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Author Topic: I broke NC  (Read 3721 times)
C.Stein
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« Reply #30 on: March 16, 2016, 06:48:45 AM »

Also because I read one of the best ways to get an ex back is to go NC.

I think you probably know this is not the intent of NC ... .right?

Later after I found out the truth about everything, it was because she lied to me, cheated on me and hurt me.

Cheating and lying are serious breaches of trust, not to mention major boundary busting.  The chances of ever coming back from this are slim at best.  Even if she were to come back you would need to find a way to get over this and many people find they cannot, even with best intentions and efforts. 

If she were to come back do you honestly feel you could truly put this behind you and trust her completely again?
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gundam94
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« Reply #31 on: March 16, 2016, 08:46:44 AM »

Also because I read one of the best ways to get an ex back is to go NC.

I think you probably know this is not the intent of NC ... .right?

Later after I found out the truth about everything, it was because she lied to me, cheated on me and hurt me.

Cheating and lying are serious breaches of trust, not to mention major boundary busting.  The chances of ever coming back from this are slim at best.  Even if she were to come back you would need to find a way to get over this and many people find they cannot, even with best intentions and efforts.  

If she were to come back do you honestly feel you could truly put this behind you and trust her completely again?

You are correct. I do know that. That was in the very beginning when I still believed everything she told me.

I want to say yes but I honestly don't know C.Stein. I do believe everybody deserves a second chance. I know people make mistakes they wish they could take back. I know it would take a lot of work, but sometimes when two people are best for each other they have to face greater obstacles in order to be with each other.

I have always been a forgiving person. Im.not going to let her change that. I'm not saying I'm going after her. No, I'm going to attempt to move on with my life.
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C.Stein
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« Reply #32 on: March 16, 2016, 08:55:43 AM »

I want to say yes but I honestly don't know C.Stein. I do believe everybody deserves a second chance. I know people make mistakes they wish they could take back. I know it would take a lot of work, but sometimes when two people are best for each other they have to face greater obstacles in order to be with each other.

I have always been a forgiving person. Im.not going to let her change that. I'm not saying I'm going after her. No, I'm going to attempt to move on with my life.

I also am one who believes in second (third, fourth, fifth ... .) chances.  That is my Achilles heal.  That said there comes a point where the boundary has been crossed one too many times and/or a no second chance boundary has been violated.  Each time a boundary is crossed (doesn't matter who's) it impacts the health of the relationship.  If this is not addressed the relationship will crumble and fail.

If you find yourself faced with a recycle please be honest with yourself before you make any decisions.  If you cannot find a way to completely trust her again then moving on is probably the best thing for both of you.
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gundam94
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« Reply #33 on: March 16, 2016, 01:18:31 PM »

I want to say yes but I honestly don't know C.Stein. I do believe everybody deserves a second chance. I know people make mistakes they wish they could take back. I know it would take a lot of work, but sometimes when two people are best for each other they have to face greater obstacles in order to be with each other.

I have always been a forgiving person. Im.not going to let her change that. I'm not saying I'm going after her. No, I'm going to attempt to move on with my life.

I also am one who believes in second (third, fourth, fifth ... .) chances.  That is my Achilles heal.  That said there comes a point where the boundary has been crossed one too many times and/or a no second chance boundary has been violated.  Each time a boundary is crossed (doesn't matter who's) it impacts the health of the relationship.  If this is not addressed the relationship will crumble and fail.

If you find yourself faced with a recycle please be honest with yourself before you make any decisions.  If you cannot find a way to completely trust her again then moving on is probably the best thing for both of you.

No worries C.Stein. If that ever happens I will think long and hard before I make any decision.

