Many of us who have a mother with BPD can relate to much of what you are sharing. My mother with BPD is deceased.
The behaviors when you are driving around are quite shocking and endangering not only you but other people on the road. It might make sense to consult a lawyer to find out if you can report this to law enforcement and/or send a letter/some kind of notice to desist from these behaviors with the consequences spelled out.
It seems your mother clearly resents you which is not unusual. Unfortunately when we are the child of a mother with BPD, we quite often become targets for their dysregulated out of control emotions. In these cases, the targets can only do their best to remove themselves from opportunities to be abused.
As far as the smear campaign goes, I do believe it can make sense to respond by saying something like: "What you are hearing about me is not true." In my experiences with being one of the scapegoats of my large extended family, is the smear campaign can get out of hand long before we know it even is happening, and if we do not respond than people believe that what they are hearing must be true.
Having a mother with BPD is a life long sorrow. It seems you are doing everything possible to distance yourself from her. Have you thought about moving far away from her at some point?
Thank you for your response.
Yes, it would appear my BPD mom resents me and more than I knew. Which is infuriating because the hell she put me through as a kid would’ve gotten me removed from her custody if CPS had existed back then. Logically I know it’s pointless to a certain degree to be resentful as there’s no end, she’ll never take ownership of her behavior. It’s like talking to a brick wall.
Last fall she was undergoing yet another cosmetic surgery, nothing urgent at all, and she kept insisting that I take her doctor’s calls with “updates.” I took one call and kindly asked the surgeon to not call me again unless there was an emergency. My mom had her BF with her, I was working from home and dealing with a major plumbing issue under our house. Mom flipped out and started harassing me, I told her to give me space, I went LC, she has been going off the rails since. We are now NC but I don’t have her blocked.
All I did was tell her I need space and to stop sending her BF over here to scream at us over our fence. :/
I did call law enforcement and unless there’s an eye witness or proof of the serving, nothing they can do until “something worse happens.” Frustrating. Maybe the lawyer angle will be needed in the future.
When I was much younger I believed my mom’s nice act for a long time (a lot of people do w/her) but eventually caught on and by the BPD diagnosis …well, I wasn’t surprised. Yet I did not fully realize how mean she actually is until recent years. The people she knows here who she tells her smear campaigns to believe her lies and from them all I get is the “you only get one mother in this life” line and admonished like a child. However, I do see your point about smear campaigns and large groups of people.
The turn my mom’s behavior has taken in this stage of her life was a bit surprising as she mostly keeps the witch under wraps and the waif out in full view. Since I’ve slowly pulled back from her starting years ago and through her aging process, her meanness is now front and center.
And yes, we have thought about moving but the housing market as we all know is insane. I love where we live but it is a well known high cost of living area on the US west coast . My neighbor’s house has been on the market for a year and they maybe get one car a week going by to look at it.