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Skills we were never taught
98
A 3 Minute Lesson
on Ending Conflict
Communication Skills-
Don't Be Invalidating
Listen with Empathy -
A Powerful Life Skill
Setting Boundaries
and Setting Limits
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Author Topic: Telling pwBPD what you know.  (Read 489 times)
SurvivingBP17

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 21


« on: June 10, 2017, 09:22:16 PM »

Quick question.

When trying to talk to end confrontations and mend things with a pwBPD, is it wise to reference the fact that you are reading and learning about pwBPD through this site and other resources?
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This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

Turkish
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12179


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« Reply #1 on: June 10, 2017, 11:11:34 PM »

I've been here for almost 4 years.  In that time,  I've seen members effectively work with their partners by sharing as you are asking (who are actually diagnosed, and are committed to therapy),  about twice. Otherwise,  it's likely to result in conflict. At the core of BPD is shame ("I'm a bad person who doesn't deserve love". It's a razor's edge being supportive.  Focusing on improving your side of the communication equation and validating is a better path to take.  Communicating "I've learned all these new tools to communicate with you better!" Is likely invalidating and a reminder of their shortcomings.  You're also communicating about you,  when they are concerned about themselves (nervous, angry,  anxious). Show support by your actions. If you change these,  it will be noticed.  
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
AnuDay
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Almost Recovered
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« Reply #2 on: June 11, 2017, 11:38:16 AM »

Quick question.

When trying to talk to end confrontations and mend things with a pwBPD, is it wise to reference the fact that you are reading and learning about pwBPD through this site and other resources?


Resist the urge at all costs to share what you are learning.  Ironically it will only make your situation worse in the long haul.  Do go to couples counseling if you can.  BPD is extremely complicated.
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