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Author Topic: Are they all very childish in nature?  (Read 3060 times)
Xidion
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« on: December 10, 2014, 04:47:07 PM »

My exBPD was very childish. A lot of her interests, behaviour, etc. She would wine when something was wrong. She was selfish I'm a childish way. She loved hello kitty at age 22. Honestly, nearly everything she did was childish in nature. Was this the same for you?
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« Reply #1 on: December 10, 2014, 05:09:57 PM »

My ex was child-like in his nature, not his interests.  He was mostly interested in guns.  But he dealt with life in such a child-like way, so helpless.  And if challenged he wanted to blame everyone else, no accountability, no emotional regulation.  Much like my s10.  And no capacity to have conflicting thoughts (hence the black and white thinking) which is very immature.  I mentioned on another thread not too long ago, I felt like I was his teddy bear, an object of affection.
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« Reply #2 on: December 10, 2014, 08:01:51 PM »

yes. And when he was trying to act nice (be on good behaviour) he even had a baby voice. Luckily, he rarely used this with me... .it sounded so incredibly insincere, and it's such a turn off.  He too was helpless and yet so vengeful.  Watch out, these people hold grudges.  It's not so bad if little kids are angry with you, but adults with the minds of little kids, that can hurt.
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« Reply #3 on: December 10, 2014, 08:21:31 PM »

LOL

Mine was 31 and still loved Hello Kitty. 

I don't think having "childish interests" is a fair qualifier for determining whether someone has a PD.  We all have our quirks.  I still love childish stuff like Star Wars and Batman too, and I think everyone does. 

Now, if we're talking "childish behaviour" -- that's a different story. 

Mine behaved like a 3-year-old if the slightest thing upset her.  She would never scream and rage - but she'd pout, withhold affection, and employ the silent treatment.  I think those are actually worse than screaming. 
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« Reply #4 on: December 10, 2014, 09:05:55 PM »

Mine behaved like a 3-year-old if the slightest thing upset her.  She would never scream and rage - but she'd pout, withhold affection, and employ the silent treatment.  I think those are actually worse than screaming. 

Bingo!
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« Reply #5 on: December 10, 2014, 09:21:19 PM »

LOL

Mine was 31 and still loved Hello Kitty. 

I don't think having "childish interests" is a fair qualifier for determining whether someone has a PD.  We all have our quirks.  I still love childish stuff like Star Wars and Batman too, and I think everyone does. 

Now, if we're talking "childish behaviour" -- that's a different story. 

Mine behaved like a 3-year-old if the slightest thing upset her.  She would never scream and rage - but she'd pout, withhold affection, and employ the silent treatment.  I think those are actually worse than screaming. 

Mine did the same, plus when she was upset she'd make a big show of moving here things to storage. No arguments, she'd just start taking things out. Kinda like a little kid taking his ball and going home, "I'll show you! "
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« Reply #6 on: December 10, 2014, 10:10:26 PM »

I learned late in the relationship is that he looked at porn, which I consider a childish interest. Other than that, from what I saw, he wasn't childish in his interests or when it came down to a lot of things in life actually. I thought he was more mature than a lot of guys, which is one of the things I really liked about him. Now that I know that pw/BPD tend to act like whoever they think you want them to be, I guess everything that I thought was true, wasn't, necessarily

When it came down to our arguments though he could turn very childish and immature, from being rude careless, saying mean things out of anger to try to hurt me, to picking apart my words as an attempt to prove me wrong, to going tit for tat and NEVER being "the bigger person" That was always my job (and I'm proud to say I did it well!) He could have such a sh!tty attitude... .sarcasm, and talking down to me. Saying and doing things that, to a healthy minded person, seem so ridiculous and extreme... .I guess that's part of their impulsiveness and lack of ability to control their emotions. He would just fire things off without thinking, or caring (or both).  I guess I can overall describe it as emotional immaturity that often came across very childish.

You look at them and see the body of an adult, so you expect adult behavior. When you get the words and actions of a small child it's just hard to believe. No one expects that. It makes sense though when you think that for many pw/BPD, emotional/mental maturing was suppressed and untimately ceased at these young ages. They are mentally and emotionally stuck in their childhood.
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« Reply #7 on: December 10, 2014, 10:20:44 PM »

You look at them and see the body of an adult, so you expect adult behavior. When you get the words and actions of a small child it's just hard to believe. No one expects that. It makes sense though when you think that for many pw/BPD, emotional/mental maturing was suppressed and untimately ceased at these young ages. They are mentally and emotionally stuck in their childhood.

As UNfunny as the disorder is, after I made the child in an adults body analogy i couldn't help but to think of one of my favorite movies... .

www.m.youtube.com/watch?v=jKMK3XGO27k
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« Reply #8 on: December 10, 2014, 11:03:36 PM »

LOL

Mine was 31 and still loved Hello Kitty. 

