i have an idea. its kind of devious, haha.

[Depression = 72% of members]

I was in the gym throwing some heavy weight around for therapy and had a flashback to years ago when I was dating the first woman with BPD. She had painted me black and it was bad. She was also cutting at the time. I had my best friends 7 year old daughter knock on her door and deliver a dozen roses to her. They said that she had a big smile on her face and within a few weeks we were talking again and spending time together.

Since my ex is now living with her npd dude, I'm going to send a dozen to her at his house with a card that reads "I just wanted to put that beautiful smile back on your face one more time... ."

I know the possibilities. She will either coldly throw them away ,he will get mad, or she will keep them. Either way, she will have to think about me for a moment.

I may change the card to "I wanted to send you something as beautiful as you are, but all 12 together still fall short... ."

I'm not looking for a miracle or anything. I really just want to be able to walk away saying I did everything that I could think of... .

[evilpepsi]

I was in the gym throwing some heavy weight around for therapy and had a flashback to years ago when I was dating the first woman with BPD. She had painted me black and it was bad. She was also cutting at the time. I had my best friends 7 year old daughter knock on her door and deliver a dozen roses to her. They said that she had a big smile on her face and within a few weeks we were talking again and spending time together.

Since my ex is now living with her npd dude, I'm going to send a dozen to her at his house with a card that reads "I just wanted to put that beautiful smile back on your face one more time... ."

I know the possibilities. She will either coldly throw them away ,he will get mad, or she will keep them. Either way, she will have to think about me for a moment.

I may change the card to "I wanted to send you something as beautiful as you are, but all 12 together still fall short... ."

I'm not looking for a miracle or anything. I really just want to be able to walk away saying I did everything that I could think of... .

[Xidion]

What if it did work? Would you really want her back? I've thought about doing the same thing. I miss her. But I don't miss the lying and cheating.

[evilpepsi]

What if it did work? Would you really want her back? I've thought about doing the same thing. I miss her. But I don't miss the lying and cheating.

We go see a counselor that deals with dialectical behavioral therapy. I don't really know... .

[evilpepsi]

And then I'll send another dozen to her at work a few weeks later... .

[FoolishMan]

And then I'll send another dozen to her at work a few weeks later... .

You might get better advice towards this recycle goal on Undecided or Staying. I had ideas like this myself during the first months of BU but my goal was to detach not recycle so I didn't do anything. I'm glad now.

[evilpepsi]

And then I'll send another dozen to her at work a few weeks later... .

You might get better advice towards this recycle goal on Undecided or Staying. I had ideas like this myself during the first months of BU but my goal was to detach not recycle so I didn't do anything. I'm glad now.

I know.  I may not want her back. I may not even do this. Its just whimsical thinking... .

[Skip]

Maybe you are "evil pepsi".  

Sending her roses right now is a big red sign that says "its ok to walk out on me and move in with another man".  I know you have more romantic thoughts, but the odds that this will go down well are slim. And being that it is his house, what choice does she have other than to disrespect the gesture as he looks on.  If you want to reach out to her, maybe a handwritten note to work or something subtle will play better.

I think the bigger issue is answering for yourself, why she stayed in such close contact with him when she was with you.  How do you see that?

[evilpepsi]

Maybe you are "evil pepsi".  

Sending her roses right now is a big red sign that says "its ok to walk out on me and move in with another man".  I know you have more romantic thoughts, but the odds that this will go down well are slim. And being that it is his house, what choice does she have other than to disrespect the gesture as he looks on.  If you want to reach out to her, maybe a handwritten note to work or something subtle will play better.

I think the bigger issue is answering for yourself, why she stayed in such close contact with him when she was with you.  How do you see that?

She didn't willingly stay in contact with him. He is narcissist and does the typical narcissist routine of making random contact. Usually, he was abusive towards her. We talked to the cops twice and all that they would do is tell him to leave her alone. He would text me just as often.

What worked for him this time is that his grandma died.

My intent isn't to show her that It's ok. Its an attempt at breaking through the black. As for a note, I took care of that the night before she came back to get her stuff. I wrote a long sweet letter and stashed it underneath some clothes in her drawer. She won't find it right away, but I know how she is about clothes. It will be about 10 more days and she will find it... .

[Mutt]

Hi evilpepsi,

From my experience I don't think you'll be able to break through "black" not this way. Perhaps L2 may be a better board to post instead of L3 and detaching. It sounds like you want to be split white. I'm sorry your struggling.

[peiper]

Brother, as my dad a WW2 vet would have said, your pissin into the wind. Its only going to cause a mess.

[bruceli]

I was in the gym throwing some heavy weight around for therapy and had a flashback to years ago when I was dating the first woman with BPD. She had painted me black and it was bad. She was also cutting at the time. I had my best friends 7 year old daughter knock on her door and deliver a dozen roses to her. They said that she had a big smile on her face and within a few weeks we were talking again and spending time together.

Since my ex is now living with her npd dude, I'm going to send a dozen to her at his house with a card that reads "I just wanted to put that beautiful smile back on your face one more time... ."

I know the possibilities. She will either coldly throw them away ,he will get mad, or she will keep them. Either way, she will have to think about me for a moment.

I may change the card to "I wanted to send you something as beautiful as you are, but all 12 together still fall short... ."

I'm not looking for a miracle or anything. I really just want to be able to walk away saying I did everything that I could think of... .

Gotta chime in here.  Did this and it did work.  Sent it to her work place.

[evilpepsi]

I was in the gym throwing some heavy weight around for therapy and had a flashback to years ago when I was dating the first woman with BPD. She had painted me black and it was bad. She was also cutting at the time. I had my best friends 7 year old daughter knock on her door and deliver a dozen roses to her. They said that she had a big smile on her face and within a few weeks we were talking again and spending time together.

