It sounds like your kid is a bit more regulated than most. I've tried this and it backfired entirely. An example, I drive a moderately lifted SUV. I opened the door for her every time, and almost every time I would give her a little boost into her seat. This time I was holding our to go boxes from lunch, couldn't boost her. That turned into me being mad at her, thoughts of me pulling back and not caring, etc. I tried to explain that it was nothing like that, I simply had my hands full. I used to always reassure her saying I loved her and would never do anything to intentionally hurt her. That was my go to reasoning a lot of the time. But no, I got ignored, silent treatment, then an hours long verbal lashing at home that night. My ex had absolutely zero abilities to regulate. Anything I said was apparently avoiding my issues, lacking accountability and being abusive. Justifying my 'mistreatment' of her. I would have been able to stay with her forever if simple reassurances and other doable things would have worked. I'm assuming the addition of adhd/anxiety/depressions/meds for all of those, plus excessive use of THC edibles impacted her brain as well.
My kid did take mental health seriously and went through a pretty hands-on DBT treatment for about a year. So it certainly played a factor as well and I don't want to minimize that.
In terms of severity though, she's the worst I've ever seen the way she flies off the handle and resorts to violence. When her mood shifts in that direction, she's like a pit bull how she locks in and loses all fear of consequences. In those rare circumstances, nobody is calming her down and it scares me. That anger is never pointed in my direction anymore, which is great, but I'm still fearful that the wrong person will cross her someday.
There were two instances in particular that I don't feel comfortable sharing here. They were that bad. One was when her sister was getting bullied at school- my older BPD kid made the bully (who was twice her size) cry and run away in terror. The second was much worse than that.