On a happier note, I am volunteering at a different location on Friday. Same organization just a different city. I'm really excited about meeting the new kids and the challenge in earning their trust. It's like I have a purpose again
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gundam94
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« Reply #34 on: March 17, 2016, 02:00:23 AM »

I need everybody's help with something. I've been trying to figure out what I did wrong in the relationship. Because after all it takes 2 in a relationship and I know I hold some responsibility for it ending. I've thought a lot about this. I know I took her for granted at times, I know I got upset when I shouldn't of, I know I wasn't always as supportive as I should've been or she needed me to be. I know there were times I was demanding. But other than that I'm at a loss. Because honestly I tried the best I could. I know I made mistakes and I tried my best to learn from them. But the sum of my mistakes doesn't come anywhere close to her wild claims of me mistreating her. I know most of those claims are false and she doesn't believe them, but those ideas had to come from somewhere.

I ask because well for one I don't want to repeat the same mistakes. And second because I don't want to be "that guy" who blames his crazy ex for everything wrong in the relationship.
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WoundedBibi
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« Reply #35 on: March 17, 2016, 02:23:03 AM »

Gundam94, I've got to ask you this: should you even wonder what you did 'wrong' for it to end or the way it ended, or should you look at what you did 'wrong' that it even ever started?

I mean, I know I wasn't clear enough (in hindsight) what my boundaries were, but if I would have been clearer earlier on would that have made the relationship better or made it last? No, it would have blown up sooner. Therefore I should have done it of course  Being cool (click to insert in post)  would have saved me a lot of heartache.

I shouldn't have tried to get him out of sticky situations he got himself into and should have let him take responsability for his own actions & life. Once I stopped being an enabler, things started to go south. But what I did wrong wasn't that I stopped enabling him, what I did wrong was that I started doing it in the first place.

To me it sounds like you're wondering what you could have done to make the relationship work, and the answer is: nothing.

Not being demanding etc, yes, you might have triggered her anxiety less, so the relationship might have lasted longer, BUT it would not have been forever and it certainly wouldn't have been healthy if you had never asked for anything just to keep the peace or to keep her happy.

Does this help any?
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gundam94
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« Reply #36 on: March 17, 2016, 03:05:06 AM »

That makes a lot of sense. I suppose part of me is wondering what I could've done differently to keep it going.

And now that I think about it, if she had cared about my needs and feelings, I wouldn't of been as demanding. But I still feel like I'm not taking enough responsibility.

I don't know what I'm searching for. I might be trying to learn everything I can so I never have to go through this again... .but I really don't know.

It feels like I'm missing something critical to this puzzle. It feel like it's right in front of me and I can't see it.
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WoundedBibi
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« Reply #37 on: March 17, 2016, 03:31:47 AM »

I think it is important to look why a relationship starts, and why NONs let it continue so we can prevent ending up in another abusive relationship. I think that is taking responsability for your part.

What role did you play when the relationship started or when the issues first popped up? Did you want to save her, protect her?

What attracted you to her? Vulnerability? Intelligence? Humour?

What are dealbreakers in a relationship for you? Lying? Cheating? Hitting?

Did you walk away when the first dealbreaker came along? If not, why not?

What did you accept from her that you shouldn't have because it went over your boundaries? Can people push your boundaries so you put the boundaries further than you feel comfortable with? Or just your ex?

Was this your only abusive relationship?

What was it that made you attractive for her? Did you grow up in an abusive home?

I think these are some of the questions you need to look at. Have a look at the lessons and the other reading material from bpdfamily. I will in the next few days  Being cool (click to insert in post)  I need more info so I can dive deeper into why I end up in abusive relationships.
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gotbushels
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« Reply #38 on: March 17, 2016, 03:55:08 AM »

I think it is important to look why a relationship starts, and why NONs let it continue so we can prevent ending up in another abusive relationship. I think that is taking responsability for your part.

Yes! BP's link up all their relationships like they're sowing something together. I'm sure you can think of where this causes problems for them when it comes to assessment time. Yes its painful but the growth? Sheesh.

