Weekends are the worst part

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

During the week I still have my ups and downs. But I get up every day and do my OCD type weekly schedule. I used to drink a lot but in 2007 I toned it down to a 1 night a week schedule, usually Friday nights. Seems to work pretty well for me. However, now that work has slowed down to 4 days a week in the slow season, I'm usually off on Mondays. Now I find myself wanting to drink and sleep all weekend, but it's only been since I've moved out of my uxBPD's house. I don't really have anything to do. Not many friends and not much money to go do anything right now. Before me and my uxBPDgf got together back in 2011 and I lived alone for 5 years it wasn't like this. I still drank every Friday and slept it off on Saturdays but it seems like I had more motivation to do things. It seem as though on this forum that I try to be strong for the members and give good advice. But that's from an outside perspective on "their" situation, which in fact is still my situation. Kind of makes me feel like a hypocrite that I can't even follow my own advice. Anyone have any of that going on in their head?

[fred6]

During the week I still have my ups and downs. But I get up every day and do my OCD type weekly schedule. I used to drink a lot but in 2007 I toned it down to a 1 night a week schedule, usually Friday nights. Seems to work pretty well for me. However, now that work has slowed down to 4 days a week in the slow season, I'm usually off on Mondays. Now I find myself wanting to drink and sleep all weekend, but it's only been since I've moved out of my uxBPD's house. I don't really have anything to do. Not many friends and not much money to go do anything right now. Before me and my uxBPDgf got together back in 2011 and I lived alone for 5 years it wasn't like this. I still drank every Friday and slept it off on Saturdays but it seems like I had more motivation to do things. It seem as though on this forum that I try to be strong for the members and give good advice. But that's from an outside perspective on "their" situation, which in fact is still my situation. Kind of makes me feel like a hypocrite that I can't even follow my own advice. Anyone have any of that going on in their head?

[NorthLight]

About giving tips but not following them: yes, i feel like that sometimes too, like when i tell people "be glad its over now rather than later", "think if u had kids with her and marriage, it would be so much harder to get over exBPD", "time will slowly heal, believe it or not", "try stay active, tire out your body with workouts and whatever makes you feel good" - Its stuff i know work, its attitudes i know are logic, but still, at nights (like this one), i ignore every single one of tips iv previous given, and just sit here feeling lonely, missing her, want to contact her and ask how the F she could dump her "love of her life" and days after go into a new RS.

And yes, weekends can be hard. Its the social time of the week, its the time of the week that reminds us that we are alone and it sucks :P

Hang in there bro, we are all here together for each other, and we will make it 

[kc sunshine]

oh man, yes-- the weekends! That's when I've slipped up most and gotten back in contact. No recycling but still lots of setbacks. On the weekends is when jealousy seems to rear its head for me and that can propel me into contact.

Did you end up getting a cat Fred? I hope so! I loved that idea. Or a dog .  Anyway, we're here dear one and will be all weekend.  

[hurting300]

Fred... .Hit a bar and take a lady home... or talk to us my friend. 

[fred6]

About giving tips but not following them: yes, i feel like that sometimes too, like when i tell people "be glad its over now rather than later", "think if u had kids with her and marriage, it would be so much harder to get over exBPD", "time will slowly heal, believe it or not", "try stay active, tire out your body with workouts and whatever makes you feel good" - Its stuff i know work, its attitudes i know are logic, but still, at nights (like this one), i ignore every single one of tips iv previous given, and just sit here feeling lonely, missing her, want to contact her and ask how the F she could dump her "love of her life" and days after go into a new RS.

And yes, weekends can be hard. Its the social time of the week, its the time of the week that reminds us that we are alone and it sucks :P

Hang in there bro, we are all here together for each other, and we will make it  

Yeah, I'm not a steroid guy. But at 42 and for the past 10 years I've always worked out. I've done good at my age. But now I just lay around doing nothing. I tried to start my workouts back and I did for a week. But it didn't last. I don't have the motivation. I know that I need to do it. But I just sit here thinking about her.

