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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Author Topic: What is the connection with BPD and money?  (Read 11335 times)
MuGGzy
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« on: January 26, 2011, 04:38:02 PM »

I see many posts referring to BPDs owing money to friends and family.

What does the connection seem to be between their inability to manage finances and their PD?

I often saw the routine of her "getting help" from a friend, and then when the friend started pestering her to pay them the money they loaned her, it turned into some big deal where THEY were in the wrong for "harassing her" and would usually do some big evil deed and get "painted black" so she would just never have any contact with them and thus still not have to pay them back.

For her the ends ALWAYS justified the means, she would overdraft accounts, write bad checks, steal from employers, just about ANYTHING in order to get what she wants because "I do what I have to for my family".

Her credit is SHOT, and i am just now getting mine cleaned up. She never could make the connection between going without or saving money in order to get something nice, to her someone that had nice "toys" were in some way "lucky" and undeserving, because "How come good stuff never happens to ME, why can't I have a nice car or a boat or quads?" as she was off spending $250 per pay period on cigarettes and big gulps at quickie marts.

One of the last instances of her getting me involved was after we had been apart for 6 months or more, she had to get her stuff out of a storage unit. About a month later I got a collection notice saying I had written a bad check to pay her bill. It was my check, from an old closed account, and it was obviously her handwriting and even said "For **** **** storage fees" in the memo. When I called her and asked her about it she completely denied doing it or knowing anything about it. I had to call the police and file a report on her for forgery and some other charge, since I didn't know her address I know she has never had to face that charge.

What kind of connections have any of you seen with money and BPD. I guess a better question would be, has anyone ever dealt with a BPD WITHOUT money problems?
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sandyb
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« Reply #1 on: January 26, 2011, 04:55:59 PM »



To be honest my exgf was very organised and disciplined with her finances. I have often wondered about that aspect as many here seemed to have had frequent problems with their exes being anything but disciplined and organised with money, but each of is different disordered or not.

I think the borderline pathology can encompass so many self destructive behaviours and issues if it wasn't money, it could be drugs, if not drugs then eating disorders and OCD, etc, etc, whatever the addiction it's a  distraction, a diversion, a control measure, an attempt to fill the core void. Same principle just varied choice of hit.


Sandyb
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« Reply #2 on: January 26, 2011, 05:18:34 PM »

My NPD ex was like that,... .she had a sense of entitlement and that she deserved to be able to spend whatever she needed to,... .direct quote.

When I finally determined that I had to move out, I began looking into her finances to see what she owed. I found where she kept her bills and in them found 5 credit card statements,... .3 more than I expected. She had recently written herself a check cash advance for 10,000 on one of the accounts that had been paid off a year before. As I looked farther back at past statements I realized this was the second of 2 such checks, both for $10k. In all, she had $38,600 in credit card debt. I had to cash out my savings to pay all that off in order to close the accounts and move out. It left me penniless but I'm happy to have done it to know that the credit cards are all paid off and the accounts closed.
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schwing
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« Reply #3 on: January 26, 2011, 05:30:12 PM »

I think that how someone with BPD behaves with respect to money depends quite a bit on how they perceive that money; ie, if there is any emotional charge associated with it.  

For example, I think that high functioning people with BPD (pwBPD) can perform very well in demanding occupations without their personality disorder affecting their work; I can't see why someone with BPD couldn't be a well paid Wall Street banker.  But the minute the money is coming from someone "important" to the pwBPD, such as from family, or close friends, or a partner, that money is perceived perhaps as an expression of love and/or attention.  And that money is subject to a whole 'nother set of internal rules for the pwBPD.

As I imagine it, when they are getting "help" from someone close to them in the form of money, the "help" is an expression of the love.  And they very much appreciate that love.  But at the same time that they feel closer to the "helper" their fear of abandonment is also triggered.  Such that the minute the "helper" is asking that the money be repaid, the fear of abandonment kicks in in such a way that it becomes "evidence" to the pwBPD that it is a sign that they will very soon leave or abandon the pwBPD.

