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Author Topic: Saying to ex BPD gf she has BPD ... backfired tremendously.  (Read 8073 times)
LuckyEscapee
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« Reply #30 on: March 06, 2013, 12:39:20 AM »

Excerpt
I got an email from her last night ending with; ciaoo my awesome friend! i will never forget ho much you ve done for me in the past that is why i want we can respect each other for ever ciao ciao ciao 

Sorry HarmKrakow this must suck for you. Lets hope this is the last time she makes you feel bad through her complete insensitivity of how bad you are suffering. You don't need her type of respect. She reminds me of my ex here, trying to excuse the situation and rewrite history to keep open an option to be 'friends'. Don't let her ever again yank your chain, stay well away and heal yourself. You are better than that type of dysfunctional relationship. 
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flatspin
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« Reply #31 on: March 15, 2013, 05:21:28 PM »

Interesting you say that ... .  I told my ex after she was breaking up with me for the 10 billionth time, but I kinda knew that this last time I saw her was it so I told her.  

Perhaps there is some hope for your ex if she came to you with it.  It takes openness to find answers and get help.  All mine did was deny, reject, project, lie, etc. to get out of any acknowledgement that her behavior was unstable or that she needed help.

The good news is, I realize that I was wrong to think that this was ever my problem.  Her healthiness is up to her.  

The night I went to her house, she refused to let me in (she didn't know I was coming, she hadn't contacted me since about 6 months) but felt compelled shortly after because there were friends of ours in a car nearby and her kids had gone out of their rooms and had seen me. Our friends had given me a drive to her house from the bus station. During the "negociations" in front of the door, she started talking out loud in order to draw attention, saying that I was mentally ill, etc. Interestingly, I only told her about BPD about 1 month after that incident, never ever before.

She denied, rejected, projected and lied too. She even told me that I had destroyed her life because of what I had done to her... Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Her house was an utter mess. The kids told me not to worry about the mess because she was packing up in order to join me in my country very soon. I had the divorce papers in my bagpack. Noticing that she had even lied to the kids, lied to those who were the most important "thing" in her life broke something in my heart towards her. The woman with whom I had fallen in love wouldn't have been able to do it, unless the honesty that I liked in her was just a mask that she had been wearing since always... .  

I feel the same as you, not feeling guilty saved me indeed from many painful feelings, remorse and thoughts !
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Johan
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« Reply #32 on: March 25, 2013, 04:08:29 PM »

This thread is like you just got inside my head and typed for me. Its scary how much this is my life right now.
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« Reply #33 on: March 25, 2013, 10:56:59 PM »

Excerpt
Yip, it's amazing though. Everything backfires, no matter how you throw it, whatever you say. It's been structured again and thrown back at you.

You are seeking to solve your pain through her. She isn't playing the same game anymore. You are in devaluation where you were in idealization before. Not only does she not "complete" you anymore she hits at where you are weakest. This is why NC can be a good thing for a time. It is recognition that who you are seeking pain relief from isn't going to give you what you need. It is a step in putting you first. You have a self soothing, self confidence problem now. How do you get yourself to do the best things for your own emotional well being? How do you start looking beyond her for your comfort? How do you start focusing past the failed relationship and on your own wounds that need healing? 24 hour focus on her isn't going to help. There has to be a point where harm starts seeing harm again. I know how darn tough it is. I know it sucks beyond belief. Gotta start doing some reality testing though. What works. What doesn't work. The game has changed. It will not be the same. Change needs to happen.

What is your daily routine right now? Spell out a week for us. What are you really doing right now to be good to yourself and focus energy on your own well being. This must become a priority. There can be no substitutions.
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« Reply #34 on: March 26, 2013, 01:40:25 AM »

I did tell my ex "she should seek help for her borderline personality" a few hours after having her tell me she wanted to see people had settled in.  She had no response at the time but when we spoke 2 days later she told me that's not something you should tell someone if you ever want to speak to them again.  And the only reason I had mentioned it was because during one of her first real serious episodes of trying a push-pull tactic and basically going from "you are my world, i can't live without you" to "never wanting to see me again", I convinced her to come over after work and discuss the issues.  She had a moment of enlightenment during our conversation and said she needed to stop doing this, and that's when I brought up my suspicion (from before we dated) and she asked what the symptoms were and i read them off to her and she said "that's me, what's the treatment" and then said she'd never do counseling alone.