I don't think having "childish interests" is a fair qualifier for determining whether someone has a PD.  We all have our quirks.  I still love childish stuff like Star Wars and Batman too, and I think everyone does. 

Now, if we're talking "childish behaviour" -- that's a different story. 

Mine behaved like a 3-year-old if the slightest thing upset her.  She would never scream and rage - but she'd pout, withhold affection, and employ the silent treatment.  I think those are actually worse than screaming. 

did we date the same woman? hahaha. jk... .
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« Reply #9 on: December 10, 2014, 11:18:02 PM »



I've actually been lurking at this forum for awhile:

www.psychforums.com/borderline-personality/

It's a forum for people who have BPD, so you can kind of look inside their heads a bit.  It's either really helpful, or really confusing.  I'm not sure which yet. 

One thing is almost certain:  ALL of these people are unbelievably screwed up.  There is no fixing them.  They will be like this forever. 
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« Reply #10 on: December 10, 2014, 11:20:58 PM »

I've actually been lurking at this forum for awhile:

www.psychforums.com/borderline-personality/

It's a forum for people who have BPD, so you can kind of look inside their heads a bit.  It's either really helpful, or really confusing.  I'm not sure which yet. 

One thing is almost certain:  ALL of these people are unbelievably screwed up.  There is no fixing them.  They will be like this forever. 

not true. my first BPDgf has made TONS of progress over the last few years of extensive therapy. she is my go to because she has been inside of the abyss that we stare into... .
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« Reply #11 on: December 11, 2014, 02:01:28 AM »

Our daughter is five now. She is currently outgrowing her mom when it comes to patience and social skills. It's true.

When something goes wrong she tries it another way. Her mom never did that. She just hits harder until something breaks.
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« Reply #12 on: December 11, 2014, 05:36:50 AM »

Childish? Well, not in her interests. At baseline emotional state she was more like an adventurous, rebelling teenager in a 35 years old woman's body. When triggered or had to deal with issues, regressed back to somewhere between 3-5 years.
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« Reply #13 on: December 11, 2014, 06:24:52 AM »

I have said many that I truly believe my exh stopped maturing at age 13.

His behavior and ability to communicate, reason, have empathy, compromise, etc is the same as trying to get a spoiled, entitled 13 year old boy to cooperate.

Stomping feet, slamming doors, throwing things, pounding on walls, screaming OR seething glare and silent treatment.

Doing daily tasks (folding laundry or cleaning up after dinner) and expecting someone to throw a parade and shower him with "good job, you're awesome, etc."

Refuses to see any one else's opinion / ideas because they are 'stupid'.

I could go on... .

I've been told this is a real condition "arrested development". That for some there was a traumatic event in their lives at the age they stopped maturing (like a sexual assault, etc).

I don't know, but it's exhausting being the only adult in the family!

I am glad, those days, are over.
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« Reply #14 on: December 11, 2014, 06:39:45 AM »

The thing that I still can't wrap my brain around is she's very high functioning. Successful in her career. Then again she never works with the same people. Just weird
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« Reply #15 on: December 11, 2014, 06:47:16 AM »

The thing that I still can't wrap my brain around is she's very high functioning. Successful in her career. Then again she never works with the same people. Just weird

Socioeconomic background, one of the world's most functioning and largest labour market with quite liberal attitude compared to other parts of the globe.  
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« Reply #16 on: December 11, 2014, 06:49:07 AM »

Oh yes I know this game.  Mine would go from a hypomanic 8 year old singing little songs in a child's voice to the petulant teenager.  It was a moving target from one kid to another.  I wonder if it is related to when certain traumas happened in their past?  Her dad is the same way.  He is 65 and plays with toys and thinks his wife needs to take care of everything for him.
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« Reply #17 on: December 11, 2014, 06:52:40 AM »

My ex often spoke in a seductive childish voice. Most of the time she had the maturity level of a extremely thoughtful teenager. When she felt safe she was very childlike in nature. When she was triggered she would revert back to a 3 year old. For most of the relationship it felt like the magic of childhood again.  :)uring devaluing she had the vindictiveness of a selfish child.
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« Reply #18 on: December 11, 2014, 07:17:14 AM »

¥¥¥¥¥
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« Reply #19 on: December 11, 2014, 07:18:31 AM »

My exBPD was very childish. A lot of her interests, behaviour, etc. She would wine when something was wrong. She was selfish I'm a childish way. She loved hello kitty at age 22. Honestly, nearly everything she did was childish in nature. Was this the same for you?