Also, good questions!
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WoundedBibi
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« Reply #39 on: March 17, 2016, 04:12:34 AM »

Hmmm... .I think the highlighted bit might have come across differently than I intended it...

I didn't mean "NONs of the world unite so there will never be someone for a pwBPD to have a relationship with"  Being cool (click to insert in post)

I meant we need to look at why we NONs let the relationship continue after it becomes abusive/the pwBPD crosses our boundaries.
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troisette
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« Reply #40 on: March 17, 2016, 04:49:36 AM »

We're all fallible gundam and nobody's perfect. 

One month nc isn't long (although it may seem like eternity) and it's understandable to long to repair the relationship.

It's hard not to slip back and start wondering "what if... .", but as the month by month of nc pass, your perspective will shift, little by little, helping you gain clearer retrospective understanding of what you experienced.

BPD is a serious mental illness and however much we try to accommodate it, make changes in ourselves to do so, we cannot cure it. To try to do so is to reinforce the damage already done to us, although it's tempting when our emotions are invested in the that person.

So take care of yourself, enjoy your new volunteering post, look after your hand and your happiness - who knows who you'll meet in the new location? Forward... .Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post)
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gotbushels
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« Reply #41 on: March 17, 2016, 04:58:30 AM »

I've been trying to figure out what I did wrong in the relationship.

This is a very powerful questions gundam94. May you enter it with the right heart (don't do it 'for her' and get many helpful answers.

Hmmm... .I think the highlighted bit might have come across differently than I intended it...

I didn't mean "NONs of the world unite so there will never be someone for a pwBPD to have a relationship with"  Being cool (click to insert in post)

HAHAHAHA thanks WoundedBibi. Laughing at my computer.

I thought you meant this:

|---BPD relationship--|----Abusive phase----| Breakup |------Life afterward-- Smiling (click to insert in post)----|

But you meant this:

|---BPD relationship--|----Abusive phase- Smiling (click to insert in post)---| Breakup |------Life afterward------|

From your sentence my thinking was: (1) focus on the 'self's role in allowing it to start' and (2) 'the self's traits that allow future abusive relationships to continue / allow it to enter into new ones'.

Yes, I agree. Your intended questions is possibly even more of an important question. Things are tougher when you're trapped in abuse.

In either case it would be helpful to gundam94.
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gundam94
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« Reply #42 on: March 17, 2016, 05:37:11 AM »

-What role did you play when the relationship started or when the issues first popped up?

   When we first met we became fast friends. She is younger than me so in the beginning I was like a mentor/big brother to her.

-Did you want to save her, protect her?

  I wanted to help her. I want to help everyone. It's who I am.

-What attracted you to her? Vulnerability? Intelligence? Humour?

  Honestly, it was everything about her. She was smart, funny, beautiful, nerdy, compassionate... .I could go on forever. She was absolutely perfect.

-What are dealbreakers in a relationship for you? Lying? Cheating? Hitting?

  I would say the normals. Cheating, hitting, extreme lying (everybody lies).

-Did you walk away when the first dealbreaker came along? If not, why not?

  They were never really crossed. Nothing really brought me close to breaking it off with her. I couldn't imagine life without her. I didn't know they had been crossed until after she ended the relationship. I never had any reason not to trust her. She seemed like she was always truthful with me. Looking back... .I rarely questioned the validity of anything she said. I'm not saying I always agreed... .but I never accused her of lying.

-What did you accept from her that you shouldn't have because it went over your boundaries?

  I suppose it was her lack of making time for us and making me do all the planning. Since she was still in college I tried to be as understanding as I could be. I just felt like I was being forgotten. It felt like she would only make time to see me if she had nothing else going on.

-Can people push your boundaries so you put the boundaries further than you feel comfortable with? Or just your ex?

