Thank you both so very much. This is incredibly helpful as I prepare for tonight. You saved me from walking in with the wrong list, even though my intentions are the same. I've tweaked it all with your solid advice, Pook075. ForeverDad, you're right she has had many failed relationships, with people who were all "mean" or stopped loving her.
I'm at a point where I feel working together in therapy is the only way, so I agree that framing it as the therapist being there only to guide us as we work through conflict and build trust is the right answer. I truly don't care about winning, so that's easy to say. And I do care about her, so that's easy as well.
I'm at a point where I feel working together in therapy is the only way, so I agree that framing it as the therapist being there only to guide us as we work through conflict and build trust is the right answer. I truly don't care about winning, so that's easy to say. And I do care about her, so that's easy as well.
All you can do at this point is try. Maybe it works out, maybe not. But as your going through this process and focusing on "I", you're actually making a shift in the relationship without realizing it. You're starting to prioritize your feelings over hers, your needs over her wants, your mental health over her demands, etc. And while that might sound counter-productive, it's the only thing that has a chance of balancing out the relationship and actually giving it a real chance.
Just remember, it's okay to validate her feelings. If she's sad, you get what that feels like, so you can comfort someone that's sad. However, you don't validate her facts when it's not reality. Just stick to feelings and you'll have a lot less resistance.




