Stirring the hive in my mind

[Shell shock]

So this is likely a common issue with many. My relationship ended almost five weeks ago when, after a fight, she said she no longer wanted me in her life (One week after proclaiming to be madly in love with me and 4 months into the relationship). She has resumed her relationship with her boss presumably. I was doing quite well getting over her and understanding the net negative of my experience with her when I decided to look her up on Facebook.

It was such a bad idea. Based on appearances she looks like nothing happened to her with happy photos and intimate banter with her primary partner. It's her life, and she can continue to live it without me, but I am jealous of how easy it is for her to erase the emotional connection we had. I'm not envious by any stretch, but it would be easier if I could erase her from my mind. I understand that what one publishes on FB  can belie the reality, but it can be deceptively convincing.

I'm just going to accept my feelings for what they are and avoid stirring the hive and not follow her on Facebook as tempting as that is periodically. Does anyone have any advice to steer away from such an easy temptation?

[fred6]

So this is likely a common issue with many. My relationship ended almost five weeks ago when, after a fight, she said she no longer wanted me in her life (One week after proclaiming to be madly in love with me and 4 months into the relationship). She has resumed her relationship with her boss presumably. I was doing quite well getting over her and understanding the net negative of my experience with her when I decided to look her up on Facebook.

It was such a bad idea. Based on appearances she looks like nothing happened to her with happy photos and intimate banter with her primary partner. It's her life, and she can continue to live it without me, but I am jealous of how easy it is for her to erase the emotional connection we had. I'm not envious by any stretch, but it would be easier if I could erase her from my mind. I understand that what one publishes on FB  can belie the reality, but it can be deceptively convincing.

I'm just going to accept my feelings for what they are and avoid stirring the hive and not follow her on Facebook as tempting as that is periodically. Does anyone have any advice to steer away from such an easy temptation?

I can't help you there bro. I look at my ex's Facebook all the time. I'm watching her mirror and groom her new supply. It's kind of interesting to me. Come to think of it, she hasn't posted anything in a couple days and logs out immediately if she see's me post something. It's very odd, since she's a facebookaholic. Normally, she would have posted, liked, or shared 30-50 things in two days. But nothing in 2 days is just weird. Maybe she misses me so much that she can't function on Facebook, LOL NOT... .Anyhow, I would suggest that if it bothers you, don't look at it. BLOCK HER ASS!

[Mutt]

Hi Shell shock,

I'm sorry to hear about the way that she didn't give you closure and simply moved on. It's very painful and difficult and I share a similar experience. She copes differently than you and I but it still hurts. This is still raw.

We've all peeked at FB. It's difficult being left behind as if nothing happened and it piques the curiosity perhaps? Is this person better than I and leaves us with a lot why's. It's important to not be hard on ourselves.

I chose to deactivate my FB for several months at the beginning of my healing as to make it easier and not to open wounds. I understand that it is the only means of communication for some. I sent an email to close family and friends and told them I am deactivating FB for now due to separation and divorce and to email and I will send family pictures by email and call my cellphone.

Everyone understood and respected that. I went back to FB 8 months later when I felt stronger and had worked through the pain. As you eloquently pointed out Shell shock, FB is an easy temptation and identifying triggers is key.

My advice, deactivate the social media triggers for now. I heard it often "yeah but I only use FB it's easier for me" do what you need to do for you, email predates FB and is still used today. Take care of you.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Shell shock,

Appearances can be deceiving, as they say.  Those w/BPD are good at projecting a certain image to the outside world that is a far cry from the dark side within.  Don't be fooled.

Hang in there,

Lucky Jim

[merlin4926]

It is hard I've blocked him on fb but occasionally something pops up on a mutual friends page. I just tell myself that it's only a moment that's captured and no one puts the crap stuff on there.  From my facebook I look like I'm having a pretty good time! I also look back and think of all the bad stuff even in the good stages of our relationship and know my replacements probably dealing with that now.

[Shell shock]

Thank you everyone including those that just read my post. It's heartwarming to have a collective group of people who are sharing a similiar pain.

I find when I am tempted to look her up, I come to this site with its 800+ pages of personal testimony, and it reinstills the courage to move on. Like Lot leaving Sodom and Gomorrah, I don't want to share his wife's fate where I look back and turn to salt.