I want her back - she is ignoring me

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Bit that does conffuse Me tho and always will is she was devaluing me before this ? So why all the abandonment issues ? I can only imagine I hurt her to deeply to ever be painted white again .

I understand that the behavior of a pwBPD is confusing. Also, I understand your concern for wanting her to "paint you white" again.  I think that relates to our need for a pwBPD to provide validation/closure/explanation.  I think it is great that you acknowledge your role in the relationship. I understand the need to focus on your ex's behavior.  Have you thought about focusing on you?  

[EaglesJuju]

Bit that does conffuse Me tho and always will is she was devaluing me before this ? So why all the abandonment issues ? I can only imagine I hurt her to deeply to ever be painted white again .

I understand that the behavior of a pwBPD is confusing. Also, I understand your concern for wanting her to "paint you white" again.  I think that relates to our need for a pwBPD to provide validation/closure/explanation.  I think it is great that you acknowledge your role in the relationship. I understand the need to focus on your ex's behavior.  Have you thought about focusing on you?  

[Splitblack4good]

Bit that does conffuse Me tho and always will is she was devaluing me before this ? So why all the abandonment issues ? I can only imagine I hurt her to deeply to ever be painted white again .

I understand that the behavior of a pwBPD is confusing. Also, I understand your concern for wanting her to "paint you white" again.  I think that relates to our need for a pwBPD to provide validation/closure/explanation.  I think it is great that you acknowledge your role in the relationship. I understand the need to focus on your ex's behavior.  Have you thought about focusing on you?  

Yes I have been working on myself since the Break up I'm doing things I neglected hobbies etc it was hard being with her due to my work commitments then making time for my freinds and family and I just felt so tired all the time all she used to say was everyone and everything came before her witch to a boarderline would seem true but in reality it was not the case . Working doing paperwork playing with her kids family freinds it was hard juggling all that . The moments and time spent with her was never enough it did get me down in the end she could never understand . My replacement is non employed drug dealer who has just come out of prison for gbh ! He spends 98% of his time with her witch in comparison to what she remembers with me not giving her time makes it harder for her to want to come back I'm really up against it . Do another reason I have to except it's over.

[Splitblack4good]

How ever I know she is hurting aswell the last call I got from her although she said it is over I could hear the upset in her voice . I think she did love me but it got to much for her aswell she even said when I asked her why did you say you loved me right up until the day we decided on a break to then say you do not love me anymore ? She said she wanted it to work but she lost more and more love for me theirs I shouted at her ! How much of this is true i dont know as she is boaderline and they are confusing in a way I'm an lucky I got at least some form of closure still confusing none the less .so it seemed by the tone of her voice it is easier to move on with my replacement although she knows deep down he is no good for her she knew him for 4 hours as he was homeless due to coming out of prison a week before meeting him she let him move in ! I'm only guessing it was lack of impulse control and her only option so she took it she is that frightend of being Alone. I know they have been arguing already but I truly beleive she will stay with him recycle him many times till she finds another replacement I do not think she will ever come back to me . However she has left her phone unblocked to me and lied to her freinds she told them she deleted my number so maybe she is trying to tell me something ? Who knows ? And she also has some of my things that she is ignoring to give back so maybe another hint .

[Targeted]

Split,

Same thing with mine, she always complained that she was not first in my life, she would complain if I had to do something with my children and she had another agenda that I did not choose her agenda above my children, I remember one evening we were supposed to be together but mobile phone needed to be fixed and I had to go out of my way to the shop to have that done so I was going to be very late, to her that meant my mobile phone was more important to me and she was and she threw that in my face for two years, if I was talking to her on the phone and one of my buddies called and I asked her to hold on for a minute so I can answer this call to her that meant he was more important than she was, kind of funny because she would remember these things and then saying whenever she got mad how I chose a man over her!  Lol.  Crazy!  Do you think this guy that is with your ex right now being with her 98% of the time is going to be what she really wants and it will work?   I would not worry about it, engulfment is just as damaging to the relationship as abandonment.