Consequentially the pwBPD might choose never to pay the other person back just so there is  something that continues to ties the other person to the pwBPD.  To an acquaintance or stranger, they wouldn't have this kind of skewed emotional need.  But to someone dear to them... .you know the rest of it.

Some pwBPD might also get into debt as a means of "self-soothing" when they are upset.  In these cases, over-spending replaces the role that other pwBPD might use drugs or alcohol.

Best wishes, Schwing
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« Reply #4 on: January 26, 2011, 05:36:16 PM »

Mine did not have money problems. She was not in debt and did not indulge too much. Her dad had helped her out through the years to supplement her income and then I became dad during our relationship... .but she was actually quite frugal with the shared account we had. She didn't mind me spoiling her with my personal account though. LOL.
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brenbabe
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« Reply #5 on: January 26, 2011, 05:52:47 PM »

Mine had money issues at times, but always seemed to have money come his way when needed, worked a very well paying job and had grandparents that were very generous.

He loved money more then anyone I had ever seen. Im pretty sure his blood was green.

Oddly enough he never once asked me for money as I see many with BPD do.
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« Reply #6 on: January 26, 2011, 06:55:20 PM »

All I can say is Schwing nailed it. That was my ex. Found ways to beg borrow from her family and friends even when I met her and she had a high paying career. Never could make her 800 mo rent, spent money faster than it came in, could not budget and a brilliant woman. Clothing booze, etc... she even admitted this soothe her pain... to shop non stop and spend money at bars, buying rounds in excess of 500 a sitting and then running out of money calling her "enabler" out of state to send more.

She destroyed me financially and I am NOT understating "destroyed"... then when it was gone I was blamed for not being able to provide the lifestyle she demanded. Hell, she burnt millionaire husband one and two... then everyone in between from Dr. bf to Surgeon bf... .left them in ashes.

It's easier for her to be "carried" and she will play the part as being independent and able to handle finances... but can not. Her roomate when we were dating said she had to demand cash as every ck bounced and she said, "HOW does this happen? She does not own a car, has no debt because her credit is shot and brings home 2500. every two weeks!" It went on booze, haircuts, clothing, shoes, never ever gifts for anyone ever... all on her... .her closet ran over with clothing that she bought and never wore. Going out to dinner with the Big Dogs... .to prove she was better than them and was successfull... dniners at 300., wines at 1250. plus... .and not a penny to her name. So, she turned to family and her enabler to lie about what she needed it for.

Want a serious sick example of what I dealt with in my r/s? About 4 months before the end, I had paid all the house bills, took her to dinner for Sushi... bill was about 160., bought her a few gifts earlier in the day, paid to have her nails done... she comes home sneaks in a ph call to her "enabler drunk female friend" out of state that took on a second job just to send her money... and told her that I did not pay for one thing, the bills were all overdue, and I refused to give her money for tampons that she was bleeding all over the place and begging me to give her 5.00 to go to the store. Yep. Gods Truth. There was a huge fight on that one because I heard it all. Did the friend care? No. Sent her 700 in money gram for her to do with what she wanted. What did she do with it? She drank it away.
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WalrusGumboot
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« Reply #7 on: January 26, 2011, 07:49:11 PM »

What kind of connections have any of you seen with money and BPD. I guess a better question would be, has anyone ever dealt with a BPD WITHOUT money problems?

Hey MuGGzy,

Long time no see.  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Would you give a six year-old child a credit card and send him out the door? I don't think so, but most of the time it seems like they thing there is some kind of dadgum money tree growing in the back yard.
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« Reply #8 on: January 26, 2011, 08:32:53 PM »

My ex liked to make out that he had a lot of money and in front of other people he would appear generous!

At first he was kind and took me out to dinner etc but once I started to be devalued I started paying much more often than he did. He asked me to get him $400 worth of wine and then did not understand that I did him a favor as he requested but he had to give me the money back in return. It caused a big fight but I got it back. He absolutely destested having to pay me back? You would have thought I took candy from a child.

