Yes, I did decide to take that part out. Thank you so much for your time and help. I really don't know if I will send it or not but I would like to perfect it all the same.
Okay, let's start with the good stuff:
- The letter mostly focuses on you and your feelings. A BPD can relate to feelings.
- You offer apologies in multiple areas, in different ways. The, "I'm sorry this happened" type of apology is good, while the "I'm sorry I didn't/couldn't handle things well" is great. The second version is a little better because of the first point, it ties back to your personal feelings and your vulnerabilities.
- You end talking about how much he means to you. I would scatter that in througout, but leave it strong at the end.
Some not so good stuff:
- The blaming portions will miss the mark and here's why. If you're blaming over something, he's going to defend and it pushes you further apart as the conflict grows. Keep these to a minimum or remove them completely.
- The lines "ex best friend" comes off wrong as well. Rephrase that stuff to something like, "I miss my best friend who I could share everything with." It means the same thing essentially, but one is a negative (which brings shame, comflict) while the other focuses on the positive aspect.
- While you've apologized, it would be even more powerful if you tell him that you forgive him as well. That's where so much of his shame and abandonment come in at. Let him know that you're not holding it against him anymore and you genuinely hope he heals and grows.
Overall, you wrote this from the heart and that's a great thing. BPD and C-PTSD have many similar traits, which means you can connect with him on that level where he struggles so much. So I'd leave much of the letter the same when it's focused on what you feel. But for the other parts, for the judgement, you really have to think about what you'd want from this letter.
If it's a "goodbye" then you don't have to change much. If it's a "let's talk" then you still have a lot of editing. And if you're unsure if you'll ever send it, then you can decide the balance since you're really speaking to yourself more than anything.
I hope that helps!


