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Author Topic: Anyone else on NC day 1? Want to count the days together?  (Read 3104 times)
kc sunshine
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« on: August 14, 2014, 01:46:27 PM »

Day 1. I almost made it through yesterday but I texted her once (she didn't text back, so maybe it doesn't count Smiling (click to insert in post).
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kc sunshine
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« Reply #1 on: August 14, 2014, 04:08:40 PM »

So hard. But only 8 more hours or so to go left. Dang, why is it so hard?
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seeking balance
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« Reply #2 on: August 14, 2014, 04:30:59 PM »

So hard. But only 8 more hours or so to go left. Dang, why is it so hard?

Hang in there - you only have to do day 1 once 
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LettingGo14
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« Reply #3 on: August 14, 2014, 04:37:14 PM »

So hard. But only 8 more hours or so to go left. Dang, why is it so hard?

kc sunshine -- You are on the right path.  Be kind to yourself.  Remember, no contact is a process, not a switch. 

As the Dalai Lama says, "There are only two days in a year you can't do anything about -- yesterday and tomorrow."    Just take one day a time.  No contact isn't a magic wand -- some moments are better than others.   And note that, just like the weather, moments change from hour to hour. 

Hang in there -- and be good to yourself!
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woofhound
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« Reply #4 on: August 14, 2014, 05:02:20 PM »

PUT ON YOUR BATTLE ARMOR!

ARM YOURSELVES WITH THE SWORD OF INDEPENDENCE!

MAKE IT KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT SOME TOY TO BE PLAYED WITH BY WAY OF SILENCE!

DECLARE TO THEM THAT USE PEOPLE THAT THE GAME HAS CEASED AND WILL BE PLAYED NO MORE!

STAND UP IN A CHAIR AND BEAT YOUR FAITH AGAINST YOUR CHEST PROCLAIMING: I AM ME! I HAVE FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS AND FEARS, AND I WILL NOT BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED!

SCREAM IT: "I AM THE GREAT I AM, AND I WILL NOT BE PLACED SECOND TO YOUR SELFISH, NEEDY MANIPULATION!"

I get out of had sometimes... .Smiling (click to insert in post)
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kc sunshine
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« Reply #5 on: August 14, 2014, 05:28:11 PM »

hahaha, I'm gonna do that right now!  Silence, have at me, you're no match for the sword of independence!
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kc sunshine
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« Reply #6 on: August 15, 2014, 03:09:28 PM »

Well, I made it through yesterday (barely-- had an email in my head, but luckily I didn't send it). Today she called though to talk about some stuff of each others we need to get back. I should have left it at that but asked her how she was and stuff. Things got mean, fast. Good reminder, I guess. Also, maybe I learned what we can and can't talk about, what are our safe topics and what are BPD danger zones. okay, back to the drawing board. Day 1 again? or that will probably be tomorrow. Dang.

"Remember NC is a process not a switch"-- yes. 
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woofhound
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« Reply #7 on: August 15, 2014, 03:22:34 PM »

One thing that has helped me with NC (day 7) is remembering that anything I say will undoubtedly be twisted in her mind and be used against me.

If I were to say "I love you, and I am here for you always." she would hear "I am incapable of being without you, and you can do whatever you want, whoever you want, etc and I will always take you back because i'm emotionally weak."

She's not the keeper of my well being anymore. I am.
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kc sunshine
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« Reply #8 on: August 15, 2014, 04:08:30 PM »

Yup, woofhound, I totally hear you. I hope to join you at day 7 next Friday!
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woofhound
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« Reply #9 on: August 15, 2014, 04:14:09 PM »

Yup, woofhound, I totally hear you. I hope to join you at day 7 next Friday!

well, my friend, you'll not be joining, i'm afraid... .for I shall be on day 14!      Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post)
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kc sunshine
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« Reply #10 on: August 15, 2014, 04:30:34 PM »

hahaha, with your armor on and your sword of independence brandished! You're an inspiration! Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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Junknown
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« Reply #11 on: August 15, 2014, 04:52:50 PM »

Day 1 completed with success.

Since i heard her yesterday say again betrayal was my fault because she suffered a lot at my hands (poor her) and that she is going to the psychologist because she has a problem with men bcs she depends too much on them (saying the betrayals were not a problem. She even denyes most of em even tough i have proof now). I was hoping she would work the issues, but she is really lost. And here i am now on the NC counting.

