No boundries when it comes to sex?

[strikeforce]

My BPD ex had slept with old men, ugly drunks, drug users, her mothers BF, sex offenders.

They will go with anyone that gives them attention and so they don't feel alone.

Made me feel sick to the stomach until I realized she had a major mental problem. Normal people would not do this.

[Ironmanrises]

My exUBPDgf wanted to have sex with me with the windows and curtains in her room wide open so others could see. I thought she was joking at first. And then she left the window open once when we started getting really into it and I stopped. I was like, "what are you doing? Why would you want strangers to see you naked having sex with me? You live here alone with your 2 sons, do you not realize how dangerous that is to you and to them?" The look her face was literally, blank. Like what I had said to her did not phase her. It was one of the few times I said no her. She later used that incident as another example of "I must be gay" on the day of discard. I don't rember how many times I must have asked her this very question, " do you not hear what you just said to me?"

[fromheeltoheal]

Someone said of my borderline if she had as many dicks sticking out of her as stuck in her she'd look like a porcupine.  I've learned though that sex is a handy tool for a borderline.  Mine had narcissistic traits too and got a huge buzz off adoration and attention, and of course she got a lot of that from guys who were trying to screw her.  And playing guys against each other in a bar for example, got them competing with one another which bolstered her frail sense of self worth.  And the act itself was horizontal aerobics, a fit of physical abandon she used like a drug to escape her life for a minute.

I knew this early.  We worked together 25 years ago when she was 19, and in the year and a half she worked there she had sex with at least 10 people, including the married president of the company, and got busted more than once giving some guy head in her car in the parking lot.  And yet, 25 years later, I thought she'd changed.  Silly me.  The stories she did share, unsolicited by me, I didn't want to here them, and part of her motivation for sharing was to increase her value and keep me on edge, included sex with her son's friends and bunch of virgin Mormons, you name it she screwed it.  And why exactly did I create a virtuous  princess that looked like her in my head?  Because that's what I want ultimately, just need to stay out of fantasy land and pay attention to what I'm getting.

[strikeforce]

She worked as a care worker for the elderly.

For some reason I began to believe she was sleeping with them

[BuildingFromScratch]

While these sexual stories are very sad to me. I'm kind of jealous. Reason being, my ex-gf had an aversion to sex, would barely sleep with me and would make me feel bad for having sexual feelings for other women (I never ogled them either). She even got mad that I had a dream about having sex with another woman! She was insanely jealous. It was all rather ridiculous in hind sight but it caused my self esteem to erode to almost nothing over years and years. Because I felt ugly for having my feelings, lets alone doing anything. Eventually I did look at porn to cope, but I hated women and myself in my porn world.

[Turkish]

Mine wasn't promiscuous as those of many here, but she was always wanting to do it in places where we might have been likely to get caught. For the thrill, I guess. We stopped by her office on a weekend once and she wanted to do it in the conference room or somewhere. I kept looking for cameras... .to me, if someone happened to walk in or something, it wasn't worth losing her job over. I sure as heck wouldn't want to be have sitting somewhere where people were engaged in sex the day before. Gross. Get a room! Or at least a shrub... .She got mad at me, naturally. Another time, on the couch by the front door of the apartment that we shared with our roommate. She said we could "cover up" in time. Yeah, our roommie opens the door and there we are. Sorry, but I'm not a freaking teenager anymore. But I guess I was the problem.

[Turkish]

While these sexual stories are very sad to me. I'm kind of jealous. Reason being, my ex-gf had an aversion to sex, would barely sleep with me and would make me feel bad for having sexual feelings for other women (I never ogled them either). She even got mad that I had a dream about having sex with another woman!

You knew this was the probable response, and yet you told her?

[BuildingFromScratch]

Yeah, I had a 100% honesty policy back then. Maybe a poor choice. I wasn't trying to hurt her. I just thought a deep connection required 100% honesty. Guess I was a dreamer. In fact I used to cry whenever she'd cry back then. Because I was that connected to her feelings.

