side effects of their projections

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Seperated from my expwBPD for 12 weeks 5 weeks nc broken by the  odd drunken abusive texts how could havd ruined her life etc non responded instantly deleted. For me im in the window wereby im focused on letting go of a situation i may never understand  but something i could use help with is their subliminal programing and projecting of their own insecurities. Prior to the relationship i was a confident wealthy secure human being optimistic about the future. She over three years slowly chipped away at my morality my ethics and my confidence that i question everything about myself this is over and above the usual what could i have done better. Ive been reading crisis books, codependency books but cannot see any of these traits in pre relationship life. At the end i was insucure who wouldnt be with a woman who needed attention 24hrs a day, i also was codependent, i think addicted to the drama. But if im honest a lot of us might be better helped looking PTSD as i feel this may be the first place of healing.

Any feedback...

[Didntdeservethat]

Seperated from my expwBPD for 12 weeks 5 weeks nc broken by the  odd drunken abusive texts how could havd ruined her life etc non responded instantly deleted. For me im in the window wereby im focused on letting go of a situation i may never understand  but something i could use help with is their subliminal programing and projecting of their own insecurities. Prior to the relationship i was a confident wealthy secure human being optimistic about the future. She over three years slowly chipped away at my morality my ethics and my confidence that i question everything about myself this is over and above the usual what could i have done better. Ive been reading crisis books, codependency books but cannot see any of these traits in pre relationship life. At the end i was insucure who wouldnt be with a woman who needed attention 24hrs a day, i also was codependent, i think addicted to the drama. But if im honest a lot of us might be better helped looking PTSD as i feel this may be the first place of healing.

Any feedback...

[fromheeltoheal]

I was diagnosed with PTSD after I left my ex, and also learned that trauma and stress are normal, healthy responses to abuse.  And an important thing to realize is that although I was diagnosed with PTSD, it was not a 'thing' that I had, it was a conditioned response to abuse that can be unconditioned, or more accurately, replaced with other, new or old, conditioning, or both.  If you need professional help get it, and the best things you can do right now are take very good care of yourself, physically, emotionally and mentally, and start to shift the focus from the past to the future, a bright future of your design, one worth living.  When you do that you'll start to see some of your old traits, the ones you liked before you met her, emerge, and we always value something we lose and then get back more than we did before we lost it.  Life is a gift I'm grateful for today, I have much more appreciation for things, the world seems brighter, all things available to all of us by putting one foot in front of the other in the direction of our dreams.  What does that look like for you Didnt?

[Didntdeservethat]

Thank you for that response, so happy for you and you progress, unfortunately I'm still processing but everyday i feel a little lighter. 

[Mutt]

Hi Didntdeservethat,

I share similar feelings with fromheeltoheal. I became conditioned with the emotional instability and I felt craving and withdrawals similar to an addiction as you say. It felt like I could feel PTSD after the relationship was over and not while I was in it and I thought wow, I can't believe that I was going through day in and day out. I wonder how it feels like for people that have had very long term relationships, thankfully I only had to go through it for a few years.

For me im in the window wereby im focused on letting go of a situation i may never understand  but something i could use help with is their subliminal programing and projecting of their own insecurities. Prior to the relationship i was a confident wealthy secure human being optimistic about the future.

I felt very different before and early in the relationship and I was having thoughts years later in the relationships that I felt very different, i felt like I was losing a part of my identity, I felt confusion and I was starting to feel like I didn't know who I was anymore. I had these thoughts often after my ex would have borderline rages and I was confused with what triggered the anger and why she was so angry at me for things I had no idea she was talking about. The best way that I can describe what I felt is I felt like a former shadow of the man that I was.

[fromheeltoheal]

Thank you for that response, so happy for you and you progress, unfortunately I'm still processing but everyday i feel a little lighter. 

Lighter is good!  So as I mentioned, if you were to start focusing on the future instead of the past, what would that look like for you?  Formulating your bright future and sharing it with us are good steps and will have an effect, just going through the process.