We don't talk anymore it's been about 4 weeks of no contact for her and about 2 for me, but she was cordial in the 1.5 weeks after the initial breakup.
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HarmKrakow
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« Reply #35 on: March 27, 2013, 05:05:44 PM »

Excerpt
Yip, it's amazing though. Everything backfires, no matter how you throw it, whatever you say. It's been structured again and thrown back at you.

How do you get yourself to do the best things for your own emotional well being? How do you start looking beyond her for your comfort? How do you start focusing past the failed relationship and on your own wounds that need healing? 24 hour focus on her isn't going to help. There has to be a point where harm starts seeing harm again. I know how darn tough it is. I know it sucks beyond belief. Gotta start doing some reality testing though. What works. What doesn't work. The game has changed. It will not be the same. Change needs to happen.

What is your daily routine right now? Spell out a week for us. What are you really doing right now to be good to yourself and focus energy on your own well being. This must become a priority. There can be no substitutions.

As of this point I don't have a daily routine besides going to the supermarket and do reading for a research paper I have to finish in July. Besides cleaning the house + eating + bathroom and sleeping there is no routine. I have a meeting with a friend of mine in April to do shopping for new clothes/barber. Thats it.

You know, the questions you outlayed here are awesome, unfortunately, I feel I aint possible to answer them right now, but would like to have them answered. Therefore I wonder. Could you answer these about your own situation? For the people who are further in their detachment, how could you answer the following questions? Cuz atm, i tend to fall back on doing all the common mistakes, easy as that. Constantly ... one after the other. Same mistake, over and over again. Checking her out, hoping for contact, constantly dreaming about her... etc.

Excerpt
How do you get yourself to do the best things for your own emotional well being? How do you start looking beyond her for your comfort? How do you start focusing past the failed relationship and on your own wounds that need healing?

And you are so right, it must become a priority...
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AJwhatThe

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« Reply #36 on: March 27, 2013, 05:48:19 PM »

Major backfire for me.  the following is part of an email she sent to me 2 hours after I told her to look up "Personality disorders"


"you stated among other things, that you believe I have a personality disorder?  Just because this hasn't gone your way?   I am now seriously questioning your mental state, and must take the action to protect myself and my children.  Attached you will find a Notice of Trespass and an order to Cease and Desist.  I am sorry that it has come to this."


And since she is never wrong, then I must be the one that is crazy.
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« Reply #37 on: March 27, 2013, 05:58:55 PM »

After reading that email, I am so glad I've kept my mouth shut.  There is no way in the world I will ever, ever tell my ex what I think she has.  

Im so happy this isn't my concern anymore.  I could totally see her writing something just like this, especially in the name of protecting her kids.

I'm free.  And no restraining orders!  Sheesh.
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« Reply #38 on: March 27, 2013, 06:06:21 PM »

I would just add a little remark on the statement of being abused as a child: are you sure about that? Is she your only source of that info? Because from what I have experienced, they portray themselves as victims to get your simpathy (meaning to control and use you), no matter how much they have to lie to get their goals.

My 2 BPD´s had had a normal childhood, a very VERY loving father, and still, always portrayed themselves as victims. I would be very scheptical about what they say.
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« Reply #39 on: March 28, 2013, 11:54:37 AM »

I did tell my partner. Didn't solve anything mind you, didn't make it any worse either. It was bad to begin with. He did admit  to it 2-3 times,but of course later denied it. Back to square one.  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #40 on: March 28, 2013, 04:08:19 PM »

It seems to me that the diagnosis for BPD is somewhat subjective, even when done by a professional.  My ex was diagnosed as having BPD traits by a professional, but she says they told her she doesn't "have BPD".  I took a BPD test for her, based on my observation of her behavior over 2+ years.   In My assessment she shows a LOT of common BPD traits.  Now I'm no professional by any means, but the argument could be made that I know her better than a professional who spent a few hours with her and made an assessment.  Obviously I defer to the pros, but it seems that diagnosing BPD could be pretty difficult.  It's not like you can take a blood sample.