That's difficult to answer. I do stand up for myself. As for my ex... .I loved her so much I was willing to make any sacrifice in order to have her in my life. She was the most important thing in my life. I've always been a very forgiving person. It takes something extreme for me to cut someone completely out of my life. I've always thought "I'd want people to forgive me for my mistakes. I should do the same. Nobody is perfect." Pretty much if you admit you were wrong, apologize and show me you actually learned from what you did... .there's a high probability I will forgive you. Life's also to short to stay mad at people... .the meaning of that became much more powerful to me lately.

-Was this your only abusive relationship?

Romantic? Yes.

-What was it that made you attractive for her?

I'm not really sure anymore. She told me the same reasons why I fell for her. We were so perfect for each other, it was scary.

-Did you grow up in an abusive home?

Yes. My parents divorced when I was around 7. My mother had primary custody of me and my brother. She's a high functioning alcoholic. She's loving and caring but also sexist, emotionally abusive and verbally abusive.
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WoundedBibi
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« Reply #43 on: March 17, 2016, 05:45:54 AM »

gotbushels, I suppose I meant both  Being cool (click to insert in post)

(Made someone laugh today, mission accomplished  Smiling (click to insert in post))

If I know why I was attractive for him, why I entered the relationship after having seen red flags, why I ignored those  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  , why I enabled him, why I let him cross my boundaries, why I put up with his crap, then I can start working on changing me, my needs etc so I can prevent myself from getting into another abusive relationship.

I understand a lot of the why's already, the changing bit and how to go about it, that I find more difficult. I mean, I can look at myself in the mirror every day and say "I'm wonderful, I love me" 10 X but does that really work? Will it make me love and respect myself more so I'm not willing to jump through hoops anymore because a guy says "I'm the one for you"?
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WoundedBibi
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« Reply #44 on: March 17, 2016, 06:11:32 AM »

-What role did you play when the relationship started or when the issues first popped up?

   When we first met we became fast friends. She is younger than me so in the beginning I was like a mentor/big brother to her.

so, like a father figure. And advisor. That says a lot IMO. "Come, let me help you"...

-Did you want to save her, protect her?

  I wanted to help her. I want to help everyone. It's who I am.

Goes for me too... Help and save are easily confused though. Help her with what? Life? "Your life is hard... let me make it easier for you... " That's saving I think.

-What attracted you to her? Vulnerability? Intelligence? Humour?

  Honestly, it was everything about her. She was smart, funny, beautiful, nerdy, compassionate... .I could go on forever. She was absolutely perfect.



Correction, if I may, her MASK was perfect. There must have been something about her that made you want to play this big brother part. For me, I know I saw how vulnerable my ex was. His stories (... ) implied his life was made more difficult by others. I know how it feels to be vulnerable, and misunderstood and helpless against the big bad world and it's inhabitants. I wanted to protect him, help him, save him from the baddies

-What are dealbreakers in a relationship for you? Lying? Cheating? Hitting?

  I would say the normals. Cheating, hitting, extreme lying (everybody lies).

-Did you walk away when the first dealbreaker came along? If not, why not?

  They were never really crossed. Nothing really brought me close to breaking it off with her. I couldn't imagine life without her. I didn't know they had been crossed until after she ended the relationship.

no  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  ever? Or did you ignore them?

-What did you accept from her that you shouldn't have because it went over your boundaries?

  I suppose it was her lack of making time for us and making me do all the planning. Since she was still in college I tried to be as understanding as I could be. I just felt like I was being forgotten. It felt like she would only make time to see me if she had nothing else going on.

and obviously you felt right; if she cheated on you, you were forgotten, you were playing second fiddle. Your intuition was right...

-Can people push your boundaries so you put the boundaries further than you feel comfortable with? Or just your ex?

That's difficult to answer. I do stand up for myself. As for my ex... .I loved her so much I was willing to make any sacrifice in order to have her in my life. She was the most important thing in my life. I've always been a very forgiving person. It takes something extreme for me to cut someone completely out of my life. I've always thought "I'd want people to forgive me for my mistakes. I should do the same. Nobody is perfect." Pretty much if you admit you were wrong, apologize and show me you actually learned from what you did... .there's a high probability I will forgive you. Life's also to short to stay mad at people... .the meaning of that became much more powerful to me lately.

