I have not heard anything from my ex fiancee in 4 months

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Simpleone-Interesting point, mine was an extreem narcissist as well and I wonder if this has something to do with the no contact?

Mine is a serious narcissist- I think he'd rather die than "move backwards"- when he's done with you, he's REALLY done. He'd feel like a fool if he contacted me. It would hurt his ego too much. And since he told me everything was my fault anyways- why would he ever contact me again? Nope, pretty sure his intentions were to hurt me, and never look back again.

[Simpleone]

Simpleone-Interesting point, mine was an extreem narcissist as well and I wonder if this has something to do with the no contact?

Mine is a serious narcissist- I think he'd rather die than "move backwards"- when he's done with you, he's REALLY done. He'd feel like a fool if he contacted me. It would hurt his ego too much. And since he told me everything was my fault anyways- why would he ever contact me again? Nope, pretty sure his intentions were to hurt me, and never look back again.

[hijodeganas]

Simpleone-Interesting point, mine was an extreem narcissist as well and I wonder if this has something to do with the no contact?

From what I've read/heard, narcissists tend to NOT recycle.

[bettycat]

Hi, I think this post might be over with? Not sure, but wanted to comment anyways, just in case it's still open. Well, comment/ask a question too. I came up on this thread through a google search, looking for advice on not hearing from your ex after a few months, even after trying to contact them yourself. I already knew he was a pathological liar, a maybe some sort of mild version of one, I'm not sure exactly what to label him. He also had some sort of weird fetish/addiction thing to a certain kind of porn I'd rather not discuss-but let's just say after 1 year and a half of being labeled "the crazy one" (and I even bought it for a little while and sought the therapy myself as he suggested I do), anyways, also I was told I just have a higher sex drive and my hormones were out of whack, and after settling for being "intimate" for once a week-if I was lucky- I finally had enough-after eventually discovering the lack of intimacey was a side effect of his long time porn addiction. He came clean after I discovered it. Yep, it was morning and night , even before being "intimate" with me that he was watching it. It was pictures of women posting themselves live-dont want to get more detailed than that. Anyways, didn't want to settle for crumbs of affection anymore, so I broke it off (2years total of being together, and 4 months out of that of living together) -and I moved out.  I've been doing all the reading, attending S-anon groups for support-anyways, my question is - the compulsive lieing thing-is that trademark BPD behavior as well? I totally understand the not hearing from them. It's been 2 months since I moved out - and of course I'm angry, but still want to be acknowledged, but getting the feeling that I may never get that- and it wouldnt surprise me. I just figured, if you're the one who messed up, wouldn't you feel guilt on some level, if not, reflect on the love you had for someone before being discovered, and want to reach out to them? Does he really just not miss me? That sucks, because that really makes me feel like I wasted the past 2 years if the feelings were truly one sided this whole time. They need to hurry up and invent a device that can read chemical activity/brain waves of people that can dictate the one's with BPD, for the love of God, so people at least know to not get ROMANTICALLY involved with them. They are tricksters! They need to be exposed!

[bettycat]

Wow-p.s.- I don't post things very often, and just saw a lot of grammatic errors and how LONG my comment turned out to be! Whoops, guess I just needed to vent. Anyways, hope someone reads and can understand. As for the original post, I feel your pain and thankful I came across this site because it makes more sense out of my situation. So, thank you.

[daintrovert13]

No, most of us felt that way.  I hate to say this, but you probably won't hear from her until she finds herself all alone again.  For me it was 18 months both times.

I agree. I've been going through this since we broke up. At first it made me angry, now I laugh inside. We ended good, but it turned ugly. She painted me black and was sure my replacement was "the one" until she got dumped. The first contact was when she text me to ask for her birth certificate. I saw with my own two eyes when she packed that away when she was leaving my house. I can always tell when her relationship is taking a beating or she's just plain lonely or just nosey wanting to know if I have some one new. smh!

