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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: wondering about my former BPD relationships  (Read 530 times)
tomjon78
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« on: May 11, 2013, 01:53:45 PM »

I have been posting here and reading a lot about other experiences and I have been thinking about my former girlfriends relationships to put them in perspective about ours. We are both 35 years old right now

When she was 17 she started dating a man 8 years up her age who she had a child with the same year. He was an alcaholic and infected her with herpes, repeatedly had affairs but she kept relationship with him for about 4 years. She also decided a few years later after their breakup to go on holiday with him and their son only him leaving him being drunk all the time... .  I think most people don´t go on  holiday with their former spouses.

Her second husband was an recovering alcaholic 5 years older than her and they were together for 9 years. She had also male friends at that time and even slept over at their house. Her reason for divorce was that he was to lazy and unexciting. They divorced 2006 and even until 2010 they spent christmas toghether and when we started living together it was like they were still together. They had private conversation i was not to know about and argued all the time like teenagers and more like they got a divorce a few months ago. They have one 11 year old son.

Then she had an love affair for a few years which was very sexually based, bdsm and they have had contact since 2006 and rumours say that she had an affair with him with her. Now after our breakup she started seeing him. When I found out she said she would not see him. Her former one hates him.

She then dated a guy for 2 years who was younger than her and he broke up with her and she stalked him and I don´t know if it was because of her he wen´t for a trip around the world after their break up. SHe then kept nude photos and private love letters in our house only for me to find in our livingroom drawers even though i asked her to but them in a box and keep away from me.

Then short affairs with two known jerks, one who is married and the other a convicted financial crook.

Right before me she broke up with a millionare who she was with for over a year. He cheated on her and their relationship was pure hell for both. He was kind of narcissistic and gave (or she took) a lot of money and even she called his former wife while in our house talking about him. His former wife is a good friend of a friend and she warned him about seeing my ex BPD, she was unstable.

She constantly painted these guys as jerks (except the one who broke up with her and the one she started rs with after me) and was constantly talking about them, telling me sexual experiences, and too much... .  she even said she and her therapist were still dealing with her evaluating these relationships.

Then it was me who she really hurt and said I was the first "good guy" she ever met and after a few months she started to make up things to hurt me and show typical BPD behaviour.

She was in contact with most of these men in our relationship which is kind of an affair for me. And was always talking about guys who were into her... .  

does anything relate her for BPD behaviour


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Surnia
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: 8 y married, divorced since 2012-11-22
Posts: 3901



« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2013, 04:59:01 AM »

Tomjon

Sure there are a lot of unhealthy things in here former relationships.

Sounds like you are again reaching out for affirmation that she has BPD.

How are you right now? What you can do for yourself?
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“Don’t shrink. Don’t puff up. Stand on your sacred ground.”  Brené Brown
tomjon78
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Posts: 156



« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2013, 04:29:57 PM »

Hi

Well I guess i should stop looking for confirmation since people around my T, our marriage T. are sure about that and also from what I´ve read. I´m just trying to understand better what I´ve been through. Maybe I should give it a rest.

Well I´m doing a little better until today. She sent me an email telling me she wen´t to a club and saw my friends there and her friends were saying they were clearly talking about her and she said she couldn´t deal with it and left. I asked my friends / which I have never explained about my BPD thoughts or the darkest things b.t.w and they said they noticed her but didn´t spend their time talking about her.

More mind games... .  

But I felt bad and felt I couldn´t deal with reading more of her emails so I closed my gmail account... .  so I´ve changed phones, email and blocked her and her friends and family on FB. to help me acchieve NC.

But I feel quite bad really but I know I´m going down a stony path and it will take time... .  but I will get there for sure.

Next weekend I´m sure she will try to contact me and I´m even thinking about staying somewhere else.

But now I´m just trying to get a grip on things. All there is left is to pick up a few items from her house... .  and i´m thinking of sending someone else... .  smart idea?

And then she owes me a lot of money but I think I will never get them anyway so I´ll guess I´ll just write that off.

But I´m mixed with emotions of anger, anxiety, dissapointment and yes I miss her sometimes.

I´ve never ever felt this way before. And this was only a one year RS.

But it has really helped reading others posts here and I can so relate to them... .  

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Surnia
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: 8 y married, divorced since 2012-11-22
Posts: 3901



« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2013, 01:14:16 AM »

Good idea to focus on yourself, your options with NC or sending her stuff back, yes, why not with a 3. person or the postman if it is not to much... .    Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Its normal to feel bad sometimes. It gets better with time and practice. 

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“Don’t shrink. Don’t puff up. Stand on your sacred ground.”  Brené Brown
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