How to resist when BPD exbf reaching out

[soonbefree]

My gut tells me that sooner than later he will reach me out.
I have to be fully prepared when that happens.
He dumped me 2 months ago of 9 months relationship.
He is a quiet BPD so no raging mostly nice.

I have read/watch on how pwBPD can't love and they just need closeness instead, etc, etc.
He has severe mood swings and intense boredom.
If he texts me or worse meets me, by looking at him boy oh boy how can I resist?
Your advice is appreciated.

[Lost-love-mind]

I feel the exact same way with my BPD ex gf.
She was the silent type as well. But post breakup she sent vilevinsulrs via email.
I'm going to an event next week and I'm 95% certain she will be there due to our common interest.
Those gorgeous blue eyes and ... .
It's gonna be tough to keep my distance.

[Mutt]

Those gorgeous blue eyes and ... .

Don't forget about FOG   I'd make an effort to think about a negative when I think about something positive about my exuBPDw, don't focus on just the good or just the bad.

I think that you'll many members here that worried about the same thing. If you set the boundary on yourself and you intend to defend your boundaries, your boundaries are there to protect you. I

[soonbefree]

Here is my mantras I will chant these over and over again when he reaches me out :

1. Some experts said many therapists were mot be able to stand them let alone a mere mortal like you.

2. They are gonna hurt you no matter what. Guaranteed.

3. You deserve better.

4. Life is too short to let them ruin it again

[Mutt]

5. I'm stronger than I think

[once removed]

If he texts me or worse meets me, by looking at him boy oh boy how can I resist?

i think the question is whether you are emotionally "done" with the relationship. if not, you will find reasons not to resist. and if not, it would be a good idea to dig into the Saving board, learn the tools and skills taught there. they can help you navigate when/if he reaches out.

[soonbefree]

i think the question is whether you are emotionally "done" with the relationship. if not, you will find reasons not to resist. and if not, it would be a good idea to dig into the Saving board, learn the tools and skills taught there. they can help you navigate when/if he reaches out.

Thanks for the direction onceremoved 
No, I am not emotionally done. How can I? He left and pushed me away abruptly without the slightest warning or so I think because I knew nothing about BPD before.

[hope2727]

I Have committed to not responding until I have had at least a day to think, spoken to 3 of my friends and am past my knee jerk "I'll give you a piece of my mind" response. Then I use BIFF. He hasn't reached out in over a year but he does cyber observe me a bit (I won't go as far as stalk). I expect another contact at some point. I focus on being my best self and therefore not wanting that trauma back in my life.

[MeandThee29]

I Have committed to not responding until I have had at least a day to think, spoken to 3 of my friends and am past my knee jerk "I'll give you a piece of my mind" response. Then I use BIFF. He hasn't reached out in over a year but he does cyber observe me a bit (I won't go as far as stalk). I expect another contact at some point. I focus on being my best self and therefore not wanting that trauma back in my life.

LOL! This was a problem for me at first. I was feeling like I had to answer every call, text, and email right away like I did when we lived together. My therapist said to always give it some time before answering to strengthen my resolve because I have codependency issues.  She also said that I needed to break the idea that I'm at his beck-and-call when nearly everything he has to say isn't time-sensitive. It varies, but I often give it overnight.

[CottonClouds]

Is it his looks that make him irresistible? Or his voice? His pheromones? What is it that draws you to him?

And is it worth the emotional damage he puts you through?

[hope2727]

I kind of think of it as a 12 step model. I reach out to my sponsor.  She or he kicks my butt and in fact have taken possession of my phone overnight to prevent my somewhat hot temper from leading the charge so to speak. Once whoever is in charge of talking me off the ledge has calmed me down we agree upon a mutually acceptable BIFF response and it is sent. It works. I have the sober second thought of my friends and he HATES being "BIFFed" so he stops baiting me. All's been quiet for quite some time now. ITs almost creepy.

[soonbefree]

Is it his looks that make him irresistible? Or his voice? His pheromones? What is it that draws you to him?

And is it worth the emotional damage he puts you through?

After we broke up I dated several guys. After meetup 1-3 times I lost interest. Seems no one as attractive as my ex, I miss the mystery, the guesswork, the challenge.

[CottonClouds]

Is the mystery/guesswork/challenge worth the pain that comes with them?

[soonbefree]

Is the mystery/guesswork/challenge worth the pain that comes with them?

Now I know about pwBPD a lot more. I think I can tolerate if he ignores me "it's okay he just doesn't want to talk to me today. As moody as he is eventually he will contact me soon". That's the good side of pwBPD, if he is sulking just wait for 5 minutes it will change 

My uxBPDbf is a waif. He never ever rage at the point I once asked him "have you ever got angry? Go be angry I want to see it" he just smiled.

So the pain I experienced was only when he ignored me that lead to our broke up. I guess in his eyes I made a wrong move or I smelled not right and he started to devalue me.