Yes, it all makes sense. She did call me this morning in a panic state, and I broke my rule and answered the phone on the first call. It did not go well and she started freaking out on me. Then she called me back and told me she had to "cancel everything" because she couldn't make it to her first day of her IOP. I asked her if that meant she wasn't going to do the program and she got very angry, said, "EXCUSE ME? Whatever." And hung up on me. She has since texted me to clarify that she is simply delaying it by a day, but "cancel everything" didn't sound like delaying her start date by a day. I have been assaulted by her words and accusations for so long that I truly have PTSD from all the emergency phone calls, where I somehow end up the bad guy.
The IOP was definitely her choice and for now her boyfriend is supporting her for the most part. We will see what happens.
What makes this extra difficult for me is that I grew up with a BPD sister and possibly a BPD mother (definitely narcissistic, but possibly BPD also), and so I've been receiving the messaging that I'm to blame from both sides (family of origin and daughter). I eventually chose to walk away from the mom/sister double-whammy in my 40's, but I won't walk away from my daughter. So I have to get strong with my messaging of and about myself. I've mostly done this, but my daughter can definitely trigger some old, deep wounds.
And thank you for the incredibly thoughtful response. I am going to digest all of this for a bit.


