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Author Topic: How soon after the last break up did your ex-BPD get engaged/married?  (Read 2448 times)
clydegriffith
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« Reply #30 on: October 16, 2014, 11:12:22 AM »

Funny thing is/was, she busted my BALLS with jealous fits over women I worked with. I mean, driving me nuts. Of course, nothing ever happened between myself and these co-workers and I did backflips trying to reassure her over and over that all is well and "I love only you." I did too many backflips and just enabled the bad behavior.

Nonetheless, this same ex BPDgf, dumped me and took up with a co-worker. Jesus. It's like, are you serious? You put me through all that BS and this is what you do?

BPD notwithstanding, this is pretty typical.  Simple projection.  They say you can tell a cheater by how often/intensely they accuse you or worry about you cheating.  It was probably on her mind so she figured it may well be on yours as well.

This is very true. My BPDx was constantly worried about me cheating, looking through my phones and hacking into my emails when she was screwing anyone that looked her way.
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Jersey Roots

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« Reply #31 on: October 16, 2014, 01:07:22 PM »

Mine was already seeing some one before she let me go out of the blue. The guy moved in shortly after. I did some snooping for some closure, and she was married to the guy in less than a year, left AZ and moved to OR. She is 48 and he is 21 years YOUNGER. I look back in my mind of all the things she was saying at the time, she was just setting me up and toying with me. Now shes got a new pin cushion to rip to shreds. The potential for disaster was avoided on my half, and I should be grateful for her letting me go. But this young guy... .who shes with now... .unaware of what hes with and naive... .Im sure if he got angry he could do some damage.

I found out how old he was from his mug shot on line. Real classy guy(sarcasm). Its true that they cant up grade, they have to seek out some one who is weaker... .one that they can manipulate with ease. She found out that I wasn't going to put up with her child like behavior... .I was in the way of her getting what she wanted... .so I had to be eliminated so she could get what she wants... .

Its a hard pill to swallow... .I get caught at traffic lights thinking of what was... .shake my head... .glad that Im not with right now. It would have been much much worse.

Hang in there... .all you can do... .youll get out on the other side... .and youll be a better person once you do.
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rickdeckard
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Relationship status: dissolved close relationship w/ "soulmate" from the 7th circle of hades
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« Reply #32 on: October 16, 2014, 01:08:44 PM »

5 months from talking about it with me to exchanging vows with replacement. 2 months until she devalued him. A month after that an email from her saying she had made a mistake.

Im thinking "getting married" was more important than "being married".

Choices have consequences. And she made her choice. I don't want her back anyway. Ive already made that bad choice and faced the consequences. And I have learned from them.
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pieceofme
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« Reply #33 on: October 16, 2014, 01:48:15 PM »

my ex has been with his new gf MAYBE three weeks, probably more like two. (my immediate replacement was his ex). just this morning i saw he commented on a social media post [side note: yes, i know i need to stop looking... .it's a horrible addiction] to his new gf... .the comment was the wedding ring emoji.

it's disheartening. i feel like you, abovebeyond. what did i do wrong? how am i so unworthy?

on the other hand... .the speed with which he's currently changing partners is frightening.
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Jersey Roots

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« Reply #34 on: October 16, 2014, 01:52:29 PM »

Just a quick addition to my above post... .he is 26 and her daughter who is going to be 22 soon... .to be a fly on the wall... .

"Oh by the way here is your 2nd new step Dad... .hes only 4 years older than you"... .I cant imagine what is going on in that young mind of hers... .oh Sweet Fancy Moses
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clydegriffith
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« Reply #35 on: October 16, 2014, 02:19:04 PM »

my ex has been with his new gf MAYBE three weeks, probably more like two. (my immediate replacement was his ex). just this morning i saw he commented on a social media post [side note: yes, i know i need to stop looking... .it's a horrible addiction] to his new gf... .the comment was the wedding ring emoji.

it's disheartening. i feel like you, abovebeyond. what did i do wrong? how am i so unworthy?

on the other hand... .the speed with which he's currently changing partners is frightening.

Thiss! Only my scenario she is doing it with 4 young kids in tow and one happens to be mine.

After her latest replacement (the alleged father of the mos recent child) finds her out, she'll be on to the next one. Playing the victim and telling people how she's been emotionally and or physically abused by all the prior victims.
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rickdeckard
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« Reply #36 on: October 16, 2014, 03:27:22 PM »

Playing the victim and telling people how she's been emotionally and or physically abused by all the prior victims.

