Almost breaking N/C- HELP

[DyingLove]

Intellectually bro these woman need to be avoided at ALL costs pd or not the trouble is for us is we have had our brains scrambled we have been part of an abusive r/s we have been loved bombed manipulated , cheated on lied to and discarded we also carry wounds that lead us to these woman in the first place

Hi dobie,

I think that's overgeneralizing. Some members do have life-long emotional wounds  ( me   ) that are soothed in the r/s with a pwBPD. I have also read accounts where members were going through a life event; a loved one passed or divorce and other members come from caregivers that were present in early development or don't have  FOO issues.

It's obviously my fantasy. My imagination running wild. My desire would be having her in my arms, holding my hand, kissing and loving on me. Smiles, happiness, the scent of a lovely woman, watching her walk with her sexy self, spending time gazing into each others eyes while we both proclaim our "sorries" to each other as well as how we missed one another. Maybe jump into bed for a whole day or so before going out for dinner. AND being hungry and eating like we never ate before! (sounds good right?)

Hi DyingLove,

I understand that this is fantasy   Do you also think that you may be holding unto the person that you first met in your courtship? The woman that idealized you? Is there a part of you that may wish that this person is going to return?

That's my damm black & white thinking mutt  

OK I will rephrase dobie has lifelong wounds  

Yes Mutt, I am holding on to her in the beginning. For 9 months we courted and met Oct 22, 2011. It was the most happiest time of my life. REALLY!  I miss that so so much. I more than wish she will return. Honestly, I think if I knew she would never leave again as well as never cheat, I might consider reuniting just out of the blue.  I could learn to work with her illness. But since FOREVER only lasted 4 years, I could not necessarily believe her comitment. NOW REALISTICALLY speaking, there would be numerous other red flags that would pop up... .so as I started packing the moving van again, I'm sure there would be at least 95 reasons to unload it. As much as the meeting in October was wonderful, she had a hissy fit that threw up a flag even back then. I paid no mind to it though.

[Sunfl0wer]

Hi DyingLove,

I hear where you are coming from.  I spent the better half of the morning wondering how I could have just the part of him that I love, feel comforted by, feel appreciated by, feel adored by, etc.  (That sounds pretty selfish, honestly speaking)

I even wondered if there was a way just to pop in to appreciate one another physically, have sex, and run off!  Thinking to myself, heck, I'd settle for some fake intimacy with the mutual understanding that it is fake, and can be satisfied with the moment of passion.  It would be nice to just hook up with someone that I am familiar with physically.

I actually went through the scenario logistics in my head.  Would it be his place? Would it be my place?  A neutral place?

I tried to mentally rehearse a scenario that worked.  ... .just in case. ... .to eliminate my doubt.

Many others talk about how things wouldn't work long term... .  that we all know the result eventually.

However, I couldn't even work myself through a scenario that would make any sense just to be with him for this week!  Or even just one day as lovers or friends!

I have pictured us even doing something minor that HE likes.  Being each others company to watch a movie.

I KNOW that I could lure him into something... .which somehow leaves me in a state of "non closure."

However, whenever I mentally rehearse the reality... .it never adds up for me.  Knowing that it just doesn't add up for me, brings me some relief.  It makes me stop wondering.  It makes me feel like not pursuing him is MY choice... .as it is my choice.

IDK... .have you ever watched a commercial for pizza and were longing for pizza so badly that you actually got up and called for delivery?  Or went out and picked it up?  Well imagine that same commercial came on at 2am and all the delivery places are closed... .  How fast does your craving vanish when you know that it cannot be satiated? vs when delivery is open?

Truely knowing that there is no scenario that I can work out in my mind where things work out ok and satisfy any of my desires is what keeps me from having cravings for him.

I recognize that I have cravings for love, affection, acceptance, warmth etc.  However, I also see that these cravings are not congruent with being with him.

It makes me feel like if I ordered pizza to satisfy my craving and they brought me a vegan salad... .how pissed I would be!  Or would I call for pizza service from the greek salad restaurant?

