I am thinking about her, tell me your bad stories

[jynx]

tincup,

No matter how hard I try I can't explain "you love the kitchen floor more then you love me".  I thought if I ever told anyone that they would think that I was "nuts".  I even taped that conversation, so I would not think I was making me up.

So after he raged at me for at least 45 minutes, without me saying a word, I got up, with my cup of tea, I spilled it on the floor, and replied, Now the floor isn't clean anymore, is that better?  Then I went out to the garage, went to my car, locked the door, and tried to go to sleep.

[Changingman]

I was a lost boy tried to rescue a broken girl, led into heaven and slowly realised I was left in hell.

Write a list of what you have learnt and leave spaces for what you are still going to learn.

[maxen]

No matter how hard I try I can't explain "you love the kitchen floor more then you love me".  I thought if I ever told anyone that they would think that I was "nuts".  I even taped that conversation, so I would not think I was making me up.

yup, there was lots i never told anyone because nobody would believe it

So after he raged at me for at least 45 minutes, without me saying a word, I got up, with my cup of tea, I spilled it on the floor, and replied, Now the floor isn't clean anymore, is that better?  Then I went out to the garage, went to my car, locked the door, and tried to go to sleep.

:'(

[jynx]

JYNX-You said that your ex said "you love the kitchen floor more than you loved me". 

someone please explain this type of statement to me?  I got these ALL the time, and they drove me crazy.  I could never defend any of these statements.  The last one I got was that I loved money more than I loved her (over some silly thing I said days before).  I mean I have seen people joke about you love something more than me... but she was serious.  I could really see my ex saying that about the floors... . and worse I could hear myself "trying" to defend myself over it.  No dear I love you much more than the floors! but she would be SERIOUS.  Please explain this type of statement to me!

OK, it took some thinking, but I figured it out.

2 months prior to this, he bought a car for our daughter from a co-worker (his now live in gf), without talking to me about it or discussing it with me.  He went out to a bar to celebrate this with his co-worker?, and called me drunk from the bar.  I got upset because we did not discuss this, even though we were planning on buying our daughter a used car.  He gave me the silent treatment/rages for 3 weeks.  I had planned a trip to Fl to see my mom, and I went.  When I came back from Fl, he was still giving me the silent treatment.

The next day, I had a lot to do.  I had to wash clothes, clean the house (it wasn't done while I was gone), and wash the kitchen floor.  It snowed while I was gone, and you can imagine how dirty a floor will get when people walk back and forth on it with wet muddy shoes.  I could see he was about to explode, so I said is something bothering you, do you want to talk about it. 

He exploded !

He had wanted to have sex because I was gone so long.  (one week), and I was doing everything to avoid him.  I told him I had a lot of things to do that day, it was only noon time, our teenage kids were right there, and can he please wait to discuss this later on.  Well he wouldn't talk to me at all after that for about another 2 weeks.

So, I can only figure out that this is what set him off 2 months later, because I washed the kitchen floor again, while he was out in the bar again with his co-worker?, came home late, had nothing else to go at me for, so he decided I washed the kitchen floor purposely because I didn't love him or want to have sex with him 2 months prior. 

How does that sound for an explanation?

[Dog biscuit]

How does that sound for an explanation?


Neh, doesnt sound crazy enough yet for a full explanation 

[Tincup]

Well I guess I won't ever understand this behavior.  I am relieved to know that others did experience this.  It makes you feel like you are nuts going through it. 

She also broke up with me one time when "I refused to have sex with her".  I had a terrible day at work and went other to see her for a while.  It was so nice to have someone to talk to about my terrible day. When asked me to go to bed with her, I said to her that I really was not in the mood at that time due to my day, but that we could go lay down and snuggle and talk more.  We did that for about an hour, then it got late and I wanted to go home and sleep (we did not live together).  I told her as I was leaving how much I enjoyed laying with her and talking.  I went to kiss her at the door and she turned and I got her cheek.  By the time I got home (5 mins) I had a scathing text telling me that I didn't love her because I wouldn't have sex with her and she broke up right there in a 30 word text... .

