Feedback needed

[bgirl]

This is the most important question - what do I do next?  I sent him an email letting him know that the girls are staying with me until we have a formal custody agreement.  I never mentioned divorce and I know couples get them before a split.  He started talking about how he won't be able to afford the house, that he would like to have the girls as often as possible, etc.  I sent back that I would be fair but I wanted him to know that ending the marriage was his decision.  But also in light of him making us homeless, it would be hard to repair.  His response is that he didn't make us homeless and he wouldn't argue.ovwr email.

Am I wrong?  He left, in anger, and told me to pack and leave.  I am afraid of his anger and his irrational behavior.  Didn't he make us homeless?  Is this just a mind game?  That's what I need to know.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[gotbushels]

Hi bgirl 

Anger and irrationality from a partner are hard to deal with. It's often upsetting, so I understand that you might be upset. If there is BPD in the mix, it can be even harder.

This thing about being wrong--I think doubts around this time are normal. Can you embellish--wrong about what? If you've set out something painful and difficult for him, I think it's fair to expect that he's not going to take it lightly--pwBPD or otherwise. Separation and children just isn't always easy for the parents. It might help to be kinder to yourself here.

You described it as him making you and your children homeless. If that's your experience of it, then it can make sense to you to see it that way. The results of this relationship are that it's difficult to maintain a home on the income as it is. We're here to help you. Creating a living arrangement is hard. The word homeless is a loaded word. Though there's nothing inherently "wrong" with the word--can you see another way of describing the situation to your partner?

I'd like to see what others have to say about what you might do next. 

[mecalecalec]

hello - I am the wrong person to ask but evidently that doesn't stop me from replying!  it is interesting that my wife also says I rendered her homeless.  However I called the police and got a restraining order for physical violence.  and yet she still refers to this as me kicking her out homeless. ok.

I also second guess the heck out of myself.  I start to believe the tales and stories and at times I have to stop myself and say no that did not happen.

regarding being kicked out as stated below - I have been told to "get the f___ out of here, go to your mistresses and hooker friends" (I don't have mistresses or hooker friends);  I have been told to "get out of my sight because your presence annoys me" ;  the tough part is when kids are there to hear it.  typically when told to leave I ask "do you want me to leave" and then she normally backs off and accuses me of wanting to go have a party at a hotel or something (I don't have parties at hotels);  it seems as much as she says "get the f___ out of here" she doesn't want me to go.   

I hate you don't leave me ... .leave the house but don't go ... .what the heck

that is my experience... .

[Mutt]

Hi bgirl,  



I'm sorry that your H is putting you and the kids through this  It shows his inability of putting himself in your shoes. Have you separated in the past?