[Splitblack4good]

Split,

Same thing with mine, she always complained that she was not first in my life, she would complain if I had to do something with my children and she had another agenda that I did not choose her agenda above my children, I remember one evening we were supposed to be together but mobile phone needed to be fixed and I had to go out of my way to the shop to have that done so I was going to be very late, to her that meant my mobile phone was more important to me and she was and she threw that in my face for two years, if I was talking to her on the phone and one of my buddies called and I asked her to hold on for a minute so I can answer this call to her that meant he was more important than she was, kind of funny because she would remember these things and then saying whenever she got mad how I chose a man over her!  Lol.  Crazy!  Do you think this guy that is with your ex right now being with her 98% of the time is going to be what she really wants and it will work?   I would not worry about it, engulfment is just as damaging to the relationship as abandonment.

Thanks targeted I'm so glad your ex and mine are so similar that does make me feel a little better and not so hard on myself . All I know is she seems to be loving all the attention he can give her over what I could and they go out most weekends having fun when her kids are at ther nans all weekend . She loves goin out partying at weekends with him he in her eyes is more exciting than me and is meeting her needs more than I did .

[EaglesJuju]

In reality yes I do accept that's over , she still occupies the penthouse in my heart ,but I am hanging in there not in pain but in hope , if it comes to I,t I will deal with it then with a open mind and no fog . 4 months ago I would have walked 600 miles to go get her now I will fly her down 

I know it is hard to be internally conflicted.  Your head tells you one thing and then your heart says another.   .

There are aspects of my situation that are similar to yours.  When my pwBPD left, I was conflicted.  I was angry, sad, and hurt, at the same time.  In the beginning, it was really hard for me.  He was trying to push me away and had minimal contact.  The majority of the contact we had was unpleasant. It was unpleasant because, I was expecting him to provide me with some type of validation.  In retrospect, that was foolish of me to think that while he was severely dysregulating.  

Ultimately, I was faced with two decisions: waiting around for him to reach out or to take some time to heal. I decided that going NC would help me clear my thoughts, heal, and to get out of the FOG.  Regardless of the decision I was making, I needed to be in a good place mentally. So, I started focusing on my core issues of dependency and fear of abandonment. I learned that I did not have to put my own life on hold.  I did that before and it did not help myself or the relationship.  

I started recognizing how my own behavior contributed to my relationship.  Focusing on my own behavior, helped me gain a different perspective. After some work, I was able to make a decision.    

[Deeno02]

Split,

Same thing with mine, she always complained that she was not first in my life, she would complain if I had to do something with my children and she had another agenda that I did not choose her agenda above my children, I remember one evening we were supposed to be together but mobile phone needed to be fixed and I had to go out of my way to the shop to have that done so I was going to be very late, to her that meant my mobile phone was more important to me and she was and she threw that in my face for two years, if I was talking to her on the phone and one of my buddies called and I asked her to hold on for a minute so I can answer this call to her that meant he was more important than she was, kind of funny because she would remember these things and then saying whenever she got mad how I chose a man over her!  Lol.  Crazy!  :)o you think this guy that is with your ex right now being with her 98% of the time is going to be what she really wants and it will work?   I would not worry about it, engulfment is just as damaging to the relationship as abandonment.

And this is another reason why I cant have the crazy in my life. I devoted myself to her and her 5 kids. Plus my 2. When it started to go down hill, she started cutting my daughter out of her life. My daughter loved her as a mother. My son loved her too and not only that, she was he volleyball coach. She became jealous of my daughter taking time away from her when my daughter moved back home to attend a closer college. Her and her toxic neighbor friend of hers called my daughter a cock block. Said it to my face and then stood there and asked if I had a problem with that. I said nothing. Father failure right there. I dont forgive myself for not throwing that witch out then and there. I was up front with her about me having 50% custody. She had her kids all the time, except for 2 weekends a month.

Further on, she made comments about my daughter and even going as far as to call her my wife! This coming from a mother of 5 kids, one of whom is an 8 year old girl. Would she condone someone calling her kids names? Especially someone shes in an r/s with? I never said a damn thing about her kids when they were crawling all over us when we tried being alone, or trying to make love in a damn bathroom as thats the only time we may have had to be intimate, or constant calls to her on date night asking when we were coming home, running to her house for sick kids, asking me to talk to her eldest who was in trouble alot at school, etc. etc. Never said a damn word. Oh, and this is on top of helping her with her schedule of carting them around to sleep overs and soccer games and football practices. Spending hours with her autistic son teaching him to tie his shoes and getting him into football were he thrived and made friends. All this and she has the balls to tell me how much I think her and the kids are pains in the asses to me and I could be doing something better with my time then be with them. That killed me.

In short, if they dont accept you and your kids, they have no business in your life. Its a package deal. THAT wont ever happen again.

