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Author Topic: What did your ex BPD say at break-up?  (Read 6156 times)
downwhim
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« Reply #30 on: January 20, 2015, 11:52:17 PM »

OK, let's see... .



Find someone else that can dote on you.

I loved you for 8 years, I love you now.

It is all about you.

I want to get on with my life (we were engaged0.

No! I don't want to talk.

I am going to start doing what I want now (we were engage).

I never dated when we broke up last time (18 months - his choice).

We are through and we need to go our own ways now.

It is best for me if we break up.

ALL ABOUT HIM. NEVER GET ENGAGED TO A BPD. IT IS HIS TICKET TO RUN. WAY TOO MUCH FOR HIM TO THINK ABOUT FOREVER I AM SURE.

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JRT
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« Reply #31 on: January 20, 2015, 11:53:16 PM »

Mine didn't say anything. Most of what I see here is "closure"... if your dating someone and they clearly tell you it's not working out its over with us, that's closure. Coming home from work and finding them gone without a word is not closure. Be happy they at least told you. Had my ex told me anything I wouldn't be here.

Same thing happened ot me... .don't even know where she lives... .she blocked contact by every means... .I hear ya brother.

what's bad is she stalked me after the fact. But nothing was ever said. Weird beyond belief.

Mine is stalking me on FB right now... .although she blocked me and created a new account to do so. What does it mean?

It doesn't mean anything, because it's disordered actions. Mine always blocked me while fighting, but not this time. She deactivated her Facebook, when she finally did reactivate it i blocked her. But, I did notice all of her sweet status updates about me were still up. Question? If you hate someone enough to discard without word or warning why leave the memories up on your wall? It's called crazy jrt.

WOAH! Incredible! Mine did something like that too. After she blocked me, there was a friend of mine that she didn't unfreind at that point. She told me the same thing: that all of the pictures of me were still there! I wonder if the b/u is just a temporary thing to them, that ends up lingering. Or it might be that they are not able to fully detach as others point out.
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hurting300
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« Reply #32 on: January 21, 2015, 12:21:35 AM »

Mine actually walked up to my door and knocked while I was gone. My next door neighbor told me. 8 weeks after she disappeared. My friend, I don't think they ever truly and fully detach. You might never see her again, or she might just surprise you. I've read more stories of them making contact again than not. Yes they stalk, yes they keep tabs. They don't detach. Sometimes we don't either.
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In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
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« Reply #33 on: January 21, 2015, 12:27:38 AM »

I know... .mine is stalking my FB page even though she blocked me... .I just don't get that part; she is incredibly angry (to the extent that she called the cops when I tried to call her on xmas... .the first, in her city, PD turned her away so she drove to the next town over just to get them to make a call to me), yet she stalks me on FB every day!
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hurting300
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« Reply #34 on: January 21, 2015, 12:29:59 AM »

I know... .mine is stalking my FB page even though she blocked me... .I just don't get that part; she is incredibly angry (to the extent that she called the cops when I tried to call her on xmas... .the first, in her city, PD turned her away so she drove to the next town over just to get them to make a call to me), yet she stalks me on FB every day!

you can do much better than her man. You shouldn't even try putting all of her actions together because you can never make sense out of it.
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In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
JRT
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« Reply #35 on: January 21, 2015, 12:32:31 AM »

I appreciate that... .its wild what I hear on this forum... .but I didn't have that with her... .we had a great relationship... .the only problem is that mine disappears when things get too heavy
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hurting300
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« Reply #36 on: January 21, 2015, 01:15:25 AM »

I appreciate that... .its wild what I hear on this forum... .but I didn't have that with her... .we had a great relationship... .the only problem is that mine disappears when things get too heavy

and most likely she always will. But that's not for me to say.
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In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
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« Reply #37 on: January 21, 2015, 01:32:53 AM »

I appreciate that... .its wild what I hear on this forum... .but I didn't have that with her... .we had a great relationship... .the only problem is that mine disappears when things get too heavy

and most likely she always will. But that's not for me to say.