I think all NONs are forgiving. Too forgiving. You were willing to sacrifice anything... That includes you. I think earlier you wrote staying alone for the rest of your life is your biggest fear (mine too). So basically we are saying: "I'm willing to put up with anything. Just don't leave me. That's all I ask. Other than that you can trample on my soul at your heart's content"

-Was this your only abusive relationship?

Romantic? Yes.

-What was it that made you attractive for her?

I'm not really sure anymore. She told me the same reasons why I fell for her. We were so perfect for each other, it was scary.

Correction, if I may, you SEEMED perfect for each other. And what made you attractive for her is answered below. Wounded soul sees wounded soul, and both think "you! You are like me! Wow... this is amazing... YOU are amazing... "

-Did you grow up in an abusive home?

Yes. My parents divorced when I was around 7. My mother had primary custody of me and my brother. She's a high functioning alcoholic. She's loving and caring but also sexist, emotionally abusive and verbally abusive.

Not sure if the font will work out, small screen, fingers seem to big, first time I tried the quote thingy, so I hope you can find my answers/remarks/suggestions in between yours.
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C.Stein
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« Reply #45 on: March 17, 2016, 07:54:31 AM »

I need everybody's help with something. I've been trying to figure out what I did wrong in the relationship. Because after all it takes 2 in a relationship and I know I hold some responsibility for it ending. I've thought a lot about this. I know I took her for granted at times, I know I got upset when I shouldn't of, I know I wasn't always as supportive as I should've been or she needed me to be. I know there were times I was demanding. But other than that I'm at a loss. Because honestly I tried the best I could. I know I made mistakes and I tried my best to learn from them. But the sum of my mistakes doesn't come anywhere close to her wild claims of me mistreating her. I know most of those claims are false and she doesn't believe them, but those ideas had to come from somewhere.

I ask because well for one I don't want to repeat the same mistakes. And second because I don't want to be "that guy" who blames his crazy ex for everything wrong in the relationship.

I believe it is important to examine why you got involved with her, why you allowed the relationship to continue when it clearly should have ended and how your own behavior and actions contributed to the relationship dynamic.  Look at both positive and negative aspects here, there are lessons to be learned from both.  

As with every experience in life there is a lesson to be learned.  People who don't learn the lessons continue to make the same mistakes over and over again.
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gotbushels
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« Reply #46 on: March 18, 2016, 12:45:57 AM »

gundam94 good job on the questions. I felt like how you did on some of those answers.

WoundedBibi's feedback is great. Please read it carefully.

Remember that you can apply the  "keep seeing shades of gray" to your own thinking.

You identified two core things in a non's attraction to BPs. They have big roles in the way nons move toward BPs.

1. Control / Saving.

2. "Absolutely perfect" impressions.

Good job!

-Did you walk away when the first dealbreaker came along? If not, why not?

   They were never really crossed. Nothing really brought me close to breaking it off with her. I couldn't imagine life without her. I didn't know they had been crossed until after she ended the relationship.

no  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  ever? Or did you ignore them?

What does "never really crossed" mean?
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gundam94
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« Reply #47 on: March 21, 2016, 12:37:44 AM »

I've given it a lot of thought and yes I did want to save her. I remember her telling me how her father would treat her. From what she told me he sounded very emotionally and verbally abusive. He also sounded very sexist and very “you'll never amount to anything”. Her mother just didn't care about her. When I met her she thought that's how all parents treated there kids. That didn't sit well with me, so I tried to save her. She told me I was the only person to ever believe her when it came to how her father treated her. I can't tell you how powerful that was to hear.