He had purchased a 2nd hand Mercedes to keep up with his best mate (who was loaded) but if he had to go to a worksite on the weekends he would ask to use my car instead of driving the Merc or his work van!

I am a single mother and all he has to worry about is himself. Selfish b*astard!

I am generally a very generous person but not to people who are trying to use and abuse me for their own benefit.

To hell with him!  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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Mojodusty
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« Reply #9 on: January 26, 2011, 09:02:07 PM »

Now my H is downright stingy.  He used to use money to keep me down.  Now I hold two jobs and can hold my own.  One more weapon taken away from him.

It is odd though as he has about 500 dollars in gift certificates to nice restaurants, but he won't use them.  He also never uses any gifts people give him.  Weird.  He is always working and always making money.  That is what he is about.  But he won't spend a dime.

Tighter than the bark on a tree I always say:)
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duncanville1
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« Reply #10 on: January 26, 2011, 10:46:35 PM »

My exdBPD was horrible with money, but hid it very well. From the outside she looked very well off, but in reality she was barely scraping buy. In her case it was two sided. Her mother which she has a horrible co-dependent relationship is very much looking for a free ride, her mom married a guy 20 years younger then her to "take care of her". My ex also is just so immature emotionally, trying to put on this mirage that she is normal, and well off. Again, mostly to please her family image. There are other dynamics at work, but feel those two are big pieces of the puzzle. Interestingly enough, the final breakup was over money, no matter what she says. She had yet again drained me dry, I let her know she would have to back off needing money for a week or two so i could get my supply built back up. Within a few days, she found a reason to walk out on me again.

Changing the subject a bit off topic, has anyone ever noticed how much more successful your life is without the BPD partner?   
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ArtistGuy70
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« Reply #11 on: January 27, 2011, 06:05:26 AM »

My ex equated money with security (as many of us do). But, with her compulsion and disorder, it was a toxic way of thinking/acting.

She saw her married boss as a blanket of security, especially after she lost her father. She was down here living alone. And he was there to take care of her, help her buy a house, make sure she always had a job there no matter what, got her raises, got her overtime when she needed it, took her out, bought her things, gave her money, paid for emergencies, etc.

It was something I do not think she will ever be able to let go of fully (unless she won the lottery).

He's always been someone I can lean on.



That's the quote she used for him.
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muddychicken
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« Reply #12 on: January 27, 2011, 06:15:59 AM »

My ex would conplain that  we never had any but she would still find ways to spend it. Borrowed against 401k more than once for CC debt. 2-3 refinances for CC debt. Went to Europe on a CC I didn't know we had and had to refinance after the trip because we couldn't afford the payments. Of course me turning a blind eye to this didn't help things... .anyway we had 30k in CC debt when we separated... .and she ate it all!
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scotlandthebrave
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« Reply #13 on: January 27, 2011, 07:01:16 AM »

My ex liked to make out that he had a lot of money and in front of other people he would appear generous!

At first he was kind and took me out to dinner etc but once I started to be devalued I started paying much more often than he did. He asked me to get him $400 worth of wine and then did not understand that I did him a favor as he requested but he had to give me the money back in return. It caused a big fight but I got it back. He absolutely destested having to pay me back? You would have thought I took candy from a child.

I am generally a very generous person but not to people who are trying to use and abuse me for their own benefit.

To hell with him!  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

If we didn't live on different continents I'd think we were talking about the same person  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

My ex was all show - drinks for everyone, taxis waiting outside bars while he went in for a drink etc. At first I got taken out frequently but as I became the enemy I was expected to pay for everything once he had gone out and blown his money with his 'mates'.

And he wondered why that bothered me  ?
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« Reply #14 on: January 27, 2011, 10:50:30 AM »

My stbxw is high functioning and earns well.  Still she always had money troubles.  Now she makes more.  I think her spending and giving away money is compulsive, but I have also come to believe she is much more calculating than I ever gave her credit for.