Agree ... .until she gets help... .which I understand that she is.
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neverloveagain
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« Reply #38 on: January 21, 2015, 01:52:50 AM »

My BPDexgf had me go round pick her up for a nice evening out at our favourite pub. Had the love you on the tex messages prior to pick up. Picked her up went to the pub everything seemed as normal as they get with her, then boom like a clicked light switch i realise im looking into her 'glassy' eyes where she off loaded all her shame and guilt of the things she had been doing behind my back with didnt i tell you this would happen sighs, yes 10 years ago you did mention something like this. Then she dissapeared and ran away. Love thy waif the cold metal knife between your shoulder blades.
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paperlung
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« Reply #39 on: January 21, 2015, 02:13:45 AM »

Well, well, well. How should I explain all this... .My ex broke up with me a handful of times. Some break ups lasting less than 24 hours. It was a crazy ride.

1. The first time she broke up with me was maybe 4 or 5 months in. She all of a sudden went cold on me and told me she didn't love me anymore/that the spark was gone. I thought things were going pretty good. In less than 24 hours, she calls to apologize and says, "You know what I get like when I'm depressed."

2. 6 or 7 months in. Same thing. Spark was gone/didn't feel in love anymore/couldn't relate to me/too different. In 24 hours we're back together. I wasn't even too concerned at this attempt of her's after what had happened the first time.

3. 14 or 15 months in. She had been having an online affair with somebody twice her age who lived thousands of miles away. She told me she was breaking up with me because she was in love with him and wanted to meet him. That same night she broke up with me, her ex-boyfriend comes over and they have sex. The next day she calls me up and explains to me what she did. Tells me she wants my help. That she is aware how screwed in the head she is. I offer to help her find treatment/therapy (she doesn't drive/has anxiety/agoraphobia). She's like a scared child.

4. Maybe like a week or two after the third break up, I log into her Skype and see that the affair is continuing. I go to her apartment (I had a key), tell her I know everything, and dump all of her stuff out on her bed in front of her. She jumps at me and starts striking me with her fists, saying how much she hates me (Me? What did I do wrong?). I grab her wrists to stop her from hitting me until she cooled down. She then went into her living place and starts throwing off the ornaments on her Christmas tree in every direction like a little brat. I collect my things and as I walk out the door she says, "I'm going to kill myself." I call her dad and sister, as well as 9-11. I could go on about that... .but I'll stop there. So my replacement takes plane over to stay with her at her apartment just a few days later. They sleep together. The next morning I get a call from her. She's crying on the phone. I ask her what she wants, and she says, "You." We agree to meet in my car outside of her apartment. She tells me how he's staying with her but realizes after having met him that she doesn't love him that way and that she wants to work things out with me. I tell her I don't want to be in a relationship with her unless she got serious about therapy/treatment. She agrees. The guy stays with her for maybe 6 more days and they do nothing but stay in her apartment and watch movies/talk supposedly. During that time, she would send me text messages telling me how much she missed me and that her chest felt heavy without me. Although I later found out she slept with him again the night before he was supposed to leave... .

5. The same day he leaves, I come over to her apartment and I can tell she is already missing him. She is now feeling conflicted on who she wants to be with. Says she loves both of us. I didn't put up with this triangulation for very long. Maybe like a week or two. I tell her to just go be with him. She invites him back, so he takes another flight over here to see her again. A few days later she blows up my phone.

"am i really never going to hear from you again... ?"

"sorry i wont contact you. i will respect your decision."

"i know that you hate me, and dont trust me for all the right reasons... but if you ever want to contact me again... im sorry for ****ing you up. i really am and our story... our relationship and love but please know under my stubborn mental illness is the girl you once loved."

Then she tried calling me twice, so I turned off my phone. Then I check my email.

