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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Read posts on the "staying" board. not missing him anymore.  (Read 418 times)
Seriously?
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 100


« on: November 22, 2014, 08:28:24 PM »

Since I have been tearful today, missing my ex, I thought maybe I'd read some of what folks who have made the conscious choice to stay have to say. I had many flashbacks to times I had "managed" in my relationship.  You know what? I don't want to manage, to cope. I want to live life to the fullest.  I had to stifle the parts of me that threatened him. I was regularly woken up in the middle of the night because he wanted to discuss something with me. He questioned my every move. I had to constantly explain and defend myself.  The good times were fabulous, but not worth ever dealing with the chaos of having him in my life. I am a very trustworthy person. I have flaws and am not perfect.  That is why our relationship cannot be saved.
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Mutt
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced Oct 2015
Posts: 10400



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« Reply #1 on: November 23, 2014, 01:07:41 AM »

Seriously?,

That's frustrating getting woken up in the middle of the night. The best way I found to describe it like the book is "Walking on Eggshells". Boy, I don't miss it. It's a reminder and lesson that you have one life to live. Live and learn. There are many valuable lessons in these r/s's. Own your part and grow.
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"Let go or be dragged" -Zen proverb
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