I am wondering if there is an overlap between BPD and severe depression, because I think ketamine targets intransigent and deep depression. There are other things currently used for bipolar I think?

I'm just wondering if someone responds really well to ketamine, whether an original diagnosis of BPD was correct - or whether the core issue was severe depression?

There is so much overlap between BPD and other conditions it can be hard to identify the core issue for diagnosis.

But whatever the condition, such a successful response to ketamine is a great outcome!

Hi Bpdstinks,

I believe my mother must have something too. My elder sibling has always been the Favourite Person/golden child" and can do no wrong. I was always closer to my father growing up and and I felt she was jealous of our relationship and hated me for it. I think she despised our relationship because she wanted her children to only show her love. My younger siblings have never been close to her either.

Now my mother has rewritten my childhood and said  that I was a terrible child to raise!!!!!...... I was a shy quiet homebody. A bookworm who went to school regularly (even getting an award for my attendance) A good student, had hobbies, no interest in boys until I was late in my teens, never in trouble outside of the home...I was a total opposite of udd!!!!....yet my mother has always spoken up for udd and made excuses for her bad behaviour and they still have a "close relationship",   Udd  has also cut my mother off over the years if she has dared to confront her about anything  and then over time udd will just reappear again with no questions asked but i dont feel that it is a genuine relationship and that they are not truly being themselves when they are together. My guess would be that my mother has NPD and Udd has Bpd/Npd. They must get something from each other .I just dont know what it is and I cant work it out

hotchip,

A pwBPD's intense emotions and distortion of reality can cause a  normal friend or family member to doubt reality. It's happened to all of us. It takes a lot of strength and fortitude to step back from it and distance ourselves.  Having your mother threaten you as a child is scary. I think trying to appease your mother is a very normal reaction to try make her stop and control the situation to stay safe.

 I've overcompensated by people pleasing and putting someone else's wants first to stop problems and restore peace. My late mother was dBPD and raged at me for being a less than ideal child. I tried to be better but it was never good enough. I'd be in tears and frustrated not knowing what to do to be better to avoid her rage. I thought I was a very nice and pleasant child.

I suffer from codependency as a result of my childhood. There is a free 12 step program called Codependents Anonymous which has online and in person meetings. I've been to meetings and found them helpful.

While you're healing, you may want to avoid places where you'd run into your ex. If you do, keep conversations short and polite avoiding anything personal. You might want to avoid this friend group where your ex is smearing you to. It's too much pressure to wonder if they believe you or him. They may not be healthy if they don't see your ex as disordered.

Both of these men who are abusive seem to be avoiding me. I noticed my disordered neighbor also avoiding me. All three of these people seem like fraidy cats to me. I think they are more afraid of me than I am of them when I set firm boundaries.

The key here is to work on my bad habit of letting abusive comments and demands just slide and to continue to be nice to these people because I do not like to confront people, to seem mean.

I agree with TelHill that certain men will bother a woman then disappear elsewhere when not getting results. A few months ago, there was a man being too friendly to me. The first time he said hello to me I responded in embarrassment because I thought I actually knew him and  had forgotten him. Then I realized I have an unusually fine memory for people and rarely forget anybody. After that I ignored his comments and attempts to get my attention. He was always well dressed and fairly good looking for his age. On day I walked by him as he was getting out of his car. His car was full of clothes and I am sure he was living there. He did not bother me after that, like he had been found out.

Sponging, mooching and freeloading should be noted as symptoms of BPD. Every disordered person I know has attempted to exploit me financially.  No gift was ever good enough. They expected emotional support too. Nothing of value was given back to you and my emotional problems were in my  head. I was  just a whiner and complainer. That's my real problem.

I'm in a large city and it's common for men to harass and bother women in public.  I've learned never to respond, to look away, and stop frequenting a spot where a man has been harassing me.

Women who have suffered trauma often freeze and fawn when confronted with potentially scary situations. Being pleasant can help smooth things over temporarily. Most men get you're not interested but some disordered men persist like that unfortunate person bothering zachira. She was distant and he still wanted to pursue her.

It's good to report as long as the man doesn't know it's you. You want to avoid retaliation from a man who is bigger and stronger than you. The police can't watch you 24/7.


I'm glad he's gone!    You set a firm boundary and asserted yourself. Men like that often have a few women they pursue.  If he struck out with each of them, he moved on elsewhere to try his luck. He's like a fisherman finding another spot in the lake if one doesn't work.

I don't know about being an easy mark. They are more like an annoying salesman who keeps talking to sell something you don't need or want. They keep talking because you do.

Keep using your instinct to separate the respectful men from the unfortunate creepy ones. It'll be easier to say no thank you right away.

PeteWisend, where are you picking that up? I don't think I experience any desire for a resumption of the relationship or physical intimacy.

I do, though, experience an ongoing sense of care and identification. I am sad to see him, well, unwell to the point of being crazy, and my initial response is still, against all evidence, 'is this true' rather than ignoring his allegations.

Counselling for specific things like codependency is pretty expensive, but theres a free online option i plan to attend next week.

I also experienced many fights about family with my BPD ex, and almost all of it was projection.  My family liked her just fine, and I liked her family.  Yet, someone was always upset with someone over a passive-aggressive statement that was blown out of context.

I wish that I had some direct advice, but you'll already know anything I say here.  You have to talk about it in a productive way, and that means catching your husband sober and even-keeled.  But if you bring it up then, it's not a problem but will lead to him becoming triggered and disordered...so how the heck do you get past it? 

My best strategy over the years has been to say, "I agree.  What do you think we should do?"

You can't argue when you agree with everything and let the other person make all the decisions.  And by doing that, it forces them to think rationally and actually participate without all the ranting and raving.  Seriously, if he says "Thanksgiving at Burger King," then you should say, "I agree.  What time and which location?"  Let it be 100% about him and don't argue a thing.

I was formerly in law enforcement and this makes me curious.  How many times did you see him?  How many times did he talk to you before asking you to dinner?


This is why I'm asking these questions- this is a serious allegation.  If there's another guy who was bothering you and you think he sent this guy to bother you, we're talking potentially criminal stalking (depending on the state).  Why do you think guy #1 sent guy #2 to talk to you?

Also, is there any direct connection between the two?  Maybe you've seen them talking before, or maybe they're the same age or live on the same street.  Anything like that stand out?


If you knew he was trouble, did you dismiss him immediately (in a nice way)?  I'm just curious how the interactions went.


It definitely makes sense to stay away from him.  If he start "appearing" again, I'd think about calling the police.  Did you see him near your home?  I'm thinking he has to be a neighbor or somewhere nearby where you frequently walk, but I don't want to make assumptions.  Again, I'm curious and I want to make sure you're okay.

I saw a clip of President Reagan telling one of his life lesson jokes.  A girl came up to him and he asked what she wanted to do when she grew up and she said "I want to help the homeless."  Her parents looked so proud of her.  He said, "Why not come to my home, cut the grass, sweep the driveway and I'll give you $50 to give to the homeless."  She pondered that then asked, "Why not let the homeless do that work and earn the $50 themselves?"  The president replied, "Welcome to my way of thinking."

TelHill and Notwendy, you both get it, how the smear campaign works.