Hi there,
I'm sorry you're having to handle so much change in a short time. The rupture of a long-term relationship/marriage, moving homes/housing instability and unemployment are really stressful. Any one of those events is a top-ten life stressor. Dealing with them all at once is really, really tough.
I'm glad you're taking a little time to get your head straight. Clearly you're overwhelmed by all this. I think it would be a good idea to try to regain some sense of calm before plotting your next move. Baby steps. You don't have to figure out your entire life right now, just focus on the next few days or weeks. One thing at a time.
As for what your ex wrote, that sounds an awful lot like BPD. PwBPD tend to see things in terms of all black or all white. In his mind, you probably went from the best person in the world to the most horrible person in the universe. He's wanting to jump into a new relationship again, probably to find that favorite person again. That he's not reflecting, not comfortable being with himself, not taking some time to recover from a ruptured relationship, but instead rushing towards the next shiny thing--it sounds impulsive, black-and-white to me. It's as if he has to find someone else to make him happy, instead of finding happiness within himself. It's like he has to make you a villian in order to make himself feel better. In other words, BPD. Though it's really tough, try not to take it too personally.
I wouldn't beat yourself up too much about violating you're former partner's privacy. He's not your partner anymore, and he doesn't have to know about it.
I'm sorry you're having to handle so much change in a short time. The rupture of a long-term relationship/marriage, moving homes/housing instability and unemployment are really stressful. Any one of those events is a top-ten life stressor. Dealing with them all at once is really, really tough.
I'm glad you're taking a little time to get your head straight. Clearly you're overwhelmed by all this. I think it would be a good idea to try to regain some sense of calm before plotting your next move. Baby steps. You don't have to figure out your entire life right now, just focus on the next few days or weeks. One thing at a time.
As for what your ex wrote, that sounds an awful lot like BPD. PwBPD tend to see things in terms of all black or all white. In his mind, you probably went from the best person in the world to the most horrible person in the universe. He's wanting to jump into a new relationship again, probably to find that favorite person again. That he's not reflecting, not comfortable being with himself, not taking some time to recover from a ruptured relationship, but instead rushing towards the next shiny thing--it sounds impulsive, black-and-white to me. It's as if he has to find someone else to make him happy, instead of finding happiness within himself. It's like he has to make you a villian in order to make himself feel better. In other words, BPD. Though it's really tough, try not to take it too personally.
I wouldn't beat yourself up too much about violating you're former partner's privacy. He's not your partner anymore, and he doesn't have to know about it.
HI CC43,
Thank you. I am trying really hard not to take it personally. There is a lot of recovery involved, and the therapist I am likely to start with soon is specialised in EMRD and trauma therapy. There has been a lot going on for a long time.
Although being familiar with the disorder, since we had the diagnosis in 2023, I was not completely aware of the mechanisms behind the discard. I remember having conversations about the idea of sorrow during his depressive phases. I remember trying to convince him that sitting with emotional pain can help a person grow and connect with others. He was always dismissive, refusing the very notion of accepting suffering. I guess I know why now. He is unable to, and started pushing me away the moment I too became a source of suffering.



I think the success stories are so far few in between that it’s not worth having actual hope. Just protect yourself and hope for the best.