If you been a really good person to her... .  she'll be back in some capacity. Just wait for it... wait for it! (=

[Reecer1588]

I know this is a late response but it was the appropriate thread.

I've identified my uBPDexgf as a hermit- BPD. It's been about a month now and complete and deafening silence from her.

Does anyone have any insight into how Hermits recycle? If they're more prone to just never contact you again?

[JRT]

It would be nice to hear any epilogues or new chapters on this thread

[Bumpsintheroad]

A very interesting and educational thread here.  But aren't they all?   

I have been total NC with my exBPD wife for 10 months, other than one email I had to send her for court purposes.  And that was 7 months back.  Gotta say, I'm lovin it!  I have no concern for her attempting contact.  The last time I saw her, I gave her a "gift" which was wrapped and I walked away.  It was a copy of "Stop Walking on Eggshells".  In it I wrote her a note that I hoped she would finally get the help she desperately needs.  So to answer your question, I don't believe I will hear from her unless or until, she faces her demons.  In her email response to me last August regarding the court matter, she also included that she didn't have BPD, but had been diagnosed with severe ADHD.   

Deny, deny, deny.  If anything, she is TRI-morbid.  Multiple affairs, stealing, theft, 5 children with 3 men.  4 marriages, soon to be 5.  Compulsive lying and shopping.  Binge eating, some sort of neurological disorder, fibromyalgia, lupus yadda yadda.  I doubt she will attempt contact merely because she has never shown ANY sense of remorse for the hundreds and hundreds of salacious and unsavory acts against here x's.  She knows that lack of remorse was the absolute last straw before I divorced her. 

Sad.  So very sad.  I hope she finds peace some day.  But it can't be with me or with my help because I've done all I possibly could.

[StarOfTheSea]

I'm interested to see when my exBPDbf will reach out to me since he has a long history of staying in contact with his exes. Granted, he's engaged now but I anticipate that r/s turning to s%&t within six months. He was amazed and happy when we surpassed the six month mark because he told me he never managed to be in an r/s for more than six months, excluding his beyond dysfunctional marriage to a woman with a long list of psych issues. I feel for her since I know that being married to him was not a healthy thing for her.

What's funny to think of now is his observation that every time he gave one of his gf's jewelry she would leave shortly thereafter. And guess what? Two days before breaking up he gave me a diamond necklace for Christmas, like it was a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[Deeno02]

Its been 7 months now. I struggle daily with the feeling of not being good enough and that I wasted 16 months of my life on someone who only used me as an emotional tampon until she could find someone more to her social background. I saw a photo of her and the new guy on her (strangley now open) Instagram account. I said simply "Im glad your happy, Goodbye love". Got a scathing text message back. Learned a big lesson on that one and wont ever do that again. Im still around her a bit because she coaches my son's HS Volleyball team. Yay... .I dont know if I will ever hear from her again and really hope the fu*k I dont.

[Dutched]

It's hard for me to process that I meant nothing and am nothing to her.  Am I the only one who feels this way?

On the contrary forgetthepast, you meant ALL to her, that’s why. Been there, exw parents have been there.

And yes, I is hard to depersonalize as it wasn’t about us, no, but WE/Family were the target that were hit.

Try to look at her past, really back to the very 1st time (even ask old friends/family, if you can), that predicts the future.

Relating to exw, she is a people cutter, took 9 yrs. to re-establish any contact with her parents. So I know enough, despite exw never said goodbye or never told me she wanted to file for divorce… 

PwBPD never say goodbye…

As earlier mentioned that pwBPD grieve in reverse, I don’t completely agree. For some maybe, but from my experience and based on a Board for pwBPD the grieve is processed by suppression.

In order to overcome emotional losses, pwBPD ‘switch emotions off’, they can do it because of their coping (kind of conditional memory when the emotions become too much to coop with).

Grieve, hurt and losses can only be processed (in a way) by keeping busy, busy with burying themselves into another r/s that sooths them, busy in activities, etc.