[strikeforce]

Mine wasn't promiscuous as those of many here, but she was always wanting to do it in places where we might have been likely to get caught. For the thrill, I guess. We stopped by her office on a weekend once and she wanted to do it in the conference room or somewhere. I kept looking for cameras... .to me, if someone happened to walk in or something, it wasn't worth losing her job over. I sure as heck wouldn't want to be have sitting somewhere where people were engaged in sex the day before. Gross. Get a room! Or at least a shrub... .She got mad at me, naturally. Another time, on the couch by the front door of the apartment that we shared with our roommate. She said we could "cover up" in time. Yeah, our roommie opens the door and there we are. Sorry, but I'm not a freaking teenager anymore. But I guess I was the problem.

Mine always wanted to have outdoor sex, in parks and places. I didn't want to end up getting caught and charged by the police but she didn't seem to care, she would strip naked and expect me to do the same.

The other times were when I visited her in the morning on a Thursday, she knew the window cleaner would be round so she would insist on having sex in the living room with the curtains open.

And the times when she admitted to walking around in her underwear in other guys houses or at parties and left the bathroom door unlocked when she visited her mums so that guys that were staying at her mums would walk in and see her naked.

Truly a messed up girl.

[DreamGirl]

Hi guys,

These stories are really sad to me. For you. For them. As an outsider looking in, when a woman has really poor boundaries when it comes to sex and who is acting out sexually, it is a tell tale sign of sexual abuse in childhood. It also might help in determining how the BPD developed:

3.1.2.2 Environmental risk factors

A range of childhood and parental demographic characteristics, adverse childhood experiences (including neglect, trauma and abuse), early interpersonal difficulties, and forms of maladaptive parenting have been identified as risk factors for adolescent and adult BPD.167-171

A large prospective cohort study (the Children in the Community study)154, 171, 172 in the United States of America (USA) reported that childhood physical abuse, sexual abuse or neglect, maladaptive parenting, maladaptive school experiences, and demographic characteristics (including low family socioeconomic status, family welfare support recipient status, single-parent family status) were risk factors for adolescent and adult personality disorders including BPD.

Perhaps it's why the blank stare when confronted with thinking that public sex is OK. There is a certain disassociation involved and truly not really understanding of what is appropriate - I don't know how to better explain it other then there is this cross wiring in childhood when it comes to sex. It's really difficult to re-learn boundaries (surrounding sex) when you've had them shattered at a young age. If you look at it from a more logical and less emotional place, you'll see that it's all intertwined (easy for me to say right?).

It may not seem like it, but you're probably dealing with someone with pretty low self esteem. There is an overwhelming shame that is often dealt with by what seems like an over-embracing of sexuality. I mean most women who value themselves don't seek this kind of sexual exposure/validation. It really is a learned behavior and a coping skill.

Just something to think about from someone who understands and keeps this kind of subject matter (childhood sexual abuse) close to her heart.

Did any of your former partners reveal sexual abuse from their childhood?

~DG

[Turkish]

Yeah, I had a 100% honesty policy back then. Maybe a poor choice. I wasn't trying to hurt her. I just thought a deep connection required 100% honesty. Guess I was a dreamer. In fact I used to cry whenever she'd cry back then. Because I was that connected to her feelings.

I think a lot of us have been there, SO. I slipped up once or twice in a similar manner. I never admitted to anything outright, but my silence was confirmation, because I find lying hard anyway. Definitely a no-win situation.

[strikeforce]

Hi guys,

These stories are really sad to me. For you. For them. As an outsider looking in, when a woman has really poor boundaries when it comes to sex and who is acting out sexually, it is a tell tale sign of sexual abuse in childhood. It also might help in determining how the BPD developed:

3.1.2.2 Environmental risk factors

A range of childhood and parental demographic characteristics, adverse childhood experiences (including neglect, trauma and abuse), early interpersonal difficulties, and forms of maladaptive parenting have been identified as risk factors for adolescent and adult BPD.167-171

A large prospective cohort study (the Children in the Community study)154, 171, 172 in the United States of America (USA) reported that childhood physical abuse, sexual abuse or neglect, maladaptive parenting, maladaptive school experiences, and demographic characteristics (including low family socioeconomic status, family welfare support recipient status, single-parent family status) were risk factors for adolescent and adult personality disorders including BPD.