At some point, it seems to become an argument of semantics to me.  If a person exhibits BPD traits and it affects their ability to function and maintain healthy relationships, they could benefit from types of treatment proven effective for BPD (such as DBT).  However, I agree with the common therapy approach of not "labeling" the patient.  My ex is terrified of being labeled.   I think I would be too.  When my ex was first diagnosed as "BPD traits", she seemed relieved to have found out what caused her such pain and troubles.  She brought the disorder to my attention, as I had never heard of it.  As she read the common traits, she even said, "Isn't this me?".  In our limited communication since then, she is EXTREMELY sensitive to the slightest mention of BPD, even though she's in therapy for it.  As a matter of fact, she recently became aware that I have visited a website (this one) for people in or recently out of relationships with BPD sufferers.   Just her knowledge of me visiting this site was me "labeling her" in her eyes- and she's in treatment. 

Based on my experience, I can't imagine how "telling someone they have BPD" could ever be good; for you or for them. 
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motherof1yearold
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« Reply #41 on: March 28, 2013, 04:33:37 PM »

I know this already has 3 pages of replies but I had to post a reply :

She is projecting BADLY. MANY people on this board have been accused of having BPD by their BPD partner!

The one or two times I "revealed" to ex husband that he probably has BPD he said I WAS the one with BPD (and he knows nothing about it)

Since she is you ex don't worry... . only feeds the monster within her
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DragoN
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« Reply #42 on: March 28, 2013, 11:42:40 PM »

Excerpt
She brought the disorder to my attention, as I had never heard of it.  As she read the common traits, she even said, "Isn't this me?".  In our limited communication since then, she is EXTREMELY sensitive to the slightest mention of BPD, even though she's in therapy for it.  As a matter of fact, she recently became aware that I have visited a website (this one) for people in or recently out of relationships with BPD sufferers.   Just her knowledge of me visiting this site was me "labeling her" in her eyes- and she's in treatment.



Denial kicking in. Even she is in treatment for the same, she denies it. A typical trait. Does it serve to feed denial? It's one thing to respect their feelings and not bring it up and quite another to feed the denial train.

BPD are not mentally incapacitated, but emotionally and reality incapacitated.

Excerpt
She is projecting BADLY. MANY people on this board have been accused of having BPD by their BPD partner!

The one or two times I "revealed" to ex husband that he probably has BPD he said I WAS the one with BPD (and he knows nothing about it)

I get therapy thrown in my face as I was the one to seek therapy, ergo, I am the crazy one. It was in therapy that my therapist, very familiar with BPD, suggested that I find information online and to let him know, did my relationship look like that of one with a BPD. It did to a T and then some. A label doesn't matter, but the behaviors do.

In my experience, telling him, made no difference, but what was telling was the admission, then the denial. Can't argue with it.

Since this woman is your ex, don't worry about it. Nothing will come of it either way.

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motherof1yearold
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« Reply #43 on: March 29, 2013, 07:50:28 AM »

Excerpt
She brought the disorder to my attention, as I had never heard of it.  As she read the common traits, she even said, "Isn't this me?".  In our limited communication since then, she is EXTREMELY sensitive to the slightest mention of BPD, even though she's in therapy for it.  As a matter of fact, she recently became aware that I have visited a website (this one) for people in or recently out of relationships with BPD sufferers.   Just her knowledge of me visiting this site was me "labeling her" in her eyes- and she's in treatment.



Denial kicking in. Even she is in treatment for the same, she denies it. A typical trait. Does it serve to feed denial? It's one thing to respect their feelings and not bring it up and quite another to feed the denial train.

BPD are not mentally incapacitated, but emotionally and reality incapacitated.

Excerpt
She is projecting BADLY. MANY people on this board have been accused of having BPD by their BPD partner!

The one or two times I "revealed" to ex husband that he probably has BPD he said I WAS the one with BPD (and he knows nothing about it)

I get therapy thrown in my face as I was the one to seek therapy, ergo, I am the crazy one. It was in therapy that my therapist, very familiar with BPD, suggested that I find information online and to let him know, did my relationship look like that of one with a BPD. It did to a T and then some. A label doesn't matter, but the behaviors do.