At the moment the audience is gone, pwBPD face there half empty self. Anything (object, a smell, etc.) in such a moment that reminds them of past hurt, causes pain again. Pain that must be avoided and the cycle begins again.

[misty_red]

My exBPDgf is already 7 months in NC with me. I don't think she will come back. I'm blacker than black, she'll hate me for the rest of my life. Looking at her past relationships she was able to tell that they never lasted longer than three weeks because after that she just didn't want it, it was too much etc. and she didn't recycle - she always said "If it's over it's over." (even though she told me when we were broken up already and I asked her whether we would try another time "I don't know what happens in a year or so but not any time soon... .", so yeah, a bit weird). Our relationship lasted two and a half month (I even gave her the chance to get out earlier, but she didn't want to), but our friendship much longer. So taken together we were hanging out with each other for a year. So I was her longest girlfriend (I'm bisexual and female). But maybe that's exactly the reason I'm the blackest black ever. I got too close to her.

When I got together with her she still hated her last ex-boyfriend (they had been broken up two years already!). One night we were out with our sport's team (we played in the same team) and her ex showed up. He didn't show up because of her but because he was a former team mate but had left two years ago (I suspect he left because of her because the break up and him leaving happened all by the sam time). You should've seen her. How she raged at him, "How dare you showing up here?", then he left with some other friend to go to another club and she followed him there to only tell him "what an assh*le he is", she said she just needed to tell him that. She did not try to recycle but hated him still even after two years. WOW.

At the one hand she knows about her problems with relationships, she even told me after our break up that she didn't want one anymore. She even painted black EVERY single friend she had here. First her friends, than me, than the team. There's no one left. And that's the truth. She's a hermit. She has no replacement, that I'm sure of. She's very untypical about that. And she's still not reaching out to me. She doesn't need someone else anymore I guess. She accepted her misery. That's why she drinks so much, also why she self harms so much. That's her supply now. She won't reach out. She's way too proud to do that anyway. The more narcissistic they are the less they are prone to recycling.

[hurting300]

Simpleone-Interesting point, mine was an extreem narcissist as well and I wonder if this has something to do with the no contact?

From what I've read/heard, narcissists tend to NOT recycle.

they do recycle. I'm not sure why people on here think a sociopath or narcissist will not return. Because I've read hundreds of pages where they do. Bpd's don't use the cutting of contact as punishment.  They do it because you "hurt them"...

[hurting300]

It's hard for me to process that I meant nothing and am nothing to her.  Am I the only one who feels this way?

On the contrary forgetthepast, you meant ALL to her, that’s why. Been there, exw parents have been there.

And yes, I is hard to depersonalize as it wasn’t about us, no, but WE/Family were the target that were hit.

Try to look at her past, really back to the very 1st time (even ask old friends/family, if you can), that predicts the future.

Relating to exw, she is a people cutter, took 9 yrs. to re-establish any contact with her parents. So I know enough, despite exw never said goodbye or never told me she wanted to file for divorce… 

PwBPD never say goodbye…

As earlier mentioned that pwBPD grieve in reverse, I don’t completely agree. For some maybe, but from my experience and based on a Board for pwBPD the grieve is processed by suppression.

In order to overcome emotional losses, pwBPD ‘switch emotions off’, they can do it because of their coping (kind of conditional memory when the emotions become too much to coop with).

Grieve, hurt and losses can only be processed (in a way) by keeping busy, busy with burying themselves into another r/s that sooths them, busy in activities, etc.

At the moment the audience is gone, pwBPD face there half empty self. Anything (object, a smell, etc.) in such a moment that reminds them of past hurt, causes pain again. Pain that must be avoided and the cycle begins again.

you are correct. They never truly say goodbye or let go. And the blacker your painted the more you meant to them.

