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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: BPD realationship avoided Wahoo  (Read 1213 times)
Amdis
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« on: November 23, 2010, 07:13:01 AM »

Since my BPDex left me, I have been hardcore dating. As it turns out, one of my good friends met a really awesome chick. This really awesome chick tried to hook me up with her room mate who is really attractive. We all carpool to the club a few days later and we really hit it off. The following few days later, we go to a club again, but she starts 'push-pull'. I could really care less as this sent up Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  and then she starts full blown trying to get my attention when I act cold towards her. I decided to give it one last go for a third date. I go to her house and we decide to get sushi and beer. We come back and we talk very spiritually. It seems that everything I like, she likes. I see her mirroring and I throw some very outlandish obsurd 'likes' out there, and what do you know, she agrees with me! By the time I knew it, it was really late and I was so tired and did not think I could make it home because the beer really hit me hard. I end up crashing on her bed, then kicked out of her bed because she does not want to cuddle. Then crash on my friend's GF bed. Half hour goes by and my friend's GF comes in and says that her room mate (the girl I am dating) wants me to leave. So after I buy a case of german pilsner beer and sushi, I am kicked out; AWESOME! I guess because I was not giving her attention?

This weekend I was at a concert, and low and behold, there she is! She gazes at me three times and I pay her no attention because I just do not care at all, there are so many fish in the sea. She then decides to come up to me and appologize. I just look at her and nod my head as she is making every excuse that we have all heard a million times. A good one was that she only cuddles when she has sex with someone; MANIPULATION! The concert was starting and she invited me to come with her to watch them. I said no, continued to act cold. She gave me a kiss and tried to get me to hold her hand. I said it was time for her to go and boy, did I ever see anyones world crash in a few seconds. She gave a another kiss and I just had my hands in my pocket. As the concert drew to a close, I saw her trying to look for me. I could not get out of there fast enough! Thank goodness I avoided more mess than I have already experienced!
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sparkle
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« Reply #1 on: November 23, 2010, 08:49:39 AM »

Good job dodging a bullet Amdis! I don't know your history or how hard you've had to work to get to this point, but give yourself a HUGE pat on the back for seeing right through this girl and protecting yourself.

WAY TO GO!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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David Dare
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Relationship status: broke up in 10-2009
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« Reply #2 on: November 23, 2010, 09:04:30 AM »

Great story, Amdis.    Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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tradersg

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« Reply #3 on: November 23, 2010, 02:28:59 PM »

it is actually quite funny if you are able to predict their every move when you dont even know them.

but sad to say, thats cos of their illness
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2010
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« Reply #4 on: November 23, 2010, 07:00:07 PM »

Excerpt
So after I buy a case of german pilsner beer and sushi, I am kicked out; AWESOME! I guess because I was not giving her attention?

No, because you overserved yourself and overstayed your welcome. It's a privilege to be invited over to someone's house as a guest, not a right to overstep bounds.

You brought a case of german pilsner beer and sushi over because it would have been rude to show up empty handed. That was nice of you. It does not mean that once you eat that sushi and attempt to drink an entire case of beer with a woman that it is your admission ticket to spend the night. You somehow, insisted on doing so- not just in your dates room at first, but also moving over to her roomates room after your date closed the door on you.  When the roomate came home you were passed out in her bed -she asked you to leave on behalf of your date because she did not want you there. You could have avoided all of this by calling a cab if you were too drunk to drive to take you home.  This would have shown respect, not only to yourself but to the rights and boundaries of everyone else. Who knows, you might have even had a fourth date because of that.

Instead, you now are blaming this girl for her insistence on boundaries- those boundaries that asked you to leave when she determined that the date was over without the instant intimacy you desired. It could be her way of protecting herself from making a mistake in judgment, either because she felt you were overserved, or maybe she thinks you're mean. You seem to be giving her the idea that she is at fault for all of this without taking any responsibility so it could be a combination of both, and when she approached you to apologize, she was really trying to understand your thinking in all of this.

You cut her off. You decided to punish her. Show no weakness is your motto. Your passive aggressive transformation of aggression toward her resulted in your words : "I said it was time for her to go and boy, did I ever see anyones world crash in a few seconds" You were done. You hit her with punishment. This then triggered your avoidance of her "I could not get out of there fast enough! Thank goodness I avoided more mess than I have already experienced!"  Was that because of guilt?

She's not so awesome anymore, is she? Why is that? She seems to have done nothing wrong except ask you to leave after the 3rd date without "cuddling." This isn't push/pull- it's normal behavior that seeks separation and individuation. The push for quick intimacy is a red flag for most personality disorders. Borderlines and Narcissists get upset when they dont have instant intimacy. You should be glad that someone takes the time to get to know you before they cling, even if it's well past a "third date."  Idea

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Amdis
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« Reply #5 on: November 23, 2010, 09:06:08 PM »

Excerpt
So after I buy a case of german pilsner beer and sushi, I am kicked out; AWESOME! I guess because I was not giving her attention?

No, because you overserved yourself and overstayed your welcome. It's a privilege to be invited over to someone's house as a guest, not a right to overstep bounds.