Another time I was picking out paint samples for a room in my house.  I brought 3 or 4 samples for her to take a look at because I have problems with colors.  She said which one she liked.  I ended up going with another color and this time we got right to the edge but she didn't break up.  But she did say "I will never give you my opinion again because you don't value it.  when you ask again I will just say whatever you want." 

[mgl210]

Its funny you can read all these horror stories and possibly still find yourself thinking about the so called good times together that was spent between you two. I hate Super Bowl Sundays. I think I am one of the few guys that I know that actually detests football. I actually find myself debating if I want to swing over to her house in an attempt to talk to her or what not. However, my common sense tells me not to do such an action. I was thinking of all the negative things that occured in our relationship. Its like I am darned if I am with her(because of all the stress that comes with being with her) and darned if I don't(I feel empty and just like I failed her).

I've been watching and reading all I can about BPD and the effects. It helps somewhat, but it also makes me hate myself somewhat. I know I am not at fault, but I still feel as if I was the contributing factor.Sitting here thinking the thing that confuses me to no end is that for the most part, she had pretty supportive parents growing up. Her parents spent time with the kids and even the mom(who is the so called root of the problem) took time off to help raise the kids. Meanwhile, I grew up in a household where both of my parents worked long hours and for the most part, I had to learn all my behaviors on my own, but I still somehow ended up somewhat normal. Maybe I have my own issues, but for the most part, I don't have any abandonment issues. I might if she and I end up back together for the (7th time?). However, I don't get that part...

I am now sitting here thinking about all the stuff she told me. If it was all lies... . I wonder... I hate doubting any of the trauma she might have suffered, but I wonder if it was all for sympathy... Or attention? I wonder... .

MGL

[mitchell16]

this one about mine is kinda of funny. It wasnt at the time but a year later it makes me roll. Mine was in the middle of telling me how I never done anything to help her in her life. now, mind you. I washed her dishes, took out her trash, cut her grass, cooked for her on numerous occasions, serviced her sexual most of the time twice a day, washed her clothes and took care of her errands whenever she needed it done, and washed her car for her about once a month. I also maintain my own residence and work 50 plus hours a week. But on this occasion she was telling me how I never do anything for her to help her out in her life. I was shocked and she started naming everything I could have did that week to help her, since she was out of town on business. One thing was finish moving her into her new house from her apartment. When I explained I didnt have keys to get into either place and I reminded her that I had asked her before she left did she want me to and she told me no. and she then said I could have mowed her yard during the week instead of waiting to the weekend. I told her once again I didnt have access to her mower since she had the keys and by the time I got off of work, loaded up my mower, drove to her house that it would be dark, ( she lives about 2 hour drive from me) she then said well you could have washed my car this week. I told her how could I, she was out of town driving it. She got mad and told me I had excuse for everything and hung up on me. LOLLLL.

hows that for a nightmare?

[mgl210]

Yeah I remember hearing the song of how I never did anything for her either.

I remember one particular time she had promised me up and down the world that she was going to help me clean, but that never happened. And the day it did. about an hour later I heard a complaint about how she was in pain because of her back... .

SIgh

[Changingman]

As she and I were breakfasting in town to discuss "us"... . she had her meth head ex (are they ever?) rob my house... . over $30,000.00 in losses on that one. She left town immediately. I suppose she knew all along what my answer to the "us" question was as hers was a well planned mission of... . revenge? I heard later the meth head ex double crossed her and shorted her on fair payout. Then about three months later she sent me a text... . "I still love you and miss you". I figure the money ran out.

I changed ALL my contact information.

Little Criminal!

I still love you and miss you though shadow

Full steam ahead

[ShadowDancer]

Yeah Changing... . like a dog loves and misses its bone... . here take my arm... . then my leg... . now chew on my head... . as we discuss did you or did you not rob me.