[Jack2727]

It's been a little more than two months for me. I feel a bit better but I still deal with much anger and hurt. I just want to get over it. I was only with her for 6 1/2 months but now it's 2 months of feeling miserable. LOL. The weather is getting nice and I still don't want to work out or do anything.

Some of you (JRT, Denno) have been here since I first came to these boards and your stories are so familiar and heartbreaking.

I look forward to the day when we all can put these people behind us.

[Dutched]

Simpleone-Interesting point, mine was an extreem narcissist as well and I wonder if this has something to do with the no contact?

From what I've read/heard, narcissists tend to NOT recycle.

they do recycle. I'm not sure why people on here think a sociopath or narcissist will not return. Because I've read hundreds of pages where they do. Bpd's don't use the cutting of contact as punishment.  They do it because you "hurt them"...

Couldn't agree more

[raisins3142]

I know this is a late response but it was the appropriate thread.

I've identified my uBPDexgf as a hermit- BPD. It's been about a month now and complete and deafening silence from her.

Does anyone have any insight into how Hermits recycle? If they're more prone to just never contact you again?

Mine is a waif/hermit type.  She wanted to work things out and kept the door open and tried to contact for a bit.  I contacted a few times in a friendly/apologetic way, but I made it clear that I was done.  Then I cut contact.  I think now she either has fresh supply or she is too embarrassed to keep pestering me because it will make her seem like the needy one.  Given how she acts, you would not think she is as image conscious as she is.

[JRT]

It's been a little more than two months for me. I feel a bit better but I still deal with much anger and hurt. I just want to get over it. I was only with her for 6 1/2 months but now it's 2 months of feeling miserable. LOL. The weather is getting nice and I still don't want to work out or do anything.

Some of you (JRT, Denno) have been here since I first came to these boards and your stories are so familiar and heartbreaking.

I look forward to the day when we all can put these people behind us.

It was pass my friend... .it will pass I promise. The pain is gone for me largely and I am almost 6 months. True though that I still wonder... .I still think... .I'm also pissed. Being here helps. Doing things helps.

[Jack2727]

It has to because if you look at the people who originally posted in this thread they are long gone. Hope so! Peace to you brother!

[Deeno02]

Getting ready to tear open the scab. My sons Volleyball season opens soon and she's the coach. I have my stone face mask of indifference ready. Even though it's going to kill me to see her, I'm following the deodorant commercial, "never let them see you sweat". I'm ready.

[misty_red]

I know this is a late response but it was the appropriate thread.

I've identified my uBPDexgf as a hermit- BPD. It's been about a month now and complete and deafening silence from her.

Does anyone have any insight into how Hermits recycle? If they're more prone to just never contact you again?

Mine is a waif/hermit type.  She wanted to work things out and kept the door open and tried to contact for a bit.  I contacted a few times in a friendly/apologetic way, but I made it clear that I was done.  Then I cut contact.  I think now she either has fresh supply or she is too embarrassed to keep pestering me because it will make her seem like the needy one.  Given how she acts, you would not think she is as image conscious as she is.

I really think that hermits don't necessarily need new people to replace you/fill their inner void. I think they can also fill it - at least temporarily - wiht some new hobbies, objects, or they change their jobs, move to another city etc., they just need some "projects" the can work on and compensate their bad feelings. My exBPDgf used to read A LOT of crime books, she went to the gym daily, she didn't eat properly (then it turned to binge eating), she drank huge amounts of alcohol, she cut herself lots of times etc. - that's how she escapes from her turmoil, she doesn't need people as a replacement. I'm an asperger, I would call myself a hermit (not as in BPD-terms, just a real-life hermit) and hermits in general don't need much from the outer world. I can simply withdraw for two or three months until I feel the need to go out again and meet people. I don't necessarily need people to make me feel good (I though have friends, value them and love them a lot).

So what I want to say: I think that hermits are the ones to recycle the least.