Yeah... .mine had a lot of child-like traits which I found endearing... .but I was in the fog and did not see how the immature "behavior" was pervasive in all things for her... .the way she cheated and ran off  my baggage  and just blamed, lied and was totally unaccountable for ANYTHING. She was like a spoiled little 3-year old. I'm sure she still is. And I am still dumbfounded by that, yet, if I was more observant, it was always right there in front of me. I just thought that the tables would never turn on me. "Not me?"  I was "special" to her after all... .wasn't I?    
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« Reply #20 on: December 11, 2014, 07:26:39 AM »

My exBPD was very childish. A lot of her interests, behaviour, etc. She would wine when something was wrong. She was selfish I'm a childish way. She loved hello kitty at age 22. Honestly, nearly everything she did was childish in nature. Was this the same for you?

Yeah... .mine had a lot of child-like traits which I found endearing... .but I was in the fog and did not see how the immature "behavior" was pervasive in all things for her... .the way she cheated and ran off  my baggage  and just blamed, lied and was totally unaccountable for ANYTHING. She was like a spoiled little 3-year old. I'm sure she still is. And I am still dumbfounded by that, yet, if I was more observant, it was always right there in front of me. I just thought that the tables would never turn on me. "Not me?"  I was "special" to her after all... .wasn't I?    

You were special too?  They are good at sucking us into their web. I absolutely found it unthinkable that she was capable of cheating. Yet another lesson learned. Too soon old, too late wise.
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« Reply #21 on: December 11, 2014, 07:37:31 AM »

they often have a good facade but when it breaks under pressure it all comes flooding out even crying for there mommy
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« Reply #22 on: December 11, 2014, 07:56:20 AM »

My exBPD was very childish. A lot of her interests, behaviour, etc. She would wine when something was wrong. She was selfish I'm a childish way. She loved hello kitty at age 22. Honestly, nearly everything she did was childish in nature. Was this the same for you?

Yeah... .mine had a lot of child-like traits which I found endearing... .but I was in the fog and did not see how the immature "behavior" was pervasive in all things for her... .the way she cheated and ran off  my baggage  and just blamed, lied and was totally unaccountable for ANYTHING. She was like a spoiled little 3-year old. I'm sure she still is. And I am still dumbfounded by that, yet, if I was more observant, it was always right there in front of me. I just thought that the tables would never turn on me. "Not me?"  I was "special" to her after all... .wasn't I?    

You were special too?  They are good at sucking us into their web. I absolutely found it unthinkable that she was capable of cheating. Yet another lesson learned. Too soon old, too late wise.

Opening our eyes and facing the painful reality is brutal!
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« Reply #23 on: December 11, 2014, 08:09:10 AM »

It does suck to realize the person we thought was perfect at first could turn out to be so cold and hateful.
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« Reply #24 on: December 11, 2014, 08:58:46 AM »

Yes my pwBPD was very childish as a 27 yr old. He was 3 years my minor I should have known better. I would tell him that he had a temper tantrum like a child when he didn't get his way. He would always hit me on my butt when we were at the store(so embarrassing). At times he would switch child role to father mode and try to scold me for the silliest things. Once I asked him to apologize to me for some hurtful things he said and he looked at me with no emotion in his eyes and said "I don't reward bad behavior." What the heck?

He also slept with a baby blanket his grandma gave him. Reminded me of a Lil boy yearning for attention from a parent.

I get so angry even thinking about this but its helping me cope.
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« Reply #25 on: December 11, 2014, 11:42:08 AM »

Yes, my husband is very immature and child-like.  I think that one of the reasons I was attracted to him was his gentle shy demeanor but of course my perception was 'off' and I didn't realize what I was really seeing at the time. 

He's not into Hello Kitty thank goodness  but for a man who is age 50, he's quite unsophisticated in his taste and very juvenile.  He always chooses the most immature way to dress.  I can't really describe it but he looks like a grown man in a young boy's outfit.  Strange.  He also buys things that small children would like, not adults which I did notice in the beginning of our relationship because he bought me a ring with a very juvenile heart on it.  The ring was meant for a young girl, not a grown woman. It was even so tiny that I could barely see it on my finger.  I didn't say anything and I treasured the ring but that was just the beginning of many strange disappointments in his gift giving- some of them really hurt my feelings.  One Christmas I wanted a very special snow globe.  It was so incredibly beautiful and meaningful to me and he knew I collected them.  When Christmas arrived, I opened my package and he had decided to give me what HE liked ( he told me this) which was a small child's music figurine of baby rabbits.  It was the perfect gift for a very young girl.  What hurt me was that he didn't acknowledge at all what I liked or what made me happy.  Everything was always about him and what made him happy.  I asked him about the snow globe and he lied and told me the shop didn't have it any longer.  A few days after Christmas I went by the shop and it was still sitting on the shelf. 