In my experience, telling him, made no difference, but what was telling was the admission, then the denial. Can't argue with it.

Since this woman is your ex, don't worry about it. Nothing will come of it either way.

Oh me too me too! Just because I started seeking therapy from all of his crazy making he used it against me badly.
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HarmKrakow
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« Reply #44 on: March 29, 2013, 08:43:59 AM »

Excerpt
She brought the disorder to my attention, as I had never heard of it.  As she read the common traits, she even said, "Isn't this me?".  In our limited communication since then, she is EXTREMELY sensitive to the slightest mention of BPD, even though she's in therapy for it.  As a matter of fact, she recently became aware that I have visited a website (this one) for people in or recently out of relationships with BPD sufferers.   Just her knowledge of me visiting this site was me "labeling her" in her eyes- and she's in treatment.



Denial kicking in. Even she is in treatment for the same, she denies it. A typical trait. Does it serve to feed denial? It's one thing to respect their feelings and not bring it up and quite another to feed the denial train.

BPD are not mentally incapacitated, but emotionally and reality incapacitated.

Excerpt
She is projecting BADLY. MANY people on this board have been accused of having BPD by their BPD partner!

The one or two times I "revealed" to ex husband that he probably has BPD he said I WAS the one with BPD (and he knows nothing about it)

I get therapy thrown in my face as I was the one to seek therapy, ergo, I am the crazy one. It was in therapy that my therapist, very familiar with BPD, suggested that I find information online and to let him know, did my relationship look like that of one with a BPD. It did to a T and then some. A label doesn't matter, but the behaviors do.

In my experience, telling him, made no difference, but what was telling was the admission, then the denial. Can't argue with it.

Since this woman is your ex, don't worry about it. Nothing will come of it either way.

Oh me too me too! Just because I started seeking therapy from all of his crazy making he used it against me badly.

Yip. Same here, just because I go therapy, she keeps yelling, but you are the one in therapy!
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flatspin
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« Reply #45 on: March 29, 2013, 08:53:30 AM »

I would just add a little remark on the statement of being abused as a child: are you sure about that? Is she your only source of that info? Because from what I have experienced, they portray themselves as victims to get your simpathy (meaning to control and use you), no matter how much they have to lie to get their goals.

My 2 BPD´s had had a normal childhood, a very VERY loving father, and still, always portrayed themselves as victims. I would be very scheptical about what they say.

I'm with you on this !

Back when I was dating the wonderful and beautiful girl who is now my future ex-wife, she used to write reams to me about her childhood and the mistreatments and various sexual abuses of which she supposedly was the object. I must admit that I swallowed it all hook, line and sinker... . Now, in hindsight, I stand back a lot from all of this and start questioning much of it. About 10 months ago, she put videos on youtube in which she says that she was sexually molested by an older boy when she was 6 yo. I'm not an expert in such things and even if back then I was ready to give her the benefit of the doubt, I really wonder now (I may be wrong though) whether a 6 yo girl may remember and be so emotionally devastated as she says by a one-off abuse like this. Careful ! I'm not implying that such a terrible event may not leave traumas or can be considered as nothing. I'm just questioning the way she used this with me and uses it now on a greater scale on youtube in order to draw attention and sympathy from the "general public".

Manifestly from what I can conclude from the videos, she keeps having a psychological hang-up, a mental block in regards to her childhood and, according to what she told me about her mother and other relatives, about her first ex-husband and what she told about me on the phone to "john does" with whom she was talking during the night I spent at her home (I overheard what she was saying to them in the silence of the night), she's surrounded by jerks and witches who hate and bully her whenever they feel like it... .

There aren't mentally ill people around me in my family and kin and kith which makes me quite naive when it comes to red flags... . I really bought into most of what she was telling me, just like the people who were on the phone with her that evening and night (one of them wanted to talk to me and yelled at me, even insulted me like crazy).

Regarding her family, she would say that they were persecuting her or treating her badly but their reactions were more protection measures and distancing themselves from the havoc and nonsensical nature of her life. They are sad, suffer and cringe when they happen to know what becomes of her and of the consequences of her silly decisions and being tired of all of it now, they stay aloof from her. Her recent decisions regarding our marriage and her flight like a thief to nowhere-land put the last nail on the coffin of their hopes regarding her, if they ever had any.