Yup yup!  Smiling (click to insert in post)

"don't worry dearest damsel, I will save you! All 20 of those previous guys were so terrible... .surely YOU weren't the common denominator... ."

A few weeks/months later:

Welcome

Hi, My name is Replacement_21, Im new here. This is my first post... .What the heck just happened to me?


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The joy of life consists in the exercise of one's energies, continual growth, constant change, the enjoyment of every new experience.
pieceofme
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« Reply #37 on: October 16, 2014, 03:53:10 PM »

Playing the victim and telling people how she's been emotionally and or physically abused by all the prior victims.

Yup yup!  Smiling (click to insert in post)

"don't worry dearest damsel, I will save you! All 20 of those previous guys were so terrible... .surely YOU weren't the common denominator... ."

A few weeks/months later:

Welcome

Hi, My name is Replacement_21, Im new here. This is my first post... .What the heck just happened to me?

LMAO! that has to be the post of the year.
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fred6
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« Reply #38 on: October 16, 2014, 04:11:12 PM »

This is my first post... .What the heck just happened to me?

God damn, I'm 3 months since the split and 1 month NC and I'm still asking that. Hello, my name is fred6. This is my 332nd post... .What the heck just happened to me?

Hello, Hello, Hello, Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone at home?

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rickdeckard
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« Reply #39 on: October 16, 2014, 04:30:32 PM »

This is my first post... .What the heck just happened to me?

God damn, I'm 3 months since the split and 1 month NC and I'm still asking that. Hello, my name is fred6. This is my 332nd post... .What the heck just happened to me?

Hello, Hello, Hello, Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone at home?


Becoming comfortably numb would feel like a blessing sometimes.

The simple answer is "you were the victim of an abuser".

But I havee been out since January (2014) and NC since April same year. So the simple answer isn't really fully explaining it.

BTW, I by no means make light of abuse or our roles as rescuers (as applicable) who were abused. Ive known far to many abuse victims and not all have survived.

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The joy of life consists in the exercise of one's energies, continual growth, constant change, the enjoyment of every new experience.
Vitto18

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« Reply #40 on: October 16, 2014, 04:38:15 PM »

Playing the victim and telling people how she's been emotionally and or physically abused by all the prior victims.

Yup yup!  Smiling (click to insert in post)

"don't worry dearest damsel, I will save you! All 20 of those previous guys were so terrible... .surely YOU weren't the common denominator... ."

A few weeks/months later:

Welcome

Hi, My name is Replacement_21, Im new here. This is my first post... .What the heck just happened to me?

This post just cracked me up! Thanks for the belly laugh Rick.

My uBPDexgf started talking marriage in July to a guy she hooked up with in March... .we broke up in February. This after she said she would "rather stay single because she couldn't make anyone happy." Not even a month later the "love of her life pasted all over her face book, posing with my kids.

I wonder why pwBPD rush into a new r/s & try to secure a commitment as soon as possible?

One would think that after a LTR hits the skids a "normal" person would want to clear the fallout, unpack the baggage, re-assess & heal. Maybe even enjoy the single life for a bit. 

Its almost as though they want to prove a point. Or lock the replacement in before he\she realises what lies beneath the idealization?
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fred6
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« Reply #41 on: October 16, 2014, 04:46:45 PM »

This is my first post... .What the heck just happened to me?

God damn, I'm 3 months since the split and 1 month NC and I'm still asking that. Hello, my name is fred6. This is my 332nd post... .What the heck just happened to me?

Hello, Hello, Hello, Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone at home?


Becoming comfortably numb would feel like a blessing sometimes.

The simple answer is "you were the victim of an abuser".

But I havee been out since January (2014) and NC since April same year. So the simple answer isn't really fully explaining it.

BTW, I by no means make light of abuse or our roles as rescuers (as applicable) who were abused. Ive known far to many abuse victims and not all have survived.

That's it, I've cured BPD. Just speak to them in random insane Pink Floyd lyrics.