Lets keep strong and show them they dont toy with us anymore!
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pieceofme
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« Reply #12 on: August 15, 2014, 05:44:06 PM »

i'm on day 1 today  :'( it's a relief, but also the biggest struggle of my life.
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RainsBP

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« Reply #13 on: August 16, 2014, 11:21:35 AM »

I just completed day one myself! I have to agree it is a relief. I sent an email saying I was blocking him and that I would delete his emails unread. I tried to be nice about it knowing even though it was as much his idea at the moment - now he agrees and now I'm a terrible person because I've hurt him by telling him we can't see each other anymore. He's made threats to me in this past month 1/2 and was physically abusive at the very end. I am a bit nervous the 6000 miles between us is not enough... .
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woofhound
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« Reply #14 on: August 16, 2014, 02:00:10 PM »

I got drunk and broke NC. She didn't reply, and it hurt. Starting day one again. I'm so ashamed of myself.
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RainsBP

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« Reply #15 on: August 16, 2014, 03:48:34 PM »

Hang in there woofhound. Its not easy. I am walking around with a collage of photos of the bruises and cuts from him. I look at every time he gets in contact with me and sometimes when he's not. I am mad and ashamed I let it get that far! Don't be so hard on yourself, how many times did you forgive her? And her mistakes? Show yourself some forgiveness too. No ones perfect, we all have weaknesses and weak moments. best thing you can do is move forward and keep working towards better.
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kc sunshine
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« Reply #16 on: August 17, 2014, 12:14:50 AM »

Hi all,

Tomorrow starts day 1 again for me too-- man this is hard. I wrote her an apology text today. Hmmm. Even though she couched all of her critiques of me in kinda brutal, hard to hear ways, she did have a point about some of it, so I thought it would be good to apologize. I was feeling pretty good, pretty clear, not wanting back in but also wanting to acknowledge/validate her points. No word back from her and it hurt as well (I'm with you woofhound!) so maybe I was hoping for some reconciliation (not consciously). Also, since I didn't hear back from her on a Saturday night, I'm thinking she must be out with someone. Gonna try not to let jealousy eat me up, lead me back. Anyway, back to day 1. So glad you all are here, BPD family!
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pieceofme
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« Reply #17 on: August 17, 2014, 09:37:57 AM »

Also, since I didn't hear back from her on a Saturday night, I'm thinking she must be out with someone. Gonna try not to let jealousy eat me up, lead me back. Anyway, back to day 1. So glad you all are here, BPD family!

i think we tend to send messages at night or later because we hope they're sitting at home, pining for us as we are for them. but at the same time, the non-response confirms to us they've moved on. not necessarily because they're over us, but because they can't be alone.
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woofhound
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« Reply #18 on: August 17, 2014, 12:55:07 PM »

You know how in Alcoholics Anonymous they have someone to call when they're thinking about getting a drink. That would be a good idea for us.
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Aussie JJ
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« Reply #19 on: August 17, 2014, 02:56:18 PM »

Guys,

I started NC thread JUST for the soul reason of getting in with people having the same problems and that could relate to the STRUGLE... .  jump in, vent away look at previous posts from people as they have got better with time. 

Some of the things I did to help myself. 

Ate good food, consistant meal times. 

Went to bed and tried to sleep even when I couldn't sleep. 

Write write write and then write.  Instead of having it in your head put it down on paper, everything, share it here.  Its really good to come back to all the negative stuff and say, WHY AM I RUMINATING ABOUT THIS.   

Replace the hit with another hit.  Instead of calling, texting or whatever when you get the compulsion drop down and do 10 push ups.  If you can't do push ups start with pussy-ups.  Use a chair so its easier! 

If you don't want to do push ups then leave the vacuum out and when the compulsion comes vacuum a room.  Your house will be spotless in no time. 

Instead of doing the dishes in the dishwasher hand wash them and practice mindfulness while doing the dishes.   

Lastly, VENT HERE.  No-one that hasn't been there understands.  My family and friends thought I was crazy, so I didn't talk to them I talked to people here. 

I had mantras I would say in my head as well.  I kept these on a piece of paper at the start they are now automatic!

I can always walk away. 

I choose to love myself. 

F@rK your F@rK3d up emotional needs. 

I choose to not engage. 

I choose healthy adult companionship. 

I care about myself, you don't care. 

Share what works for each of you with the others here. 

I found running and swimming helped me a huge amount.  Physical activity releases endorphins that make you happy.  Those 10 push ups give you that instant hit. 

GL and HF

You did read that correctly.  HAVE FUN. 

This is what you make of it, when struggling develop a new fun coping mechanism.  You would be surprised how good it feels. 
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Recooperating
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« Reply #20 on: August 18, 2014, 05:14:27 PM »

Day 1 here too!