I hope that makes sense.  I hope that helps someone.

[Mutt]

Yes Mutt, I am holding on to her in the beginning. For 9 months we courted and met Oct 22, 2011. It was the most happiest time of my life. REALLY!  I miss that so so much. I more than wish she will return.

Hi DyingLove,

I understand. I missed the woman that I had first met and recall when the r/s shifted and I wasn't the focus of attention. I didn't understand idealization in normal r/s and less so the idealization with a person with personality disorder traits. Over several years, I yearned and wished that the woman would come back. I thought this was the nice person that my wife was and at some point in our marriage we'll turn a corner and she'll come back. During her dissociative phase and affair that I was still clinging unto that hope, about a month or so when things were real bad and she was about to leave.

What I found helped is letting go of the ideal after the r/s ( same with if you are in the r/s ) that the person is going to return to a permanent idealization phase. There are two sides to a medallion? I can't excuse her bad behavior in our r/s and marriage after she had an affair and I think that things didn't work out for me because we didn't know each other and had different values; I discovered that well into the r/s and marriage.

[DyingLove]

Hi DyingLove,

I hear where you are coming from.  I spent the better half of the morning wondering how I could have just the part of him that I love, feel comforted by, feel appreciated by, feel adored by, etc.  (That sounds pretty selfish, honestly speaking)

I even wondered if there was a way just to pop in to appreciate one another physically, have sex, and run off!  Thinking to myself, heck, I'd settle for some fake intimacy with the mutual understanding that it is fake, and can be satisfied with the moment of passion.  It would be nice to just hook up with someone that I am familiar with physically.

I actually went through the scenario logistics in my head.  Would it be his place? Would it be my place?  A neutral place?

I tried to mentally rehearse a scenario that worked.  ... .just in case. ... .to eliminate my doubt.

Many others talk about how things wouldn't work long term... .  that we all know the result eventually.

However, I couldn't even work myself through a scenario that would make any sense just to be with him for this week!  Or even just one day as lovers or friends!

I have pictured us even doing something minor that HE likes.  Being each others company to watch a movie.

I KNOW that I could lure him into something... .which somehow leaves me in a state of "non closure."

However, whenever I mentally rehearse the reality... .it never adds up for me.  Knowing that it just doesn't add up for me, brings me some relief.  It makes me stop wondering.  It makes me feel like not pursuing him is MY choice... .as it is my choice.

IDK... .have you ever watched a commercial for pizza and were longing for pizza so badly that you actually got up and called for delivery?  Or went out and picked it up?  Well imagine that same commercial came on at 2am and all the delivery places are closed... .  How fast does your craving vanish when you know that it cannot be satiated? vs when delivery is open?

Truely knowing that there is no scenario that I can work out in my mind where things work out ok and satisfy any of my desires is what keeps me from having cravings for him.

I recognize that I have cravings for love, affection, acceptance, warmth etc.  However, I also see that these cravings are not congruent with being with him.

It makes me feel like if I ordered pizza to satisfy my craving and they brought me a vegan salad... .how pissed I would be!  Or would I call for pizza service from the greek salad restaurant?

I hope that makes sense.  I hope that helps someone.

Interesting way of putting it into perspective. In my case, lets see, 1400 miles to have a quickie?  Nah, I'd have to stay and have a "forever".  I would say that if she and I could somehow make it work, I would certainly be fine with staying faithful and only seeing each other physically maybe once every 4-6 months.  I know that by time that went into effect, I'd find a way for us to be together!

SEE WHAT I SAID!   I'd find a way to make it happen!  That makes me think and say: Why can't she find a way! Why do I have to do everything?

Forget the pizza.  It's either Popeyes chicken or a good burger or steak.  :-)

[ReclaimingMyLife]

At this point I can safely say the urge if gone right now. You all know what that means, in 5 minutes the weather could change.  I actually feel, at the moment, that if I broke N/C, I would be letting you guys down.  I know it's important that I don't let myself down, but it may be good as FURTHER incentive. I do want to do this and I'm gonna make it... .I know I am. 

