anu6
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 10
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« on: March 27, 2017, 03:33:53 AM » |
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Hi I'm a new member here.
I've been with my (un-diagnosed) BPD guy for 10years. Only before 2years, after a lot of turmoil and finally a devastating break up i came to know about BPD and how it has affected our relationship all these years. I've been trying a lot since then to learn coping strategies, reading lots of books, articles etc. to improve the relationship.
My problem is like this:
Before 2 years, the turmoils had intensified because of his abandonment issue -- i had taken admission in a university in a different state. He is very introvert so he did say anything directly but started the silent treatment for long duration, and of course the endless cycles of shame, apology, pulling-in, pushing-out followed. And finally he broke up. But later,again made up.
Following these, when i came to know about BPD, i had set my career on hold for more than a year and gave time to understanding him, his BPD, working tirelessly to improve communication, better understanding etc.
Now, things are better, but i am standing in a position where i again might have to go to a different state for my career. i am extremely afraid that he might again behave in those harsh ways. Though we have talked about this point, and he did say he'll not react so badly and i had even pointed it out, in an empathetic way, that these are fears only, i have not really "left" him to which he had agreed too, but i am still not very convinced that he wont react again like before.
Can any experienced member share how to tell him about my career, that i might have to go to another state and to tell him about various constructive ways that we can adopt to maintain a healthy relationship?
P.S - We are not staying together but in out respective house and meeting up once a while. That is fine with him. But when I'll have to go out of state, he sees it as threat.
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