Someone with BPD can also have behavioral changes related to aging. For my mother, one of them was control. As she became more dependent, she also became more controlling. One of the strangest changes was that she usually was very attentive to her appearance, dressing nicely, hair done. In assisted living, when the aide came to help her bathe, she refused. She was assessed for issues like dementia, depression, none were seen. What I think was going on was a need for control. She was not going to do what the aide wanted to do, sort of a power struggle.
I will second all this. My mom’s need for control showed up in her medications. She would deny the diagnosis of multiple experts and refused the medication that would help her. Until a friend’s husband was prescribed the same medication and then she decided she had the disease after all and started taking the medication. She was noncompliant with eye medication that resulted in near total loss of vision in one eye. There’s so many more examples but the point is that it’s about control, and their decisions are based on their emotions and there is no rational thinking involved.
As for the crazy driving behavior, I would personally change all my driving patterns so that my schedule wasn’t predictable. For borderlines, information is power and the less they know about you and your schedules the better. I’m curious if you think there might be less crossing of the paths if your husband drove a different route to work every day. Personally I’d be taking the back alleys to be invisible.
In a different way, I modified my parking habits so mom’s friends wouldn’t recognize my vehicle at a new workplace. She never did learn I had a new job - that was 3 years ago.
It’s remarkable the lengths we can go to, so as to adapt to their behavior in ways that make us feel safer.
I used to document everything. We had a book just for documenting her behaviors, and our responses. I recorded her phone conversations, kept emails and text messages etc. Just to 1) assure myself it wasn’t me when she gaslit me and so that I could never minimize her behavior 2) to protect myself with “insurance “ in the event I ever needed “evidence” in the future.
One shouldn’t have to do this, but some of us are not blessed with rational nurturing reasonable parents.
My mother passed away in January at the age of 89. I concur with what others have said about the behaviors amplifying and worsening with age.