Stbxw MUST spend and give, even when the recipient doesn't want to be spent on or given to.  She is also a clothes horse and must be because her image is so highly dependent on it.  Her money troubles would be much worse if she did not have a high salary and child support income.  Now one of the disputes in the divorce is she claims she spent all her income and all her pre-marital funds for "household expenses".  Where?  I don't see it.

I think the spending makes her feel important.  In the last weeks of the marriage she phoned me from her office very proud that she was about to plunk down several hundred dollars for an extended warranty on her vehicle.  This was when a phone scam was going on and many of us were getting multiple computer-generated calls suggesting we do so.  I didn't criticize her, but suggested she not do it.  Big disappointment for her.  Also in the final days it was like she was competing with me to show me she could get financial advice and help with many things elsewhere, from her boy-toys, etc.  Shortly before she left she went on a rant telling me I make her feel like she is nothing.

Stbxw always said she did not care at all about money, and I believed it.  I think it was a misperception based on her mad spending and giving.  She said she did not worry about retirement and just assumed everything would somehow work out.  But before she left she did some work secretly exploring the family finances and asking me for information based on false pretenses coupled with extreme and phony emotion.  Now in the divorce she and her attorney lie profusely to avoid fair and equitable distribution.

I think part of her eventual crisis is her money ran out and it was too difficult for her to financially sustain her activities in the marriage and the expense of her extramarital affairs.  At the same time her adult and non-adult children had some financial needs and it stressed her out to not have unlimited funds to keep giving them.  As usual, lots of contradictions between image and behavior.  Much better for her image to just say she doesn't care about money as an excuse for total irresponsibility with it.  If you don't care about it, you can't be expected to have any reason to manage it and maybe you can avoid all discussions about it that may reveal your secret activities.

It seems now the people in her not-so-new life have bought into the idea that I was financially taking advantage of her and abusing her, though early on her L did say to me, "You know she's a spender, right?"  No kidding you f'in moron, but why do you say the opposite in court papers and how do you know that anyway?  It's nasty stuff and I think time and energy are better spent exposing and holding responsible than trying to figure out what makes a crazy, dishonest person tick.
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PainAuChocolat
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« Reply #15 on: January 27, 2011, 11:58:48 AM »

When uBPD ex bf and I got together, I wondered why he didn't even have a bank card - all he had was a cash card as he was living on sickness benefit (for an unrelated condition).

I ended up getting out a phone contract in his name (yes, how kind of me!) and that day he told me he felt so loved and appreciated. He then took over that contract in the end, but when we split for the first time this caused me a great deal of worry.

My friends also told me to cut him off the phone when he wouldn't stop harrassing me, but I didn't want the financial responsibility of a 2-year contract or to aggravate him further. He always paid his bills though, thankfully!

Now we're broken up he still owes me in excess of £1000, partly for a holiday, partly for car fines he racked up and repairs, but he sent me a spreadsheet detailing all costs HE'd had in our relationship: dinners (rare), tickets for events (usually I'd pay my half), birthday presents (!) and other costs I didn't even recognise of being connected to me... .all apparently money I owe HIM!. This worked out so that MY debt to him was apparently £350.

Totally mad.

Apparently "his friends agree with him" that this is just and fair. Yeah right. They are either as deluded as he is, or he is once again successful at painting the (ex) woman in his life black, or he is making that up (most likely).

I am now taking steps to take him to court, as I have documents to back up everything he owes me and I don't want him to get away with it.
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« Reply #16 on: January 27, 2011, 12:40:29 PM »

I'm filing bankruptcy on Monday if that gives you any idea of where my ex left me financially. The funny thing is, he actually used the statement in the end that he was tired of me messing with his monies... .
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« Reply #17 on: January 27, 2011, 12:45:05 PM »

Interesting topic... .and I think Schwing addresses some importnat points that certainly relate well to how my uBPDxw thinks of money and her relationships.

Toward the end of our marriage was when I opened my eyes and looked into the paperwork (that she had always been in charge of handling)for the household. That is when I discovered the credit card debt, the overdue mortgage payments, the maxed out line of credit and the lies about what she was buying for herself. Ugh. What a mess. It still bothers me to think of it, but I am thankful I addressed it.