With everyone rooting for me I feel like a hero. 

YEA for getting through the dicey temptation today!  And if the weather changes in five seconds, five minutes, or five days then write us again.  We are happy to hear and cheer you on through the rough spots.


Here's a secret:  You FEEL like a hero because YOU ARE A HERO!

[Sunfl0wer]

LOL!  idk... .too funny... .I need to regroup to respond to that one!

That is a loong way for a quickie!

[DyingLove]

At this point I can safely say the urge if gone right now. You all know what that means, in 5 minutes the weather could change.  I actually feel, at the moment, that if I broke N/C, I would be letting you guys down.  I know it's important that I don't let myself down, but it may be good as FURTHER incentive. I do want to do this and I'm gonna make it... .I know I am. 

With everyone rooting for me I feel like a hero. 

YEA for getting through the dicey temptation today!  And if the weather changes in five seconds, five minutes, or five days then write us again.  We are happy to hear and cheer you on through the rough spots.


Here's a secret:  You FEEL like a hero because YOU ARE A HERO!

Thanks Reclaiming.  I know that compliments in this world don't come easy, so I thank you for hero status. It does feel good, but you won't have to grease my head to get it thru the door!  LOL

When I was in Fl. the 9yo didn't cry or get upset unless she looked and saw she was bleeding or scratched etc.  Pain alone doesn't always make a child cry or react.  Unfortunately, we as members of a bad relationship don't need to see blood, the pain and anguish are plenty enuff to make us cry.

[DyingLove]

Yes Mutt, I am holding on to her in the beginning. For 9 months we courted and met Oct 22, 2011. It was the most happiest time of my life. REALLY!  I miss that so so much. I more than wish she will return.

Hi DyingLove,

I understand. I missed the woman that I had first met and recall when the r/s shifted and I wasn't the focus of attention. I didn't understand idealization in normal r/s and less so the idealization with a person with personality disorder traits. Over several years, I yearned and wished that the woman would come back. I thought this was the nice person that my wife was and at some point in our marriage we'll turn a corner and she'll come back. During her dissociative phase and affair that I was still clinging unto that hope, about a month or so when things were real bad and she was about to leave.

What I found helped is letting go of the ideal after the r/s ( same with if you are in the r/s ) that the person is going to return to a permanent idealization phase. There are two sides to a medallion? I can't excuse her bad behavior in our r/s and marriage after she had an affair and I think that things didn't work out for me because we didn't know each other and had different values; I discovered that well into the r/s and marriage.

Mutt, can you elaborate on the fact that you didn't know each other and had different values.

[Mutt]

Mutt, can you elaborate on the fact that you didn't know each other and had different values.

I rushed into things without getting to know her first  

We became intimate very quickly and she got pregnant and moved in within weeks.

[Sunfl0wer]

At this point I can safely say the urge if gone right now. You all know what that means, in 5 minutes the weather could change.  I actually feel, at the moment, that if I broke N/C, I would be letting you guys down.  I know it's important that I don't let myself down, but it may be good as FURTHER incentive. I do want to do this and I'm gonna make it... .I know I am.

Humm... .  I wish for you some intrinsic motivation as well.

IDK... .I guess I cannot make what works for me work for you.  I guess the trick is for you to figure out what works for you.

What about... .lets follow a line of thinking liken to pavlov's dog... .

I don't reach out, because I know, that it would be uncomfortable, painful ... .even in that moment of it.  (not in a year from now when it doesn't work, actually NOW)  For me, knowing that he does not have the same mind of commitment or love to me as I do to him, is enough hurt for me to imagine being in his presence... .that hurt is stronger than my desire... .for that "quickie."  (It was a really good 3 hours of intimacy that I imagined btw... .not a quickie! !)  Ok... .even knowing that he doesn't have that long term desire... .I do know that I would feel pained... .sneaking around as my son knows we are b/u and I wouldn't expose my son to that uncertainty or give him reason to think of me in a light that he would not respect of me... .if he caught ex at our house.  Or if I went to his place... .I'd be pained to view this apartment that he got without me... .symbolic of a life without me... .there is no way I could ignore that reality while in his place.  I would be in his place feeling like a "nothing" person in his life.  This doesn't make me want him!  This thought makes me know that I need to get this thought out of my mind as it seems so painful!

