Hi Solaris,
I'm sorry you've been through all this. I see a few things going on here. First, I agree with the other posters, that him "flipping" is a common feature of BPD--suddenly going from idolization/idealization to hatred/detestation. He is a personality of extremes--his reactions are extreme, and he has extreme, volatile relationships with other people. If he isn't getting from you what he wants when he wants it, well then you are probably evil in his eyes.
Another thing I see is projection. That's a classic move from a pwBPD--going from the defensive to the offensive. Now it's YOU who is the abuser, the addict, the one who needs professional help, not him. You're the one who starts the fights, not him. You need to change, not him. You need to apologize and atone, not him. This tactic of projection and thinly veiled blaming is so common that if you read between the lines, you can often see what's really bugging your partner. That's because he's ruminating about his own troubles so much, that he practically wears a rut in his brain, and everything he perceives in the world is processed through that well-worn track in his brain. These troublesome feelings eventually emerge as projections or accusations. Thus he'll proclaim, "You're the addict, and you're so abusive that you drive me to use illicit substances, you ruined my life, I can't stand it anymore, it's all your fault!" Does that sound about right?
Finally, what I see is that you have been traumatized. My guess is that you're constantly in fight-or-flight survival mode, and you're probably not thinking clearly, let alone acting like your normal self. You might be operating in a FOG of fear, obligation and guilt, which is clouding your judgment. You might even be losing your sense of self. That's understandable, when your partner is dysregulated and being abusive to you. It's not fun having to call the cops. I'd recommend that you take a time out, to get to a calmer place before deciding what to do. Then you can figure out next steps. In the grand scheme of things, moving to a new apartment might be a small price to pay for your own sanity. My opinion is that an apartment is just an apartment--there are millions of other ones out there. But there's only one Solaris. You take care of Solaris first and foremost.
I'll wrap up with a reality check. You might think back to a time before you met your partner. Were you lost back then? Was your life mostly functional? Were you engaged with studies, a job, taking care of family? Did you have some close friends and fun times? Did you practice some hobbies? Were you generally going in a positive direction? Though you experienced some setbacks, you persevered and got over them? That's the real you, when you're not traumatized. Please don't let your disordered partner convince you otherwise.



