Once a BPD cheats... They always Cheat?

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I 2nd the fact that if they accuse of you of cheating, then they are most likely cheating. My ex accused me several times.  I never cheated on her. But she cheated on me twice that I know of and also propositioned our landlord for sex when I was out of town on business for a week.

I actually had my ex throw that same way of thinking at me. The last I saw her was early January 2013.  There was always an excuse: she didn't feel good (for one reason or another), she was at her mothers, she didn't feel like going out, we weren't getting along (she actually told me if we began to get along through texting we could move up to phone calls... .what the hell was I doing believing this nonsense?), etc. and she decided she didn't want to be involved with me anymore yet still found it enjoyable to control certain parts of my life. I begin to get a little suspicious given that she was always able to tell me she loved me but always seemed to have something other than time for me lined up on her weekends. I asked her, in a polite and non-confrontational way, if there was another man in the picture. I gave her my reasons for thinking so and she gave me the old deep sigh and 'There you go presuming again'! It was this that gave her the basis to tell her friends I was insecure. The 'friend' of ours I speak about? I told her that yes, I was insecure, but that stemmed from her continuously telling me she loved me, controlling the tempo of our conversation schedule, controlling what women I could have on my Facebook friends list yet when it came time for her to prove her feelings, she always had an excuse. So I began to wonder if there was another man. My ex's reasons for her insecurity are already hot wired into her brain. That's how she is. I had that confirmed back in May by way of this 'friend' and her dishing all kinds of dirt on my ex. I wasn't insecure about anything until I begin suspecting something. I had no reason to be. I'm sure anyone else would've felt a bit insecure, too.

In late March, I finally had enough and changed my #. She went berserk and went as far as asking a close lady friend of mine for it, and she declined to give it to my ex. So she deleted her from Facebook and essentially told her 'You have your BFF back now. I'm done caring!' Then the emails started pouring into my inbox practically DEMANDING I give her my new #. I asked why she couldn't even give me a few hours on any Saturday night  for the past 3 months and the excuses came pouring out. Then she said 'Well how can I go out with you if I don't even have your new #? Oh sure, I'll be glad to go out with you even though I don't have a way to get a hold of you!' I told her we'd been getting by just fine by typing messages back and forth like we've been doing since the beginning and she could leave her email open on her phone, as would I, and we could communicate that way. I eventually gave in, as usual, and gave her my new #. She called me and I asked her again if someone else was in the picture. Again, I stated why I felt the way I did and she came back with 'You know, you've asked me this before. Maybe you're the one that's seeing someone behind my back and your guilt is causing you to ask me if I'm doing anything behind your back.' I laughed and told her she had more nerve than the law allows to use that excuse against me when I was the one making effort after effort every weekend to see her and she could never give me a few hours of her time on any Saturday night. I was the one that made time, every weekend, only to hear one excuse after another. How I let this go on and did nothing for so long boggles my mind now.

Typically, when someone just starts asking you things about their faithfulness to you and starts acting weird all of sudden about where you're going and who you're with (even though you've been going to the same places with the same people) then it's a certainty they feel guilt over cheating and figure by accusing you, it somehow validates them doing it. A very, very demented way of thinking and allowing a made up thought give them the green light to cheat on you.

[LoneWolf768]

I 2nd the fact that if they accuse of you of cheating, then they are most likely cheating. My ex accused me several times.  I never cheated on her. But she cheated on me twice that I know of and also propositioned our landlord for sex when I was out of town on business for a week.

I actually had my ex throw that same way of thinking at me. The last I saw her was early January 2013.  There was always an excuse: she didn't feel good (for one reason or another), she was at her mothers, she didn't feel like going out, we weren't getting along (she actually told me if we began to get along through texting we could move up to phone calls... .what the hell was I doing believing this nonsense?), etc. and she decided she didn't want to be involved with me anymore yet still found it enjoyable to control certain parts of my life. I begin to get a little suspicious given that she was always able to tell me she loved me but always seemed to have something other than time for me lined up on her weekends. I asked her, in a polite and non-confrontational way, if there was another man in the picture. I gave her my reasons for thinking so and she gave me the old deep sigh and 'There you go presuming again'! It was this that gave her the basis to tell her friends I was insecure. The 'friend' of ours I speak about? I told her that yes, I was insecure, but that stemmed from her continuously telling me she loved me, controlling the tempo of our conversation schedule, controlling what women I could have on my Facebook friends list yet when it came time for her to prove her feelings, she always had an excuse. So I began to wonder if there was another man. My ex's reasons for her insecurity are already hot wired into her brain. That's how she is. I had that confirmed back in May by way of this 'friend' and her dishing all kinds of dirt on my ex. I wasn't insecure about anything until I begin suspecting something. I had no reason to be. I'm sure anyone else would've felt a bit insecure, too.