I blocked everything, whatsapp, phone, email, closed my FB account... .

I had to text him a number for western union, I did and immediately blocked him again.

Im fine today, i keep myself busy. If I wanna contact, i go for a walk, watch tv, call a friend... .

Its hard... .But its better.

Hang in there!
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woofhound
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« Reply #21 on: August 18, 2014, 05:24:57 PM »

Day three here. I wanna thank Ausie JJ for the push ups tip. When I start to contact her I drop and give myself ten! Also, for the times when I start feeling really low, I changed her name in my phone to ":)ON'T DO IT" since I can't block her without paying my provider 50 dollars.
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pieceofme
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« Reply #22 on: August 18, 2014, 06:19:44 PM »

Day three here. I wanna thank Ausie JJ for the push ups tip. When I start to contact her I drop and give myself ten! Also, for the times when I start feeling really low, I changed her name in my phone to ":)ON'T DO IT" since I can't block her without paying my provider 50 dollars.

i did the same, except i changed his name to "HE DOESNT WANT YOU" just for the extra reminder.
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kc sunshine
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« Reply #23 on: August 19, 2014, 01:24:22 AM »

ha, I love the push up idea and the changing the name on the phone idea-- I'm gonna do both tomorrow!

Day 1= over! Tomorrow, day 2 Smiling (click to insert in post).
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Flora73
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« Reply #24 on: August 19, 2014, 02:15:17 AM »

I have made it one day NC... .

Very proud of myself... .

I have battled 7 weeks of silent treatment from my exGFBPD trying to breakdown the door, but no more!

God give me strength as I love her... .

Lets see how long before she appears as I have been playing her game and staying in contact nearly every other day, txt's emails and flowers.

Sent the below email yesterday:

Hey

All the best, hope you find what your looking for.

Please don't think I didn't care or didn't try and find away forward.

I cared deeply for you

Take care

J

Hopefully it didn't invalidate her?

Please someone comment on that?

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kc sunshine
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« Reply #25 on: August 19, 2014, 05:49:50 PM »

Almost through day 2! Had one biff exchange, resisted the urge to

prolong it. Her coldness is quite a thing-- It gives me that "pit of

the stomach" feel. I guess it's a looking over the edge of

the BPD abyss feeling. If it feels this bad in proximity to

it, I can only imagine how bad it feels in it. What a terrible illness.
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« Reply #26 on: August 19, 2014, 06:59:56 PM »

Good KC Sunshine!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) NC day 2 here too! My exBPDbf called, left messages on my VM, he got his shrink to call me for a conference call and I didnt take the bait! It was a difficult day, constant feeling of stress, but Im content! I deleted the VM message without listening to it.

Going on strong to day 3!

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kc sunshine
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« Reply #27 on: August 19, 2014, 08:47:37 PM »

Wow, recooperating, you are super strong! I don't know if I am at the point yet where I could delete without listening to the message, but I definitely could delete it if it was a nasty one (after having listened to it). I guess what would pull me in to listen to the message would be the tiny sliver of hope that she was done splitting me black. Today though I had the thought that thank goodness she split me black so thoroughly and spitefully or else I might have gotten in much much deeper than I was (which was already pretty deep).

Onward to day 3!

Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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kc sunshine
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« Reply #28 on: August 20, 2014, 02:49:00 PM »

Day 3, just returned the last of my dPBP ex's stuff and picked up mine. I resisted the urge to do anything but just grab my stuff and go (luckily she wasn't there). Next hurdle: our daughters are close friends, and my daughter really wants to see her friend. I'm trying to think how they can meet without my ex and I mediating. I'm betting they might figure it out without me, so I won't put much energy into thinking about this.
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« Reply #29 on: August 20, 2014, 03:15:30 PM »

On a role KC sunshine!

Good job staying NC while exchanging stuff!

I can understand the concern with your daughter and her friend... .There are ways to avoid contact with your ex and still having them play/hang out together!

You could simply drop her off and drive off or pick up her kid without contact.

Co-parents that "hate" each other do it all the time! I am sure you can too!'

Day 3 for me too! Had a really good day! Went for a walk on the beach with my best friend and had a drink afterwards! And guess what! I didnt have to deal with drama where I was going, how long I'd be, no tantrums, nothing of the sort! Ahhh liberty!

Also planned a trip for next week to go abroad a couple of days with my parents. And guess what! Didnt have to ask permission... .Again No drama and abandonment issues to deal with.

Bliss today!

On to day 4... .(Nothing planned yet so hope I can keep myself distracted!)
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