My friend told me I am too nice to people, and that is what makes me a target for being taken advantage of by the wrong kind of people.  I agree.

I am now dealing with a man I would rather not associate with whom I see in the park. He now wants to take me out to a new restaurant because in his words he would rather test the restaurant out on me than take his aunts there first and find out that the food is not very good.

Hi there,

I'm torn on this one.  The message does indeed seem disturbing, though it contains some therapy-speak, and I suspect some input from ChatGPT.  Granted, when I was an early teen, I felt anger about being parentified, and I wrote down some pretty gruesome death wishes (by drowning, poisoning, smothering, electric shock . . . ), as an outlet of frustration and general overwhelm, though I had zero intention of acting on any of it, I promise.  Sometimes I wrote down outrageous fantasies in a diary, just to test if people were spying on me and invading my privacy!  But actually sharing a disturbing message like that seems to me like a cry for help.  It could be a misguided way of saying, "I'm really struggling with feelings of rage and hatred, you did this to me, I can't handle this anymore."  He reveals he's feeling mocked--that tells me he could be feeling extremely insecure.

Do you have a sense of what's really bugging your son right now?  He says he doesn't want the "misery" to continue.  Do you understand what he means?  I get that at 13, many things feel like misery, because he's old enough to want things, and yet he's stuck at home with relatively few freedoms, as well as an immature body.  School can seem tedious and pointless, especially for a smart kid.  By the same token, it would feel like "forever" before he turns 18 and can do whatever he wants, at least in theory.  Meanwhile, he might be struggling with fitting in amongst peers, especially if he hasn't found an "identity" (e.g. athletic, smart, popular, artistic, handy) and the appropriate outlet (sports, chess, clubs, musical instruments, computers, Boy Scouts, fixing cars, etc.).  What does this young man have lined up for the summer?  Is there any sort of camp that might help him forge a more positive identity and outlook?  He's old enough to be a Counselor in Training.

Sometimes I think that with boys, the notion of talking a lot with a therapist can be offputting (and stigmatizing), and he might benefit more by surrounding himself with positive role models and participating in engaging activities.  The Boy Scouts comes to mind.  I'm mentioning that because the Boy Scouts has been an extremely positive influence on the 13-year-old in my life, who had struggled when living with a disordered uNPD father.

I should be able to share feelings with a partner, or with any adult in my life that I share trust and relationship with. I should be able to offer my thoughts in good faith, and have them received. People can meet each other in process, and it can lead to more love and acceptance, not anguish and confusion. I know this from healthy friendships, and there's no reason a romantic relationship should be different, let alone worse.

I want nothing more than to co-parent peacefully, but my ex’s hyper-focus on 'knowing best' and her insistence on diagnosing our 6-year-old with neurodivergence has made that nearly impossible. Lately, she has moved from being difficult to actively obstructing my relationship with our son.

Also, let me relate something that happened with me so you won't be caught off guard by trick questions and tripped up by your normal feelings which can easily be used against you.  When my then-separated spouse and I were in court with allegations against each other, her lawyer asked me, "Do you want her back?"  I was aware that he had just asked me my weight compared to hers, alluding that a weight difference ought to make her fearful of me, I knew he was angling to paint me as a controller who wanted his target back under his control.  So I answered, "Not the way she is."