When she's lucid for a while, she considers herself as mere dirt (whenever she realizes that the dire situations she's in are the result of her own making) and in self-loathing ways and the rest of the time, she's a victim surrounded by judgmental bullies whose unique goal in life is to destroy hers.
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Louise7777
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« Reply #46 on: March 29, 2013, 10:16:38 AM »

Flatspin, I sympathize with you!

Im not surprised from her behaviour, I have seen that hapening too. People are usually nice and naive, we believe what we are told. Why would people lie? We forget about the attention-seekers and wannabe victims... . Its a very useful tool for BPDs, I believe its a way of manipulation and control.

Who wouldnt sympathize with a victim of abuse, especially if it happened when she was a child? Plus, no one will show up and say its a lie, all family members are away, since they cant take decades of such behaviour. I had to go NC, its unbeliavable the ammount of damage they can bring into the family: they create fights, throw people against each other so they can be the only focus of attention and love. I have seen they isolate people so they have the person for himself. Its a very sad condition, I dare to say especially for the family.
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« Reply #47 on: March 29, 2013, 10:45:46 AM »

My exBPDgf moved out unexpectedly after I returned from a 4 day trip. Where we kissed passionately and said I love yous at the airport when she dropped me off. On my return she was an hour late picking me up and not able to look at me. She packed a couple bags and left all her stuff behind at the end of the week. We went through a horrible 3 month push/pull cycle that was extremely painful. I have never received an explanation for it. I finally realized I wasn't going to get one and had to move on for my own health and sanity.

I resigned myself to a period of NC. It was partly out of anger and partly out of self protection. I still loved her very much but needed space to get my bearings and my emotional health on the right track. Some of the long term posters here talked me through my anger and I was able to get beyond that.

I think I needed this time to myself mostly to start ending the ruminations and start thinking about me and my life again. I am really fond of starting a routine when I am in a bad place emotionally. We are creatures of habit and if we spend our down time feelinig depressed this will become our habit.

At the start I just wanted to sit in bed and cry and think about her all day. I knew I had to get moving again if I was ever going to get beyond it so I foced myself to start. Mine looked something like this... .

I joined a crossfit gym and started working out 3 days a week. As time went on I met new friends there and started going 5 days a week. Great way to destress and imporve your fitness and overall health.

I started eating healthy non processed foods and made a point to minimize alchohol intake.

I made it a point to engage more with my family. To call and talk at least once a week.

I fixed a friendship that became strained because my ex picked a fight with my friends wife. These were people I had a long history with. They have 3 kids. I spent this last christmas with them skiing in Oregon. So happy our friendship wasn't ruined. He was working a construction job in downtime Seattle at the time and I would meet him for happy hour every Friday.

I joined a couple meetup.com groups. One was a foodie meetup at various restaurants and the other was an outdoor activity meetup group. Truly met some wonderful people and new social experiences are very healing after a hurtful breakup. I wasn't looking for love. I was just looking to restore my faith in humanity. 

I learned to meditate to better control my thoughts and help with the ruminations. I still practice every day.

I started working on my cottage again. I was remodeling it but my ex was really making it difficult because I would start and she would decide she wanted something different. LOL. After our 3 months push/pull I told her I was going to put her stuff in storage and drop off the key. I told this story on this site. She insisted she would come get it and during one of her trips out she surprised me as I was riping cupboards out. I losst focus and cut my hand open. She had to drive me to the clinic to get stiched up!

I allowed myself an hour a day to sit and reflect and to just be really sad or angry or whatever I needed to feel. I think we need to acknowledge our pain and hurt but not dwell in it.

I did see a therapist and found it helpful. Sometimes you have to press them to get feedback. Don't do all the talking. Share a little ask them to respond. Share a little ask them to respond.

Your's might look different. Depending on what interests you. Give it some thought.

Be kind to yourself... . these are difficult times for you,

OTH
Excerpt
Yip, it's amazing though. Everything backfires, no matter how you throw it, whatever you say. It's been structured again and thrown back at you.