I've also thought a lot about red flags and the only time I can think of there being any red flags was during the last few months of my relationship. Even then it was the classic red flags of her cheating. I did notice them and was concerned. When I voiced my concerns, she told me that it was because she was depressed. I had no reason not to trust her, so I did. As for the rest of the relationship, I knew going in tgat it wasn't going to be a normal relationship. She still lives with her father, since I was older and didn't belong to her church we had to keep it secret from him. I should point out that I have never met her father (or any of her family) so I only have what she's told me. Most of which now I call into question. She was also extremely busy with work, school, school activities, she liked to be in plays, be in musicals and she also volunteered a lot. I didn't want to take her away from the things she loved doing and there was the promise of when she graduated she would move in with me. I decided I could take somewhat of a back seat for 4 years. But she kept pushing me further and further back. To the point where I felt like I was forgotten. I felt like I was her boyfriend only when it was convenient for her. She kept telling me that wasn't true but looking back her actions spoke louder than her words.

As for how the relationship started... .it kind of just happened. It felt so right it was almost scary.

I saw my psychiatrist on Friday. I updated her on everything. She was glad I'm going to be ok when it comes to my fingers (they are doing much better). She warned me about thinking “I'm going to be alone forever” or “I'll never love somebody like tgat again”. She said those are self-fulfilling and very dangerous. She also gave me a warning (she was the first person to say BPD as to why my ex did what she did), my psychiatrist said “I'm almost positive she has BPD. With that said you need to prepare yourself because she will come back into your life at some point.” My psychiatrist went on further telling me that I'd need to make the decision of whether or not I'd want that constant up and down in my life. I'm still not sure what I want.

I volunteered at the new location on Friday. I knew it was going to be different but it was still hard. None of the kids really talked to me. I know it'll take time for them to warm up to me but it still hurts. I felt so out of place. Like this is not my home, these are not my kids. I cried on the drive home.

I also found out over the weekend just how many people have never liked my ex at the place we volunteered together at. Almost the entire staff there don't like her. Which surprised me, mainly because how blind I was to just how horrible she really is. I also found out that my ex was up for an award for her volunteer work. But she didn't even make it out of the first round. Now that I think about it, I do remember her talking about it. She was confident she was going to win. The award is basically for good people, who do good things. So she doesn't deserve it at all. It may not be right to be pleased at the misfortune of others... .but since my ex left me her life has progressively gotten worse, almost on a weekly basis. Almost as if the universe is punishing her. Which she deserves.

On the other hand, mine continues to improve. It's been very easy to loose sight of that and I have several times.
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gotbushels
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« Reply #48 on: March 21, 2016, 01:34:14 AM »

Hey gundam

Good post.

Saving people can be a big deal for people in the growth process after a relationship. Good development.

If you're thinking about how your lines were "never really crossed", take comfort from knowing it's harder to see things when they are obscured, for example, lies. Recall your role in a healthy relationship.

Good job getting your P's professional opinion. "I'm still not sure what I want." I encourage you to think about this. Now you have an advantage because you have time to think for yourself without the other person's interference. If she comes to you and you're not ready, do you believe you have a right to ask for space no matter what she tells you?

With your new volunteer location, keep looking for ways you can contribute to them within your 'job scope'. Remember that they aren't going to automatically like you just because you're a volunteer. It will help you to lower your expectations slightly. Focus on the kids, focus on relaxing and enjoying yourself. If it happens it happens, if not, you spent time trying to volunteer. The time spent trying is itself a reward anyway.

Good development.
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gundam94
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« Reply #49 on: March 21, 2016, 02:35:15 AM »

Thanks gotbushels. When it comes to my new volunteer post, I know it's going to take a lot of work and time to earn the kids trust again. I don't know why I expected the kids to act differently, I just did. I guess I had forgotten what it was like when I first started volunteering all those years ago. I'm going to keep at it.

As for what I'll do if she comes back? I don't know. Some days I'm confident I'd say no. Others I know I'd take her back in a heart beat. All I can say is "I don't know".