When pwBPD starts projecting and raging. Simply say, "If you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?" Then watch a mushroom cloud form over crazy town.
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rickdeckard
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: dissolved close relationship w/ "soulmate" from the 7th circle of hades
Posts: 90


~~~~~~


WWW
« Reply #42 on: October 16, 2014, 05:21:31 PM »

This is my first post... .What the heck just happened to me?

God damn, I'm 3 months since the split and 1 month NC and I'm still asking that. Hello, my name is fred6. This is my 332nd post... .What the heck just happened to me?

Hello, Hello, Hello, Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone at home?


Becoming comfortably numb would feel like a blessing sometimes.

The simple answer is "you were the victim of an abuser".

But I havee been out since January (2014) and NC since April same year. So the simple answer isn't really fully explaining it.

BTW, I by no means make light of abuse or our roles as rescuers (as applicable) who were abused. Ive known far to many abuse victims and not all have survived.

That's it, I've cured BPD. Just speak to them in random insane Pink Floyd lyrics.

When pwBPD starts projecting and raging. Simply say, "If you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?" Then watch a mushroom cloud form over crazy town.

Could work quite well. Slayer lyrics dont, tried it and got a severed cats head on my doorstep (JK :D)

Just make sure to stay out of blast radius. Don't know if you can run far enough to escape the fallout though... .

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The joy of life consists in the exercise of one's energies, continual growth, constant change, the enjoyment of every new experience.
dabeanymac

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« Reply #43 on: December 28, 2014, 10:21:44 PM »

Wow! I thought this situation could only happen to me. My ex gf who I believe has BPD, just got engaged to the replacement less than 2 months after our breakup. We were together 14 months. Just like what happened with Abovebeyond, she posted up pictures on her facebook account, updated her status, and claims she's soo happy. Found out she was talking to this guy the last month of the relationship and left me for him. Can't wait for Karma to give her what she deserves!
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downwhim
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« Reply #44 on: December 28, 2014, 11:23:23 PM »

Rick and Fred, so darn funny. Thanks I needed that!

I would not put it past my ex to have replacement all moved in within the 9 weeks we have been apart. Even though I am total N/C I know he was going this direction. He hinted to me at b/u and said something out loud like they do. He said he was going to do the same thing as Michael. (friend of ours that moved girlfriend in within days of ex girlfriend moving out). He bought new sheets, decided not to sell his house, decided to keep his RV, tanning, it was all there... .an engaged cheater.
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Ripped Heart
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« Reply #45 on: December 28, 2014, 11:52:35 PM »

I met my exN/BPDw one day, she proposed less than 2 weeks later. I started to feel everything was a bit too rushed so asked for long engagement which didn't go down well at all.

Tried calling it off twice but hooked back in. Instead of year we kind of compromised on, she and her family brought it forward. Was married with 4 months. The hell had already started because I called it off initially and just got worse for the next 2 years.

Gf, was talking marriage even before our first date. Started dropping hints after 3 weeks but held my boundaries on that one. Decided that providing things were going strong between us, I would propose on our 1st year Anniversary (Valentines Day)

I know she is triangulating with a guy who keeps promising to marry her despite never meeting her. She is 44 years old and never been married, as well as usually the one to self destruct her relationships.

She has said several times in the past that reading a story of a woman with the same "condition" as her has been married 4 times because she keeps having affairs.  Think that might scare her a little about marriage.
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SlyQQ
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« Reply #46 on: December 29, 2014, 12:38:00 AM »

A week before we broke up she was putting in place plans to marry an have a kid with another bloke while texting me how much she loved me xxxs 
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rollercoaster24
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Relationship status: Living apart six months
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« Reply #47 on: December 31, 2014, 07:53:27 AM »

Well everyone, I cannot say exBP is married, but he is telling his family that he has 'met his match',  his new love apparently helps 'keep him in line' (not sure if he would have explained it like that) and how 'he just wanted to get away from everything and everyone', (yea he would definitely have said that latter remark).

Once again he has managed to escape geographically, find a job after 6 years unemployment, (4 with me) and meet the love of his life!

I am certain that he has been informed that his Sister In-law was keeping me up to date over the past 9 months of our split, and I am also certain that it was reciprocated, (without my knowledge).

Suddenly everything that he once was is now magically gone!

His Sister In-law (seemingly smugly) told me 23/12 that BP is now doing great, in a job, living in a new town, (even told me where he is) and that his new woman is a Psychiatrist, (hence met his match statement) although it seems from knowing how he would put things, that he meant that in an entirely different way. Since he was a total Narcissist, saying he had met his match would mean to him that she was his 'intellectual equivalent', simply because she has a degree in something, like him.

