Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 29, 2024, 07:40:34 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
99
Could it be BPD
BPDFamily.com Production
Listening to shame
Brené Brown, PhD
What is BPD?
Blasé Aguirre, MD
What BPD recovery looks like
Documentary
Pages: 1 [2]  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Why keep tabs on me if I'm discarded? The weirdo.  (Read 1169 times)
GreenMango
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 4326



« Reply #30 on: December 06, 2013, 07:58:49 PM »

It's sounds like you really committed to the relationship.  You made huge moves and hes not.  That hurts.  I'm really sorry. I would be hurt too.

The weird back and forth with him at this point his alter ego account really show what his level of integrity is.   Him sending friend requests none of it is appropriate.  Not to you or to his family.    If he has BPD this pattern, the fantasy relationship, the mixed emotions and dragging others thru his crap with him are really hard on those people - as you seen too. 

It says a lot when we see how a person reacts - how they handle things.  You aren't baiting him or blocking he's fishing that's the part that's effecting you.  Blocking these fishing attempts isn't about hurting him it sounds like it might help to not see the them though. 
Logged

ucmeicu2
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 389


« Reply #31 on: December 06, 2013, 08:42:25 PM »

Mine went back to his old life and seems to be happy as can be. Just had a big Thanksgiving family craptacular.  I was never painted black. No raging at me. Just silence. And now, apparently, "stalking".

"thanksgiving family craptacular"?

if you want to stop the "stalking" on facebook, you can.  block him.  then he can't interact with you, can't see you or anything you say or do.

if that doesn't sound appealing to you... .do you know why?
Logged
goldylamont
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1083



« Reply #32 on: December 07, 2013, 01:54:18 PM »

... .I just shook my head and began laughing when I discovered I was now blocked. I mean, seriously?  He dumped me in a brutal way - gave me the Silent Treatment for over a year - then because I won't accept his FB "Friend Request" - he decides I'm a big meanie and blocks me. Really?

well, yes, really. lipstick this is what i was trying to tell you before. you had the option of taking matters into your own hands and blocking him. or you can wait a while and he is going to block you. so that's what happened--he blocked you b/c you weren't responding how he wanted.

really i just wanted to point this out to others -- you have the option to de-friend and to block on your own. and in general it feels better to just do this yourself. you may get a little high from knowing your ex is keeping tabs on you, but when you least expect it--they'll block you like you're the stalker. if you're ok with this treatment then by all means continue, just know you have the option to act first.
Logged
lipstick
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 374



« Reply #33 on: December 07, 2013, 03:28:13 PM »

Hi GoldyLamont,

I hear you. I do. Truly, though - it doesn't bother me that I'm now blocked. I'm sure sooner or later he'll unblock as curiosity will get the better of him. That's his issue.

What saddens me is that I see him exhibiting more and more of the behaviors that I read about on this forum.  This is a guy I've know since I was fifteen years old. My first love.

My life is on the upswing over the past year. It was tough at first due to the circumstances the BPDex left me in. But my ex husband and I are working on our issues and it's been very rewarding so far. Nice to have my best friend back!  For my BPDex - his life is spinning downward fairly rapidly.  Most of his extended family - aunts, uncles, grandparents - have now passed on. His mom is not in good health. She is all he has left on his side. His spouse is 12 years older than him. In her sixties. Alcoholic. Osteoporosis. His biological children are grown and have lives of their own. He only has two friends. One of them lives here in my hometown. We all went to high school together. The other one is a guy in his late sixties who is also in ill health. The BPDex has a lot of his own health issues coupled with a drinking problem. So I don't imagine there's much joy in his world these days.

I suppose that's why I'm "appealing" to him again. Or I was until I made him mad! :-)  My friends and co-workers are very active with me on FB. Lots of back and forth - fun stuff. I would imagine that's attractive to someone who doesn't have much to look forward to when they come home at night. I could be wrong, though. Just my opinions.   