On the topic of Christmas- oh gosh.  If he had his way, our decorations would give someone the impression that we had small children in the house.  It's been very difficult to evolve as a mature woman with mature tastes because he really doesn't understand that part of maturing at all and I've outgrown him by leaps and bounds.  Once in an angry fit, I told him that I was 53 and wanted to live like a woman my age and he got so angry and accused me of acting like I was old and told me that age was just in my mind.  He just doesn't get it! 

He still behaves like a small child when he eats as well.  He will put vegetables in his mouth but won't swallow.

Not long ago he came home with stained glass framed picture of a flower and he showed it to me.  It was from a yard sale and he told me what a great deal he got for such an expensive item. When he showed it to me I was speechless because it wasn't stained glass at all.  It was a child's art project ( paint on an empty picture frame) and there were smears and mistakes and places where the paint was scratched off the glass.  The frame was broken. It's so hideous that I wondered why in the world he would buy such a thing. He latched on to it like a million dollars.  It was really sort of sad observing his attachment to this picture. 

He never has mature male friends.  All of his ' friends' are in their mid twenties or early 30's and he always wanted me to go out to dinner with them and their girlfriends.  On the few occasions that I did, I felt like I was with my two adult kids! I could have been their mother!  The waitress even thought they were my kids.   Nothing against young folks but I would like to hang out with people my own age!
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« Reply #26 on: December 11, 2014, 03:44:15 PM »

Childish? Well, not in her interests. At baseline emotional state she was more like an adventurous, rebelling teenager in a 35 years old woman's body. When triggered or had to deal with issues, regressed back to somewhere between 3-5 years.

This is spooky and describes my ex perfectly . She is 30 but back in the summer she started inviting a 19 yr old girl round the house that my ex used to baby sit . As they stayed freinds then her mate came round and so on before I knew it Id come home from work and find all these teenagers I'm the house drinking beer and watching my tv ! I asked my ex what the hell is goin on and she said they are my mates If you dont like it there's the door ! We had an argument over it to the point I did leave ! She actually stuck up for them and put them first this carried on for 2 months .she was always desperate to have freinds as she always fell out with them (BPD) I got a call from our neighbour saying she was in a bad way ! Went back to the house it was trashed she had got hooked on drugs and everyone had left her it took me 3 months to sort her out she just lost it . Why do they do these things she is so easy influenced hence that's why she is now my ex she started hanging out with another group and I can see it coming again . She with a new guy now who is involved with them into drugs goin out partying all weekend etc but she doesn't seem to learn and I'm glad I'm out of it all .
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« Reply #27 on: December 11, 2014, 04:22:37 PM »

Yes my pwBPD was very childish as a 27 yr old. He was 3 years my minor I should have known better. I would tell him that he had a temper tantrum like a child when he didn't get his way. He would always hit me on my butt when we were at the store(so embarrassing). At times he would switch child role to father mode and try to scold me for the silliest things. Once I asked him to apologize to me for some hurtful things he said and he looked at me with no emotion in his eyes and said "I don't reward bad behavior." What the heck?

He also slept with a baby blanket his grandma gave him. Reminded me of a Lil boy yearning for attention from a parent.

I get so angry even thinking about this but its helping me cope.

Wait... wait... .this grown man was sleeping with a baby blanket?

Didn't you think that that was a     GIANT RED FLAG?  

It's amazing what we tolerate.
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« Reply #28 on: December 11, 2014, 08:30:19 PM »

Wait... wait... .this grown man was sleeping with a baby blanket?

Didn't you think that that was a     GIANT RED FLAG?  

It's amazing what we tolerate.

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) yes! He said the blanket was sentimental because his grandmother sent it to him.
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« Reply #29 on: December 11, 2014, 09:33:34 PM »

LOL

Mine was 31 and still loved Hello Kitty.  

I don't think having "childish interests" is a fair qualifier for determining whether someone has a PD.  We all have our quirks.  I still love childish stuff like Star Wars and Batman too, and I think everyone does.  

Now, if we're talking "childish behaviour" -- that's a different story.  

Mine behaved like a 3-year-old if the slightest thing upset her.  She would never scream and rage - but she'd pout, withhold affection, and employ the silent treatment.  I think those are actually worse than screaming.  

Mine did the same, plus when she was upset she'd make a big show of moving here things to storage. No arguments, she'd just start taking things out. Kinda like a little kid taking his ball and going home, "I'll show you! "

WOW mine did the same thing! And would take things away he had bought for me.

Sometimes he asked me to explain things to him like a 5 year old (wrt why I couldn't see him prior to my divorce)

He often cried when he was sad. I thought he was sensitive.

I saved voicemails from him, 3 I believe. One he was sweet, one he was mean, one he cried so hard I couldn't understand him. You'd never know they were the same person. I saved them to remind me how bad it was.

He was just like a kid when he was around his nieces and nephews and friends kids. I just thought he loved kids.
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