My favorite twisted quote from her about money came while we were still "working" on what we could do to help salvage our marriage by meeting with a counselor. We were discussing money issues. I brought up the topic of my frustration that she drained the 401k that was in her name to pay for her cosmetic surgery and a cruise with a friend. I was told that was not my "business" because it was her 401k money. I then said well, then what about the 401k in MY name... .is that mine? She said "no, that is OUR 401k for OUR retirement".

It took many slaps in the face like those comments for me to finally pull the trigger for divorce... .

Dire Wolf
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« Reply #18 on: January 27, 2011, 12:47:30 PM »



He had purchased a 2nd hand Mercedes to keep up with his best mate (who was loaded) but if he had to go to a worksite on the weekends he would ask to use my car instead of driving the Merc or his work van!



My husband does the same thing! Anything dirty or heavy he uses my car for. If we take the dogs anywhere we have to use my car!
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« Reply #19 on: January 27, 2011, 12:48:08 PM »

OK - can someone please tell me how to use the quote option?
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OverBoard
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« Reply #20 on: January 27, 2011, 01:55:05 PM »

After reading everyones post I am more so determined Mine was nothing more than a GoldDigger. Security? Hell no... .sure in the beginning, but she fried "security" with millionaire H1 and H2... Doctor BF that jet setter her off to foriegn countries... etc. Her 5 yr ex before me? Very much a secure situation, she destroyed and walked from. Me... Oh Gosh... .chewed me up and spit me out to move on to the next. It's not like she has gained a damn thing from any relationship: no money, no homes, cars, etc. She is on a seek and destroy mission, sorts. She want's a pampered lifestyle wo any contribution but sex... and then, that wanes quickly when she becomes board.

This was a woman that "looked the part" and as she stated, "can play the part"... yet you would find her in her "moments" at dive bars with ex con's and biker dudes (no offense to bikers) hitting on them with empty wallets and lives.

More so validation... massive attention seeking.

I know for a fact she use to date men such as Scientist, Corp. CEO's, Fashion Moguls and one Rock Star (yes, I have facts)... she burnt every single one of them. Rode the wave, lived high on the hog and then destroy it if not them (the men).

No different than when she told me she wanted to be put on the deed to my home and I had only known her 4 months! Then wanted 50k put in a seperate acct. for her in HER name, "In case we don't work out I will be taken care of"... .uh? At 5 months? She was only under my roof a month at that point.

That massive sense of entitlement. Family with money and can't wait for them to die so she gains an inheritance and verbally stated this several times with NO remorse whatsoever.

No... here... I don't think it's about "security", but more so how she could line her purse or pockets... as she did in the past. Her first H was very well off and she had a want for nothing... a dream come true... .even had a child together. Spur of the moment jet setting out of the country, build a home for her on the beach, bought her BMW's, clothing, jewelery, etc... .the whole kit and kaboodle. (Verified all this with her parents as well and they said, "Oh boy, did she screw that up)... she was presented with Divorce papers and got zip. Nothing. Even the child was given full custody to H1... .to her, it's a game. A temp. triumph, a social setting to see what she can get and never plays her cards right... she ends up seeing the grass greener even on a lesser scale, ie dive bars and less than desirable men... why? Because she want to see what she can get away with and then expected people in her life to sweep it under a rug and go on about business. I know, she told me to do the same thing. Cheating was , "So what?" and lying was, "What do you care"... .irresponsibility with money... her's or others... "Its only money"... .yep, thought it grew on trees and then would cut down that tree demanding more or turning on you that you were no good, a loser, a waste of life, worthless, etc...