Perhaps it's why the blank stare when confronted with thinking that public sex is OK. There is a certain disassociation involved and truly not really understanding of what is appropriate - I don't know how to better explain it other then there is this cross wiring in childhood when it comes to sex. It's really difficult to re-learn boundaries (surrounding sex) when you've had them shattered at a young age. If you look at it from a more logical and less emotional place, you'll see that it's all intertwined (easy for me to say right?).

It may not seem like it, but you're probably dealing with someone with pretty low self esteem. There is an overwhelming shame that is often dealt with by what seems like an over-embracing of sexuality. I mean most women who value themselves don't seek this kind of sexual exposure/validation. It really is a learned behavior and a coping skill.

Just something to think about from someone who understands and keeps this kind of subject matter (childhood sexual abuse) close to her heart.

Did any of your former partners reveal sexual abuse from their childhood?

~DG

Yes mine told me early on in the relationship that her mums boyfriend sexually abused her when she was little.

She was only just getting to know her mum again after many years apart. The mother showed signs of BPD too.

She knew that it was the sexual abuse that caused it and the fact she was abandoned by her parents.

She also hinted at abuse from other ex boyfriends.

I was always careful never to take advantage of her sexually when we were together, but some of the stuff she wanted to do and did do was unreal to say the least.

[Ironmanrises]

Mine told me of sexual abuse/physical abuse in childhood too.

[Turkish]

Hi guys,

These stories are really sad to me. For you. For them. As an outsider looking in, when a woman has really poor boundaries when it comes to sex and who is acting out sexually, it is a tell tale sign of sexual abuse in childhood. It also might help in determining how the BPD developed:

3.1.2.2 Environmental risk factors

A range of childhood and parental demographic characteristics, adverse childhood experiences (including neglect, trauma and abuse), early interpersonal difficulties, and forms of maladaptive parenting have been identified as risk factors for adolescent and adult BPD.167-171

A large prospective cohort study (the Children in the Community study)154, 171, 172 in the United States of America (USA) reported that childhood physical abuse, sexual abuse or neglect, maladaptive parenting, maladaptive school experiences, and demographic characteristics (including low family socioeconomic status, family welfare support recipient status, single-parent family status) were risk factors for adolescent and adult personality disorders including BPD.

Perhaps it's why the blank stare when confronted with thinking that public sex is OK. There is a certain disassociation involved and a certain not really understanding of what is appropriate - I don't know how to better explain it other then there is a certain cross wiring in childhood when it comes to sex. It's really difficult to re-learn boundaries (surrounding sex) when you've had them shattered at a young age. If you look at it from a more logical and less emotional place, you'll see that it's all intertwined (easy for me to say right?).

It may not seem like it, but you're probably dealing with someone with pretty low self esteem. There is an overwhelming shame that is often dealt with by what seems like an over-embracing of sexuality. I mean most women who value themselves don't seek this kind of sexual exposure/validation. It really is a learned behavior and a coping skill.

Just something to think about from someone who understands and keeps this kind of subject matter (childhood sexual abuse) close to her heart.

Did any of your former partners reveal sexual abuse from their childhood?

~DG

I suspected mine after a few years. I still do to a 10-20% extent, if not her family, then someone else. Possibly her sister, too. I used to ask her point-blank a few times, and I didn't sense any deception. She was always overly honest about her past and feelings. It might just be lacking a connection to a stable father, she just took on what made her feel better, like an empty vessel. I've become even more engaged  and interacting with my D1 now. Don't want her to turn out like her mom!  

Girls/women who have been through childhood abuse, I can often sense a mile away. I get that because of my mother. It's an accursed "gift." There is a little girl down the street whom we see now and then. They all come down around our house when our kids are out. She sometimes comes to the door to peddle school things. I know something is going on at home. Her demeanor just screams "I'm broken and abused." And being severely bullied in my youth, I'm sure she's getting no shortage of that at school, too. Kids pick up on that like a pack of rabid wolves going after a mewling and wounded kitten. My stbxBPD sees it too. Very, very sad.