[guy4caligirl]

We all talk here about focusing about ourselves , ok I understand that , we or most of us had relationships with non .

This is a different situation being with an ex that she is BPD .

Now I understand the theory about looking deep in ourselves , I di and I still do .

I grew up in a catholic home my parents talked me what 's right and what's wrong , I fear god so I do my best to live fairly and respect others . That been said , we encounter a mentally ill person we fell in love , did we choose that no , you can't choose love it's just happens .

Therefore we as non , had experienced  something that is totally against our principals by choice not forced in it .

Looking back before we met them we were fine most of the life time , they came in made us partners in their chaos .

I think time will heal everything , Time is the best medicine  for this period . Don't complicate your life and look deep in your soul to see why did that happen .Period . It did , do as you like feel like you want recycle if you want , and remember you ARE not the one who is Mentally ill you fell in love with one that's the price we pay .

Again time, time, time, if you think a little harder and it wasn't your first break up . That's why I don't care much about LC NC or whatever it doesn't work for me . maybe someone else ok no problem , I think we have to feel what we want to feel at any time of this long process be who you are don't fool yourself as BPD do .

It will get much easier , they are all painful it's a lost of someone dear to you , but here you are again in the same situation but this one has more trauma to it .

Just remember who you are and if you are here because you are a great person !if you weren't you will spending your time Effing someone else .

[Splitblack4good]

I guess I'm struggling the most with is her comments she made whilst we were together like I just want you to be happy ! I dont know what made her think I wasnt ? Was me returning after every big argument not enough to show her I loved her and I was happy ? .

Every massive argument I would leave to let her cool down . Then I get told I give up to easily the next day due to leaving when she raged ! Any body else get something similar said ? .

I gave everything and got nothing in return !

[guy4caligirl]

... .Let me add this .

I texted her sweet texts only wish her to remain Blissfully Happy just like she told me , if she text back which is I would love to but if she doesn't  there is nothing that I can do , I don't want to fight my urges it hurts me if I do so why hurt it makes happy to text response or silent , I did what I wanted to do , 2 to 5 texts every once in a while won't prevent her from being '"BLISSFULLY " happy just like she said even though she might be very sad who knows  .

It's just sad very sad to see a loved one go on with life in the same loosing pattern ,she needs treatments on her own time .

[Splitblack4good]

Deeno interesting what you say about the kids . My ex has 4 and 1 has global development disorder autistic . When my ex was with her ex before me he had 2 children my ex used to start arguments over his kids ! All I can assume is his kids were getting more atention then hers ! She loved the fact I did not have kids so all my atention went on them and her .They were always arguing over it caused by her. Now my replacement has a son so this should be interesting !

[guy4caligirl]

Splitblack 4good

Let me ask you this , do you think you would have met her if she was happy with her ex ?

No , she would not have been looking to date , she was unhappy before you met her and she sadly will always be .

I know my ex was married to a young engineer gave her the world she messed him up like she did me now thinking about it as I type , she then after multiple bad judgments on her part ended up with me she hasn't produce a penny in 5 years I took care of everything , now she is sleeping on a single bed with a bad mattress sharing a room in a downtown big cold city don't even have money for toiletry how about her medicine ?

What is that all about ?

They were ill before we met them , we fell in love it's life .

[Deeno02]

... .Let me add this .

I texted her sweet texts only wish her to remain Blissfully Happy just like she told me , if she text back which is I would love to but if she doesn't  there is nothing that I can do , I don't want to fight my urges it hurts me if I do so why hurt it makes happy to text response or silent , I did what I wanted to do , 2 to 5 texts every once in a while won't prevent her from being '"BLISSFULLY " happy just like she said even though she might be very sad who knows  .

It's just sad very sad to see a loved one go on with life in the same loosing pattern ,she needs treatments on her own time .

Thats why I dont bother anymore. Im my most important person. Not her. Im realizing I cant take care of anyone unless I take care of myself. My ex/gf is just going to have to find her own way. Maybe the replacement can fix her, maybe not. But its not my problem anymore... .at all. Me first.

[Splitblack4good]

Splitblack 4good

Let me ask you this , do you think you would have met her if she was happy with her ex ?

No , she would not have been looking to date , she was unhappy before you met her and she sadly will always be .

