Yes, I know it is much more likely that they don't get help and they just keep repeating the same cycles for most of their life. I just had so much hope and i truly love him so much. Or maybe it's a trauma bond because how can i love someone who has treated me this way? Did the things he's said. Done the things he's done. But it feels real. And so all encompassing. And I now that's part of the design but how do you even start to weed out what was real and what was a lie? I feel like if I didn't have much family or many friends, I would absolutely go back to him. I am now worried about disappointing them than I am about disappointing myself. Which I'm sure says more about me and my self worth than anything.
I think we all feel this way. It's a trauma bond, and so hard for anyone to understand. He'll keep doing these things. At some point understanding what was real or a lie needs to not matter, but this is fresh for you. In the moment, when he was 'happy' it was real in a sense but the intent behind it was shady. Don't go back please. And we all feel like that, I felt like I let my family down. She ruined my bday and dumped me...we took a 1 month break (not really a break as she came over all the time and we had sex a lot), she punched me and trashed my house....I took her back...only when she almost got me arrested is when I had to leave completely. It doesn't say much about you other than you have a codependent personality and a caregiving mentality. These are generally good if done in a healthy way with someone who reciprocates. I think you need to fully block him everywhere.


