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November 24, 2025, 07:21:19 PM
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Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed Senior Ambassadors: SinisterComplex |
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81
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) / Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup / Re: BPD wife splitting, and now her routine has changed
on: November 19, 2025, 05:59:53 PM
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| Started by Muskwe - Last post by anonymousgf | ||
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I am so sorry. This sounds so stressful and heartbreaking.You deserve a partner who can communicate honestly about the relationship, even if she’s confused, overwhelmed, or afraid. Silence, disappearance, and secrecy leave you living in constant dread, and that’s not sustainable.You’ve been in crisis mode for so long that it sounds like you’ve forgotten that you are also allowed to have emotional needs, boundaries, and a voice. Loving someone doesn’t mean shrinking yourself to survive the relationship.
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82
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) / Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting / Re: I’m DONE with him, so why can’t I kick him out?
on: November 19, 2025, 05:39:57 PM
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| Started by JazzSinger - Last post by TelHill | ||
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My family comes from a non-Western, impoverished agricultural background, similar to the South in the US. Law enforcement was weak and far away. This led to the formation of groups of bullies (gangs, mafia) who took advantage of people. Families banded together for self-protection.
Flying monkeys who perceived themselves as weak and helpless against the gangs allied themselves to family members who were perceived as strong and able to hold their own with the bullies. Many times these strong members were bullies within the family structure to those who rebelled against them. You got along to get along. In isolated areas, you had intermarriage which passed along DNA for personality disorders and concentrated them in certain families. These tended to become the big time or little time bullies. This is quite different from middle class US society. I could see why you don't understand the grip of the FM phenomenon. I know many in my family despise the bully leader of my family and agree with what's moral and decent. He's a cousin who is a very disgusting individual. My bpd brother looks up to him for his strength and ability to bully me. I've caught this cousin's ire due to being more Americanized and more successful. This is why my bpd mother didn't like me either. I took away the attention of people from my gc brother who didn't do as well. |
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83
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) / Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting / Re: I’m DONE with him, so why can’t I kick him out?
on: November 19, 2025, 04:58:03 PM
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| Started by JazzSinger - Last post by Notwendy | ||
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I don't understand the Flying Monkey behavior. Most people, if they hear one person's side of the story, they know that it's only one side. They would want more information before making a judgement.
In my situation, the FM hears one side (the pwBPD) and believes it, aligned with the person with BPD. In other situations, the FM is logical and objective but not when it comes to their alliance with the BPD person. It's like they suspend their reasoning in these instances. I think maybe there's NPD traits in the FM ,and that the BPD's leaning on them, confiding in them is a form of narcisistic supply? Many of the FM's I know do have some NPD traits but they are not malignant narcicists. They aren't deliberately mean or hurtful. They just believe what they think is right, and that their FM behavior is justified, even if it's based only on what the pwBPD tells them. |
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84
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) / Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup / Re: Been a long time... but back again...
on: November 19, 2025, 04:57:43 PM
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| Started by FullMetal - Last post by FullMetal | ||
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Thanks,
Yeah it's weird how everything can be great, and then boom... Yeah the guides help, and I read "Stop walking on Eggshells" recommended by this site back in the day and by a employee assistance therapist I was told to go see by my boss at the time because of "work-life balance issues" and during the discussions, he was yeah you have the balance down and doing the right thing, but he thought my wife had more than just bipolar and depression like she had told me at that point, and suggested I look into BPD, and read the book... But in the end there's still trial and many many errors before you find the right way to handle things. and yeah we've had a good handle on things for 10 years. and I took my guard down a little too much on holiday and now we are still finding new triggers. Just goes to show, it's a lifelong process. And now the cycles are coming back. She's sent me a dozen memes about how much she loves me in the last 3 hours... the "don't leave me" stage of "I hate you, don't leave me"... I will selfishly admit, I didn't miss this cycle and recognizing the cycle again, it all just comes back to me from before things settled down. and it's exhausting me. I probably need to talk to someone. I guess that's why I came back here after so long. Just to let it out. Even if nobody responded it still is therapeutic for me to scream into the void sometimes. |
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85
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD / Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD / Re: complicated dynamic with sibling
on: November 19, 2025, 04:39:37 PM
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| Started by dakpan - Last post by TelHill | ||
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dakpan, I have a brother who has many strong bpd traits. I've tried through the years to form a relationship with him and have failed.He's only nice to me when he wants something from me. It's been painful and confusing.