I know my ex was married to a young engineer gave her the world she messed him up like she did me now thinking about it as I type , she then after multiple bad judgments on her part ended up with me she hasn't produce a penny in 5 years I took care of everything , now she is sleeping on a single bed with a bad mattress sharing a room in a downtown big cold city don't even have money for toiletry how about her medicine ?

What is that all about ?

They were ill before we met them , we fell in love it's life .

Why do they not see that ther decisions are bad ? Why do they not see when they have it good ? And go about self destruction like they do ? My ex back in the summer after we broke up from our second recycle went into major depression and got so hooked on drugs and nearly killed herself because of it . When I asked her why she said it was the only thing that took her pain away and made her forget . To start with I thought she was talking about me but I realise it wasn't anything to do with me she was talking about her core trauma and emptiness .

[EaglesJuju]

Why do they not see that ther decisions are bad ? Why do they not see when they have it good ? And go about self destruction like they do ?

PwBPD tend to be impulsive and live in the moment.  They rarely think about consequences for their actions/behavior. As a result of their impulsivity, a lot of their behavior is self-destructive.  My pwBPD has even said that he is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

PwBPD have cognitive distortions and live in fear of abandonment/rejection.  Essentially, they are almost waiting for something bad to happen, even though nothing bad may happen. 

[guy4caligirl]

"Something bad to happen "

Can you please give us an example ?

Does that fall under of their assumption that they might die at an early age ?

[EaglesJuju]

"Something bad to happen "

Can you please give us an example ?

PwBPD have abandonment fears and fears of rejection.  They tend to associate abandonment as them being "bad."  Therefore, pwBPD tend to think that you are eventually going to leave them.  For example, my pwBPD refers to himself as a "bad person and unworthy of love."  His self-loathing and negative thoughts, set him up to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.  He thinks that I will eventually reject him or leave him.

[Splitblack4good]

Why do they not see that ther decisions are bad ? Why do they not see when they have it good ? And go about self destruction like they do ?

PwBPD tend to be impulsive and live in the moment.  They rarely think about consequences for their actions/behavior. As a result of their impulsivity, a lot of their behavior is self-destructive.  My pwBPD has even said that he is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

PwBPD have cognitive distortions and live in fear of abandonment/rejection.  Essentially, they are almost waiting for something bad to happen, even though nothing bad may happen. 

I often think now that I know more about BPD than I ever did ther were situations I could of prevented . But have come to realise unless she gets treatment she will only stay the same and our relationship would of ended anyway . It just would of possibly lasted abit longer . So what your saying although my ex says she's happy with my replacement she really isnt ? She is just telling herself she is at the moment but then she knows it's only going to end eventualy ? And he's better than me at the moment because all she's thinking of is how bad I am due to the shouting etc but he's not done that yet . Funny thing is i remember her saying once all the men in my life end up shouting at me but she thought I was different but turned out to be like all the rest. Why do they truly beleive it's not them but everyone else ?

Deep down and in one moment of reality my ex had the day we decided a break she even looked at me and said "I know its me that drives prople away" at first thought well if she knows why do it but she cant change it she's BPD.

[Splitblack4good]

"Something bad to happen "

Can you please give us an example ?

PwBPD have abandonment fears and fears of rejection.  They tend to associate abandonment as them being "bad."  Therefore, pwBPD tend to think that you are eventually going to leave them.  For example, my pwBPD refers to himself as a "bad person and unworthy of love."  His self-loathing and negative thoughts, set him up to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.  He thinks that I will eventually reject him or leave him.

Self hating my ex felt this a lot its not until now I'm out of the FOG the things she said regualy makes sense now, like "I'm not enough for you "  "I was never good enough for you" and "I tried but I failed" makes perfect sense to what you just said above .i guess all the reassurances in the world would never be enough ? I wish sometimes I reassured her more but then would I be prolonging the inevitable ? It's days like this I miss her the most and beat myself up for not knowing about her illness when I was with her .

[EaglesJuju]

So what your saying although my ex says she's happy with my replacement she really isnt ? She is just telling herself she is at the moment but then she knows it's only going to end eventually ? And he's better than me at the moment because all she's thinking of is how bad I am due to the shouting etc but he's not done that yet .  Why do they truly believe it's not them but everyone else ?

It is more than likely that she is not happy with the replacement. Yes, the replacement is being idealized while you are being devalued.  To answer the last question, it is easier for most people to not accept responsibility or blame for their own behavior.  From a BPD perspective, it is a maladaptive coping technique to avoid their already existing intense feelings of shame, guilt, sadness, anger, and hurt.   