She changed her pattern with me. She told me in the beginning, "I have had all that. I don't want to be bought. It's not worth it. I know you are doing well for yourself, but for the first time in my life I want to be "part" of that. I'm not a GoldDigger... well, I was, but no more. I'm 47 (at the time) and I've made alot of mistakes, hurt those I loved the most and dont' want to be like that. WE can make it. WE. I want this to be about "us"... not me. I've done "me" and look where it got me. I hurt those that loved me so much why? Because I was selfish and self centered. It was and had to be all about me, all the time. With you, I love you for YOU. This never happened to me before, I looked for bank accounts and dollar signs. I really am in love with you for you and all I ask is that you love me for me and accept me, good and bad. YOU will find I am a handful and not easy to live with, but I am a good person. I know I have issues, and I try. I need you to try with me. Love me. The rest will follow"... boy, did it.
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« Reply #21 on: January 27, 2011, 02:14:12 PM »

My ex wasn't a gold digger but she sabotaged herself financially almost all the time. She made a decent wage for this area and has an extremely secure job (if she doesn't do something that will screw it up) that she's had for over a decade.

But she has a pattern of spending to her income with no savings. That's a personal decision, but whenever an unexpected expense would happen, she'd get into the debt trap and since she declared bankruptcy a few years ago, has since had her wages garnished for unpaid debts, and bounces checks every other month or so--she has no credit, really.

Like WG says, money is like giving a 6-year old a credit card without supervision. She probably pays 10-20% of her income towards debt every month, but still insists on "retail therapy" when she's feeling bad or stressed.

I went through my share of financial woes when I was younger, but I can't imagine being near 40 and being in the workforce for > 15 years and still repeating that cycle.

I tried to offer suggestions to make things easier, without much/any impact on daily life... .bad move. Waif logic/excuses, which devolved to raging.
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MuGGzy
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« Reply #22 on: January 27, 2011, 03:11:59 PM »

Wow, glad... .and depressed, that I was not the only one dealing with this.

Even before she started having drug issues she was horrible with money. She had what I called "Chronic Hope for the Best Syndrome" and would make poor financial choices to get something NOW and not think at ALL about what would happen in two weeks when we would need that money for something important. She seemed utterly incapable of "going without" NOW, in order to avoid problems later and we almost ALWAYS had  some utility that was days/weeks away from being shut off and would have to come up with hundreds of dollars, or borrow from my family. We were NEVER completely caught up and current on ANYTHING.

We would go without gas (hot water/heat) for weeks and at one point over 6 MONTHS because she let the bill get so high we couldn't pat it off AND pay rent.

Yet, with all of this, she INSISTED on managing all the household finances and would literally take all the cash (we rarely had bank accounts from her over drafting them) and tell me she was going to "handle it".

Any time I tried to put my foot down and demand that I take over financially she would cause the biggest, ugliest fights and tell me "you have no idea what we owe who and where the money needs to go, I need to manage it or we will lose everything". Eventually I would get tired of listening to her over days or weeks (she was persistent) and she would go back to "handling it".

I of course NOW see my co dependency and need to just be passive and stick my head in the sand and hope things worked out. WOW I was a pu$$y then.

Regardless, as someone pointed out, how our financial state has changed since they left... .I feel like I am financially retarded and still struggle to manage my finances because I never really HAD to learn how to do it right. Essentially I have the financial "skills" and self control of a 20 year old, it is the single largest issue I struggle with in my new healthy relationship.
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rollercoasterrider
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« Reply #23 on: January 27, 2011, 03:21:15 PM »

I felt the money issue before... .and now I see and feel it.

Of course its related to security, and the feeling of being loved.

I make substantially more than her.  She gets furiated as she knows I support my kids in college and she cannot afford to do that.  I tell her that I am fortunate to be able to do that for my kids.  Her daughter is getting married this summer.  She wants to contribute a few thousand dollars to her daughters wedding.  So I told her that she should save 300 a month and I will pay for all the additional bills in the meantime.  She says she is doing this, but now I wonder?

What gets me is with all I do spend on her and us... .she will often call me a cheap skate.  I don't mind being frugal... .but when i take her daughter and friends out to red lobster for dinner and pay for it... .I don't feel appreciated being refered to as a cheap skate the next day.

