My friend told me I am too nice to people, and that is what makes me a target for being taken advantage of by the wrong kind of people. I agree.
I don't know if true for you, zachira, but the cause of my 'being too nice' is freezing and fawning -- a response to childhood trauma.I've become better than before by recognizing how I used to fawn over people who took my behavior as a green light to take advantage of me. I fawned to prevent them from verbally abusing me like my dBPD mom did. I don't fawn any longer.
I still have problems freezing with fear in a social setting. I tend not to correct narcissistic types, often becoming immobile and shaking inside with fear and confusion.
I can leave now after much self-work. Unfortunately, I leave all the time now which is the other extreme. There's no abuse but no friends either.
I am now dealing with a man I would rather not associate with whom I see in the park. He now wants to take me out to a new restaurant because in his words he would rather test the restaurant out on me than take his aunts there first and find out that the food is not very good.
That doesn't sound very nice! It reminds me of medieval kings who had food testers in case someone poisoned their meal.
He's a persistent, domineering type of guy who won't take no for an answer. In my experience they will not respect your decision to say no to a date. They tend to get angry when spurned, saying something cruel or inappropriate.
This is just unsolicitated advice but avoid going to the park for a few weeks when he's there or go to another park. Act cool and distant to him when you return. You have the right to not talk to him anymore. Telling him the truth leaves you open to abuse.
I'm reading a self-help book to recognize disordered people and find healthy people. It's called 'Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't' by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. They list the types of behavior to look for and why this behavior makes a person unsafe.