Her claws are still there. But she's not giving me a second thought, I guess. There will be no recycle or contact from her. But I know from 2010's posts that I need to detach from her. But I cannot just stop thinking about it. I don't try to think about this $hit, it's just there in my brain. I cannot just shut it off for some reason.

Should I just let TIME play it out, or is there something that I need to do?

[fred6]

oh man, yes-- the weekends! That's when I've slipped up most and gotten back in contact. No recycling but still lots of setbacks. On the weekends is when jealousy seems to rear its head for me and that can propel me into contact.

I have to be honest here. Last week, since I was off on Monday.  I got drunk Sunday(In addition to Friday night) night. I texted my uxBPDgf 11PM and told her that I had Motley Crue tickets and that I could get someone else to go, but that I wanted to go with her. The reply I got 6:30am was, "Thanks for offering but going to have to pass". I know she wants to go, she told me so. I replied that I wanted to see her daughter and FredCat, like she promised that I could. I got no reply. It was a drunk stupid move on my part, but I'm a dummy, ... .

Did you end up getting a cat Fred? I hope so! I loved that idea. Or a dog .  Anyway, we're here dear one and will be all weekend.  

I love her cat. His name is Fred. I can't have a woman or a pet right now unless it's those two together. I think about kidnapping the cat. Anyhow, I think that I like Fred more than I like Dawn at this point. But I guess that I'll pour another drink and think of the future that was removed from me for being "a good guy".



image hosting Yeah, he's a crackhead cat, ... .

[fred6]

Fred... .Hit a bar and take a lady home... or talk to us my friend. 

No, don't think that I'm ready to deal with any woman but my ex. But I can't even deal with her. I'm NC, so that's why I'm talking here. I'm trying, but this $hit is so hard. ":)rink up Johnny", hahahhaha.

[Infern0]

For me the weekends are the best now. When I was devalued and in push pull she used to have a meltdown every Friday night without fail and I'd spend the entire weekend trying to repair the damage to our relationship. 

Now I have the weekend to chill out without her giving me ___

[maric]

Hey Fred, I'm sorry for what you're going through. It's really tough. I also find weekends terrifying, I spent so much time by myself that sometimes I think I'm going nuts. But, there are some things that sometimes work for me, maybe that can help you too:

- ride a bike. I don't know where you live, but possibly you have a park nearby, or some peaceful place to ride. It really helps me clearing my mind. Skate also is great!

- classes. do you like to learn? do you have any community service or organization around that have a course you can attend to? I don't know about your preferences, but maybe you have some interests in music, drawing, gardening, mechanics, theater, woodcraft, languages. just do anything that appeals to you. the schedule and some homework really helps getting your mind away from her, and plus, you end up learning something new and meeting people. if you are into building stuff, it's just great to see that you can create something with your own hands. (I don't know where I'll be without my weekly woodcraft classes... .)

- help others - maybe you can spend some time at a local animal shelter, since you like animals. Even if you go just 1 hour a week, it's good for keeping your mind away and also for the ones you help. Plus you meet people, and spend some time with lovely animals.

- meditate. It's hard to start meditating by yourself, so maybe you can find a local group that does it together with more people. you can google your area and I'm sure you'll find something.

Hope it helps! You have a buddy down here in Brazil who gets what you are feeling! <3

[GoodThingsToCome]

Hey Fred,

I agree... .weekends are really tough, Sunday in particular is the worst for me - its a day that just seems more like a couples day, and where I'm used to just chilling with my ex or at least having her around. It's getting a bit better over time, especially as I've tried to embrace radical acceptance... .if I just feel lonely/s**t at a particular time, I accept it, accept that it is temporary and will pass, and that it is OK and healthy to feel that way; it seems as soon as I use that approach, there is almost a strength that comes from within saying "I'm going to make it through and come out just fine!".

I've taken the approach of exercising quite heavily... .I'm running a lot more, I've signed up for functional strength training classes (it really helps to be around other normal people!) and each time I workout I know I'm doing this for me and getting strong for the amazing woman I'm going to meet next in my life - that is the way I see it

Having said this, it doesn't take away from the pain and isolation one feels at these moments - a solitary prison sentence as I like to think of it that one just has to serve out. I respect what you say about not being ready for another woman, and I believe that to be totally healthy approach - I'm still at a point where I can't even think of another woman in an intimate way, I just want my ex... .and for me that is a sure sign I'm not ready.