I remember thinking... . I may be a cur pirate... . but I aint no criminal... . yeah riiiight!... . full steam ahead until I'm dead.

[mgl210]

I hate Super Bowl Sundays. I hate not being able to be near her :-(

[ShadowDancer]

I hate Super Bowl Sundays. I hate not being able to be near her :-(

She is an elixir

Even though her actions do not endear her

And I have reason to fear her

I still want to hear her

And to be near her

[mgl210]

I can realistically agree with you there. ALot of her actions totally stress me out to the extreme, but without her, I feel completely and utterly empty... .

[ShadowDancer]

I can realistically agree with you there. ALot of her actions totally stress me out to the extreme, but without her, I feel completely and utterly empty... .

Addiction is a complex issue. Some see it as a human weakness. Actually it is simply a coping mechanism. It has its justifiable place in the human condition. What I have found is ALL addictions originate from an unfathomable pain.

[mgl210]

Its ironic bc she even said so herself that she and I come from different raisings. My mom has always been harsh to me and expected a lot from me. My mom has also difficulty in expressing how she feels towards me and my sister. She came from a family that is somewhat more able to express this. Yet, I am the balanced one... go figure?

[ShadowDancer]

Its ironic bc she even said so herself that she and I come from different raisings. My mom has always been harsh to me and expected a lot from me. My mom has also difficulty in expressing how she feels towards me and my sister. She came from a family that is somewhat more able to express this. Yet, I am the balanced one... go figure?

Typical and quite actually a large component of my personal mantra. Lost boys... . rescue broken girls.

We don't have to always understand.

But then again I'm a dreamin man... . I can't always tell when I'm being real.

I figure it this way. Like the velveteen rabbit, when I'm thread bare and my stitches are unraveling and exposing my stuffing as my eyes are falling off from all the rough rubbing and loving from this one life... . then it gets real... . and worth it.

Loving takes a lot of nerve.

[Changingman]

It takes guts Shadow, true grit

[dansure]

Once we were supposed to have dinner together at 6pm. She was supposed to bring some take-away food home. I had a cold and was very hungry and she came 2h too late. I tried to call her but she didn't pick up her phone (apparently she dropped it when she was outside).

So when she came, I already ate... . and yeah she started to attack me, spilled shampoo and food over my Persian carpet... . she went completely nuts. Eventually I had to call my flatmate in because I was scared that she might attack my TV or something next. She kept telling "why don't you slap me? I know you want it!".

I had to kick her out because she want completely nuts.

This was the first What the heck moment I had. I noticed that something was wrong and it definitely wasn't me... . I can still see the stains of the shampoo in the carpet. I left it there... . when I miss her watching at it reminds of of what a crazy person that once cute girl I thought she was became.

[maxen]

hi dansure, nice to see you back.

She kept telling "why don't you slap me? I know you want it!"

once a long time ago i was in the house with a friend and the SO. she and i were upstairs and she wanted to do it, but i didn't with the friend downstairs. after he left she said, "why don't you just tell me to go away if you never want to see me again?"

[allweareisallweare]

I don't remember the good times really - there's something I can't get my head around how someone could seek a replacement AKA cheat. I remember doing my best for her when she had neighbour issues everyyyyyyyyyy damn summer with the kid upstairs running around at the seaside flat - I went upstairs as the only representative who had ever bothered to speak to them properly f2f from her family - she was searching at lawyers, police, ignoring the child's mother when she came down to broach the issue, etc. So I went up, and then came back down. She thought that I was communicating with the devil and conspiring with the enemy, and treated me thus - she tried to throw me out of the front door - I'd have walked but I didn't have my passport to leave the country, it was in another city - but I stood my ground, literally and metaphorically. Think of the good times for what ends? The woman is insane.

[Dog biscuit]

Like Allweareisallweare, I dont think much about the good times. They werent what they appeared to be, so there is no reality there to hold on to. It was theater, it was a fantasy lived out, it was not the reality of the r/s.

