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Author Topic: Anyone else on NC day 1? Want to count the days together?  (Read 3102 times)
Recooperating
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« Reply #30 on: August 21, 2014, 08:06:24 PM »

Survived day 4... .Slept through most of it... .I was so tired!


How are you KC sunshine after last night?
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woofhound
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« Reply #31 on: August 21, 2014, 08:18:20 PM »

I just wanted to say... .midnight tonight will be 6 days. That means the midnight after will mark the one week milestone!

You know... .the more I focus on me... .the less I focus on her. Not only that, but when I start thinking about her now, its more of a "I can't believe I did that" sort of thing.
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kc sunshine
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« Reply #32 on: August 22, 2014, 10:05:07 AM »

Hooray woofhound and recooperating  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) !

Things are okay here-- our daughters met to see each other and things went pretty okay. My ex dBPD dropped off and picked up her daughter with little interaction with me (little eye contact, no conversation). She was kind to my kids, so that was also good. She texted and called me late at night, asking me to come over, but I didn't respond (actually I was already asleep). Today I texted her something short saying that I can't come over late on school nights, but if she wants to meet for coffee or lunch during the day sometime during the week, we can. At first she said okay, but then she called back and said she doesn't see the point of it, which I can understand.

So that's where we are now! I'd have to call it LC not NC but I guess it is a process. LC day 2! Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #33 on: August 22, 2014, 10:14:37 AM »

Google something called "oneitis"

Enjoy  

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Recooperating
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« Reply #34 on: August 22, 2014, 04:07:19 PM »

Day 5! Feeling better every day! Finally had the energy to clean my house... .

Find myself less chaotic in my mind... .Still think for my exBPD a lot, but Im getting more and more convinced I can do this!

Have a really good weekend every one!
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Junknown
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« Reply #35 on: August 22, 2014, 04:16:54 PM »

1 Week since i initiated NC. Still think a lot about her but now i don't want to go back. My replacement who also left her after she went after another guy and who is NC day 7 as well said that she posted yesterday on Facebook a text where she talks that she did well by cutting off some people that did bad to her (we both found this amusing, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post), so it seems she is sticking to the role of victim) and that she is starting to love herself more than she ever did before.

Thank god i removed her from facebook so i dont see depressing stuff like this, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).
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woofhound
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« Reply #36 on: August 22, 2014, 06:06:17 PM »

1 Week since i initiated NC. Still think a lot about her but now i don't want to go back. My replacement who also left her after she went after another guy and who is NC day 7 as well said that she posted yesterday on Facebook a text where she talks that she did well by cutting off some people that did bad to her (we both found this amusing, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post), so it seems she is sticking to the role of victim) and that she is starting to love herself more than she ever did before.

Thank god i removed her from facebook so i dont see depressing stuff like this, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

Once while my ex was accusing me of having BPD she said "BPDs cut people out of their life." She said this was a symptom of BPD.

I went to therapy today. When I mentioned this to my therapist, she said, "BPDs don't cut people out of their lives. They may temporarily get away from them because they feel too intimate, and fear being found out as being a liar... .They get cut out of people's live because they behave in a way that makes people want to cut them out."

It's weird that I would see this immediately after hearing that from a therapist.
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« Reply #37 on: August 23, 2014, 06:32:18 AM »

1 Week since i initiated NC. Still think a lot about her but now i don't want to go back. My replacement who also left her after she went after another guy and who is NC day 7 as well said that she posted yesterday on Facebook a text where she talks that she did well by cutting off some people that did bad to her (we both found this amusing, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post), so it seems she is sticking to the role of victim) and that she is starting to love herself more than she ever did before.

Thank god i removed her from facebook so i dont see depressing stuff like this, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

Haha... .this rings a bell. BPD's love a "I cut them out of MY life and now I am happy"

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

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woofhound
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« Reply #38 on: August 23, 2014, 04:02:54 PM »

7 DAYS Y'ALL!
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Recooperating
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« Reply #39 on: August 23, 2014, 04:12:58 PM »

Congrats on your 1 week "staying clean" woofhound! Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Yeeeehaaa!

