I am doing OK as I am on summer break (Australian)
I see. I learned quite a lot from the Australian representatives on the board, it was nice to see applications of the same skills in a different cultural setting.
I guess it means that my parents are very liberal in terms of expressing yourself honestly. No thoughts are bad, they are just thoughts etc. I am quite bad at lying as a result so my emotional expression, for example if someone says 'How are you?' then I am quite literal in my response.
I see. Accurate expression is a skill that's promoted here, so I do think your gravitation toward honesty rather than wanting to lie can be a good thing.
I find them very honest emotionally (when they are lucid).
Yes, sometimes the emotional simpleness (not emotional limitation) that is felt when with a borderline has an honest quality to it. As though they are 100% in the emotion's moment.
It is when I trigger the abandonment, after the attachment, that I find the manipulation begins.
Yes, how a pwBPD acts can be felt as if we're being manipulated. Manipulation often implies a deliberate plan to get someone to do something that they may not want. When pwBPDs are in a dysregulation state, a lot of what they do and say is not deliberate. It often lacks a quality of consciousness. How they act are often learned reactions. That's just my understanding and if you'd like, you'll get better advice from a P on how their bodies work.
But I am still unsure if that is conscious or they literally cannot help it.
When dysregulation episodes happen, it's thought that their actions are mostly reactive.
I agreed a lot of with was said about the depth of empathy you can get with a borderline relationship.
Yes, pwBPDs have feelings. Sometimes the level of feeling is so extreme that it's described as things like "exquisite pain". Correspondingly, it's also thought that the non (you, in this case) are the empathic one that interprets the pwBPD's actions as feelings.
When my BF is well he is very emotionally present and empathetic, he cries rather than rages (I recognise he is more dangerous to others than me).
Yes, some people have a strong sad response rather than a strong anger response to things. I do think pwBPDs are diverse in the type of response they have to things. E.g., my uexpwBPDgf had a strong anger response when interpreting an absence of care, but a strong sad response when interpreting a loss of a partner.
The fact that he says things like "I just want to like myself" is an honest response that I just don't get from anyone else, especially males.
Yes, I don't hear this type of thing a lot. I heard it from my uexpwBPDgf. The stats are that many more people experience depression-related episodes at some point in their lives (1 of 3?), male and female, than is often realised. Yes, I think culturally men are less likely to admit deficiency in self-esteem.
... .I believe that I always get out within the honeymoon period. Perhaps I am naive and it gets much much worse?
If you're looking for examples, I highly encourage you to search for them on the site. Additionally, helpful advice I was given was to read Mason and Kreger's book (2nd ed,
link). It's also got a lot of cases in it.