[FannyB]

I think all of us want the honeymoon period partner back as it was simply perfection - manufactured or not. I'm lucky that I don't need mine back as I am currently enjoying the nirvana of answering to no-one - and not rushing around like a blue-arsed fly (British analogy!) trying to keep her happy! 

[zundertowz]

I think all of us want the honeymoon period partner back as it was simply perfection - manufactured or not. I'm lucky that I don't need mine back as I am currently enjoying the nirvana of answering to no-one - and not rushing around like a blue-arsed fly (British analogy!) trying to keep her happy! 

Half the battle is being happy in your own skin and your own life... .I find myself being more depressed and anxious when im alone with nothing to do... .I prayed for peace and quiet and I certainly have it now... .I guess that makes me codependant.

[DyingLove]

So far, going by mental average (in my head), I don't think there is really one person that wants the R/S back. Maybe in thought, but certainly not in reality. Seems also that once we get over the sad and hard feelings (like me), we don't have the same urge to want them. We see more clearly after a cry or after a rant.  I like that.  I've hardly anyone physically to talk to on weekends, so it is definitely tough. Add to that a mind that runs around in the gutter by itself. A sure fire method to ruminate about what got us here in the first place.  Does it really take a special kind of person to STAY in a relationship with a pwBPD?  I mean, I know that I was in a R/S with one, we all were, but to stay in it and just "exist"?  Do these people eventually just try to ignore everything. Otherwise it would be like my R/S where I had to analyze and deal with every syllable that she uttered. That's how my life got put on the back burner. I don't think there would have been such a devaluing had she not brought up how she supports me and that I do nothing but play with my genitals all day (I put that in nicer words than she did). Yep she started getting really nasty at the end.  She even said that outside of walmart one day.  Was she angry and trying to get even in some way?

[DyingLove]

I think all of us want the honeymoon period partner back as it was simply perfection - manufactured or not. I'm lucky that I don't need mine back as I am currently enjoying the nirvana of answering to no-one - and not rushing around like a blue-arsed fly (British analogy!) trying to keep her happy! 

Half the battle is being happy in your own skin and your own life... .I find myself being more depressed and anxious when im alone with nothing to do... .I prayed for peace and quiet and I certainly have it now... .I guess that makes me codependant.

Yep, I seem to always do better with someone in my life.  But I don't pull the rug out from under them either.

[Infared]

Beneath your name and picture here it says 'God has a plan!'

Is it to remain in a toxic dance of push and pull, and pain?

Or to find the best way through by letting go and moving on?

Supposedly it comes down to 'free will', right?

So which direction do you choose? Which is better for you?

What's your plan? What are your healthiest possibilities?

This stuff can be difficult. Changing our patterns can be disorienting.

But once we find our balance the negativity can melt away.

Which includes living in the present, not the past. Create your own peace.

Than

I am choosing properly. I'm staying N/C. I just needed a verbal and emotional arse kicking from everyone. And I'm getting it. Thank you. I suffered panic attacks when I was in my 30's, over 25 years ago.  I don't get them anymore, I self healed thru understanding. But I know the feeling from the uncontrollable attacks, and the pain of hurting and wanting to break N/C is very comparable if not the same. It's the withdrawl of my exBPDdrug.  I understand how this is a learning event, because who in their right mind or wrong mind would want to relive and go thru this stuff again.  I'm sorry for all the people that recycle and go thru it again.

Wow... .you just reminded me that I suffered rough panic attacks for the first time in my life after my pwBPD ran off with the replacement.  1st time, I thought that I was having a heart attack!   I don't wish them on anyone. Brutal stuff... .hyperventilating... .whoa.