The reality was that I loved someone who played me bigtime, even when things appeared to be good and cozy.

[Pearl55]

Talking about passport reminds me that we've away on holiday and my ex had his devaluations again and on the last night of our holiday he kept

my passport and kept me awake all night and took out all my stuff from my suitcase and pressuring me to apologize him for what I've done otherwise he won't let me back. This happend about 8 years ago and I still ignored and ignored. I'm so angry with myself! 

[shellsh0cked]

Hmmm... . so many things.

Here's an awesome one.  A mutual friend of ours suddenly died.  We attended his funeral.  We were standing outside when her best friend rolls up.  We are standing in a circle... . maybe 5 of us.  She (the friend) asks for a light.  I graciously hand her the one in my pocket. 

During the service she is standoffish, and acting weird... . she gets up and walks outside to smoke!  During the damn service!  I'm like what is going on here?  She comes back and sits down away from me.  After the service I sit out in the truck with her quietly ask her what is going on (big mistake) and she starts letting me have it.  We're parked right in front of the funeral home and she is SCREAMING at me.  About how "quick" I was to give her friend a lighter!     She was convinced that I was having an affair with her at that time.  She had already accused me of cheating with her once before because I had some kid's sunscreen (not joking) and her friend had two little girls.    Gotta love that logic!   And another time during forelplay she said I "smelled like an old nasty whore" (inferring that I had sex with her friend before coming over to her house!)    Of course this is all projection cause these are thing she probably would have done.

[ucmeicu2]

I am having a rough day because I am thinking about my ex and only remembering the good stuff... . please tell me the negative side of your experience so I can remember the bad. Mine was a waif/hermit and very high functioning and smart.

Thanks in advance, I need to remember the bad sides.

you want to read about bad times?  they're plastered all over this website by the hundreds... . thousands... . tens of thousands!   

anyways, i get it, it's therapeutic initially to read other's stories... . but the best bad times to remember would be your own.  journal it, make a list. 

oh, i know!  draw a line down a sheet of paper making 2 columns: "good times" and "bad times".  add to it daily/whenever memories pop up into your conscious.  see which one is bigger. 

bet you'll need an ever expanding excel spreadsheet to hold all the "bad times".   

you'll get thru this ~ we all do. 

[Rebuilding me]

The minute I went off script and the show became less of a sitcom and more reality TV. They can't handle it. Reality is what they are running from. Reality is painful for them, it's a reminder of all their hurt and trauma. They want to stay in Mayberry where everything is predictable and safe. But that life is not sustainable. At some point the show has to end and people have to go on with real life and deal with the cruel world. But they don't want to budge from I front of the TV they simply change the channel to find another distraction. A distraction from themselves, who they don't know. A distraction from all the pain and trauma they refuse to deal with.

So true!

I had a dream the other night about a mansion on a hill. Everything about it was perfect! Perfect landscaping pool, fixtures etc! My uxBPDgf and I lived there and it was like a reprsentation of heaven. Other people were there also living in the dream world, other men (orbiters I realize now) I was  the central character they all envied that I was the one with my partner! But when I looked closer at the house, gazebo and started to scratch at the surface, it all started crumbling! I was of course blamed for it! Everyone turned on me and I was the scapegoat for peeling back the veneer. At the end of the dream I  literally scrambled for my life to get out of the house as it all collapsed around me. I woke up and understood it instantly. Just a movie stage! When I think about her, what I hate to admit it is all the time, I imagine myself in a bulldozer cleaning up that broken mansion! I burn the wood in a fire and sow the land with salt so nothing can grow there again! It was a fantasy, and I know I can't allow myself to keep going back there!

Coming out of the fog maybe is the toughest part because all the illusions are more clearly seen! It's hard to admit it, but seeing the truth allows me to begin deconstruct the false movie set! When all the pieces are destroyed, I will begin to start building a true house with a strong real foundation!