[Turkish]

I was always careful never to take advantage of her sexually when we were together, but some of the stuff she wanted to do and did do was unreal to say the least.

In the first few months we were together, I remember reading a book to/with her on the bed. After only ten minutes, she turned to me and said something like, "you know, most guys would have had their hand down my shirt by now, or my bra strap off... ." Well, I guess I'm not "most guys." It's an insight into her objectification of men. Funny, I thought we were reading and could get to the other stuff later... .

[fromheeltoheal]

Interesting DreamGirl, thanks!

My borderline ex never seemed to be able to connect with her childhood, smacked of dissociation to me, but she did move away from her parents and in with her grandparents when she was 11 or 12, which is telling.

I don't get the feeling she was sexually abused, but maladaptive parenting, and demographic characteristics including low family socioeconomic status, family welfare support recipient status were definitely the case.

I mean most women who value themselves don't seek this kind of sexual exposure/validation. It really is a learned behavior and a coping skill.



Yes.  She wore her dozens and dozens of sexual conquests as a badge of honor, proud of it, and I have no doubt she was lying to me about the quantity; it was probably much higher.  I didn't want to hear it, but she frequently offered up details with a 'what the hell are you doing' look on my face, but on she went.

I once steered her to a large Kinsey report that condensed thousands of interviews with people, having asked them to disclose the quantity of sexual partners: men reported 7 on average and women reported 4.  Impossible mind you, but telling as to the priority differences between men and women.  Anyway, when she got that news I watched her brain get scrambled, and with a look of bewilderment she said "I must be a total whore."  Very telling how clueless she was, all the way into middle age.

[strikeforce]

I was always careful never to take advantage of her sexually when we were together, but some of the stuff she wanted to do and did do was unreal to say the least.

In the first few months we were together, I remember reading a book to/with her on the bed. After only ten minutes, she turned to me and said something like, "you know, most guys would have had their hand down my shirt by now, or my bra strap off... ." Well, I guess I'm not "most guys." It's an insight into her objectification of men. Funny, I thought we were reading and could get to the other stuff later... .

She said similar things to me in the year we were together. Told me she was always just used for sex and that I was the first decent guy to love her for who she was.

[Turkish]

I was always careful never to take advantage of her sexually when we were together, but some of the stuff she wanted to do and did do was unreal to say the least.

In the first few months we were together, I remember reading a book to/with her on the bed. After only ten minutes, she turned to me and said something like, "you know, most guys would have had their hand down my shirt by now, or my bra strap ofI'mf... ." Well, I guess I'm not "most guys." It's an insight into her objectification of men. Funny, I thought we were reading and could get to the other stuff later... .

She said similar things to me in the year we were together. Told me she was always just used for sex and that I was the first decent guy to love her for who she was.

I  told her  that her paramour  was a  player ( just based on stuff she told me about him),  but she still thinks he's this great religious guy in touch with  God or  something.  the script in their heads  is so messed up! I  guarantee she'll never  find another like me.  She knows it,  too. I  know she knows it.  yet the play must go on... .

[strikeforce]

I was always careful never to take advantage of her sexually when we were together, but some of the stuff she wanted to do and did do was unreal to say the least.

In the first few months we were together, I remember reading a book to/with her on the bed. After only ten minutes, she turned to me and said something like, "you know, most guys would have had their hand down my shirt by now, or my bra strap ofI'mf... ." Well, I guess I'm not "most guys." It's an insight into her objectification of men. Funny, I thought we were reading and could get to the other stuff later... .

She said similar things to me in the year we were together. Told me she was always just used for sex and that I was the first decent guy to love her for who she was.

I  told her  that her paramour  was a  player ( just based on stuff she told me about him),  but she still thinks he's this great religious guy in touch with  God or  something.  the script in their heads  is so messed up! I  guarantee she'll never  find another like me.  She knows it,  too. I  know she knows it.  yet the play must go on... .