Glad to hear you were able to balance your life out in a was to get past that.  Funny... .as long as I stay away from my ex... .guess what?... .No more panic attacks!

I think Its great that you could talk about and work your way through the urges to make contact... .we all identify with you.  I think breaking away from that insanity was the hardest thing that I ever did in my life.  Keep moving forward... .It gets better!

[DyingLove]

Beneath your name and picture here it says 'God has a plan!'

Is it to remain in a toxic dance of push and pull, and pain?

Or to find the best way through by letting go and moving on?

Supposedly it comes down to 'free will', right?

So which direction do you choose? Which is better for you?

What's your plan? What are your healthiest possibilities?

This stuff can be difficult. Changing our patterns can be disorienting.

But once we find our balance the negativity can melt away.

Which includes living in the present, not the past. Create your own peace.

Than

I am choosing properly. I'm staying N/C. I just needed a verbal and emotional arse kicking from everyone. And I'm getting it. Thank you. I suffered panic attacks when I was in my 30's, over 25 years ago.  I don't get them anymore, I self healed thru understanding. But I know the feeling from the uncontrollable attacks, and the pain of hurting and wanting to break N/C is very comparable if not the same. It's the withdrawl of my exBPDdrug.  I understand how this is a learning event, because who in their right mind or wrong mind would want to relive and go thru this stuff again.  I'm sorry for all the people that recycle and go thru it again.

Wow... .you just reminded me that I suffered rough panic attacks for the first time in my life after my pwBPD ran off with the replacement.  1st time, I thought that I was having a heart attack!   I don't wish them on anyone. Brutal stuff... .hyperventilating... .whoa.

Glad to hear you were able to balance your life out in a was to get past that.  Funny... .as long as I stay away from my ex... .guess what?... .No more panic attacks!

I think Its great that you could talk about and work your way through the urges to make contact... .we all identify with you.  I think breaking away from that insanity was the hardest thing that I ever did in my life.  Keep moving forward... .It gets better!

Do you still get panic attack and suffer from anxiety?  If yes, I will turn you on to the book that cured me.

And thank you for your recognition in this issue.  I may be calm and over it for now, but the waves of uncontrollable emotional outbreaks are sad, scary or sickening, depending on whose eyes it's being seen.

[zundertowz]

I think all of us want the honeymoon period partner back as it was simply perfection - manufactured or not. I'm lucky that I don't need mine back as I am currently enjoying the nirvana of answering to no-one - and not rushing around like a blue-arsed fly (British analogy!) trying to keep her happy!  

Half the battle is being happy in your own skin and your own life... .I find myself being more depressed and anxious when im alone with nothing to do... .I prayed for peace and quiet and I certainly have it now... .I guess that makes me codependant.

Yep, I seem to always do better with someone in my life.  But I don't pull the rug out from under them either.

I think thats what makes n/c relatively simple for me... .i realize what im longing for is a healthy relationship not her... .if im honest with myself there were red flags everywhere and I ignored them.  But somewhere along the line I convinced myself that her and her 2 kids would be my family.  It was fun and exciting but did I think it would last... .not really ... .but I also never expected what I got.

[DyingLove]

I think all of us want the honeymoon period partner back as it was simply perfection - manufactured or not. I'm lucky that I don't need mine back as I am currently enjoying the nirvana of answering to no-one - and not rushing around like a blue-arsed fly (British analogy!) trying to keep her happy! 

Half the battle is being happy in your own skin and your own life... .I find myself being more depressed and anxious when im alone with nothing to do... .I prayed for peace and quiet and I certainly have it now... .I guess that makes me codependant.

You know the old saying: be careful what you ask for... .you just might get it!   LOL

I used to be such a happy productive person. It all changed.  In a word, we are violated!  Never to be the same ever again, and that is super sad.  When I was happy AND with someone, I was happy at times of solitude, but just the opposite, unhappy and alone = not so good!

[Sunfl0wer]

Seems also that once we get over the sad and hard feelings (like me), we don't have the same urge to want them. We see more clearly after a cry or after a rant

Possibly... .