"i wont write a novel in this, but it could be long, and i hope you read it even if you dont reply. i need treatment. im sorry for rejecting your help for me. i want to say ill move back home and things will be better but i cant. the landlord told me she hopes not to regret giving me the chance to live here. all ive done my life is let people down including myself. ive lived with no confidence my whole life to be a somebody. deep down i think my life is over and i will never speak to you again, but there is something deep inside crying out for help. ive relapsed back into my anorexia badly and you can start to see my bones. i spend my days wondering how ill cope or survive with such massive depression and griping lonelyness. i can tell you a million reasons why i dont want you to call my family and tell them this but i am risking this with the message. sometimes, or most of the times i cant live with the grief or guilt of the things ive done and the damage ive caused which is bringing damage to myself. i sit here crying knowing im not best for you and im pathetic and useless and youll acomplish your dreams and you will have the last laugh when im in some gutter and thinking 'i told her so'. whatever happens... im sorry im sorry im sorry but sorry isnt enough and it never will be."

Then I get ANOTHER email from her titled, "Things I never took the time to thank you for".

"- paying for my animal welfare program after hardly knowing me. - paying for anything i needed when i was broke. - continuing to love me despite my moods - seeing me after school and work - missing important classes for me during my pathetic depressions and anxietys - spending copious amount of time in my room on nice days with me cause of the reaaon above - coming back into my life and being forgiving, like you always were after i made you miserable - being ok with the fact i didnt really enjoy hockey that much - holding me when i cried about the horrible things i went through and promising to have a better life with you - signing a lease so i could live in a nicer house - being with me to trips to see my mother - thinking the world of me despite my problems - the nice days at the mall and bubble teas - the aquarium - dinner at your grandparents - dinner at your parents - your parents kindness - ice skating with me even though i really cant - cleaning my house - thinking i was beautiful without makeup - the endless cost of gas you spent on driving - not judging me for my horrendus job - never abusing me - never controlling me - and most of all taking the time to know me and love me"

I turn my phone back on and see that she tried to call me two more times, plus these texts.

"i sent you some emails. i know you dont want to speak to me but i needed to write."

"i was terrified you really blocked me so thats why i called. im sorry you had to turn off your phone."

"if youre wanting to help me think about it and reply k"

"youre never going to talk to me... .  "

Well... .I caved in. AGAIN. Agreeing to help her get help. My replacement flies home again after a week. She finally realized he wasn't going to be able to save/help/fix her.


6. The last break up. Happens like a month after my replacement flew home again. She finds a new replacement online who also lived very far away. I asked her, "What about getting help? The therapy? You asked for my help." And she said, "I don't need help. I don't need therapy or medication. Those things aren't going to give me a real family or a loving, caring boyfriend."

The next day I text her to tell her I'm changing my phone number and e-mail. She says, "Just pretend I was dead. Like a ghost in this world who doesn't exist."


The End


AND I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE I PUT UP WITH ALL THAT! I had to get therapy myself afterwards for PTSD while she went off idealizing somebody new.
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Infared
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« Reply #40 on: January 21, 2015, 02:34:18 AM »

I am pretty new to the forum and have got a lot of encouragement and information in a very short time.

One thing that keeps repeating itself in most everyone's story is the lack of empathy at break-up.  The quick replacement and the lack of any sort of substantial apology.

When my wife left there was nothing every said like:

"I am sorry I was unfaithful"

I am sorry I starved you of any love or affection"

"I am sorry I treated you so horribly"

What was said was:

"Sorry this didn't work"

"I can't show you love that you need and you deserve to be with someone who can"

An empty apology and a cop out.

Funny thing is every time she left and I moved on... .the moment I started a new relationship and she heard about it she would be at my door having zero problem showing love when their was another woman in my life.   When I am ready to start dating again... .I will keep it very quiet!

It is very hard, the lack of closure at the end of one of these relationships.

A person has to dig deep to forgive someone who cannot even apologize nor thinks they did a single thing wrong.

What did your ex BPD say to you?

Thanks wavelife. (I am old surfer and live at the beach... like your name)

Thanks for posting. I was not married... .but I lived with my ex for 5yrs. And my experience was exactly like yours. Mine was cheating on me when she left, though and was telling lie after lie.

There was never ( even years later) any admission of truth.

There was never any apology (in her world she did nothing wrong).

"I love you, but I am not in love with you" (oh... I suddenly realized she was still in the 7th grade)

She expects to talk with me as if none of that ever happened. I can't.