Keep posting if you need... .you will make it out just fine!

[fred6]

Hey Fred,

I agree... .weekends are really tough, Sunday in particular is the worst for me - its a day that just seems more like a couples day, and where I'm used to just chilling with my ex or at least having her around. It's getting a bit better over time, especially as I've tried to embrace radical acceptance... .if I just feel lonely/s**t at a particular time, I accept it, accept that it is temporary and will pass, and that it is OK and healthy to feel that way; it seems as soon as I use that approach, there is almost a strength that comes from within saying "I'm going to make it through and come out just fine!".

I've taken the approach of exercising quite heavily... .I'm running a lot more, I've signed up for functional strength training classes (it really helps to be around other normal people!) and each time I workout I know I'm doing this for me and getting strong for the amazing woman I'm going to meet next in my life - that is the way I see it

Having said this, it doesn't take away from the pain and isolation one feels at these moments - a solitary prison sentence as I like to think of it that one just has to serve out. I respect what you say about not being ready for another woman, and I believe that to be totally healthy approach - I'm still at a point where I can't even think of another woman in an intimate way, I just want my ex... .and for me that is a sure sign I'm not ready.

Keep posting if you need... .you will make it out just fine!

Thanks guys, I really appreciate it. She never liked sex with me. Always detached from me during sex. But now from reading 2010's posts, she may be moaning in Ecstasy because they mirror new supply. So I sit here and drink. Not knowing what she's doing. I just want someone to love me, but I have to love myself. How the fcuk do I do that? I'm just here and want my life back?

[GoodThingsToCome]

I know what a challenge it can be, trust me. I've spent many a time wondering what my ex is doing... .knowing she has probably been seeing other guys and getting up to who knows what.

The major problem is that we all spent the majority of the relationship tip-toeing around them, walking on egg-shells and placing our happiness at their disposal. After the break-up, it has taken me such a long time to convince myself that she IS NOT the keeper of my happiness and that I need to make things happen for me. They may put on a happy/brave face now and pretend that life is wonderful, but I know what lies beneath that facade... .I know what goes on inside that mind, and for that reason I know that ultimately they have the most to suffer in the long run.

I know that regardless of what anyone really says on here (most of which you already know), the dark and lonely feelings will still be there and for that I'm sorry... .its a horrible thing to go through... .time just seems to move so slowly during painful times like these. All I can say is don't beat yourself up... .take small steps but in the right direction. You first have to love yourself and heal before anybody else is going to be able to love you the way you want.

When I think of what she may be doing at any time, I try to imagine her in one of her cold, distant moods with that look on her face... .that helps me remember that its not the love I ultimately want or deserve, and that I dodged a bullet.

Keep moving forward and keep thinking of what you want in your future! Lots of small pieces make a whole.

[Fluff]

Hate hate hate weekends. So much pressure. I have to find a replacement. Know I will fail to find one.

But today I have a date! woho!  Not someone I'm actually interested in, and that's the best part. 

[going places]

Volunteer.

Habitat for Humanity

Red Cross

There are countless places that would love volunteers.

Stay away from social media / smart phone / computer.

Clean. Pick a room in your house, start at the ceiling, and clean it top to bottom, decluttering along the way, maybe even fixing broken things, or putting on a new coat of paint.

Keep your minds and hands busy.

Pray. Out loud... .have amazing conversations with God.

[NorthLight]

About giving tips but not following them: yes, i feel like that sometimes too, like when i tell people "be glad its over now rather than later", "think if u had kids with her and marriage, it would be so much harder to get over exBPD", "time will slowly heal, believe it or not", "try stay active, tire out your body with workouts and whatever makes you feel good" - Its stuff i know work, its attitudes i know are logic, but still, at nights (like this one), i ignore every single one of tips iv previous given, and just sit here feeling lonely, missing her, want to contact her and ask how the F she could dump her "love of her life" and days after go into a new RS.