Possibly a certain amount of grief needs to be purged: (good point)


From bpdfamily:

Acknowledgement: [Stage 1]: When we're dealing with a major loss or strong attachment, we begin our healing by acknowledging and working with our feelings. The feelings that are the stickiest aspects of attachment are:

the excited desire we feel when we want something,

the anxiety we feel about losing it, and

the sense of hopelessness that can arise when we fail to achieve it.

Acknowledgment doesn't just mean recognizing that we want something badly or that we're feeling loss. When you want something, feel how you want it—find the wanting feeling in your body.

Remember when you were feeling cocky about a victory and you beat your chest and said, "Me, me, me!"

Rather than pushing away the anxiety and fear of losing what you care about, let it come up and breathe into it the same way. And when you're experiencing the hopelessness of actual loss, allow it in.

Let yourself cry.

DyingLove:

I've hardly anyone physically to talk to on weekends, so it is definitely tough. Add to that a mind that runs around in the gutter by itself.

The feelings of isolation definitely gets to me. I feel that I deserve companionship! (Then I am reminded how isolated I felt with him the second half of the r/s)

Does it really take a special kind of person to STAY in a relationship with a pwBPD?  I mean, I know that I was in a R/S with one, we all were, but to stay in it and just "exist"?

For me... .

Being able to stay... .meant deceiving myself.  I was aware of this.  I choose to be true to me.  My choice led to him leaving.  As much as I do not want to accept this... .   

Thinking to myself... .

"He should have seen my strength in this... ."

"Good should prevail!"

"My ideals and truth benefitted him!"

I let things unfold more naturally.  (My persistence in the r/s was clearly separating us... .so shouldn't my release "help?" Do the opposite?)

I gave in... .to the idea of "forcing" it to work... .and just observed the result of me being the best/true/imperfect me , me accepting me, and see how that played out with us.

He left.  Now I need to continue to embrace me... .stop punishing me... .shaming me, etc.  Easier said than done.  Still lots of work for me in this area!

Do these people eventually just try to ignore everything.

I think for him... .I often only existed... .in r/s to him... .as he related to me... .not necessarily separate enough for healthy r/s.

[zundertowz]

I think all of us want the honeymoon period partner back as it was simply perfection - manufactured or not. I'm lucky that I don't need mine back as I am currently enjoying the nirvana of answering to no-one - and not rushing around like a blue-arsed fly (British analogy!) trying to keep her happy! 

Half the battle is being happy in your own skin and your own life... .I find myself being more depressed and anxious when im alone with nothing to do... .I prayed for peace and quiet and I certainly have it now... .I guess that makes me codependant.

You know the old saying: be careful what you ask for... .you just might get it!   LOL

I used to be such a happy productive person. It all changed.  In a word, we are violated!  Never to be the same ever again, and that is super sad.  When I was happy AND with someone, I was happy at times of solitude, but just the opposite, unhappy and alone = not so good!

Dont get me wrong I would never go back to that kind of relationship ever again... .but I find myself in the aftermath very anxious, depressed, and alone.  Maybe im co dependant, maybe I have PTSD I dunno.

[DyingLove]

There is a movie. Very Funny. It's called THE END. Staring Burt Reynolds and Dom Deluise.

Anyway, the way we need help, depending on the how we perceive our situation at the given time, Burt Reynolds bargains with God as he tries to swim to shore. He starts with 100% and dwindles down to nothing.  I think you'll get the idea watching the segment.  I recommend the movie to watch in whole as it is so very funny.

I think something written by someone in this thread made me think of it.  This is the second or third time recently I thought of this movie.  I gotta watch it too.

[Infared]

Beneath your name and picture here it says 'God has a plan!'

Is it to remain in a toxic dance of push and pull, and pain?

Or to find the best way through by letting go and moving on?

Supposedly it comes down to 'free will', right?

So which direction do you choose? Which is better for you?

What's your plan? What are your healthiest possibilities?

This stuff can be difficult. Changing our patterns can be disorienting.