My exBPDgf ALWAYS used excuses to contact me. When I was sick and couldn't go to practice I wrote it in our WhatsApp-group to inform the team. Only then she contacted me, asked me what was going on, how I was and then she would turn it into a normal conversation. But she never just started a conversation just because she wanted to speak to me. Hermits don't like small talk (again, I mean the term in general, not the BPD-term) and I can say that about myself as well. It was difficult for me because I'm like that as well and yet I always had to contact her to plan dates etc. Otherwise we wouldn't have seen us at all. 

[Infared]

No, most of us felt that way.  I hate to say this, but you probably won't hear from her until she finds herself all alone again.  For me it was 18 months both times. (I guess that's the shelf life of his relationships.)

I know it hurts to be set aside like that.  But that's how they work.  You have to think of yourself as more of a "need' and less than a "want."  We don't hear from them until they need to feel loved, cared for, important, relevant.   They don't miss us like we miss them.  Think about a beloved maternal/paternal relative.  :)o you often think of them and want to see them and spend time with them?  Most of the time the answer is no.  But when life isn't going well, or you are feeling lonely, you might start to think about them, become nostalgic; and a nice phone call to "Aunt Tilley" makes you feel better.  Aunt Tilley will always be there for you, and she never asks for anything in return.  

I think that is what we mean to a BP once the relationship has ended.  We're just someone who is always there to care for them, but we get nothing in return.

You probably will hear from her again, but it's not necessarily a good thing.

Good assessment 1989. That has been my experience after the breakup. (I can't really call it a breakup... .It was just an outright, deceitful abandonment. Cut- and-Run, if you will)... .my exBPD a partner was still with new supply... but it was 18months later after the black paint job that she made contact. I could not FULLY see it at that time, but it was as you described, which of course confused me, I was "in love" with this person ... .but they were just contacting me to "consume" me... .totally for their needs. They also expected me to be that same thoughtful, supportive caring guy that I always was despite their completely unacceptable, abusive behavior. It was very "childish" contact. No awareness of any responsibility of my feelings or needs.  No awareness or responsibility of the feelings of the person that she was living with apparently  either. It was all about selfish, childish her. It was unsettling. To say the least. I did not know about BPD then... so it was very confusing.

As you say... .hearing from her was NOT a good thing... .on those "terms" it was very upsetting and painful.

Thank God I was in T and I firmly dismissed her (not abusively), and took care of me.  I was still working hard at my healing process.

[Jcw127]

This is my first contribution to this useful website. My daughter lives in Ireland with her partner who has a personality disorder (not sure if it is BPD or NPD). My daughter lacks self esteem and has become a clone of her personality disorder partner. They have a daughter who has serious congenital disease that is reversible. I have offered to pay for all the expenses to have our gd treated in the US. My daughter and her partner are both unemployed but show no appreciation for all we try to do for them.

They often cut us out, refuse to let us see our gd on Skype (we live in the Mediterranean) are often verbally abusive and have even threatened to kill me. My wife is on the verge of a breakdown.

I have had a very successful career but I feel I have been a failure in the thing I desired most - being a grandfather to my gd who is a lovely soul. We are now practically NC and while this eases some of the stress we have been through in the last 7 years, I know that time is passing by and we may never get the chance to see our daughter and gd again.

Life seems to be all about luck. My wife and I slaved for decades to bring up my daughter in the best possible environment but what we get now is ingratitude and heart ache.

[going places]

Most on this board have heard from their ex in one way or another after the breakup.  I have not heard anything from my ex fiance in 4 months, since she dumped me.  Even if she had a replacement, which I don't know if she does or not (she claimed there was nobody else when she dumped me), even if she does now, I would have thought she would have at least acknowledged in some way I still existed, if nothing else, to rub it in my face.

It makes me angry, depressed, and confused that someone could cut you out of their life and have no thought of ever contacting you again.  Even to say I'm sorry for the way things happened or I hope you are doing well.  I know a lot of you would say I am lucky for not being contacted by her, but it is hard for me to feel this way when this was a person I had made a marriage commitment to, BPD or not.