Well the longest she had kept a guy before me was at most a month. We lasted over a year. She kept saying she didn't deserve me and that I was such a great guy for loving her and putting up with her.

When she started therapy I thought it might be a new era for her. But I was wrong, so wrong.

Mine like yours knows I was the nicest guy ever to enter her life and that she has lost me forever now.

Sad.

[bpdspell]

Did any of your former partners reveal sexual abuse from their childhood?

Dreamgirl,

You make some great points about issues rooted in promiscuity. We have to be very careful about how we interpret our ex's overtly sexually behavior…it can get a little convoluted…almost bordering on slut shaming. In truth people who have a healthy sense of worth do not want to screw everything that isn't nailed down. This level of sexual deviance is honestly a giant red flag of "something isn't right" proportions. My ex often called himself a "nympho", but that's to cover up his shame and I certainly can't expect a mentally ill person to have "insight."

Victims of sexual abuse often use sex to empower their narrative that that's all they're really good for and that is utterly sad.

My ex admitted that he was molested by a babysitter but I personally believe that he was sexually abused by his own six-pack drunk mom. My ex really hated his mother.  She was a tremendous source of shame for him because she abandoned and neglected him when he needed her most as a child.

So yah. Our sex life came on fast, strong and hard and I enjoyed it for a good while but intimacy was a triggering no-no for him. So when I wanted more than sex eventually the cheating behaviors showed up on the radar as well as the revealing of his sordid sexual history. It's all effed up and just a case of the sads all around.

It doesn't stop the cheating from hurting but I do have a better perspective about what the behaviors are rooted in; therefore taking their behavior less personal. I thinking screwing your way through life is a pretty painful and empty existence but with emotionally stunted wiring our ex's are bound to repeat what they know.

Spell

[Turkish]

Did any of your former partners reveal sexual abuse from their childhood?

Dreamgirl,

You make some great points about issues rooted in promiscuity. We have to be very careful about how we interpret our ex's overtly sexually behavior…it can get a little convoluted…almost bordering on slut shaming. In truth people who have a healthy sense of worth do not want to screw everything that isn't nailed down. This level of sexual deviance is honestly a giant red flag of "something isn't right" proportions.

Victims of sexual abuse often use sex to empower their narrative that that's all they're really good for and that is utterly sad.

My ex admitted that he was molested by a babysitter but I personally believe that he was sexually abused by his own six-pack drunk mom. My ex really hated his mother.  She was a tremendous source of shame for him because she abandoned and neglected him when he needed her most as a child.

So yah. Our sex life came on fast and strong and I enjoyed it for a  good while but intimacy was a triggering no-no for him. So eventually the cheating behaviors showed up on the radar as well as the revealing of his sordid sexual history. It's all effed up and just a case of the sads all around.

Spell

I  have a  friend like this.  nice guy,  treats women well,  never abused any but seeks out  to nail everything that isn't already nailed down.  at 40  years of age,  has never had a  relationship last past 8  months.  he usually triggers from  some imagined betrayal by them,  our it ends mutually.  based upon his hatred of his mother,  and some of the sick things I  and his other brother found in her house when we cleaned it out after she died,  I'm sure she molested him in some way.  it isn't always the fathers... .

[RecycledNoMore]

My uBPDx always  wanted to get caught, he said it turned him, he too would often want to have sex with the windows n doors open, or hed always try to convince me to do it anywhere really, public toilets, in the car, at the beach, he just didnt care,he got a thrill from it, unfortunately I stopped giving in to his demands,he wasnt happy about it, he would pout and accuse me of being unfaithful, he was also heavily into porn in the latter stages of ou r/ s, said his father was a porn addict, he was on every dating site imaginable, alot of times id go to his house, hia curtains would be drawn, the house was always filthy, and hed be watching porn, he had no job, nothing else to do just sat there like a zombie...

He also told me that he had" lost his virginity" at 8 yrs old?, what the heck?, to a fifteen yr old girl, I dont think he ever connectd that to sexual abuse, in fact he was proud of it, he never registered the blank looks of bewilderment on his friends faces when he boasted to them about it, so very sad.