But yea, no doubt he meant that message to be delivered to me right before Xmas, just to sock it to me one more time as punishment for not responding to his several attempts to recycle (May, June, August).

So at any rate, it is New Years Eve, I am sitting home alone, with no desire to go out and party, but with valid reasons, despite being glum anyway.

I cannot wait until I am well on the other side of this pain.
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WhatTheFrank
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« Reply #48 on: December 31, 2014, 03:44:31 PM »

She was seeing him 2 months before we officially broke up.  Engaged 6 months after official breakup.  Engagement went down in flames within a week.
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StarOfTheSea
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Relationship status: Four months post-breakup.
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« Reply #49 on: February 19, 2015, 05:30:38 PM »

Hi,

My ex who I strongly suspect has BPD just tastelessly announced via FB that he found the woman 'he's going to make his wife'. This is six weeks after he broke up with me, which he did two days after Christmas ( a real class act, he is). She's actually an ex from over a decade ago that broke up with him because of his abusive behavior. Seems like they're both recycling. Many times during our relationship I was promised the exact same things: marriage and being his wife. The difference with our relationship is that we were expecting and miscarried, and lived pretty much like a married couple for nearly a year. He is also very much a 'pattern man' since none of his relationships last longer than six months. We actually broke the pattern by staying together for nine months, though I suspect in the last two he was in contact with soon to be new wife. So I can at least take pleasure in knowing this farce won't last very long.

When I discovered his news I wanted to vomit. Twice. Absolutely astounding how he can go from breaking up to being engaged. I keep telling myself that he's f-ing nuts and not the person I fell in love with. The sad thing is is that he has a young daughter who is being very negatively affected by her dad's narcissistic BPD behavior.

To all who are dealing with this, stay strong.
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Bumpsintheroad

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« Reply #50 on: February 19, 2015, 06:30:28 PM »

 

AboveBeyond... .

My BPDw moved in with my replacement 9 (yes, that right, NINE days after we split up for a "temporary separation".  She had asked if I would move in with my buddy for a short time so she could get her thoughts straight.  Two days after moving in with my buddy, I was in a major car accident and while I was in the hospital recovering, a co-worker of mine called her to inform her of the accident.  She told him she would get to the hospital asap.  She never showed up. 

Ten days later, I got a phone call from our landlord who told me she moved out of OUR HOME with my 4 stepchildren a week earlier.  The replacement left his wife in NJ and moved 2000 miles west in a U-HAul and rented a $750,000 home in a matter of 10 days.  Filled it with furniture and TVs and leased her a brand new $36,000 Nissan.

When she finally called me after two weeks of NC, she asked if I was doing ok?  I told her my left shoulder muscle was partially torn and my throat was severely swollen due to whiplash and off work for at least a month.  At which point she actually said "WHAT HAPPENED?".  She was pretending not to know that I was in an accident.  I told her that my co-worker told me he called you the night of the accident and told you everything about the crash and that I was in the hospital.  She called him A LIAR and said she knew nothing of the sort.  Never got a phone call and never spoke to him.  This may sound utterly unbelievable to you, but it happened to me a few years ago.  GOD as my witness. 

So, my point is this.  These poor, sick people DO NOT care about anyone but themselves.  Period!  And TIME, is not their vocabulary.  Time is non-existent.  They only live in the immediate moment and nothing further. 

In your case I can honestly say I FEEL YOUR PAIN.  It's gut wrenching to put it mildly.  But please understand, you have dodged a massive mortar, let alone a deadly bullet.  If you stay on this site, and listen to the very helpful angels that support your recovery, in short order you will feel the same way. 

Best of luck and good fortune!   Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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rlhmm
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« Reply #51 on: February 19, 2015, 06:36:45 PM »

the short and simple answer is: i dont know... .dont want to know... .and dont care. Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Influx

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« Reply #52 on: July 09, 2018, 06:39:32 PM »

My ex moved out of my place with her son and moved straight into the guys house. They got engaged in less than two weeks. When she left my place, she had my ring on.
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pgri8684
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« Reply #53 on: July 11, 2018, 08:38:21 AM »

She (re)activated her account on a dating site a few days after the breakup. The replacement moved in within 30 days and they got engaged pretty soon.
I think she has a lot of BPD traits but the inner core is her impossibility living alone; she rushed into this new relationship because it was about her survival.

Some people with BPD traits jump from a r/s to the next one on a very quick pace according to her mood. Some stay unhappy in a rotten r/s until the partner leaves. My Ex will never be alone!
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