Logged
Oliolioxenfree
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 107


« Reply #34 on: December 08, 2013, 01:07:58 AM »



Lipstick I went through similar stalking behavior.  After I was discarded for my replacement I was stalked through various online social media for months.  It stopped for awhile but now and then he creepily stalks me for a day or so... .while he is living with my replacement. 

Don't be surprised if yor BPDex follows a similar pattern of blocking unblocking stalking reaching out.  Remember that pwBPD have the emotional maturity level of a three year old so they are prone to throw mini tantrums when you don't respond. 

When I dumped mine the sixth time he retaliated by signing me up for a dating website describing me as average and bisexual. (This was a grown man in his mid thirties!)  I'm neither. And he admitted to this later. 

Regardless don't be shocked by any behavior, it's all so bizarre to us because we have not been programmed that way and will never understand this behavior response. but it's normal to them In their f***** up brains.  I stopped trying to figure it out a long time ago. 

Logged
Pretty Woman
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1683


The Greatest Love is the Love You Give Yourself


« Reply #35 on: December 08, 2013, 07:21:24 AM »

It's impossible to make sense of what they do.  Nothing they do is "normal". 

The discards hurt like heck but they are fine, happy.  My ex dumped me and headed right out for dinner and drinks with my friends. Cool, calm.  Like our relationship meant nothing.

It's weird. I'm not even mad at my ex anymore. I could have gotten out of this earlier and I didn't.  Her life will always be like this.  Mine won't. 
Logged

Ironmanrises
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1774


« Reply #36 on: December 08, 2013, 07:29:18 AM »

It's impossible to make sense of what they do.  Nothing they do is "normal". 

The discards hurt like heck but they are fine, happy.  My ex dumped me and headed right out for dinner and drinks with my friends. Cool, calm.  Like our relationship meant nothing.

It's weird. I'm not even mad at my ex anymore. I could have gotten out of this earlier and I didn't.  Her life will always be like this.  Mine won't. 

Outwardly "fine and happy." Mine displayed the same at the end of round 2. Same calmness. I remember the exact opposite outwardly appearance on the day she reengaged me to start round 2. She begged and cried for me to let her back in. She DESPERATELY needed for me to give her another chance. Clearly there is something really f¥cking wrong here. She isn't happy on the inside.
Logged
Pretty Woman
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1683


The Greatest Love is the Love You Give Yourself


« Reply #37 on: December 08, 2013, 07:53:20 AM »

It's all a game.  All of it.

I figured out a lot from this "relationship".  I figured out that everything was just a repeating pattern. Everything she does is actually more predictable than unpredictable. 

When she is mad or angry at me her Facebook picture is a roaring animal of some sort, namely a tiger or lion. 

When she is in " love" it's a sunset with a rainbow or a bunny staring at the moon. 

The day after I caught my friend spending the night with her, days after she dumped me, her picture was a hot tub with mountains in the background. 

She truly is predictable... .most of the time. 
Logged

Ironmanrises
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1774


« Reply #38 on: December 08, 2013, 08:41:28 AM »

Mine displayed that same horrific predictability. Especially on her social media. I watched how she would interact with everyone else while in idealization compared to devaluation. It was a spiral up and a steady spiral down starting with the day of trigger. And it was only me who saw that. None of her supposed close friends/family. No on else to say, "[Morena], what are you doing? Why are you acting that way to him?" She basically gets away with behaving like that, without any accountability that is owed. My friends would have pulled me to the side had I exhibited such behavior to her if it were reversed.

I actually wish it were a game. See in a game, there are winners and losers. And rules. Something tangible that you can accept. Here, with this disorder, what exactly can you accept? I have to accept that she is mentally ill. And in the same token, her very illness means, she doesn't have to accept that. And that isn't fair. See, I have a mental illness too, called Major Depression. I am accountable for what it led me to do: 2 suicide attempts. I remember having to look my father in the eyes as I explained to him that I wanted to die. And I had to see the look of hurt in his eyes as those words registered across them. I never want to see that I caused such a look in his eyes. I am held accountable for that. My ex, with her illness gets a free pass, literally. It isn't right. That is how I feel.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: 1 [2]  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!