How do you get yourself to do the best things for your own emotional well being? How do you start looking beyond her for your comfort? How do you start focusing past the failed relationship and on your own wounds that need healing? 24 hour focus on her isn't going to help. There has to be a point where harm starts seeing harm again. I know how darn tough it is. I know it sucks beyond belief. Gotta start doing some reality testing though. What works. What doesn't work. The game has changed. It will not be the same. Change needs to happen.

What is your daily routine right now? Spell out a week for us. What are you really doing right now to be good to yourself and focus energy on your own well being. This must become a priority. There can be no substitutions.

As of this point I don't have a daily routine besides going to the supermarket and do reading for a research paper I have to finish in July. Besides cleaning the house + eating + bathroom and sleeping there is no routine. I have a meeting with a friend of mine in April to do shopping for new clothes/barber. Thats it.

You know, the questions you outlayed here are awesome, unfortunately, I feel I aint possible to answer them right now, but would like to have them answered. Therefore I wonder. Could you answer these about your own situation? For the people who are further in their detachment, how could you answer the following questions? Cuz atm, i tend to fall back on doing all the common mistakes, easy as that. Constantly ... one after the other. Same mistake, over and over again. Checking her out, hoping for contact, constantly dreaming about her... etc.

Excerpt
How do you get yourself to do the best things for your own emotional well being? How do you start looking beyond her for your comfort? How do you start focusing past the failed relationship and on your own wounds that need healing?

And you are so right, it must become a priority...

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« Reply #48 on: August 14, 2013, 04:07:31 PM »

On projection:
... . I only feel that way after having contact with him.  He pushes every button I have with excruciating precision.  Sometimes I was sure that I was crazy.  I have to look at the hard evidence:  I am functioning in life, he is not; others have assured me that I make sense to them; the only truly volatile relationship I have is with him;  he behaves in ways that no one else I know does.  Educate yourself thoroughly, not just here, but through other articles about BPD.  It helps.

Yep. Accurately describes how my SO/upBPD behaves, in terms of the projection of her feelings onto me -- negative assumptions and motivations -- and claiming that I do to her exactly what she's doing to me. One of her favorite lines when tearing me down is "Ask anyone and they'll agree with me."
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« Reply #49 on: September 10, 2013, 09:45:40 PM »

In my case... .

It really made no difference.

She admitted to her disorder.

Denied it.

Admitted/denied it.

Denied/admitted it.

Either.

Or.

Both.

Then she started reading a self help book.

That was her way of further masking the fact that she has this disorder.

And a way to show her enabling family/ fake friends that she was in "personal development"... .

They of course all encouraged her and applauded her.

This all occurred in the secound round of relationship in devaluation.

While she was destroying me.

Sickened me to no end.

I never want to see that self help book ever again.

I cringe whenever i hear someone mention it.

I spent 2 different stints in pysch wards(7 days and 30 days) for suicide attempts a few years ago.

She knew this personal dark part of my life.

I tried to show her that i understood she was disordered.

After what i had gone through in that dark time... .How could i look at anyone else with a mental illness as bad?

I wouldnt have wanted people to view me like that.

None of that made any difference to her.

I tried.

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Findingmysong723
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« Reply #50 on: September 10, 2013, 11:18:17 PM »

My Ex said once in a text that "he was admittedly insane" and that if we could communicate we could get through anything. I of course was still in the fog and didn't want to say "yes you are insane" and have him get upset with me, so I said no your not you're just have issues with your temper or something like that. Hmm, wonder if I had agreed he would of explained it further, and we could of really talked about it, guess I'll never know.

I know he had OCD with obsessive thoughts and anxiety and took medication for that and depression, I'm not sure if he thought he was BPD. I had met him 6 months into his second recovery(recovering alcoholic), he had relapsed by drinking and taking pills and his Mom found him at his apartment and he was taken to the hospital and he told me he had to go to the phych ward. Since whether not he meant it or not, the relapse was a suicide attempt or at least at least cry for help. Close to the end of the relationship he admitted to trying to kill himself and cutting himself, however he never did anything like that around me. I feel he he raged and outwardly expressed his pain and projected his pain on me instead of hurting himself. Although, once he did pretend he had cut himself and used fake blood (we bought for Halloween) to make me think he had hurt himself and I ran over and helped him wash it, so we could see how bad it was. He told me pretty early on that he was kidding but he was happy I was so quick to help, he acted impressed. Not sure if that was a sign, however he was very childish with the fake blood and made a few jokes with it.