It's hard for me to process that I meant nothing and am nothing to her.  Am I the only one who feels this way?

Married 25 years.

3 kids, beautiful home, 2 dogs.

Hopes, dreams, plans for the future.

Then I find out he's 8 months deep into an affair.

Throw him out.

A week later, he's back

2.5 years later, 2.5 years of lies, deception, abuse, I finally said "enough".

Divorce was final June 2014

Threw him out July 2014.

Haven't seen him since.

He's with another woman; my youngest saw him at the store with her.

He (if he ever did, which I doubt now) could care less if I lived or died.

He has moved on.

He has fabricated in his mind his own reality and his own perception of 'what happened' and NO ONE can tell him any different.

He is a monster.

Yes, it's been 8 months since the divorce and I still have days where it sucks the life out of me to know that I wasted 25 years of my life with an abusive liar that didn't love me.

That sucks.

I pray the Lord gives me 25 more years... .good ones.

I know it hurts. I know... .

But you have dodged a HUGE bullet.

Work on you. Figure out WHY you picked this person, and learn how to spot this (the little red flags) sooner!

Take care... .time does not heal wounds, but time and self healing help forget the pain.

[Deeno02]

Most on this board have heard from their ex in one way or another after the breakup.  I have not heard anything from my ex fiance in 4 months, since she dumped me.  Even if she had a replacement, which I don't know if she does or not (she claimed there was nobody else when she dumped me), even if she does now, I would have thought she would have at least acknowledged in some way I still existed, if nothing else, to rub it in my face.

It makes me angry, depressed, and confused that someone could cut you out of their life and have no thought of ever contacting you again.  Even to say I'm sorry for the way things happened or I hope you are doing well.  I know a lot of you would say I am lucky for not being contacted by her, but it is hard for me to feel this way when this was a person I had made a marriage commitment to, BPD or not.

It's hard for me to process that I meant nothing and am nothing to her.  Am I the only one who feels this way?

Married 25 years.

3 kids, beautiful home, 2 dogs.

Hopes, dreams, plans for the future.

Then I find out he's 8 months deep into an affair.

Throw him out.

A week later, he's back

2.5 years later, 2.5 years of lies, deception, abuse, I finally said "enough".

Divorce was final June 2014

Threw him out July 2014.

Haven't seen him since.

He's with another woman; my youngest saw him at the store with her.

He (if he ever did, which I doubt now) could care less if I lived or died.

He has moved on.

He has fabricated in his mind his own reality and his own perception of 'what happened' and NO ONE can tell him any different.

He is a monster.

Yes, it's been 8 months since the divorce and I still have days where it sucks the life out of me to know that I wasted 25 years of my life with an abusive liar that didn't love me.

That sucks.

I pray the Lord gives me 25 more years... .good ones.

I know it hurts. I know... .

But you have dodged a HUGE bullet.

Work on you. Figure out WHY you picked this person, and learn how to spot this (the little red flags) sooner!

Take care... .time does not heal wounds, but time and self healing help forget the pain.

Well said GP. I too struggle with the fact that I wasnt good enough for her. All that I was to her was an Emotional Tampon. That our time together meant nothing to her but to soothe her fractured ego. I am trying to figure it all out. I am getting better at the red flag things though. I cant and wont repeat this disaster ever again.

[downwhim]

Most on this board have heard from their ex in one way or another after the breakup.  I have not heard anything from my ex fiance in 4 months, since she dumped me.  Even if she had a replacement, which I don't know if she does or not (she claimed there was nobody else when she dumped me), even if she does now, I would have thought she would have at least acknowledged in some way I still existed, if nothing else, to rub it in my face.

