Don't get too hung up on what she's saying or doing... just let the storm blow itself out. Like @Notwendy said, a lot of people will figure it out and she'll lose credibility. If something requires a response, for example, the issue you had with your neighbor over the cat, you may want to just let them know you didn't have a problem. If you feel you have to go into detail, maybe mention something like you're going through a divorce and tensions are high in your home. You being calm when you convey something like that, while your STBxw goes into histrionics, speaks volumes to any third party observing things.
It is revealing to see how they warp narratives to suit themselves, like the thing with the cat. It never really ends... recently, our daughter had an issue on her youth sports team b/c BPDxw didn't sign a liability waiver for the season. So our daughter had to sit for one game until she was able to print it out and sign it. I had no idea one was even due; I didn't enroll her in the league or get any paperwork. Anyways, that day I got bombarded by texts messages accusing me of not getting the waiver signed, the coach being upset with me, and her claiming he confronted me at her last practice. None of this was true! I didn't even speak with him that day. But BPDxw will say and do anything to dodge blame and avoid responsibility for herself, and has no shame whatsoever. My daughter didn't fall for it, and told me later she knew her mom screwed up when I asked how her game that weekend went.
In the end, that's maybe the best result you can hope for... keeping your credibility while the pwBPD loses theirs. You can't stop them from behaving like a lunatic, just, like I said, let them do their thing, and try to avoid the fallout as much as possible. Don't give them what they want, and contribute to the drama by "wrestling in the mud."
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I worry she could make some kind of move for exclusive use of the marital home. I like to think that truth and evidence will ultimately matter — I do have audio and video of physical abuse, and several years of text and email records showing clear behavioral patterns. Once I told her I was divorcing her she unilaterally removed several of the internal security cameras we’ve had for years. Then suddenly a few days ago she was extremely upset that our ring doorbell wasn’t working. I installed a new one and she's been testing it, making sure it captures motion, etc. it’s bizarre and outside her usual pattern. She's never cared about the doorbell camera before. Makes me worried if she’s trying capture me doing something. Can’t imagine what though. And what makes it even harder is this sort of stuff isn’t anything a lawyer can do anything about. ...
I worry she could make some kind of move for exclusive use of the marital home. I like to think that truth and evidence will ultimately matter — I do have audio and video of physical abuse, and several years of text and email records showing clear behavioral patterns. Once I told her I was divorcing her she unilaterally removed several of the internal security cameras we’ve had for years. Then suddenly a few days ago she was extremely upset that our ring doorbell wasn’t working. I installed a new one and she's been testing it, making sure it captures motion, etc. it’s bizarre and outside her usual pattern. She's never cared about the doorbell camera before. Makes me worried if she’s trying capture me doing something. Can’t imagine what though. And what makes it even harder is this sort of stuff isn’t anything a lawyer can do anything about. ...
If you're getting divorced, you don't need to keep giving into her demands, e.g. installing a new Ring camera.
You have an attorney, right?
I would document all this. Literally sit down and write this all out, along with dates things happen and if you have corroborating evidence (texts, phone call logs, pictures) include that. I would do this to impress upon your attorney how volatile your situation is, and how quickly you need a resolution before something blows up . Maybe they can push for a hearing, or get the living situation resolved. You absolutely should try to keep the home for your kids' sake; let her go get her own place. Once you surrender that, you're in a worse position in terms of maintaining primary custody for your son.
Also, document her use of marijuana. No judgment from me, but a lot of judges are very conservative and view that as not a "family friendly" activity.