But once we find our balance the negativity can melt away.

Which includes living in the present, not the past. Create your own peace.

Than

I am choosing properly. I'm staying N/C. I just needed a verbal and emotional arse kicking from everyone. And I'm getting it. Thank you. I suffered panic attacks when I was in my 30's, over 25 years ago.  I don't get them anymore, I self healed thru understanding. But I know the feeling from the uncontrollable attacks, and the pain of hurting and wanting to break N/C is very comparable if not the same. It's the withdrawl of my exBPDdrug.  I understand how this is a learning event, because who in their right mind or wrong mind would want to relive and go thru this stuff again.  I'm sorry for all the people that recycle and go thru it again.

Wow... .you just reminded me that I suffered rough panic attacks for the first time in my life after my pwBPD ran off with the replacement.  1st time, I thought that I was having a heart attack!   I don't wish them on anyone. Brutal stuff... .hyperventilating... .whoa.

Glad to hear you were able to balance your life out in a was to get past that.  Funny... .as long as I stay away from my ex... .guess what?... .No more panic attacks!

I think Its great that you could talk about and work your way through the urges to make contact... .we all identify with you.  I think breaking away from that insanity was the hardest thing that I ever did in my life.  Keep moving forward... .It gets better!

Do you still get panic attack and suffer from anxiety?  If yes, I will turn you on to the book that cured me.

And thank you for your recognition in this issue.  I may be calm and over it for now, but the waves of uncontrollable emotional outbreaks are sad, scary or sickening, depending on whose eyes it's being seen.

Thanks for the offer dying, but I don't seem to have such huge emotional swings now.  The devastation of that breakup caused me deep depression and the anxiety was new to me... .it was horrible.  The panic attacks would just come on out of seemingly nowhere... .I would just be going through my day and all of a sudden wham I would start to hyperventilate and have so much anxiety I thought I was going to explode. The first one was really really scary. I just didn't know what was going on.  Phew! ... .just thinking about it is upsetting. I don't want that experience ever again. I just have to be careful and make better choices in life. We all do!

[Sunfl0wer]

Hey Infared,

Thanks for the offer dying, but I don't seem to have such huge emotional swings now.  The devastation of that breakup caused me deep depression and the anxiety was new to me... .it was horrible.  The panic attacks would just come on out of seemingly nowhere... .I would just be going through my day and all of a sudden wham I would start to hyperventilate and have so much anxiety I thought I was going to explode. The first one was really really scary. I just didn't know what was going on.  Phew! ... .just thinking about it is upsetting. I don't want that experience ever again. I just have to be careful and make better choices in life. We all do!

Would you mind sharing what you did do to overcome this?

(I have had panic attacks, of a diff nature, however, what you describe is more parallel to a friend, who I have trouble relating my experience to a bit as the nature of his attacks are diff than mine have been.  Unless this is triggering... .certainly nm if triggering)

[DyingLove]

Hey Infared,

Thanks for the offer dying, but I don't seem to have such huge emotional swings now.  The devastation of that breakup caused me deep depression and the anxiety was new to me... .it was horrible.  The panic attacks would just come on out of seemingly nowhere... .I would just be going through my day and all of a sudden wham I would start to hyperventilate and have so much anxiety I thought I was going to explode. The first one was really really scary. I just didn't know what was going on.  Phew! ... .just thinking about it is upsetting. I don't want that experience ever again. I just have to be careful and make better choices in life. We all do!

Would you mind sharing what you did do to overcome this?

(I have had panic attacks, of a diff nature, however, what you describe is more parallel to a friend, who I have trouble relating my experience to a bit as the nature of his attacks are diff than mine have been.  Unless this is triggering... .certainly nm if triggering)

The book is HOPE AND HELP FOR YOUR NERVES, by Claire Weekes.

She has a series of books, maybe 3 in total, and they all intertwine with each other, but this is the one that litterally cured me.  I kid you not.  Need more info anyone, just PM me.  :-)

[an0ught]

Lively discussion  Doing the right thing

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