I have no contact ... .forever as far as I am concerned.

She still tries to walk up to me in public places?  I walk away. I never allow her near me. To my own self be true. I cannot love myself and ignore the lie. I gave my heart to this woman and she lied to me, betrayed me and our relationship and abandoned me and our home. She says it's never happened. She (and him) have been very cruel, even though I have no contact and go out of my way to mind my own business.

This has been the most perplexing and painful experience I have been through in my life.

There is no understanding it.

All I can do is stay away from it and take care of me.

Sounds like you have had it the same way?

There just is no understanding it. None.
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Infared
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« Reply #41 on: January 21, 2015, 02:45:44 AM »

I read something a while back and had to go find it again. To expand upon, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you".



“‘I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you’ is a cop out. It basically means that I have no clue how to make a relationship last LONG-TERM so I’m exiting to get high from another short-term romance. But whoever they’re IN LOVE with now will also eventually hear, ‘I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you.'”

Spot on.

Oh... you forgot to mention the next person will be told that once they are being cheated on.

These people are soo self-centered that it's sickening!     
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Infared
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« Reply #42 on: January 21, 2015, 02:48:05 AM »

after two years... .via text... .out of nowhere... .not preceded by a fight or disagreement... .3 weeks after she moved and and were planning our wedding:

Our relationship is over... .I have moved out... .do NOT try to contact me

4 months later and I have still not spoken with her as she blocked me everywhere... .

I feel go Ya buddy. Damn... .that is just brutal!
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CloseToFreedom
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« Reply #43 on: January 21, 2015, 02:54:25 AM »

Not much. We had a big argument over nothing the night before, and I went to sleep without talking it out.

The next day, through text, she let me know that she would be out of the house in a few weeks. I told her that I'd rather have her out of the house now if she's going to leave anyway. That night when I got home she was gone.

She now blames me for breaking up, while I just said that if she's planning to go anyway and is just waiting for her new appartment to become available, I'd rather have her out of my hair immediately.
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« Reply #44 on: January 21, 2015, 03:01:11 AM »

Mine didn't say anything. Most of what I see here is "closure"... if your dating someone and they clearly tell you it's not working out its over with us, that's closure. Coming home from work and finding them gone without a word is not closure. Be happy they at least told you. Had my ex told me anything I wouldn't be here.

I disagree... .mine abruptly left and made vague statements... they were all lies. There was no closure.  I have been in relationships that didn't work out and we talked like adults, were respectful. We were not cheating and were BOTH upset that it did not work out... .and can be friendly or have friendship.  

Telling a bunch of lies (after living with me for five years) and running out the door with a ten alarm fire in your pants for the new supply and telling the person you are in a committed relationship with abruptly "I love you, but I am not in love with you"... .doesn't exactly give any closure to the person who is left. It's twisted, painful, dishonest and selfish beyond all measure... .but that's life, I guess.
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Infared
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« Reply #45 on: January 21, 2015, 03:03:27 AM »

Not much. We had a big argument over nothing the night before, and I went to sleep without talking it out.

The next day, through text, she let me know that she would be out of the house in a few weeks. I told her that I'd rather have her out of the house now if she's going to leave anyway. That night when I got home she was gone.

She now blames me for breaking up, while I just said that if she's planning to go anyway and is just waiting for her new appartment to become available, I'd rather have her out of my hair immediately.

They take no responsibility. You are to blame for everything. Don't you know that they are perfect and do NOTHING a wrong? What's wrong with you?
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Infared
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« Reply #46 on: January 21, 2015, 03:08:23 AM »

Mine didn't say anything. Most of what I see here is "closure"... if your dating someone and they clearly tell you it's not working out its over with us, that's closure. Coming home from work and finding them gone without a word is not closure. Be happy they at least told you. Had my ex told me anything I wouldn't be here.

Same thing happened ot me... .don't even know where she lives... .she blocked contact by every means... .I hear ya brother.

what's bad is she stalked me after the fact. But nothing was ever said. Weird beyond belief.

