I've come to the conclusion, not just a stab in the dark
, that I am BPD with N traits. I've played both the pwBPD and, most recently the even more excruciating role of co-dependant. I think you truly have to live with, or develop some form of intimate relationship with a pwBPD in order to make an accurate diagnosis. Most (P's and T's included) simply don't see it on the "surface", just as we did not with our partners/ex's. It took time for the mask to come off. And why would we want them to anyway? Wouldn't we then have to be responsible for our abhorrent actions and behaviors?
The term "resurface(s)" would imply a pwBPD has the luxury to call upon command the tricks, smoke, hate, rage, etc. It needs to be triggered.
Even more sneaky than the lurking dark shadow of depression, BPD behaviors are so ingrained, one should not assume they ever disappear, or hide. We do our best to hide them. It is part of who we are; part of our being.
The short answer, though, is likely after the 2nd or 3rd "filthy" martini. More olives, more and more and more olives and vodka of course. Until we puke and black/pass out then expect you to clean up the mess, compartmentalize the associated memory/event and forget. Just like we do.
So the PD is always there, just perhaps turned off as we are being fueled by your willingness to so freely offer narcissistic supply, or ego boost. Our preferred drug of choice.
Who would I be without you? I would be just another damaged and empty shell.
I hope this makes sense.
