OutsidetheHermitWalls
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Gender: 
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Divorced 2012
Posts: 41
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« Reply #60 on: January 05, 2013, 07:20:47 PM » |
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Diana82,
since my ex-BPD was bisexual I am male; but she did smear her ex-GF's. This is a 33 year old woman who has compiled this list. She is 37 this year. But her maturity level has not evolved whatsoever. She made a list once how both are alike; which I found so petty and utterly bizarre:
It stated neither Jxxxxx or Mxxx,
Like anyone that I associate with, past or present friends
Both think they know what is best for me
Neither Inititiate Sex
Both have Gas or use as an excuse not to have sex
Both would rather play video games that do things with me
Neither Clean or do laundry (She was very OCD about laundry; and obsessed with her new vacumn cleaner: however any other household needs she would defer to me even though she was not even working)
Both claim they never eat sweets until they met me, and now eat them all the time (probably related to her binging)
Both Drive a VW
Neither like the decisions I make, but complain I don't make decisions to fit theirs
Both would make me investigage the bumps in the night (I guess nightmares)
Both get scared at horror movies (I did too)
Act like Children Alot (this coming from a BPD)
Like to Shop A lot (This BPD found shopping very overwhelming; personally I do too but I can shop for others; my BPD rarely bought me any presents or cards (i.e. no Valentines day card, no nothing; no birthday present unless I told her what to buy)
Both want to dress me different (I was guilty of that too; she was so beautiful I bought her dresses that looked great on her; I am sure I would be on this list now)
Both say they are OK doing things on their own but when it comes down to it wont unless I do it ( I really cannot imagine her doing anything; but also probably a projection)
Both like me me to cook dinnner or make them lunch but won't return the favor (I guess I got the BPD who did not do anything but take, but I imagine this is a projection)
Both pretend to be Bad-Ass - But are really Chicken ~ (A Projection for sure; She had days where she dressed pardon the expression more "butch"; despite the fact that she looks and acts pretty feminine. I am an emotional male, meaning by all appearances I am masculine, but if you get to know me I am more emotional that you might expect) anyways my BPD when she left was the biggest coward. Just left no communication, text only, filed divorce in two weeks, smear campaign equating to the most extreme emotional abuse you can imagine, all supported by some attorney that I am sure saw the adorable damsel in distress that he needed to protect from the 'evil' possessive, verabally abusive, controlling ex-husband. I am guility of being a little controlling when she first left as I was in shock that someone would marry me spend six weeks executing bizarre underning behavior (BPD) and then leave and blame me for everything. I was in shock. But after two weeks I backed off and left her alone; the more I left her alone the more devious she became. Thank god NC for 3 months; I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
Niether like music that I do (she accussed me on this at the end also; she would play a song and then attack me saying I don't like her music. Which was not even true. When I was white she liked Florence and the Machine and Noah and the Whale when I was black she liked Marilyn Manson)
Both whine (why wouldn't you when the person you are with ignores you and stonewalls you all the time)
Both take my inventory and ignore their own (projection she has never accepted any responsibilitty for anything in our relationship)
Niether are comfortable being gay (Hello did she not date me for a year and marry me)
Both can dish it out but niether can take it (pot calling the kettle black)
Have the tendency to be arrogant, cockey, self-centered (her her her)
They are better than eveyone else. (not sure about this one only that she is one of the most critical people I have even met)
Both act like a btch to my friends or in situations to avoid others (She is an expert at avoidance)
Neither are good at compromise (you should have seen my divorce settlement)
Both used to kiss me with passion and for both it tapers to a peck (it's called fear)
Both drive me to lock myself in the bathroom crying (I did too)
Both are having an affair with the internet (not sure what this means)
Both have baby fever (we had two miscarriages I think the fever was hers; the trajedy was mine)
Both expect me to propose (she told me often marry me, marry me)
Neither know how to save money (that was hard when I paid for everything and what she paid for while we were together she insisted on having back when we were divorcing; thanks to the laws in my state she got that money back and more.)
So there you have it. I did not see this until after she left. She did smear a guy she dated three times prior to us reconnecting. She tried to convinced me he was stalking her and was a danger. The 2 yr male relationship she did not smear but she threw our relationship in his face often. She would recevie texts from him stating "Hi how are you" and she would ask me, yes ask me what to reply. I would say text good how are you (why I did not see this flag, I can't tell you why); she would then remark she found it odd that he would never text that he loved her or expressed emotion. At the time my intuition was saying "kind of odd"; but did I say anything absolutely not. Why? Hmm. Oh because I thought I would be different. Boy I was so right it would be different for me it would be even worse.
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