My psychiatrist and a few of my female friends have told me this: She will always remember me. I was her first boyfriend, I was her first kiss, I was her first sexual partner. Because of that I will always have a place in her heart (be it good or bad). Every guy (or woman, she said she was bi) that comes after me will be compared to me. I dont want to sound arrogant, but I treated her like a princess, she was my everything. She's going to have an extremely difficult time finding someone else who will treat her as well as I did, I set the bar incredibly high. That's ignoring the fact I put up with her, let's call it neglectfullness, a lot longer than most guys would. It's not just that, my honesty, my loyalty, my realness and my love is very rare. I doubt she'll be able to find that again. And because of that I will always have a form of power over her. Even after I have long forgotten her, she will remember me.
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« Reply #50 on: March 21, 2016, 08:00:57 AM »

Gundam that's a good way to look at your volunteering. Do keep at it.

Don't worry, its common to have those times when we think we would take them back. It flicks in my head for a moment as I comprehend one good memory. Then I feel the weight of the rest and it snuffs it out. It gets easier.

We are better at seeing gray than our BPD counterparts. Keep using that to your advantage, stay mindful about your thoughts and work at being prepared.

That's the spirit man. Continue to take heart. Things won't always feel good but use this as a good example on how to handle the ups and downs after the break. I'm not saying you'll deal with more breaks or find a good match in your next relationship, but know that many people find BPs their hardest relationship.

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« Reply #51 on: March 21, 2016, 01:46:05 PM »

Gundam that's a good way to look at your volunteering. Do keep at it.

Don't worry, its common to have those times when we think we would take them back. It flicks in my head for a moment as I comprehend one good memory. Then I feel the weight of the rest and it snuffs it out. It gets easier.

We are better at seeing gray than our BPD counterparts. Keep using that to your advantage, stay mindful about your thoughts and work at being prepared.

That's the spirit man. Continue to take heart. Things won't always feel good but use this as a good example on how to handle the ups and downs after the break. I'm not saying you'll deal with more breaks or find a good match in your next relationship, but know that many people find BPs their hardest relationship.

I'm really trying. It's very difficult. I've been crying a lot today. I really miss her today. I hate this up and down crap... .
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« Reply #52 on: March 21, 2016, 01:49:29 PM »

 
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« Reply #53 on: March 21, 2016, 02:11:04 PM »


Thank you so very much. I am really struggling today. I try to be a good person. I try to do good things. I treat others the way I'd like to be treated... .and I won't lie, I thought it all paid off (not that I'm doing it expecting some kind of reward) when I met her. I thought I had finally found the one for me. I was very very wrong.
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« Reply #54 on: March 21, 2016, 02:26:53 PM »

I thought exactly the same things.

This was "the One".

Someone who understood me. And to an extent he does. And to an extent I understand him.

But I'm not willing (anymore) to be abused so he can release his primal fear and occasionally get a lovely moment with him.

But I miss some things. The way he used to look at me in the beginning. The feeling of being loved. Of having this deep connection. His kisses.

But intense does not equal intimate.

In some respects I might be 'too' good, a bit gullible, because I don't expect people to do bad things. And although I do want to protect myself from finding another BPD guy on my path at the same time I don't want to change so much I expect people to do bad things all the time.
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« Reply #55 on: March 21, 2016, 02:44:15 PM »

I'm right there with you today, gundam. I'm busy at the moment and can't look back at your story, but how did things end with her? What brought on the NC?

I thought mine was perfect too, but it turned out that she was hiding A LOT. And the feelings/aspects of her personality that she hid weren't even deal breakers for me, so it seemed like such a waste.
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« Reply #56 on: March 21, 2016, 03:22:11 PM »

Hang on in  there gundum, we're rooting for you. 
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« Reply #57 on: March 21, 2016, 04:48:51 PM »

Staff only

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