Im on day 6 today! Felt an urge today to check his FB, but came to my senses and didnt do it. His page is probably full of hatefull crap anyway... .Why torture myself?

Going on day 7! 1 week clean for me too! Cheers to that!
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woofhound
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« Reply #40 on: August 23, 2014, 04:46:44 PM »

Congrats on your 1 week "staying clean" woofhound! Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Yeeeehaaa!

Im on day 6 today! Felt an urge today to check his FB, but came to my senses and didnt do it. His page is probably full of hatefull crap anyway... .Why torture myself?

Going on day 7! 1 week clean for me too! Cheers to that!

I'll drink to that!
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kc sunshine
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« Reply #41 on: August 24, 2014, 12:32:53 AM »

Woo hoo Woofhound and Recooperating-- so great!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)  

I'm not seven days clean in terms of NC, but I would say I'm seven days clean in terms of not wanting to get back together, which is definitely something.
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woofhound
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« Reply #42 on: August 24, 2014, 09:32:35 AM »

Woo hoo Woofhound and Recooperating-- so great!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)  

I'm not seven days clean in terms of NC, but I would say I'm seven days clean in terms of not wanting to get back together, which is definitely something.

Sunshine, you make Uncle Woofhound proud! Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #43 on: August 24, 2014, 10:39:26 AM »

Good for you KC & Woofhound! We can be damn proud of ourselfs of I might say so!

Day 7 peeps!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Contemplating my week:

- Do I miss him: No! Yet I still talk him in my head... .Weird!

- Have not cried one tear... .I cried before making my final decision, didnt cry since. In denial... .? Dont think so, but maybe emotionally closed? I just dont feel like crying... .

- I do feel sad, but at the same time a MAJOR sense of releaf. I enjoy being able go where ever I want to with out drama!

- When walking the street and seeing an attractive man, Im like... .Okay  Smiling (click to insert in post) I am not in the least bit ready for a new relationship, but knowing the future holds lots of possibilities is GOOD!

- I am wondering how he is doing, I know he hates me and he feels like I ruined his life. Feel bad, but know he had enough chances... .Still feel somewhat guilty.

- Spent a lot of time here on the board realising so mich more about the unhealty r/s. Seeing more and more what happened, how he played me like an organ in every little aspect of life.

Tomorrow Im going on a trip to my parents cabin in the woods. So looking forward to long hikes with my dog in the woods... .Away from the hectic city! Clear my head some more and spend some quality time with my folks... .

Have a good week with lots of silence and sanity people!

Opening the bottle now and enjoying a good glass of victory wine!

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kc sunshine
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« Reply #44 on: August 24, 2014, 12:20:08 PM »

Hello NC gang!

Yes to not missing my BPD ex but still talking to her in my head-- so strange.  And to the relief of not having to engage in the drama  There's so much else we can do with our days! Let's see what today brings.

Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)  

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kc sunshine
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« Reply #45 on: August 25, 2014, 08:34:50 AM »

Here goes another day. How are you all doing? I'm still up and down a bit, still ruminating a bit. Had a fun night out with friends though, last night Smiling (click to insert in post) (and thought of you, recooperating!)
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« Reply #46 on: August 25, 2014, 10:49:53 AM »

Hey KC!

I feel honoured!  Smiling (click to insert in post) It almost makes me "do a little dance... .Make a little love and get down tonight!"  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Hope you had fun and enjoyed a BS free time out!

Doing ok here too, had to see my T today and then went to my parents cabin in the woods!

Still ruminating, wondering how he's doing, then thinking why the ___ would I care and then back to ruminating... .Dont miss him, but without him I just have A LOT of free time on my hands that I need to fill with other stuff now... .Guess thats what I am stuggling with... .