[Xidion]

Split, in my experience. My ex told me she loved me in the same conversation that she said she was leaving me. She brought up things from over a year before that I thought we had moved past. She left a 3 year relationship for me... I was the replacement to that relationship (stupid me). She idealized me and fell in love with me VERY fast. I had just got out of a relationship, so I was very receptive to all she through at me... it felt amazing to be loved so quickly and so intensely. I'm now looking on as she is doing the same with my replacement. It's only been 6 weeks and they are openly sharing how amazing they are all over facebook. The more intense it is for the BPD at the beginning, the easier it is for things to fail, imo. All the replacement has to do is slip up a few times from being perfect (which will inevitably happen) and they start getting devalued. I talked to the guy before me, and he said that she texted him a few times while her and I were together. Probably when she started devaluing me. He had already moved on with someone else, though. I keep thinking that I would take her back, but really... I think I'm waiting for her to contact be just for validation. In reality, I would not want to subject myself to more heartbreak. The replacement isn't better than us, it is a new warm body that is keeping their fears of abandonment away for now. Once the honeymoon phase ends and the relationship starts to turn "normal", the BPD will start to think that A. they are galling out of love with the non, or B. The non is falling out of love with them. My ex told me that she loved me, but she had lost love... but this is common in all relationships. It isn't a loss of love, it's the loss of the intensity after the honeymoon phase. BPD sufferers mistake this for falling out of love, which triggers their abandonment fears, so they line up a replacement and jump ship.

[Splitblack4good]

Split, in my experience. My ex told me she loved me in the same conversation that she said she was leaving me. She brought up things from over a year before that I thought we had moved past. She left a 3 year relationship for me... I was the replacement to that relationship (stupid me). She idealized me and fell in love with me VERY fast. I had just got out of a relationship, so I was very receptive to all she through at me... it felt amazing to be loved so quickly and so intensely. I'm now looking on as she is doing the same with my replacement. It's only been 6 weeks and they are openly sharing how amazing they are all over facebook. The more intense it is for the BPD at the beginning, the easier it is for things to fail, imo. All the replacement has to do is slip up a few times from being perfect (which will inevitably happen) and they start getting devalued. I talked to the guy before me, and he said that she texted him a few times while her and I were together. Probably when she started devaluing me. He had already moved on with someone else, though. I keep thinking that I would take her back, but really... I think I'm waiting for her to contact be just for validation. In reality, I would not want to subject myself to more heartbreak. The replacement isn't better than us, it is a new warm body that is keeping their fears of abandonment away for now. Once the honeymoon phase ends and the relationship starts to turn "normal", the BPD will start to think that A. they are galling out of love with the non, or B. The non is falling out of love with them. My ex told me that she loved me, but she had lost love... but this is common in all relationships. It isn't a loss of love, it's the loss of the intensity after the honeymoon phase. BPD sufferers mistake this for falling out of love, which triggers their abandonment fears, so they line up a replacement and jump ship.

So what happens when ther isn't a replacement ? Do they stay and put up with who they are with ? Thats if the person hasn't bolted and doesnt want anything to do with them. Then that's when the exes phone number comes into play I guess and they try to recycle .

[Aussie JJ]

I think something here we have to look at is ourselves not the pwBPD that WAS in our lives... .

I'm linking one of the workshops below, hopefully this will help others as it helped me.  

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=114232.0

I like to say in regards to the triangulation aspect that occurs, I am not a victim, I am not a Persecutor and I am not a Rescuer.  I am AJJ and I will do what feels right for me and act on my values without intentionally hurting, demeaning or inflicting pain on others.  I am happy to be that person that behaves that way.  

I had a tendency to not accept responsibility for my own actions.  Just as a pwBPD owns their life, destiny and choices.  We own our destiny, choices and lives.  it is OURS, I am not going to let someone take it from me.  That is what I let happen.  Re-phrase the thinking here to I allowed instead of she did... .

What are you going to allow going forward.  What texts do you want in your life, how much contact do you need with your EX partner to move forward.  It is your life, your choice.  What is a healthy choice for you.  

Took me ages to step back and see this.  It's painful working through our own roles.  For a pwBPD they have the same pain however 10 fold.  Have compassion for that pain that they have and hope that one day they find the strength to address their issues.  At the moment, our EX's partners have a new partner and those issues are the new partners problem not your problem.  My problem is me, not her any more.  Even in the relationship, my problem was what I ALLOWED not what she did... .

