Letter I'm going to leave when moving out - Suggestions or edits

[walksoftly]

Throw caution to the wind and send it- expect nothing back. Send it for yourself. Emotions are messy- there is no right or wrong-but dont expect her to respond... .Love ya- take care brother!

[fred6]

My unedited letter was given to her this evening when I got done moving. I handed it to her and told her it was her house key. She replied, "whatever" in a pissed off tone. Before she drove away, I told her to please read the letter, and again I got, "whatever" in a pissed off tone.

So that's that. Over. Done. The letter might just go straight to the garbage without being read. It might be read but not processed or understood. At least I said what I had to say, let the chips fall where they may. I'll have to pick up my mail until the post office starts forwarding. Other than that I'm NC on my end from this point forward. If she contacts me I'll evaluate the situation and proceed accordingly. I'll have to determine how long I should wait until I break NC to see if I can visit with her daughter. What you guys think 30, 45, 60 days? I'm not sure how long to wait... .

[hurting300]

You know bud... .Let her contact you first. I think that's best...

[Mr Hollande]

H300 is talking sense.

[hurting300]

Thanks Hollande

[nolisan]

Sorry to be blunt Fred but you have left yourself open for a whole lot of continued suffering.

The post that suggests waiting for her to break NC is wise. You'll be a lucky man is she never does. Often with BPD, once we are out of their field of view we disappear.

Have you seen a Therapist? Now is the time to work on yourself - not her. We can't fix people with BPD - we can only fix ourselves.

In my case I discovered a whole lot of stuff that needed deep personal work - it's the stuff (codependency and adult child) that got me into and kept me in the r/s.

[Panda39]

fred,

Most folks leaving a pwBPD use no/low contact as a boundary around themselves to give themselves time to heal... .to walk out of the fog... .to work on themselves.  

It sounds like you are going no/low contact to give her time to re think her choice to leave you and that you hope she will let you back into her life.

I agree with hurting300, mr hollande & nolisan move forward don't look back and work on yourself.

Although your instincts toward her children are admirable, if you continue to try to have contact with your ex either directly or through her children you will only put yourself through more pain.

Go no/low contact for you.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=233534.0 this thread is about the issues of the non-BPD working on our own issues... .might be worth checking out when you are ready.

[hurting300]

With some BPD's we may disappear if we are out of their field of view. In my case, my ex just up and vanished into thin air! Without a warning. Five months of silence. But she drives by my house, i get fake facebook add request and so on. It's the kind of stalking you can't prove is happening but you know it's happening. 90 percent of the time if you just move on and create a new life they tend to always show up sometime down the line. Even though Mine disappeared and is bull headed i know I'll hear from her. You just let her stew for a while...

[fred6]

Thanks everyone, I really do understand your concerns. However,

I don't want her back in any type of relationship. It's been 2 months and when I reflect back on what has happened, the reality and finality of the situation has set in. It's like I was in shock or something while I was still living there. THIS WOMAN HAS BEEN HAVING SEX WITH SOME OTHER DUDE. I will always love and miss her but I don't want or need her in my life. She is a poor corrupt soul that is doomed to live a sad lonely life as a human mattress for the rest of her life. I pity her, but I will not be sucked in to her to suffer like this again. I'm not perfect, but I deserve better than I've been receiving. Yesterday, after watching her daughter cry and beg me not to leave. I told myself that I would always want to have something to do with her daughter, if possible. Like me, she deserves better and has no  choice in the situation. I don't want to go too long and break the bond with her daughter. But for now I'm NC until further notice. 

[hurting300]

You're going to be alright Fred, you will heal... she unfortunately will not, Even with long term therapy it's nearly impossible. She does feel regret and shame for what she did. I can almost promise you she thinks and dreams about you often, after all she is using your awesome personality because she don't have one of her own. Believe me, she'll contact you again someday when you've healed and forgotten... what's sad is she'll still be in this fake delusional world she has somehow managed to be in all her life... let's all be happy these people are gone.

[fred6]

You're going to be alright Fred, you will heal... she unfortunately will not, Even with long term therapy it's nearly impossible. She does feel regret and shame for what she did. I can almost promise you she thinks and dreams about you often, after all she is using your awesome personality because she don't have one of her own. Believe me, she'll contact you again someday when you've healed and forgotten... what's sad is she'll still be in this fake delusional world she has somehow managed to be in all her life... let's all be happy these people are gone.

Maybe she will, maybe she won't. Either way, I have no control over her actions, so therefore I will  try my best not to concern myself with what she does. A while back, after she broke up with me. I told her, "why would it matter to me what you do? You are a single woman now. You can do whatever you want to". At first she looked kind of sad, then she raged and made me cry like an emotional little girl. Moral of the story, she wanted to be single, and I pointed that out, and she still destroyed me. =no win situation.

[hurting300]

I still love my ex girlfriend Fred, but it's a "I feel sorry for you" kinda way... she never give me what I give her in the relationship... I truly think she used me to have a baby and place to stay. Some men tell me i should be flattered by the fact that a sexy woman used me for sex... maybe   look forward my friend it's hard and you'll drive yourself mad trying to figure it out.