The drive-byes were my favorite... .especially when she tried to stop in!   Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Nuttier than a fruitcake factory.
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Infared
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« Reply #47 on: January 21, 2015, 03:11:46 AM »

Mine didn't say anything. Most of what I see here is "closure"... if your dating someone and they clearly tell you it's not working out its over with us, that's closure. Coming home from work and finding them gone without a word is not closure. Be happy they at least told you. Had my ex told me anything I wouldn't be here.

Same thing happened ot me... .don't even know where she lives... .she blocked contact by every means... .I hear ya brother.

what's bad is she stalked me after the fact. But nothing was ever said. Weird beyond belief.

Mine is stalking me on FB right now... .although she blocked me and created a new account to do so. What does it mean?

It means that she is totally whacked and that you should do anything in you power to avoid her and protect yourself from her lunacy.  I mean that in the nicest way possible! 
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CloseToFreedom
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« Reply #48 on: January 21, 2015, 03:12:03 AM »

Not much. We had a big argument over nothing the night before, and I went to sleep without talking it out.

The next day, through text, she let me know that she would be out of the house in a few weeks. I told her that I'd rather have her out of the house now if she's going to leave anyway. That night when I got home she was gone.

She now blames me for breaking up, while I just said that if she's planning to go anyway and is just waiting for her new appartment to become available, I'd rather have her out of my hair immediately.

They take no responsibility. You are to blame for everything. Don't you know that they are perfect and do NOTHING a wrong? What's wrong with you?

When I tried to reason with her in an email exchange after the break up, telling her that we both did things wrong, I only got a condescending and sarcastic: 'Yes, two people are to blame, very smart of you.' That's the closest she's been in admitting mistakes.
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« Reply #49 on: January 21, 2015, 03:14:04 AM »

Sorry I posted so much guys... .but I just Identify so much with everyone in this thread!

THANKS.

Let's me know that I am not alone in my bewilderment.

Like Fred says... .the person that I knew and loved was replaced by a psychotic!

It's not easy to EVER get used to that... .and truth be told... .moving forward... .anyone you pick is capable of it! Great to know in your heart. Isn't it! There are no guarantees.

I have chosen to just be alone... .I could never go through something like that again.
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dobie
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« Reply #50 on: January 21, 2015, 05:27:45 AM »

First day

My feelings have changed I need to go and think

Day seven after wrecking my bday and me calling it quits on day 5 via email


I love you but I'm not in love with you

You deserve to have a sex life

I can't see you because I know I'll be back for 1-2 years  apparently I am some svengali type who can manipulate her mind and feelings if seen Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

I need to find myself

I don't know who I am (blamed me for this)

Day 14

I've not been in love with you for years

I should have left you years ago

I've outgrown you (laughable)

We have nothing in common (laughable)

I don't respect you

And various resentment based attacks

I feel in my gut we are not right for each other (weeks before was saying the opposite)

I feel like I have to carry you (projection)

We have become friends I have friends now so don't need you as a friend

Once again the selfishness and total lack of empathy present in force after the first week

Real reason I am an unhappy distrustful person now everything in my life is how i want it you must be the problem im still sad and I want to date other guys because I am too emotionally immature to work through problems or admit any of it could be my fault ... . And I confuse excitement and idealisation for love .

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« Reply #51 on: January 21, 2015, 06:18:09 AM »

First day

My feelings have changed I need to go and think

Day seven after wrecking my bday and me calling it quits on day 5 via email


I love you but I'm not in love with you

You deserve to have a sex life

I can't see you because I know I'll be back for 1-2 years  apparently I am some svengali type who can manipulate her mind and feelings if seen Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

I need to find myself

I don't know who I am (blamed me for this)

Day 14

I've not been in love with you for years

I should have left you years ago

I've outgrown you (laughable)

We have nothing in common (laughable)

I don't respect you

And various resentment based attacks

I feel in my gut we are not right for each other (weeks before was saying the opposite)

I feel like I have to carry you (projection)

We have become friends I have friends now so don't need you as a friend

Once again the selfishness and total lack of empathy present in force after the first week

Real reason I am an unhappy distrustful person now everything in my life is how i want it you must be the problem im still sad and I want to date other guys because I am too emotionally immature to work through problems or admit any of it could be my fault ... . And I confuse excitement and idealisation for love .