He won't tell me to my face (and certainly won't tell our elderly parents since there's an inheritance at stake) but he doesn't want me around. He has no interest in me. I don't know why but he's been like this since I've been small. dakpan, does your sibling want a relationship with you? |
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86
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) / Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting / Re: I’m DONE with him, so why can’t I kick him out?
on: November 19, 2025, 02:34:19 PM
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| Started by JazzSinger - Last post by TelHill | ||
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I forgot to add this which I believe attracts flying monkeys to them. My mom is a lone wolf but my ex-h and my brother had/have their fans:
"However, instead of feeling guilt or moral conflict, they admire and idealize their aggressive and sadistic tendencies, seeing them as a source of strength and superiority." Above taken from wikipedia entry on malignant narcissism. |
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87
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) / Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting / Re: I’m DONE with him, so why can’t I kick him out?
on: November 19, 2025, 02:28:46 PM
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| Started by JazzSinger - Last post by TelHill | ||
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There's also co-morbidity with the worst diagnoses of Cluster B - the anti-social and psychopath. That may drive this x-factor.
My ex-h, my mom and my brother seem to have anti-social tendencies. I'm a nice person and would be taken advantage of by all three if I met them halfway, especially if there were no witnesses. There's also a new-to-me Cluster B sub-category of Malignant Narcissism which is a theoretical addition to the DSM-5. They can be comorbid with this. The term's been around since the 1960s. It has features of personality traits I recognize in the people above : sadism, grandiosity, malicious intent and lack of a conscience. They are prone to violence and aggression. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malignant_narcissism |
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88
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD / Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD / Re: my daughter insists things that never happened are real
on: November 19, 2025, 12:45:39 PM
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| Started by sunnierdays100 - Last post by BPDstinks | ||
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I feel that as time (going on 3 solid years) passes, I appear non-chalant, in my discussion, however, that is only because (I see a therapist who specializes in parents of children with BPD!), after 2 years, I decided I want joy in my life....I am tired of being sad! I work very hard to my mental health; I have made it clear the door IS open....I think what is most befuddling, if pwBPD does not want to be with ME, I must accept that, however, her father, sister and beautiful nieces did nothing....to add more oddness to the mix, she now associates with my mother (her grandmother) who she once despised and begged to have nothing to do with (I AM grateful for that association, as my mother fills me in on pwBPD (though, my mother insists is is not BPD, just an "attitude" (despite documentation stating otherwise,
 !) |
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89
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD / Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD / Re: my daughter insists things that never happened are real
on: November 19, 2025, 12:37:12 PM
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| Started by sunnierdays100 - Last post by TheNana | ||
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That is also familiar! Others have voiced I was too "Lax". I let them at a young age have a lot. I encouraged independence and strength. I birthed 3 males and I always feared that there would be difficulty with identities because I was an unwed single mother.
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90
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) / Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship / Re: "I wanted to know why I´m not enough for you"
on: November 19, 2025, 12:29:19 PM
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| Started by NamelessMan - Last post by NamelessMan | ||
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Hi there, My read of the situation is that your ex misses you, or maybe she just misses being in a relationship and getting attention. But because she has BPD, she is has a few traits and habits: *She's extremely insecure *She creates drama and volatile relationships everywhere *She feels she's always a victim and blames others for causing her problems *She's easily upset and triggered, and she actively looks for (or invents) reasons to be upset about *Her thinking is generally negative (assuming the worst of others and herself), as well as highly emotional, which manifests as disordered and seemingly illogical thoughts So "conversations" with her tend to devolve into false accusations and circular arguments. She seemingly deliberately misinterprets whatever you say in your defense, because she sees everything with a negative lens, and she'll project ill intent onto you, no matter what you do. Even if she initiated a break-up, she has a victim mindset and will blame you nonetheless, and she'll concoct some irrational rationale, too. It may be that she LIKES arguing with you, because that way she gets your attention. For her, negative attention is still attention. If she's really vindictive, she might try to PUNISH you for making her feel bad, in a misguided attempt to make her feel better. For pwBPD, her distorted thinking might make her believe that causing others pain will ease her own, or at the very least teach you a lesson, so that you get a sense of the pain that she's feeling. You might be reminded to avoid JADE, which stands for Justify, Argue, Defend and Explain. When someone with BPD gets riled up, their emotional brain overtakes them, and they can't think rationally. If you JADE when they're like this, they feel misunderstood and get even angrier, and they can spin out of control. Sometimes the "conversation" can devolve into a tantrum. Cue the storming off and silent treatment for an extended period. She'll never apologize, because in her mind, everything is your fault. She's really insecure and she'll always think you like other women more, no matter how much you reassure her. Just my two cents. Thank you for your comment. It was extremely frustrating. Now matter what I did or said, it was me the one who didn´t love her enough. However, she was still friends with an ex ( I found out later)and she even gave him cakes that she made for Valentine´s Day, all while she was with me. How am I suppossed to feel about that? I wrote in another post how was the second breakup and it was after I called her out for her inadequate behaviour. She said that I disrespected her when I said that her reactions were not normal (because they aren´t) and that she needed help, help that I can´t offer because I´m not a mental health professional. I feel like I carry a stone on my back since the day I said that. I feel horrible about myself |
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