Wise Mind Tools

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I noticed in one post a statement about using the Wise Mind Tools.

I've looked (most likely overlooked) where these tools might be.

Last night out of the blue he showed up at my house with presents for me.

I freeze in situations like this and would like to have some knowlegde to back me up.

Does anyone have suggestions for when this has happened to you?

I was doing so good and then when this happened it throws me off. 

Ugh... .

[Onmyown]

I noticed in one post a statement about using the Wise Mind Tools.

I've looked (most likely overlooked) where these tools might be.

Last night out of the blue he showed up at my house with presents for me.

I freeze in situations like this and would like to have some knowlegde to back me up.

Does anyone have suggestions for when this has happened to you?

I was doing so good and then when this happened it throws me off. 

Ugh... .

[Want2know]

Here you go... . I refer to it often.  It really does help you address your emotions in a rational way - helping to make more balanced decisions.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=64749.0

[Onmyown]

Thank you for your reply.

I will also read this again and again.

It's been a hard day for me because of his showing up bearing gifts last night.  It's been playing over and over. 

It makes me sad that I left this lucid man at my door step but so angry because of the way he treated me. 

I feel guilty in some ways but know I need to focus on how much better I feel.

The anger I have in me about his not following through with therapy and the web of lies he told me keep racing back and forth like bird in a cage. 

Is this normal?  I know it's part of the grieving but it seems I move forward only to fall down again. 

[Want2know]

It's a process, and yes it's normal when your ex continues to enter into your life when you are trying to detach.

So, you didn't let him in your place?  That can be hard, but sticking to what is right for you now is really important.

[Onmyown]

It's a process, and yes it's normal when your ex continues to enter into your life when you are trying to detach.

So, you didn't let him in your place?  That can be hard, but sticking to what is right for you now is really important.

No, I didn't let him in.  I met him outside in front of my place.

It's very hard to see him face to face.  I see the man I fell in love with but then when I look closer, I see the man that has no problem ripping me apart.

I thanked him for the gifts and went back inside.

This morning I got a text from him stating that he is happy (imagine that) and he knows that there is no hope and he hopes I am happy too.

There was no reply from me.  I'm really trying to practice NC with him.

I am reading the articles on this to include the one on Wise Minds and they are helping me sort this out.

Its been three long years and somewhere along the way, I lost myself - but am slowly finding her.

If possible can suggest a plan for me?  Something with the steps I need to take, workbooks that I can complete and then move on to the next phase of the plan for healing?

[Want2know]

Have you read through the Leaving Lessons?  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=136462.0

Grieving the relationship and detaching take time, and you can go in and out of each step.

Focusing on you, and what you value and want out of life is super important.

I can tell you for me, it helped to make a list of what I might want in a partner the next time around.  You start thinking of what you didn't like about your ex and turning it into positive statements.  It is about getting back to seeing the glass half full as opposed to half empty.

What are the things you used to enjoy before you met him?  Start doing those again.  Slowly but surely, you will find yourself again, and hopefully stronger than you were before. 

[Onmyown]

Have you read through the Leaving Lessons?  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=136462.0

Grieving the relationship and detaching take time, and you can go in and out of each step.

Focusing on you, and what you value and want out of life is super important.

I can tell you for me, it helped to make a list of what I might want in a partner the next time around.  You start thinking of what you didn't like about your ex and turning it into positive statements.  It is about getting back to seeing the glass half full as opposed to half empty.

What are the things you used to enjoy before you met him?  Start doing those again.  Slowly but surely, you will find yourself again, and hopefully stronger than you were before. 

I will look at that article and do it step by step.  It'll be nice to have something to fall back on when I have one the week moments his me.

Thank you for your support!