Day 8 is going great, cant complain!
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woofhound
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« Reply #47 on: August 25, 2014, 01:37:43 PM »

Hey KC!

I feel honoured!  Smiling (click to insert in post) It almost makes me "do a little dance... .Make a little love and get down tonight!"  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Hope you had fun and enjoyed a BS free time out!

Doing ok here too, had to see my T today and then went to my parents cabin in the woods!

Still ruminating, wondering how he's doing, then thinking why the ___ would I care and then back to ruminating... .Dont miss him, but without him I just have A LOT of free time on my hands that I need to fill with other stuff now... .Guess thats what I am stuggling with... .

Day 8 is going great, cant complain!

I've been working out every morning, on lunch break, and at night. Push ups, sit ups, leg lifts, jogging, weighted bokken training, and i'm getting a heavy bag tomorrow. I'm also focusing on eating a healthy balanced diet. I've lost 15 lbs and I feel amazing. The tone of my muscles is also getting pretty handsome! The next time my ex shows up im gonna be happier, healthier and sexier... .And I cannot wait for her to spill a line of BS about how she's changed... .That way I can be like "Sorry, but im focusing on myself now. I'm gonna go over there (do the bicep flex pointing thing) and do some pull ups. See ya." Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post)
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kc sunshine
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« Reply #48 on: August 25, 2014, 03:56:32 PM »

Woo hoo, Woofhound! I wish there was a muscle flexing emoticon here! That sounds fantastic!

I was feeling a little down today and went on a long run too-- it totally helped. Also,  today is kind of stressful 'cause I have lots to do at work and it's the first day of school for my kiddo-- but instead of focusing on those things, I was kind of ruminating about my ex. In the middle of that rumination, I realized that it could be that my mind was playing tricks on me, making me think I was down 'cause of the exBPD situation-- perhaps I'm just so used to channeling emotion into the relationship, that it's hard to put the emotion on its real cause (work/parenting stress) instead. That was a helpful thought to me. Do any of you find yourselves doing that too?

Here goes some push ups, inspired by woofhound!
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Recooperating
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« Reply #49 on: August 25, 2014, 04:55:54 PM »

Wow you guys... .Working out, running? You both are going to be mean lean killing machines! (Could use that emoticon here to flexing muscles!)

I wish I could find the strenght to work out... .I walk my dogs 2 hrs a day... .Walk a lot of stairs since I live on the top floor and there is no elevator and have to carry the dog up... .Thats all I do. I always say, I'll only run if the police is chasing me... .  Smiling (click to insert in post)

KC I get your point completely! I am struggling with my bosses, we have some big issues that we cant agree on and today I found out they deducted 500 euros from this months pay without informing me! *ssholes! I felt angry and emotion levels were higher then they needed to be. I got that pit stomach feeling of nerves, anxiety and I thought... .I miss him!

The thought of contacting or just checking FB came up, but I didnt!

Do you think the drama and BS got addictive. The rush of a fight, the drama somehow found a place in our normal way of live that with every little hick up we now get triggered into that feeling again?  I mean I love this quiet state, no drama, no BS, but still ... .

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kc sunshine
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« Reply #50 on: August 26, 2014, 02:58:49 PM »

Day 2 NC. Mostly okay, though for some weird reason when I check my texts, I still hope to see one from her. Weird because 98% of her texts for the past month have been scathing-- why would I want to see texts like that? Any, onward comrades!
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« Reply #51 on: August 26, 2014, 03:21:08 PM »

I understand completely KC... I feel the same... .Constantly grabbing my phone... .But he's blocked everywhere so what do I expect?

Im just gonna trust the process and have faith that it will get better with time... .

NC Day 9 was fine... .

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Rifka
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« Reply #52 on: August 26, 2014, 04:38:33 PM »

Hi!

