It sounds like "extinction burst" behavior on her part: escalating the emotional level to possibly include violence in order to get you to comply with what she wants.
You could be at a bit of a fork in the road in your relationship, as in you whether you decide to separate from her (at least until she calms down and agrees to stop this behavior), or you keep riding the emotional roller coaster with her.
Maybe you can stick it out until the "extinction burst" burns itself out (though it might get intolerably worse before it gets better). It can get really ugly though, so yeah, take precautions to protect yourself from any violence, or false allegations, or other insanity, if you decide to stay put.
In my own situation, as I withdrew and refused to engage in the fighting after a certain point, BPDxw started escalating the nastiness, and it was so off-putting to me that it allowed me to just leave & divorce without any second thought.
You could be at a bit of a fork in the road in your relationship, as in you whether you decide to separate from her (at least until she calms down and agrees to stop this behavior), or you keep riding the emotional roller coaster with her.
Maybe you can stick it out until the "extinction burst" burns itself out (though it might get intolerably worse before it gets better). It can get really ugly though, so yeah, take precautions to protect yourself from any violence, or false allegations, or other insanity, if you decide to stay put.
In my own situation, as I withdrew and refused to engage in the fighting after a certain point, BPDxw started escalating the nastiness, and it was so off-putting to me that it allowed me to just leave & divorce without any second thought.
I tried to quote just a portion of the above quote but everything there applied in my situation too.
Yours is a relatively short marriage, just a few years, no children. You tried. You really have tried but it is a case of irresistible force versus a brick wall of necessary boundaries. It sounds like there has been no substantial improvement - rather, conflict has grown worse - despite her getting some level of therapy.
In my case, I had been married 15 years and had a preschooler when I saw no alternative but to separate, which morphed into a divorce. I had fooled myself into thinking that if we had a child she would be happy, but it just made things so much worse and the custody issues made everything vastly more complicated.
Are you still trying to fix the marriage or have you concluded that, in a practical reality check, it is hopeless to keep trying?



- and less than 24 hours until their next one perhaps.