On top of that, her and her stbexh have racked up nearly $20M in debt with nothing to show for it.  I beleive she thinks I will pay that bill for her once she is divorced and I assume she will accept an unequitable settlement just to move on from him.  I am not sure how I set that boundary to make that clear to her (Any ideas?), but it won't happen.  I know her paying off the debt means she will not be contributing to our finances for a while, but if she allows a settlement where she assumes more than her share of the debt, she is going to find out what independant is all about.


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finallyhappy
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« Reply #24 on: January 27, 2011, 03:35:41 PM »

OK - can someone please tell me how to use the quote option?

There is an option within each post, if you want to reply to a post, click on that option and it will take you to the reply page and whatever was in the post you wanted to quote, will be in the box... .make sense?
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rollercoasterrider
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« Reply #25 on: January 28, 2011, 10:27:20 AM »

OK - can someone please tell me how to use the quote option?

There is an option within each post, if you want to reply to a post, click on that option and

will take you to the reply page and whatever was in the post you wanted to quote, will be in the box... .make sense?

Like this?... .hmmm... .thank you... .I had that question too
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PainAuChocolat
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Relationship status: Single
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« Reply #26 on: January 30, 2011, 01:46:32 PM »

I'm filing bankruptcy on Monday if that gives you any idea of where my ex left me financially. The funny thing is, he actually used the statement in the end that he was tired of me messing with his monies... .

Mine mocked me for calling him today to get some of my money back, saying: "You must be in a financial mess because you'd told me before you always have enough money in your account to feel secure and now you don't, so you F#cked up, not me"  ... .um, yes dude, you did, and the money I usually have in my account now isn't there because YOU owe me, not because I messed up!
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housemouse
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« Reply #27 on: January 30, 2011, 06:16:57 PM »

I have the opposite problem than most of you. My husband is incredibly cheap! He hit_es and whines whenever we grocery shop about how much stuff costs. He buys everything used and insists that I do too. He even makes his teen daughters wear clothes from the Salvation Army because he refuses to pay for name brand or store bought items! I draw the line there>> I buy my son's clothes and spend what I want but he grumps and groans about it.

On the flip side... he'll spend a fortune on hair gel, mousse, body spray, moisturizer and any other bath item you can think of. We are not allowed to use his stuff but he apparently is allowed to use ours whenever he wants!

He has spent a lot of money on gifts for me that I didn't need or want. But if he's out with my son and my son asks for a stick of gum he is really put out. I hate that!

I'm afraid to grocery shop now because he questions everything I buy. I always buy the cheapest of everything now even if I think it tastes gross.

I can't wait for him to be gone so I can buy the pickles I like again!
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Moonbug
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« Reply #28 on: January 30, 2011, 06:36:55 PM »

I don't want to believe it, but I think my ex was/is a gold digger.  It's so embarrassing and exhausting the details and many examples that I can't quite come to terms with it right now.

Yet I was accused of gold digging. 

I just have to shake my head right now. 

Moonbug
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pilgrim
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« Reply #29 on: January 31, 2011, 02:43:55 AM »

My uBPDstbxw has a great gift for spotting and captilizing on money making situations / entrepreneurshiip.  It's because of her that I'm alot more wealthy than I would have been otherwise.  But she convinced me to invest half our net worth in her home country in her name and now I'm  having  trouble getting my half back . . .

While she was rubbing her affair in my face though denying it and talking about divorce, she couldn't resist rubbing in the fact that she was taking and hiding our assets (she let me see that she carried a  3" thick wad of $100 bills around; 2 months  later she offered to split our money but said she had  "no cash."

She's supposed to pay half our kids' expenses, but much of her "payments" are just creative bookkeeping on her part and not real money.  I'm still struggling to get my retirement money back  from her clutches. 

She understands money, is shrewd about investments and business just beyond belief.  Is a real estate developer with an MBA.  Came a long way from being a 3rd world poor kid without a dad, earning money from age 9.  Doesn't blow it on shopping sprees, but moves it around and hides it.  So not to be trusted . . .

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