removed my own boundary. She hurled insults at me and I took the bait. I said things I've been wanting to say. "God forbid someone doesn't actually want to leave you," "you are the biggest victim I know" and "you are emotionally and physically abusive." On the other line, she was screaming and hyperventilating from her car.
It felt good. Then it didn't.
That was a misstep. I removed my own boundary. She hurled insults at me and I took the bait. I said things I've been wanting to say. "God forbid someone doesn't actually want to leave you," "you are the biggest victim I know" and "you are emotionally and physically abusive." On the other line, she was screaming and hyperventilating from her car.
It felt good. Then it didn't.
Hello. I don't know how you felt when you wrote these words, but if you were feeling bad about letting go of your boundary or saying something non-dbtish, I just want to say, "You're human!" And it doesn't really make a difference past the very short-term anyway.
I just did the same -- after lots of blaming, lambasting, etc., I let loose with some (truthful) non-dbt frustration and messed up my own boundary of not responding to that stuff. Then I felt like I should apologize -- even though it happened in the middle of me getting verbally whipped. Thank goodness, a friend talked me out of it.