There is/was someone else.
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« Reply #52 on: January 21, 2015, 09:10:51 AM »

Wow,

Thank you for all the replies.

Man, it breaks my heart to read about everyone's experience.  There are a lot of people here who have been hurt badly and all in different stages of detachment and healing.

Reoccurring theme of giving our hearts fully to someone incapable of doing the same.  People being discarded like they meant nothing, no apologies or maybe a very weak empty and vague attempt at I am sorry.  A sudden drop of a guillotine[/quote]
This has been the most perplexing and painful experience I have been through in my life.[/quote]
Absolutely Infared... .I couldn't agree more.  And yes I am in the same boat.  Complete NC although she attempts the maiden in distress crap.  Her new supply can save her.  I am out.

I can relate and sympathize with everyone's pain.  Hearing other peoples experience helps process some of this for some reason.  Glad I found this forum and it helps.

Hang in there everyone... .we will ALL make it through to a better life without them.

Everyone is in my prayers

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dobie
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« Reply #53 on: January 21, 2015, 09:13:02 AM »

First day

My feelings have changed I need to go and think

Day seven after wrecking my bday and me calling it quits on day 5 via email


I love you but I'm not in love with you

You deserve to have a sex life

I can't see you because I know I'll be back for 1-2 years  apparently I am some svengali type who can manipulate her mind and feelings if seen Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

I need to find myself

I don't know who I am (blamed me for this)

Day 14

I've not been in love with you for years

I should have left you years ago

I've outgrown you (laughable)

We have nothing in common (laughable)

I don't respect you

And various resentment based attacks

I feel in my gut we are not right for each other (weeks before was saying the opposite)

I feel like I have to carry you (projection)

We have become friends I have friends now so don't need you as a friend

Once again the selfishness and total lack of empathy present in force after the first week

Real reason I am an unhappy distrustful person now everything in my life is how i want it you must be the problem im still sad and I want to date other guys because I am too emotionally immature to work through problems or admit any of it could be my fault ... . And I confuse excitement and idealisation for love .

There is/was someone else.

Perhaps but unlikely I found her on dating sites 10 weeks after b/u I think she cheated on me I.e kissing guys etc she got a new single gf I think she just wanted the "fun" of a single life . she broke up with me two weeks after they got back from a weekend in Spain . I suspect she was kissing guys etc
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downwhim
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 707



« Reply #54 on: January 21, 2015, 09:22:25 AM »

Paperlung, WOW. what a story. Too bad it is all true. What she put you through and how strong you are... These ex's have no idea the strength it takes to shove our pain aside, go N/C, deal with the aftermath and try and move on.

Dobie, hep, mine said a lot of the same. I would say cheater. Mine was. Asked me to kiss him on the check not lips, refused to have sex, filled with anxiety and projected it on me. He had someone else and needed to get to her fast! So pathetic, he could be so two faced. Says I love you to me plus I am his fiancé yet can't get out the door fast enough to screw around on me.

Infared, I too wonder if I will ever be with someone again. Alone seems the best for me right now. The thought of being so vulnerable again and opening up my heart seems too difficult a task.
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dobie
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Posts: 761


« Reply #55 on: January 21, 2015, 09:29:01 AM »

I don't want to think it was cheating I'm hoping she was telling the truth we were together pretty much all the time , but who knows ... .when I defriended her on FB in the first week she accused me of adding girls

She told me she wanted to be single for a year 10 weeks later I find her on dating sites


The resentment and lack of trust had been building for years she was just waiting for an out her new social circle provided it .

Like I said I think she was probably attracted to other guys , kissing them when out in Spain .

But I don't think there was a specific new supply and I don't want to this is painful enough without adding that level of deciet and betrayal in .


She is such a selfish spoilt resentful angry child I can't even ask her to sit down after 6.5 years for my sake and just tell me the truth .