It makes me angry, depressed, and confused that someone could cut you out of their life and have no thought of ever contacting you again.  Even to say I'm sorry for the way things happened or I hope you are doing well.  I know a lot of you would say I am lucky for not being contacted by her, but it is hard for me to feel this way when this was a person I had made a marriage commitment to, BPD or not.

It's hard for me to process that I meant nothing and am nothing to her.  Am I the only one who feels this way?

I can relate. I have not heard from mine at all. We were together almost 9 years and engaged. The email to break it all off was clear. We are done, I want my stuff back etc. mean and cold and to the  point. He proceeded to email me 11 times wanting his ring back.

The pain and the PTSD from his month of projecting his anger and guilt before the b/u was excruciating. For two months I had this pit in my stomach. I was in total shock. How does someone you love and have been with this long just send you an email and it is over. I have not heard a word from him.

I do not know if he has someone now or not. I do know he loves revenge and he probably hopes I still hurt. I never expected I am sorry we couldn't have worked it out or isn't this sad. Nope. Not his style.

I still can't believe it some days. He is gone. He was just pretending and using me for almost 9 years. Oh, to top it off he said he needed to date because he hadn't in all these years. Amazing how he thinks, I will get engaged, start devaluating her, cut her off sexually, cut out all intimacy, lie to her, make her squirm and be on edge and uncomfortable, then I will rage at her when I am alone with her. That will do the trick. Sick, and I miss what?

[going places]

I love how they twist things and carefully orchestrate it so that it looks like it's OUR fault... .

How those on the outside say "well, ya know, she ______" when they don't see the abuse that happens behind closed doors.

I simply don't give a rats a double s what anyone thinks.

I and my children know truth.

We lived it.

[downwhim]

Married 25 years.

3 kids, beautiful home, 2 dogs.

Hopes, dreams, plans for the future.

Then I find out he's 8 months deep into an affair.

Throw him out.

A week later, he's back

2.5 years later, 2.5 years of lies, deception, abuse, I finally said "enough".

Divorce was final June 2014

Threw him out July 2014.


Our marriages almost mirror one another.

Married 22 years

3 children 1 dog

Going to retire in Palm Desert, enjoy grandkids, loved life

He starts acting weird 7 years with a woman from work according to others at his office.

He will not move out.

I buy a condo and move down the street.

Women starts coming to my home behind my back (no boundaries).

My attorney says move back in. I do.

Ugly divorce. Final Sept. 30, 2006.

Kids a mess as they love both of us and felt displaced.

Dad gone. Moves in with affair woman and then buys big home and marries her.

I am lonely, stunned all of this has gone on and I was too busy working and taking care of my kids to see how odd he had become. I am mad at myself and lonely.

I get on the internet and I meet this great night in shining armor. Welcome my BPD.


Haven't seen him since.

He's with another woman; my youngest saw him at the store with her.

He (if he ever did, which I doubt now) could care less if I lived or died.

He has moved on.

He has fabricated in his mind his own reality and his own perception of 'what happened' and NO ONE can tell him any different.

He is a monster.

Yes, it's been 8 months since the divorce and I still have days where it sucks the life out of me to know that I wasted 25 years of my life with an abusive liar that didn't love me.

That sucks.

I pray the Lord gives me 25 more years... .good ones.

I know it hurts. I know... .

But you have dodged a HUGE bullet.

Work on you. Figure out WHY you picked this person, and learn how to spot this (the little red flags) sooner!

Take care... .time does not heal wounds, but time and self healing help forget the pain.[/quote]

[Infared]

Yes... .they are masters of being ruthlessly abusive , but can easily manipulate others to think that they would never act that way. It's a wonderful skill set for them and serves them quite well in their twisted little world.

[hope2727]

I love how they twist things and carefully orchestrate it so that it looks like it's OUR fault... .

How those on the outside say "well, ya know, she ______" when they don't see the abuse that happens behind closed doors.

I simply don't give a rats a double s what anyone thinks.

I and my children know truth.

We lived it.

Exactly!