In late March, I finally had enough and changed my #. She went berserk and went as far as asking a close lady friend of mine for it, and she declined to give it to my ex. So she deleted her from Facebook and essentially told her 'You have your BFF back now. I'm done caring!' Then the emails started pouring into my inbox practically DEMANDING I give her my new #. I asked why she couldn't even give me a few hours on any Saturday night  for the past 3 months and the excuses came pouring out. Then she said 'Well how can I go out with you if I don't even have your new #? Oh sure, I'll be glad to go out with you even though I don't have a way to get a hold of you!' I told her we'd been getting by just fine by typing messages back and forth like we've been doing since the beginning and she could leave her email open on her phone, as would I, and we could communicate that way. I eventually gave in, as usual, and gave her my new #. She called me and I asked her again if someone else was in the picture. Again, I stated why I felt the way I did and she came back with 'You know, you've asked me this before. Maybe you're the one that's seeing someone behind my back and your guilt is causing you to ask me if I'm doing anything behind your back.' I laughed and told her she had more nerve than the law allows to use that excuse against me when I was the one making effort after effort every weekend to see her and she could never give me a few hours of her time on any Saturday night. I was the one that made time, every weekend, only to hear one excuse after another. How I let this go on and did nothing for so long boggles my mind now.

Typically, when someone just starts asking you things about their faithfulness to you and starts acting weird all of sudden about where you're going and who you're with (even though you've been going to the same places with the same people) then it's a certainty they feel guilt over cheating and figure by accusing you, it somehow validates them doing it. A very, very demented way of thinking and allowing a made up thought give them the green light to cheat on you.

[Jbt857]

Hmmm.

I used to accuse my BPDexh of cheating quite often.

Not because I was cheating (I wouldn't dream of it), but because I caught him cheating online and he never really made me feel secure and able to trust him.

Just putting that out there, because its not right to assume its an absolute if someone is accusing someone of cheating. In my case, the accusations were down to my insecurity.

[charred]

LoneWolf...

Could have posted virtually same post. Ended up changing my phone number 3 times. My exBPDgf went so far as to say I had turned my sister and one of her best friends against her (magically I guess since I hadn't talked to either about anything.) The insecurity they have is something, they get to be control freaks at times. The demands escalate and if you ever meet them, they raise the bar.

I always valued integrity... .and that is what BPD isn't... they are not integrated, what is said one moment isn't consistent with actions another moment. The odd thing was that a lot of the chewing outs I got were "moralizing"... telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing. Had to be shameful projection.

We should feel relief being apart from the craziness and drama.

I don't think you can trust anything a disordered person says without verifying its validity, and who wants to live like that?

[mitchell16]

got were "moralizing"... telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing. Had to be shameful projection.

I got this alot. How i should or shouldnt be acting. even with things that was before us. I was still friends with an ex of mine from 25 years ago, we still talked prior to my becoming involved with BPDGF. The exs husband was well aware of our conversation, she happily married and has 3 children and lives 2000 miles away. I told my BPD ex about it up front, nothing to hide. She said that was improper and how could i be having an emotional affair with a married women. When i explained she would hear of it. also I worked a married lady, who is a very good wife, devoted mother. we are freinds at work. I freinds with her husband. we talk nothing more nothing less. I was once again having an emotional affair. Now she works with a man, who is married and has children. She calls him her work husband. I find that very strange but I understand they are friends. She could never see the it is the same. I was always accused of me being dishonest, sneaking or hiding somethings. I had never lied to her and she nevr had reason to think I did. When of course she was the one who was caught in about 5 diffrent lies involving men. She was always accsuing me of being controlling, but it was her that was controlling. She used to say i was jealous and it was she that thew fits if I was talking to another women. She accused me of being needy and she was the one who had me and all of her friends fixing, delivering and making phone calls for diffrent things for her. She once threw herself a fit becasue I was talking to a lady at work and she walked up and I kept talking. said I didnt pay her enough attention and that  how I acted was disgusting. projection at its best.