[Waifed]

It was like porn star sex with my ex.  She was very vocal about how she felt the entire time and would use my name often.  Very intoxicating.  She never turned me down one time in 3 years.  I won't get into the details but she did have certain limitations that she would not budge on, until right before the relationship ended.  I never saw her look at another man in my presence but I caught her cheating once (reason we broke up) while she was on a vacation overseas.  After reading all I have about BPD I would guess she cheated more often.  She would have zero problem picking up pretty much whoever she wanted and the last week (of the relationship after I told her she was on borrowed time) when she asked me if I would continue to sleep with her after I left her and married someone else later   I would guess that she probably has a stable of exes that she called up when we were "fighting".  :)isgusting dirty tramp. Ugh.

[EdR]

Hi guys,

These stories are really sad to me. For you. For them. As an outsider looking in, when a woman has really poor boundaries when it comes to sex and who is acting out sexually, it is a tell tale sign of sexual abuse in childhood. It also might help in determining how the BPD developed:

3.1.2.2 Environmental risk factors

A range of childhood and parental demographic characteristics, adverse childhood experiences (including neglect, trauma and abuse), early interpersonal difficulties, and forms of maladaptive parenting have been identified as risk factors for adolescent and adult BPD.167-171

A large prospective cohort study (the Children in the Community study)154, 171, 172 in the United States of America (USA) reported that childhood physical abuse, sexual abuse or neglect, maladaptive parenting, maladaptive school experiences, and demographic characteristics (including low family socioeconomic status, family welfare support recipient status, single-parent family status) were risk factors for adolescent and adult personality disorders including BPD.

Perhaps it's why the blank stare when confronted with thinking that public sex is OK. There is a certain disassociation involved and truly not really understanding of what is appropriate - I don't know how to better explain it other then there is this cross wiring in childhood when it comes to sex. It's really difficult to re-learn boundaries (surrounding sex) when you've had them shattered at a young age. If you look at it from a more logical and less emotional place, you'll see that it's all intertwined (easy for me to say right?).

It may not seem like it, but you're probably dealing with someone with pretty low self esteem. There is an overwhelming shame that is often dealt with by what seems like an over-embracing of sexuality. I mean most women who value themselves don't seek this kind of sexual exposure/validation. It really is a learned behavior and a coping skill.

Just something to think about from someone who understands and keeps this kind of subject matter (childhood sexual abuse) close to her heart.

Did any of your former partners reveal sexual abuse from their childhood?

~DG

I am never overly fond of all these sexual threads, so I basically myself right now. Found your remark interesting though.

I do not think sexual abuse necessarily triggers over-sexual behaviour. It may also trigger the opposite.

In 'her' I saw that quite clearly. She wasn't loving the parties where everyone was obviously looking to 'get lucky' (stupid song haha).

But... .eventually... .she developed a paradox. She became very interested in men who would verbally objectify her. It didn't seem like her at all... but there it was.

During the infamous last time before her final Silent Treatment, she told me a lot of stuff. One of those was that she was still shattered by a rape case. She immediately said she wasn't the one who was raped, but someone 'very close' (I presume close family). And the rapist got away with it due to an administrative error.

P.S. ... .don't like talking about the Silent Treatment again  :'(

[slimmiller]

Mine like yours knows I was the nicest guy ever to enter her life and that she has lost me forever now.

Sad.

Mine has said similiar things to me.

Did yours ever actually say this or is this a conclusion for you? I know its true for most of us (that we even deserve better) but I m wonder 'IF' it was acknowledged, was she at all moved by it?

[strikeforce]

Mine like yours knows I was the nicest guy ever to enter her life and that she has lost me forever now.

Sad.

Mine has said similiar things to me.

Did yours ever actually say this or is this a conclusion for you? I know its true for most of us (that we even deserve better) but I m wonder 'IF' it was acknowledged, was she at all moved by it?