Since my ex is now living with her npd dude, I'm going to send a dozen to her at his house with a card that reads "I just wanted to put that beautiful smile back on your face one more time... ."

I know the possibilities. She will either coldly throw them away ,he will get mad, or she will keep them. Either way, she will have to think about me for a moment.

I may change the card to "I wanted to send you something as beautiful as you are, but all 12 together still fall short... ."

I'm not looking for a miracle or anything. I really just want to be able to walk away saying I did everything that I could think of... .

Gotta chime in here.  Did this and it did work.  Sent it to her work place.

i intend to. had ww3 with her over the weekend, well, more her narcissist bf, but she chimed in as well. going to wait a bit more. as of this moment, its more for experimental purposes as im not really sure if i even want to look at her again.

i buried myself in the gym this past week and a lot of avenged sevenfold and papa roach to distract me, and it worked. got a couple of dates coming up soon. moving on is great... .

[Xidion]

I was in the gym throwing some heavy weight around for therapy and had a flashback to years ago when I was dating the first woman with BPD. She had painted me black and it was bad. She was also cutting at the time. I had my best friends 7 year old daughter knock on her door and deliver a dozen roses to her. They said that she had a big smile on her face and within a few weeks we were talking again and spending time together.

Since my ex is now living with her npd dude, I'm going to send a dozen to her at his house with a card that reads "I just wanted to put that beautiful smile back on your face one more time... ."

I know the possibilities. She will either coldly throw them away ,he will get mad, or she will keep them. Either way, she will have to think about me for a moment.

I may change the card to "I wanted to send you something as beautiful as you are, but all 12 together still fall short... ."

I'm not looking for a miracle or anything. I really just want to be able to walk away saying I did everything that I could think of... .

Gotta chime in here.  Did this and it did work.  Sent it to her work place.

i intend to. had ww3 with her over the weekend, well, more her narcissist bf, but she chimed in as well. going to wait a bit more. as of this moment, its more for experimental purposes as im not really sure if i even want to look at her again.

i buried myself in the gym this past week and a lot of avenged sevenfold and papa roach to distract me, and it worked. got a couple of dates coming up soon. moving on is great... .

I've been lifting steadily since the breakup and went on a date last night. Gotta say, it feels great. I'm a little over weight at the moment but getting great results. Can't wait till I'm slim and swole.  She will be begging for me back as I treat her like dirt.

[hope2727]

Seems like this thread is mostly guys. I am female and have an exBPDfiance. I really miss him. Not dusregulated him but we'll him. I have a question. I ordered a special gift for his birthday that would mean nothing to anyone but him. He freaked out and dumped me around his bday. Been LC and then NC since may. He has a replacement. I would like to give him the gift regardless but can't think of a single way that isn't creepy and stalkerish.  I know I have to just let him go and get over t but damn I wish I didn't.  Any thoughts on a possible way to get him the gift?  I know I know let it go. Ok thanks for listening. 

[Mutt]

hope2727,

It's fine. You were abandoned on his birthday. A difficult day.

What does the gift represent? I understand you miss him is the gift a peace offering of sorts?

I think you may not get the response you'd like from him. This may trigger more pain for you. I don't think it's simply let it go. I wouldn't like to hear you hurt over your exBPDfiance from a nice gesture. How about writing it out in a new thread? It helps to talk.

[Elpis]

I just read the 10 beliefs that can get us stuck: https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/10_beliefs.pdf

I think i'm going to need to re-read this on a regular basis to remind myself of the truth of what is real in my relationship.

Part of what makes detaching difficult is not having a clear goal--when I waffle back and forth because I saw the "old him" for a minute, it just messes with my mind, it messes with the truth of the relationship as a whole.

Fantasies of revenge taste sweet and let us rewrite the story of our relationship, but we need to leave them as fantasies rather than muddy the waters or we're just muddying ourselves long term. Sometimes those revenge fantasies make pretty funny books and movies, they just aren't great in real life.

[evilpepsi]

I was in the gym throwing some heavy weight around for therapy and had a flashback to years ago when I was dating the first woman with BPD. She had painted me black and it was bad. She was also cutting at the time. I had my best friends 7 year old daughter knock on her door and deliver a dozen roses to her. They said that she had a big smile on her face and within a few weeks we were talking again and spending time together.

Since my ex is now living with her npd dude, I'm going to send a dozen to her at his house with a card that reads "I just wanted to put that beautiful smile back on your face one more time... ."

I know the possibilities. She will either coldly throw them away ,he will get mad, or she will keep them. Either way, she will have to think about me for a moment.

I may change the card to "I wanted to send you something as beautiful as you are, but all 12 together still fall short... ."

I'm not looking for a miracle or anything. I really just want to be able to walk away saying I did everything that I could think of... .

Gotta chime in here.  Did this and it did work.  Sent it to her work place.

i intend to. had ww3 with her over the weekend, well, more her narcissist bf, but she chimed in as well. going to wait a bit more. as of this moment, its more for experimental purposes as im not really sure if i even want to look at her again.

i buried myself in the gym this past week and a lot of avenged sevenfold and papa roach to distract me, and it worked. got a couple of dates coming up soon. moving on is great... .

I've been lifting steadily since the breakup and went on a date last night. Gotta say, it feels great. I'm a little over weight at the moment but getting great results. Can't wait till I'm slim and swole.  She will be begging for me back as I treat her like dirt.

that's the spirit. channel that hurt and anger into the gym. push yourself to be better than you were before. visualize turning your body into one that she will kick herself in the rear end for letting slip away... .