Will this trip to my home city cause her to painted me white?

[Moonie75]

Four weeks ago my BPDgf ended our relationship (we don't live together) & told me during a very final furious rage, "I don't love you & we don't need to communicate unless you find you have a sexually transmitted desease or are told you're terminally ill"...

Bizarre view to say the least I thought! If i do have an std she would certainly be hearing from me because I'd be pretty angry about her passing it to me! And if I were terminally ill why would i need to communicate with someone who had parted on such hurtful words? I opted for thinking to myself 'ok, careful what you wish for because you're gonna get just that! You indeed won't hear from me again'.

ONE WEEK later she turns up at my place without warning & returns a few items I'd had at her place (but I noticed not all was there). She commented that I hadn't been in touch to ask for the items back & I reminded her of what she'd said & that she (as requested) wouldn't be hearing anything from me again.

ONE WEEK later i get a txt out of the blue which is basically a load of angry rage about how bad I am & how everything's my fault that we don't get on. I DON'T reply. I found this difficult but wanted to rise above it.

ONE WEEK later she spots my car & that I've left my lights on in a car park... .  Get txt saying

":)id you know you've left your lights on? I hope car starts later & you're not stuck."

I DON'T reply. later that night I get "Are you ignoring me?" again I DON'T reply. I found this dificult too because my value system says it's good manners to thank her for letting me know, but I think back to her previous words & opt for not responding.

ONE WEEK later on Valentines day in the early evening I get message which is totally pointless once thought about & has no value at all but is nothing to do with our relationship, feelings etc etc. It's a purely pointless message of no value what so ever. I DON'T reply.

I've discovered today that she plans a trip nxt weekend to visit a friend of hers some 250 miles away who now lives in city where i grew up. During our early days I still lived there & we both share a lot of happy memories from her visits to see me & our return visits. It's her birthday too while she's there, and, speaking for myself, I would find it very hard to go back to a place where I had a lot of memories of a relationship with a person & not spend a lot of the time there being reminded & thinking of them.

She's one way or another on a once a week basis let me know she's still out there in the world since leaving on her parting words. I do love her very much but have (after a few recycles) realised the relationship with all of it's BPD carry on's is bad for my own mental well being. If I'm to face an attempt to recycle in the near future before I've built up my determination & recovery I know I'm going to struggle.

If you can with your own knowledge of how these matters run give me any thoughts & views of what you'd expect? I'd be very grateful. Will this trip to my home city with all of it's memories ramp up the odds of being painted white again & induce a recycle?

[trevjim]

I think it depends on her situation and mindset, I found mine always contacted me, sent loonnngg texts and voicemails, unless she had another guy on the scene, and then it was like i never existed. So id say as soon as she finds another guys, which with pwBPD it probably wont take long, she will leave you alone.

In terms of will the location bring up memeories for her? well in my experiance with my exBPD, she never seemed nostalgic unless it was music.

I think it depends on the person

[turtle]

I might.  It might not.

Who knows what causes a recycle attempt?  She could go to that town and come back having painted you the blackest of black.  Then, she'll get home and see a leaf on the ground and decide to attempt to recycle.  There's no real predictability to these things.

The key is to work on cultivating YOUR resolve so that when/if a recycle comes when she gets back - or even years from now -- YOU will know what's best for you and react accordingly.

turtle

[Moonie75]

thank you Trevjim &Turtle. Funnily enough she's very nostalgic, and mostly so about music as it happens! I'm a drummer in a couple of bands & not sure whether she's been musically nostalgic since meeting me or if that's always been the case. But she's deffo a music fan. last time we recycled i sat her down & explained I knew things about her which she thought she covered up, such as her over compensating for her lack of self worth by exuding false confidence etc. it seemed to sink in & she spoke to her mother about childhood issues & pretty much fessed up that she's got issues. Things were going well but the inevitable happened & she started devaluing me & the relationship & I quickly worked out that the whole 'sit down, talk, admit failings & insecurities' discussions were never to happen again. nearest i got was a confession that I'd seen inside her which nobody else had & she was blown away that somebody was able to "get it".

However, I can take no more & although I want a better relationship eventually with somebody without a mental health problem, i know I'm still too enmeshed to fair well if she attempts another recycle in the near future. i know time will make me stronger & less fogged by it all, but I (along with ALL of my friends think she'll be back before that time comes.