Yep she said it many times in the relationship and after we separated

[Conundrum]

Hi guys,

These stories are really sad to me. For you. For them. As an outsider looking in, when a woman has really poor boundaries when it comes to sex and who is acting out sexually, it is a tell tale sign of sexual abuse in childhood. It also might help in determining how the BPD developed:

3.1.2.2 Environmental risk factors

A range of childhood and parental demographic characteristics, adverse childhood experiences (including neglect, trauma and abuse), early interpersonal difficulties, and forms of maladaptive parenting have been identified as risk factors for adolescent and adult BPD.167-171

A large prospective cohort study (the Children in the Community study)154, 171, 172 in the United States of America (USA) reported that childhood physical abuse, sexual abuse or neglect, maladaptive parenting, maladaptive school experiences, and demographic characteristics (including low family socioeconomic status, family welfare support recipient status, single-parent family status) were risk factors for adolescent and adult personality disorders including BPD.

Perhaps it's why the blank stare when confronted with thinking that public sex is OK. There is a certain disassociation involved and truly not really understanding of what is appropriate - I don't know how to better explain it other then there is this cross wiring in childhood when it comes to sex. It's really difficult to re-learn boundaries (surrounding sex) when you've had them shattered at a young age. If you look at it from a more logical and less emotional place, you'll see that it's all intertwined (easy for me to say right?).

It may not seem like it, but you're probably dealing with someone with pretty low self esteem. There is an overwhelming shame that is often dealt with by what seems like an over-embracing of sexuality. I mean most women who value themselves don't seek this kind of sexual exposure/validation. It really is a learned behavior and a coping skill.

Just something to think about from someone who understands and keeps this kind of subject matter (childhood sexual abuse) close to her heart.

Did any of your former partners reveal sexual abuse from their childhood?

~DG

That describes my ex in her entirety. Abandoned by her mother when she was sent to prison at the age of 5. Subsequent sexual abuse by a Grandfather archetype-caretaker/predator between ages 5-7--while her mother was incarcerated. She never knew her father.

It was the causal trauma resulting in her BPD and systemic sexual issues. As you point out extreme low self esteem. A completely dangerous risk taker sexually with a strong desire to be punished that alternates with another side--which wants to use men--like she was used as a child. Entirely incapable of enjoying intimate mature sex. Did not understand it.

I constantly battled my own demons being with her. Sometimes I won, sometimes I lost. I hope in toto I demonstrated more compassionate love than the opposite. I know that I spoke with her often about the childhood abuse--that she would not be able to sustain an intimate relationship without first healing form the trauma. The rippling effect of childhood sexual abuse continues to capsize way too many adult woman and easily destroys men of good intent. I'm not much of a hater in this life, but shattering the innocence of children in that way... .I hate them!                     

[strikeforce]

I despise sexual abuse of any nature, child or adult. It destroys people. And not just the victim as we have seen the ripple effects of BPD here.

[GreenMango]

Just a thought about personal responsibility.

Knowing what you know about the questionable sexual boundaries, the possibility of abuse and trauma the person with BPD in your life was dealing with would you say that next time a person exhibits these lack of boundaries you would think twice about engaging sexually with them?

It's super easy to wax on their sexual antics but at some point someone has to be the adult and heed these signs a bit. Engaging with someone who has a traumatic sexual history who is at a disadvantage - though it can seem like porn star sex, great sex, wild, uninhibited, etc in the beginning - and can cause quite a bit of issues in a relationship.

[strikeforce]

Just a thought about personal responsibility.

Knowing what you know about the questionable sexual boundaries, the possibility of abuse and trauma the person with BPD in your life was dealing with would you say that next time a person exhibits these lack of boundaries you would think twice about engaging sexually with them?

It's super easy to wax on their sexual antics but at some point someone has to be the adult and heed these signs a bit. Engaging with someone who has a traumatic sexual history is at a disadvantage - though it can seem like porn star sex, great sex, wild, uninhibited, etc in the beginning.

Indeed, I would feel like I was taking advantage.

I felt that way in the relationship with my BPD ex and didn't always do what she wanted as it didn't feel right.