Day 4 nc on his part day 5 nc on my part. Every day is getting easier. I deleted his skype, what's app and have not made any attempt to reach out. I have not yet deleted the last 9 months of texts or pictures, but one day at a time. It hurts like hell. I'm never going to know the truth! It really does not matter anymore. It's my turn now again to live footloose and fancy free like I was the day we met! Everything looks brighter again. My shoulders have loosened. I don't have to worry about triggers, his good or bad moments, his anger, disapproval of basically everything, his arguments about basically everything, his needing to know where I am every second, false accusations, lies, storming out of my house and getting the silent treatment, waiting for him to get to my home before going out to avoid fights, and too many other crazy things. LIFE IS GOOD, freedom is peaceful!

Thank goodness for these threads and a great support system of friends and family who are around.

Looking forward to total no contact on both ends to hit 1 week! Friday I will dance and toast to it!

Good luck to you all. It is very hard! I miss his kind side and his amazing passion, but it is not enough. I am thankful that I have no children with him and no other things that could bind us together.

Struggling but chugging forward. I know I deserve better and and running( ok walking fast) to the light!

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« Reply #53 on: August 26, 2014, 06:29:25 PM »

Keep strong Rifka!

Trust me, you already know the truth even tough you dont have proof. You just dont accept it.

I didnt accept mine either until i heard a taped phone call my replacement gave me where she admitted betraying us both with another guy... .But i already felt all the lies and betrayals. They just became real with proof. But i knew everything! My eyes just opened wide after the revelation but was nothing i didnt already suspect.

I know how hard it is not to have something you can hold to that shows you what he is. You always have his actions that speak louder than his words.

1 week mark is nice. I almost had a relapse tough 2 days after it. But hold strong and time will cure everything!
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kc sunshine
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« Reply #54 on: August 27, 2014, 08:13:35 AM »

Heading into NC day 3! I have an text brewing in my head for her, but I'm gonna do woofhound's push-up cure to try to get it out! Here goes nothing!   
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Rifka
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« Reply #55 on: August 27, 2014, 08:51:08 AM »

Good luck with day 3 kc! Why are you thinking of sending a text. Maybe it will be better to think of a letter or text to send to yourself. Try and focus on whatever makes you happy and what you feel was wrong and unacceptable with your exBPD. If you mentally are thinking about another text then aren't you just recycling yourself in your own mind temporarily. That would be too tempting for me to write it and hit send and start day 1 all over again. I did all of that during my first three recycling events. I realized that it was just setting me up to get into another battle with myself and my own emotions and going back to the drawing board thinking how did this happen again, but I really knew!

I still love so deeply that amazing man that I met and had 9 months of unbelievable fun, silliness, passion,dancing, but I feel it was not real! Honestly I don't know what was real or just acting to set me up for the next bomb that was definitely going to explode at some point.

I took a lot from him and I accept it was my own fault. The good was so amazing that I figured I can deal with his bad mood that would eventually become 50/50 half good half bad. At that point I bailed, it was too much to accept. The lies, the deception, it was crazy! Sex was his greatest tool that in the end was used as a weapon that he could give lovingly or withhold to punish.

Kc please don't prepare your text, it will bring you back to day 1 again. You can do this! You have people here cheering you on to the finish line of each day! It is very difficult but it is for you. It's a cold hard fact that they mean more to us then we mean or meant to them. I don't want to be anybodies puppet anymore and that is the goal of these people. It is up to us to pull it together and stand up for ourselves. What do you feel good can come from sending the text or even mentally preparing one. It is keeping you from moving forward for you, which you really need to do.

Do you want her back?

Maybe your pride does, but I know that we will all find much healthier people if we just stand our ground and get healthier ourselves. Time does heal, but it hurts like hell in the process.

Go volunteer somewhere or do something you love with people who love you or alone if you prefer, just do something healthy for yourself.

I love to dance so Friday I have a huge party planned to dance the night away and try not to focus on pain but on my pleasure.