Anyway, it's weird to say all this now, now that I'm detached some, I feel like I'm being cold or something but the more I look at his issues out of the fog, it just proves how unhealthy he is and what I let myself stay in. I let myself date someone who had relapsed 6 months before we started our relationship and he wasn't ready for me or anyone! I don't blame myself because he was looking to date and at first I thought he knew what his problems were and were working on them, going to therapy and AA. However, he stopped going to AA after a few months of us together. He felt that it wasn't the right place for him, but mostly because he was burned out. Also, therapy (sometimes I wonder if he really went, I don't trust him anymore) he only did when things were really bad and then he would stop... .it was regular talk therapy. I'm sure there was a part of me that was attracted to someone that had a tough life but was working on making it better. He worked on myself but only a little and then gave up and I still stayed but I loved him so it was hard to let go.

Hmm, and his boundary breaking and still hanging out old haunts, I don't think he is a pillar of health right now. Just let some thoughts flow. I know he knows there's something wrong with him but at this point, I don't think he is doing anything about it, but I am NC so I don't know.
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HarmKrakow
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« Reply #51 on: September 14, 2013, 05:00:09 PM »

Very interesting to see my own post of the second of march  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #52 on: September 14, 2013, 05:36:24 PM »

Very interesting to see my own post of the second of march  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

I bet!  I sometimes go back and look at some of my old posts, and it's an interesting experience.

So, what are you thinking re-reading this now?
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“The path to heaven doesn't lie down in flat miles. It's in the imagination with which you perceive this world, and the gestures with which you honor it." ~ Mary Oliver
HarmKrakow
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« Reply #53 on: September 14, 2013, 05:42:18 PM »

Very interesting to see my own post of the second of march  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

I bet!  I sometimes go back and look at some of my old posts, and it's an interesting experience.

So, what are you thinking re-reading this now?

Truth? Actual truth? You can read the shouting overdone emotions and 'cry' for help in that post. Easily to tell I was shocked and unexpected with whatever was happening at the time and my brain couldn't dissect it at all. I heavily overreacted on every signal she gave me. Heavily. Every little tear drop was one to many.

Now months further, I became a very bitter, more grey vision towards looking person, crawling his way back up on the ladder. New house, new friends, had EMDR therapy.

The peak/through got cut of in my field of emotions. It's more mellow but I just got more of a bitter old fart. It's like this experience made me 40 years older.
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« Reply #54 on: September 14, 2013, 05:55:07 PM »

It's like this experience made me 40 years older.

How about, glass half full... .40 years wiser?  

Looking at some of the threads on Building a New Relationship board, you'll see a lot of folks talking about looking for 'boring' people now.  Of course no one really means boring, but more settled and stable.  Being settled is not a bad thing.  Striving to be ok with being settled or mature, instead of perceiving it as old and beaten down takes some time to adjust to.

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“The path to heaven doesn't lie down in flat miles. It's in the imagination with which you perceive this world, and the gestures with which you honor it." ~ Mary Oliver
HarmKrakow
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« Reply #55 on: September 14, 2013, 05:59:14 PM »

It's like this experience made me 40 years older.

How about, glass half full... .40 years wiser?  

Looking at some of the threads on Building a New Relationship board, you'll see a lot of folks talking about looking for 'boring' people now.  Of course no one really means boring, but more settled and stable.  Being settled is not a bad thing.  Striving to be ok with being settled or mature, instead of perceiving it as old and beaten down takes some time to adjust to.

I'm currently dating another girl, completely the opposite of my BPD ex, like almost a 180 degree turn besides 1 thing. The drama, it's still there but on a whole other level.

I'm bitter because my trust towards others has declined, as my joy in life. I've done the A-Z bucketlist from forward to backward and so forth in high speed. With none I had any specific joy at all  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post). After I tried that experiment, I decided to get back on with life, finish a project and get a new flat and start applying for jobs again.
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