I have come to the reluctant conclusion that a divorce is necessary and that we are not going to make it through a collaborative process to implement the divorce. I’ve been trying for two years to get things on a better footing - initially to preserve the marriage and then to try to achieve a amicable divorce- and every time I think I’ve made a breakthrough with her, she does or says something that is incendiary.
My family lawyers are urging me to apply for divorce. The only grounds available to me that don’t involve being legally separated for four years is “unreasonable behavior”, and the court filing would need to chronicle all of the bat_____ crazy things that my wife has done over the last few years.
My family lawyers are urging me to apply for divorce. The only grounds available to me that don’t involve being legally separated for four years is “unreasonable behavior”, and the court filing would need to chronicle all of the bat_____ crazy things that my wife has done over the last few years.
Lawyers practice law, and they don't get paid unless you're a client. So I'd advise to do what you feel is in your best interest and not necessarily what attorneys are saying. No one here will know Singapore law enough to give you practical advice, but it sounds like "unreasonable behavior" is going to be a very messy path to take.
Note that I'm not saying, "Don't get divorced" here. I'm simply pointing out that going that route doesn't sound like a peaceful one. If separating for four years is a reasonable reason for divorce, then why not just separate and see what happens? Or maybe you can't under the legal visa circumstances...I don't know.
Does anybody have any perspectives to share about this? And then on the long-term project of coming up with a living arrangement over the 14 months left before my daughter graduates from high school, is it a wasted effort trying to get my wife to buy into a plan that my daughter’s therapist is working on? In which case do I just need to plough forward with legal proceedings and leave my 17-year-old to advocate for herself as things unfold.
My divorce to my BDP ex-wife wasn't typical here, because there was no scorched earth and we really didn't fight about anything. We split things 50/50 and anything she wanted from the home, I told her to take it. And I took that stance because my main focus was our young adult daughters...I wasn't going to argue over "stuff" or "money" when that wasn't the most important thing. My ex and I are still on good speaking terms because I was able to go that route.
My advice would be to talk to your wife about what she wants long-term, and what's best for the four of you. If she has a boyfriend she's thinking about living with, or she wants to go overseas for projects, then where does that leave you and the kids? I would talk it out and see if you can find a happy medium where you're both getting what you want and the kids know mom and dad loves them.
Again, my path wasn't typical...but I promise it was/is the best possible path by far. Try talking things out and stepping away with grace. If that fails, okay, then you consider the legal advice and the long battle it will create. I don't think you have to start there though and your wife may surprise you.
I hope that helps!





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