You brought a case of german pilsner beer and sushi over because it would have been rude to show up empty handed. That was nice of you. It does not mean that once you eat that sushi and attempt to drink an entire case of beer with a woman that it is your admission ticket to spend the night. You somehow, insisted on doing so- not just in your dates room at first, but also moving over to her roomates room after your date closed the door on you.  When the roomate came home you were passed out in her bed -she asked you to leave on behalf of your date because she did not want you there. You could have avoided all of this by calling a cab if you were too drunk to drive to take you home.  This would have shown respect, not only to yourself but to the rights and boundaries of everyone else. Who knows, you might have even had a fourth date because of that.

Instead, you now are blaming this girl for her insistence on boundaries- those boundaries that asked you to leave when she determined that the date was over without the instant intimacy you desired. It could be her way of protecting herself from making a mistake in judgment, either because she felt you were overserved, or maybe she thinks you're mean. You seem to be giving her the idea that she is at fault for all of this without taking any responsibility so it could be a combination of both, and when she approached you to apologize, she was really trying to understand your thinking in all of this.

You cut her off. You decided to punish her. Show no weakness is your motto. Your passive aggressive transformation of aggression toward her resulted in your words : "I said it was time for her to go and boy, did I ever see anyones world crash in a few seconds" You were done. You hit her with punishment. This then triggered your avoidance of her "I could not get out of there fast enough! Thank goodness I avoided more mess than I have already experienced!"  Was that because of guilt?

She's not so awesome anymore, is she? Why is that? She seems to have done nothing wrong except ask you to leave after the 3rd date without "cuddling." This isn't push/pull- it's normal behavior that seeks separation and individuation. The push for quick intimacy is a red flag for most personality disorders. Borderlines and Narcissists get upset when they dont have instant intimacy. You should be glad that someone takes the time to get to know you before they cling, even if it's well past a "third date."  Idea

I did not over serve myself. I had one beer and was more tired than anything. It was 11:30 and had work at 7am the next day. Initially she invited me over on the first date after making out and stated that I can crash at her place whenever I wanted. Hence why I stated that I was going to crash on her bed, because that invitation was already laid out previously. I figured that eventually she would come to bed when she was tired and I would get up the next morning. After she told her room mate that I was not allowed to sleep in her bed after she said it was OK days prior, my friends GF told me to just crash on her bed. I suppose I neglected to put that.

In any regard, this chick was clearly displaying 'push/pull' behavior on the second date and even more so on the third. She displayed many more BPD traits as well. With all this being said, I am not punishing her, I am avoiding her at all costs and showing how this site has given me the tools to identify certain aspects of how unhealthy people are and to go strictly NC, not punishing.
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Denyingdenial
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« Reply #6 on: November 23, 2010, 10:51:00 PM »

Excerpt
So after I buy a case of german pilsner beer and sushi, I am kicked out; AWESOME! I guess because I was not giving her attention?

No, because you overserved yourself and overstayed your welcome. It's a privilege to be invited over to someone's house as a guest, not a right to overstep bounds.

You brought a case of german pilsner beer and sushi over because it would have been rude to show up empty handed. That was nice of you. It does not mean that once you eat that sushi and attempt to drink an entire case of beer with a woman that it is your admission ticket to spend the night. You somehow, insisted on doing so- not just in your dates room at first, but also moving over to her roomates room after your date closed the door on you.  When the roomate came home you were passed out in her bed -she asked you to leave on behalf of your date because she did not want you there. You could have avoided all of this by calling a cab if you were too drunk to drive to take you home.  This would have shown respect, not only to yourself but to the rights and boundaries of everyone else. Who knows, you might have even had a fourth date because of that.

Instead, you now are blaming this girl for her insistence on boundaries- those boundaries that asked you to leave when she determined that the date was over without the instant intimacy you desired. It could be her way of protecting herself from making a mistake in judgment, either because she felt you were overserved, or maybe she thinks you're mean. You seem to be giving her the idea that she is at fault for all of this without taking any responsibility so it could be a combination of both, and when she approached you to apologize, she was really trying to understand your thinking in all of this.

You cut her off. You decided to punish her. Show no weakness is your motto. Your passive aggressive transformation of aggression toward her resulted in your words : "I said it was time for her to go and boy, did I ever see anyones world crash in a few seconds" You were done. You hit her with punishment. This then triggered your avoidance of her "I could not get out of there fast enough! Thank goodness I avoided more mess than I have already experienced!"  Was that because of guilt?

She's not so awesome anymore, is she? Why is that? She seems to have done nothing wrong except ask you to leave after the 3rd date without "cuddling." This isn't push/pull- it's normal behavior that seeks separation and individuation. The push for quick intimacy is a red flag for most personality disorders. Borderlines and Narcissists get upset when they dont have instant intimacy. You should be glad that someone takes the time to get to know you before they cling, even if it's well past a "third date."  Idea

give him a break. BPD is enough to scare the hell out of a normal person. I say run man run... .Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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Denyingdenial
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« Reply #7 on: November 23, 2010, 10:52:51 PM »

Oh and check out this post even though some don't agree witwww.abusemenot.wordpress.com/2009/07/28/NPDBPD-the-female-tormentor/h it.
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Denyingdenial
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« Reply #8 on: November 23, 2010, 10:54:08 PM »

www.abusemenot.wordpress.com/2009/07/28/NPDBPD-the-female-tormentor/
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David Dare
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« Reply #9 on: November 24, 2010, 01:43:14 PM »

that's a great article.  I love the accompanying image! Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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Denyingdenial
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« Reply #10 on: November 24, 2010, 01:46:02 PM »

I think its a picture of all of us isn't it... .Smiling (click to insert in post)
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