What do you love to do? Do it!
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Rifka
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« Reply #56 on: August 27, 2014, 09:26:09 AM »

Keep strong Rifka!

Trust me, you already know the truth even tough you dont have proof. You just dont accept it.

I didnt accept mine either until i heard a taped phone call my replacement gave me where she admitted betraying us both with another guy... .But i already felt all the lies and betrayals. They just became real with proof. But i knew everything! My eyes just opened wide after the revelation but was nothing i didnt already suspect.

I know how hard it is not to have something you can hold to that shows you what he is. You always have his actions that speak louder than his words.

1 week mark is nice. I almost had a relapse tough 2 days after it. But hold strong and time will cure everything!

I know the truth about what I felt and my part of the relationship because my communication was truthful, from my heart and always open.

The truth I would love to understand is what they were truly thinking when we were giving them our hearts, love, our bodies and loving completely on our ends.

Did he venture out and expose us to disease during a fight of silence that he would disappear for days.

Was there really any love on his part or was it all a horrible game to him?

There was no real closure, I just closed the door on his last lie that he confirmed. I knew it was the last straw for me. I could never be disrespected again the same way since he was completely aware that he was disrespecting me and chose to do it anyway knowing that I had told him it would be the last straw.

He did not believe me because he saw I took him back before with his crocodile tears and begging and pleading and promises of therapy.

It was all my fault that I allowed this!

Now it is my mission to work on me and heal myself one day at a time. Have fun, learn as much as I can about this disorder and about how to prevent it from ever coming into my life again. The most important thing right now is to fix me! I am never going to change being kind, giving, loving, and available to help whoever I can, I just have more knowledge now to understand some people see those things as a weakness and a goal to take over.

I do not give my heart over easily. This took months of being together 7 nights a week.

As time passes I see much clearer from the distance things that were wrong but where not clear being in the middle of it.

There were many signs that I should run, he even told me to run, that everybody does. A ploy to make a good person stay because who wants to be another one on a list of people who have deserted.

Wow the things you see as time passes. I have not been with him physically since August 3rd when he ran out my door on yet another fit for me not respecting him game! Apparently it is normal for loving couples to want to put tracking device apps on each other's phone to know where each other is every second of the day!

In my world it's stalking, but his world just another ploy of control! Never going to happen on my part.

Good riddens!

I have seen the light and I am heading to grab it and go forward with no intention of looking back except to accept the experience and lessons and knowledge.

I don't want that life back and I am the only one who can make sure that does not happen!
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« Reply #57 on: August 27, 2014, 10:29:40 AM »

Apparently it is normal for loving couples to want to put tracking device apps on each other's phone to know where each other is every second of the day!

In my world it's stalking, but his world just another ploy of control! Never going to happen on my part.

my ex didn't go that far, but he STILL demands (via text) to know where i am. he claims he "likes to know my whereabouts." uh huh 

today is day 3 of NC for me. i have received a barrage of texts and phone calls from my ex. ignore, ignore, ignore! this still counts as NC, right?
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« Reply #58 on: August 27, 2014, 10:44:16 AM »

Day 10 of complete NC! I am up and down today. Felt sad this morning, but this afternoon I went for a long hike in the mountains with my dad and felt great.

Piecofme: cant you block him on your phone so you dont get bombed with texts? I can imagine that receiving them also causes anxiety and stress? I was able to block his phone number so I dont receive texts and incoming calls. He can send then, but they are not delivered to my phone anymore... .

Keep up the silence, tranqility and path to sanity every one!

We can do this! Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #59 on: August 27, 2014, 11:07:46 AM »

recooperating, we were in the process of moving in together, which i am still undoing. once i get his things out of what was supposed to be our new home, i will block him! in the meantime, you are right - every text and phone call gives me the shakes and makes my heart race.

congrats on 10 days! we'll feel up and down for awhile and i think that's normal. stay strong!
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