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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: Won't take No for an Answer  (Read 1053 times)
Lucky Jim
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« on: August 09, 2013, 02:58:43 PM »

Friends,

In my experience, those w/BPD have a problem with "No" and won't take "No" for an answer, which makes any kind of compromise in a r/s difficult, if not impossible.  As soon as I said a firm "No" to my BPDexW, it would start a cascade of manipulation, including the standard FOG with the kitchen sink thrown in for good measure.  She was usually going to do whatever it was anyway regardless whether I said No.  The bottom line, I think, is that they have the emotions of a child when a parent says No to purchasing candy at the Supermarket.

Have others experienced this frustrating form of interaction in their BPD r/s?

Lucky Jim



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    A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
Shall1989

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« Reply #1 on: August 09, 2013, 03:49:53 PM »

YES!

and experiencing it still now after breaking up. He won't accept that its over and take no for an answer.

His persistence is exhausting and very annoying.

What we need to try to do, and which I think I am doing atm, is allowing ourselves to become very put off by this behaviour. I keep telling myself, this is so unattractive, this isn't what you want from a life partner.

It's like I'm being the devil/angel on my shoulder, giving myself encouragement by speaking to myself how I would to a friend.

Love yourself, heed the advice you would give to others and accept that it will be hard, but reassure yourself that you can get through it.
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Validation78
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Relationship status: divorced
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« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2013, 07:26:05 AM »

Hi Jim!

Yes, I'm sure we have all experienced exactly what you described!

It is preciously why the only way to deal with such behaviors is setting strong boundaries. Remember (you know this already). Boundaries are for us. They protect us. We cannot expect anyone, much less a pwBPD to behave in any particular way, yet we can control how we respond to someone else's behavior.

Let's use your example of the kid with the candy.

Me: No, you can't have the candy

You: But I want the candy

Me: I said No

You: Stomping feet, crying, demanding

Me: Walk away, don't look back

Simplistic, yes, I know. However, just an example of how we can take control, enforce our values and boundaries by letting someone know we actually have them.

Can you think of ways you could have done this in your relationship and had a different outcome in those frustrating times when you felt manipulated?

Best Wishes,

Val78   
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