Take the Pledge

[Joseph54]

I will be meeting with a life coach in two days and looking for a therapist in order to begin the healing process and reversing the negative direction our relationship has been going.

Joe

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kimberlysc]

My pledge is to get me back

[Karenina6]

My near-term goal is to take care of myself and to learn as much as I can about BPD.

[Chosen]

My short-term goal is to stop making things worse, learn the tools for improving communication, stop acting out of fear and take care of myself.

My long-term goal is to improve my relationship with my uBPDh, maybe get him to know he needs help.

[beachtalks]

This pledge makes me think of what I remind my best friends and family members about my marriage to my BPD husband: "I knew exactly what I was signing up for.  Don't feel sorry for me."  It's a huge challenge, but I am a woman that likes challenge.  I value my husband's strength in surviving his terrible childhood and time as a combat soldier in war.  He will never be like other people because of his damage and ongoing pain, and having a healthy lifestyle with him is a daily challenge.  But this love doesn't keep score. 

[Lunes Azul]

My goal is to finish reading SWOE, and to learn what validation is and what radical acceptance is, and apply them to my relationships with pwBPD.

[lastwave]

sorry wrong board!

[dogmama]

My next near goal is to finish reading "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me", as well as start a journal.  I also will go back to OA to help me with my own behavior.

[The White Lady]

My next goals are to continue my own healing, and understand how I can respond more effectively to my husband's behavior.

[beachtalks]

My current goals are:

*to be stronger and use tougher love with everyone so that change can happen.

*begin serious talks with my BPD partner with a prep talk and some positive affirmation

*allow myself self expression of my pain when with my partner instead of bottling it up

*to give myself more personal time and work time, even if this means turning my phone off

*start exercising regularly again

*find a way to laugh more (daily)

*make more decisions for myself again, instead of letting my husband control things. my placating his insecurities haven't helped him become more secure anyway, and have only shrunk my world

[Dad.Co-Parenting]

My goals:

1.) review the links to the right

2.) make a healthy plan

I got onto the site a few years ago and learned a lot. I was able to learn new skills like validation that really helped build a working relationship with mom a BPD 40 year old. We have a child together and were no in a relationship. After 4 1/5 years of being in a working relationship I asked her if she would be willing to try to work it out.

My work has pulled me away from focusing on my mental health. The dust has cleared some and I am trying to do an assessment and make a new plan.

We have been together now for 8 months. She has been seeing a counselor (me too a little), but have not been making material progress other actually taking the step to improve our relationship and be healthier parents. She is open to try as am I.

We are going thru the exercise in coming weeks to go to a psychiatrist for an assessment. This may be the first time she learns she is BPD.

I plan to be on this site often as I skill up and contribute to the support of the members.

[Foreverhopefull]

The only reason I didn't respond to:

"I accept the responsibility of knowing when to protect my children." is that we have no children.

[Rockylove]

My near term goal is to practice, practice, practice validation.

[Pugman]

My next goal is to learn more ways to communicate with my uBPDw, with the hope of saving my marriage.

[almost789]

I like this. I can certainly improve on some of these things, and was pleasantly suprized to see that its important to seek an understanding of the disorder. I certainly felt a driving need to seek and understand. It is helpful to me and to my pwBPD. Even though Im detaching, i dont knkw that I would turn him away if he returned.

[vboy]

My next term goal is:

I no longer wish to be a victim in my relationship. I want to begin to reclaim my emotional well being and lead my family to a healthier place.

[Onmyown]

My goal... .

To learn to stay strong and protect myself by keeping the boundaries I put into place.  Forgive but not forget the lessons I learned.

[Monarch Butterfly]

My goal is to "understand that leadership change on my part requires strength, commitment, patience, self-awareness and I am committed to work on building these qualities in myself". But then, as soon as I look at the goal, I start thinking - isn´t this an extremely big bite to chew? Can I actually find strength to stand up, take control, look at me? I guess the first step is to acknowledge where North is... .my north is me.

[qcarolr]

I can take this pledge. I can see that I need to work in every single area. Most of these I have done lots of learning about and seeking support to practice. The actual 'doing it' consistently - not so good. Esp. when things are roughest.

So many conflicts of needs - what is mine, what is BPDDD27's, what is dh's, and what belongs to gd8h as priority to all the others. Sometimes I convince myself that I am putting the other's needs ahead of mine. Reality check, I am stuck as the victim/rescuer that creates or adds to conflicts. If I can step back and own what my needs are, and how I am looking to the others in my life to fix them for me, maybe I can let go of issues that do not belong to me and fix myself.

qcr

[MrsMcB]

I pledge to work on my validation skills with my uBPDh,without feeling like I lost a part of myself while doing so. I would like to help my husband slowly see how his actions affect other people & to curb some harsh critisizums & learn to think more positively.I want to continue setting personal boundries & communicate them to my Husband.I am currently reading SWOE,and am keeping a journal.

[nefele]

my goal is to continue working on my boundaries so I don't get sucked into my husband's constant need for chaos/drama/fault finding

[duncanville1]

I pledge to stop the dysfunction I bring to the relationship by lying to keep my spouse happy.

[Ihope2]

I realise that I need to find out who I am in a relationship and stop letting the other person project all their stuff onto me;

I need to find out where my personal boundaries lie and how to reinforce them;

I need to learn to detach with love; let go; stop obsessing about taking away the other person's pain.

[Olinda]

I am committed to therapy for myself. I am committed to figuring out my rescue mentality and instead choosing to see my fiancee as more of an equal partner. This are so good right now i am doubting my thoughts that fiancee had BPD. I know this comes in cycles so am just waiting this one out. She said my seriousness about seeking help and books related to BPD were a wake up call. She has really been different the past three days.

Good,i do hope it lasts.

[ziniztar]

Next goal: implement to stop the fight cycle on my part, and start validating my partner a lot more.

[Pogo14]

My main goal is to protect and nurture my children,  I have taken the first step by addressing my problems and standing up for them and myself.

[Lucky One]

I pledge to learn as much as possible about BPD so as to take better care of my own physical and mental health.

[takingandsending]

I am committed to T for myself to disentangle from my role in the conflict.   

[ColdEthyl]

I pledge to continue my education into my dBPDh's issues, and continue to work on my communication techniques. I also pledge to no longer be bullied, and instead take control of my emotions, my actions as well as my reactions.

[dog_star]

Find the time to finish Essential Family Guide to BPD in the next few days