So deeply sad

[Lifechanging]

Hello. Just found this board and hoping to get advice and support   2 days ago I asked my 21 year old borderline daughter to leave for a while and stay with her dad. We haven't spoken since. She had split him out for years and I was the idealized one. A couple of months ago she began to switch.  She split me out and has taken several manipulative and damaging things against me... .One resulting in court action and thousands in attorneys fees for lies she stated. The abuse, hostility , stealing etc went on for years and I took it all.  But the guilt is drowning me. She can't be here right now but it hurts that she's gone

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Naughty Nibbler]

HEY  LIFECHANGING:

Welcome to BPD Family! 

I'm so sorry about the situation with your daughter.  It is unfortunate that you have had to get a lawyer involved.    That can get very costly.  Sounds like you did the safest and best thing to have her leave right now, in light of the her recent behavior.  Has she ever split you black before this episode?

Are you and your daughter's dad able to work together on some of your daughter's BPD issues? 

Are any of you getting any therapy right now?  Sounds like you are under a lot of stress.

There is a lot of good information on this Website that you should find helpful.  There are some links on the right hand side of the page.  You can, also, go to "The Learning Center" area on the  board (find the main index page or use the navigation drop-down at the bottom of this page).

The links below can be helpful (whether it is new info. or a refresher):

Here is a link to info. about Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG):

https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog

This link is to a Discussion Thread - What it means to be in the "FOG"

Note:  There are multiple pages for this one, might want to find the page numbering area at the top and click "all"

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=82926.0

Here is a link to a thread about boundaries:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61684.0

This link leads to discussion thread on boundaries (there are approx. 7 pages of discussion)

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61684.0

[Mutt]

Hi Lifechanging,



I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm sorry to hear that. I would like to join Naughty Nibbler and welcome you. I can see how scary, distressing and stressful that would feel when a loved one makes false statements about us. Members can relate with that and offer you guidance and support. You'll find that fit right in and we can walk through it.

NN has given you links and I just wanted to point out the lessons are to the right side of the board ---------------------------------------->

It helps to talk. Hang in there.


----Mutt