And yes, weekends can be hard. Its the social time of the week, its the time of the week that reminds us that we are alone and it sucks :P

Hang in there bro, we are all here together for each other, and we will make it  

Yeah, I'm not a steroid guy. But at 42 and for the past 10 years I've always worked out. I've done good at my age. But now I just lay around doing nothing. I tried to start my workouts back and I did for a week. But it didn't last. I don't have the motivation. I know that I need to do it. But I just sit here thinking about her.

Her claws are still there. But she's not giving me a second thought, I guess. There will be no recycle or contact from her. But I know from 2010's posts that I need to detach from her. But I cannot just stop thinking about it. I don't try to think about this $hit, it's just there in my brain. I cannot just shut it off for some reason.

Should I just let TIME play it out, or is there something that I need to do?

I cannot give you advice on how to totally recover because I'm not there yet myself. Its a easy formula that has at least east the pain for me: NC, no stalking, stop thinking about good moments, think of the bad ones, think that this had to happen some day no matter what, so better get it over with now rather than in 10 years right?

But its still unfair that we have to go through this, no matter how much we try to read and understand. Hang in there mate, at least you can recover - while ur ex will go through this same pattern for the rest of her life (because she can never find inner peace and be happy) - YOU CAN and you will

[kc sunshine]

We're half way through the weekend! And I'm thinking this: no matter how boring or lonely this weekend feels without her, it's better than fighting. Also the sun is shining and the leaves are beautiful; thanks world, for that comfort.

[kc sunshine]

We're half way through the weekend! And I'm thinking this: no matter how boring or lonely this weekend feels without her, it's better than fighting. Also the sun is shining and the leaves are beautiful; thanks world, for that comfort.

[Hope0807]

A thousand percent with you!  Things are often easier said than done.  Most of us here are natural "givers".  We give good advice and want to be there for others.  Problem is, we struggle to be there for ourselves and allow ourselves to be filled up by everyone else's needs.  Our patterns must be broken in order to truly heal.  You are so not alone.  I'm pretty good during the week and the weekends are indeed the worst.  Unstructured time is no good.  We have to distract ourselves with positive motions in the right direction that is not repetitive of the path that led us to the BPD. 

During the week I still have my ups and downs. But I get up every day and do my OCD type weekly schedule. I used to drink a lot but in 2007 I toned it down to a 1 night a week schedule, usually Friday nights. Seems to work pretty well for me. However, now that work has slowed down to 4 days a week in the slow season, I'm usually off on Mondays. Now I find myself wanting to drink and sleep all weekend, but it's only been since I've moved out of my uxBPD's house. I don't really have anything to do. Not many friends and not much money to go do anything right now. Before me and my uxBPDgf got together back in 2011 and I lived alone for 5 years it wasn't like this. I still drank every Friday and slept it off on Saturdays but it seems like I had more motivation to do things. It seem as though on this forum that I try to be strong for the members and give good advice. But that's from an outside perspective on "their" situation, which in fact is still my situation. Kind of makes me feel like a hypocrite that I can't even follow my own advice. Anyone have any of that going on in their head?

[hope2727]

Yup weekends suck.

Friday night was date night. Now its wine by the fire with the dog night. Saturday is see the psychologist morning followed by phone my friends and tell them what the psychologist said afternoon.

Sunday I work at the most miserable job on earth to create a contrast effect with Monday which is return to my full time miserable job so it seems less horrifying.

Then its Friday again. Yup weekends suck. 

[going places]

www.meetup.com

There are groups EVERYWHERE! All different interests... .it's a really cool concept!

[Zeo500]

This thread is interesting as it's how I've been feeling on weekends recently.  And friends who I'm usually there for can't be bothered as they have there own things going on so I honestly feel alone. Especially this weekend since me and my exCD we were suppose to do something special last night and obviously that didn't happen. Even to a point where I began thinking "was she so bad?"  "Why didn't I just deal with the BS... .things weren't always bad."  "Maybe I should email her, screw it... I feel so alone."

It's certainly a tough situation because as someone else posted the weekends are a "social time of the week."  So when you feel alone, you really feel alone.  There is actually a song called "Lonely Weekends."   I've actually been very depressed and frustrated.