Hi there,
The pwBPD in my life is female, but I have experience with undiagnosed NPD and also BPD traits in males.
I'd say there is a lot of overlap in the day-to-day manifestation. I'm familiar with the over-the-top anger, blaming, misplaced aggression, going from 0-to-60 over nothing. The entitlement, the constant need for attention and reassurance, the demandingness. The manipulative tactics and need for control. The semi-delusional thoughts and beliefs, the twisted narratives they tell, which easily turn into outright lying and/or false accusations. The refusal to apologize or take any responsibility for harm that is caused. Their feelings of being slighted, ignored, not special enough, not catered to enough by others, and lashing out to reclaim attention. The rules for thee but not for me, plus the surveillance and attempts to control your every move. The lack of emotional control and maturity, the low frustration tolerance, the self-centeredness, the apparent lack of empathy. The unfair attempts to punish and exact retribution which are disproportionate to the offense you supposedly committed. The insults which bear no relation to the conflict at hand. And the effects on loved ones, who walk on eggshells trying to avoid another outburst, who feel trapped and wonder how on earth they ended up like this, a shadow of a former self, emotionally, financially and physically depleted.
I'm not aware of a "male" vs. a "female" version of BPD, except perhaps mirroring the traditional male/female traits and roles. Males might be considered physically strong and more assertive, and so might use these traits to their advantage in a conflict. The uNPD in my life would assert his dominance by brandishing weapons, bulking up and getting in your face, for example. A male might be more concerned about his "honor" and status, and so might try to prevent you from interacting with any other men, let alone do anything to diminish his "status," such as earn more money or professional accolades. But I think this sort of thing cuts both ways, because I think a woman can be equally "jealous" and accuse her male partner of disrespecting her, merely by glancing at another female.



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It helps to know that other people understand what I have been dealing with. Having a mother with BPD is so damaging because their constant fluctuation in behavior makes it very hard to trust others as an adult. We grew up with someone using us for their own validation.