Pretty much only time in 14 weeks I have heard from her is when she wants something ... .


1 I miss you msg two weeks into b/u

1 xmass text

That's it
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Infared
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1763


« Reply #56 on: January 21, 2015, 09:46:02 AM »

First day

My feelings have changed I need to go and think

Day seven after wrecking my bday and me calling it quits on day 5 via email


I love you but I'm not in love with you

You deserve to have a sex life

I can't see you because I know I'll be back for 1-2 years  apparently I am some svengali type who can manipulate her mind and feelings if seen Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

I need to find myself

I don't know who I am (blamed me for this)

Day 14

I've not been in love with you for years

I should have left you years ago

I've outgrown you (laughable)

We have nothing in common (laughable)

I don't respect you

And various resentment based attacks

I feel in my gut we are not right for each other (weeks before was saying the opposite)

I feel like I have to carry you (projection)

We have become friends I have friends now so don't need you as a friend

Once again the selfishness and total lack of empathy present in force after the first week

Real reason I am an unhappy distrustful person now everything in my life is how i want it you must be the problem im still sad and I want to date other guys because I am too emotionally immature to work through problems or admit any of it could be my fault ... . And I confuse excitement and idealisation for love .

There is/was someone else.

Perhaps but unlikely I found her on dating sites 10 weeks after b/u I think she cheated on me I.e kissing guys etc she got a new single gf I think she just wanted the "fun" of a single life . she broke up with me two weeks after they got back from a weekend in Spain . I suspect she was kissing guys etc

Donnie... .the reason I said that is that mine did not have any power to be demonstrative toward me until she was in a relationship with my replacement. He provided the strength for this new personality from her that I never met. To me it seemed that she turned on a dime and became abusive... .but in reality I think that she was developing that relationship behind my back and once she was sure that the hook was set and she was secure in her new supply she became abusive toward me. It was bewildering. ... .but I see now that "cut and run" is her normal pattern. I was immediately all bad. He was all good. Painful stuff.
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downwhim
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 707



« Reply #57 on: January 21, 2015, 09:59:30 AM »

Dobie,

Sorry, did not want to inflict more pain. Just telling my story. He was faithful for 8 years and I believe that to be the case. He never cheated but then once engaged he started to act differently, constant irritation, no affection, then b/u and call from woman stating she is my twin and hung up. He had mentioned he wanted to date... .crazy since he also asked me to marry him and I had his engagement ring on while he is saying this. So humiliating, confusing and unreal.
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dobie
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Posts: 761


« Reply #58 on: January 21, 2015, 10:00:01 AM »

Hi infrared


I'd met this side of her before esp last few years but I buried my head in sand till it reared up on steroids when it was done with me .

14 weeks in and I still can't believe how she went out ... .

So frustrating .


Downwim,

So sorry for your pain I was engaged as well 2015 was supposed to be our year getting married buying a house .

I think she had been getting a roving eye for months before .

Regardless the way she went out was bad enough just want to heal and have a much better life without her ...

I keep hoping she will reach out and show some compassion or even say sorry but I have more chance of winning the lotto


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Infared
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1763


« Reply #59 on: January 21, 2015, 11:21:23 AM »

Hi infrared


I'd met this side of her before esp last few years but I buried my head in sand till it reared up on steroids when it was done with me .

14 weeks in and I still can't believe how she went out ... .

So frustrating .


Downwim,

So sorry for your pain I was engaged as well 2015 was supposed to be our year getting married buying a house .

I think she had been getting a roving eye for months before .

Regardless the way she went out was bad enough just want to heal and have a much better life without her ...

I keep hoping she will reach out and show some compassion or even say sorry but I have more chance of winning the lotto

Cool you got my response... .my spell check apparently changed dobie to Donnie?

Yes... .the abrupt changes and the lies and the dichotomy ... .it's so unsettling when this person was not the person that I lived with for 5 years.  Me personally... .I just can't get over it. It traumatized me in a way that has just damaged my inner soul. I just seek out other things in life now. I would not go anywhere near a relationship. I feel like it is out of my hands.

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