Thoughts everyone... . A little direct however I'll lay out a flaw I have that I don't like, it has effected me for ages, I am making a choice to change it.  

AJJ's dysfunctional thought or behaviour:

I have always accepted what others have said about me, I haven't questioned those thoughts or opinions, I haven't challenged them I have let them be.  I have taken others words, perceived them as truths and allowed them to influence my opinion about me.  


AJJ.  

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

BPD doesn't break for Christmas     

[misty_red]

Even though they are suffering from a mental illness I would respect their wish to not contact them. After all they are human beings. Just imagine someone not BPD telling you to leave them alone. Would you still try to contact them even though they said no? It doesn't matter if the BPD didn't respect our boundaries. It's not about paying like with like. I know you are hurting and I wanted my exBPDgf to respond to me so badly as well. But she never did and I stopped. I respected her boundaries even though she now doesn't respect mine. It doesn't matter. She's not able to but I am and therefore I do it.

I hope I'm not too harsh here and if it comes along like that I'm sorry. But remember: we are able to respect boundaries, we are able to control our emotions, they aren't. They not respecting our boundaries doesn't justify us doing the same to them. Just be glad you are not suffering from BPD. It's bad enough for them. I grew up with two BPDs, they are suffering. And no, I'm not justifying their behaviour towards us, not at all. But we have a choice, they mostly act on impulse. We should take the choice to leave them alone.

If she doesn't want to respond she simply doesn't. The reason doesn't matter.

[going places]

My intention is not to be 'bitter or full of rage' but VERY matter of fact.


Forgiveness is for you.

YOU forgive them for what they did, in YOUR heart and mind, and move on.

THEY have no part to play in true forgiveness.

The holidays have nothing to do with forgiveness.

It's just an emotional trigger.

Forgiveness has nothing to do with emotions.

It is a logical and healthy thing to do.

NOT some warm fuzzy thing that makes you feel good.

It's the right thing to do (and if you are a Believer, it is Commanded)

Silent treatment has a couple of reasons.

1. They don't want to talk to you, they have other things / people to do, and they don't want to talk to you.

They have moved on, and they don't care.

2. It is a form of abuse, control, manipulation. It's too keep you on the hook, keep you at arms length, keeps you as a great plan B option. It's a way to 'punish' you, beat you down so that if they asked, you'd sell your soul for whatever they wanted out of you... .silent treatment is cruel, and abusive.

YOU are worth MORE than this abuse.

Do not allow someone to treat you like this.

[CloseToFreedom]

I tried to get in contact a well, and was constantly ignored. Its no use. You'll only feel worse after trying and failing again. Past successes aren't a guarantee this time.

[whythisgirl]

Take it from someone who got them to finally respond after weeks of NC. "STAY NC!". I forgave we were good for 6 days and the idiot went back to his disrespectful non caring ways. As of Fri. we are back to NC. He has no regards for my feeling. I'm am so over him its not funny. Its the holidays and I rather have peace than chaos. Stay away if you want to be happy and come into a blissful New Year.

[peiper]

Stay no contact and she will probably reach out to you. Why do you want back in the fire though ? These people don't change. I can say that from experience. After her splitting me and moving out six times and my letting her come home it always went back to more of the same. The only thing that changed was the abuse escalated.

[whythisgirl]

My intention is not to be 'bitter or full of rage' but VERY matter of fact.


Forgiveness is for you.

YOU forgive them for what they did, in YOUR heart and mind, and move on.

THEY have no part to play in true forgiveness.

The holidays have nothing to do with forgiveness.

It's just an emotional trigger.

Forgiveness has nothing to do with emotions.

It is a logical and healthy thing to do.

NOT some warm fuzzy thing that makes you feel good.

It's the right thing to do (and if you are a Believer, it is Commanded)

Silent treatment has a couple of reasons.

1. They don't want to talk to you, they have other things / people to do, and they don't want to talk to you.

They have moved on, and they don't care.

2. It is a form of abuse, control, manipulation. It's too keep you on the hook, keep you at arms length, keeps you as a great plan B option. It's a way to 'punish' you, beat you down so that if they asked, you'd sell your soul for whatever they wanted out of you... .silent treatment is cruel, and abusive.

YOU are worth MORE than this abuse.

Do not allow someone to treat you like this.

Nicely stated! Totally agree!