Did your relationship/s have adverse effects on your physical health?

[JNChell]

Did you experience adverse physical symptoms due to the stress and toxicity from your relationship? Personally, I ended up with shaking and heart palpitations for a while. These are starting to subside since I haven’t had to see her in a while. I’ve also gone very grey. I have a skin condition that was very minimal and well managed when I met her. It has since exploded all over my body and will likely take injections to get back under control. I’m just curious if anyone else has experienced physical symptoms from their relationships. If so, have you been making attempts to help your symptoms subside?

[Aiko]

 Yes. But enough is enough w them. Try to hit the gym, release some good juju. They don't own us.

[JNChell]

I started back in the gym 2 weeks ago. It felt great. I ended up really depressed and skipped all of last week. I’m just going to have to force myself to go. Thanks for responding.

[grd123]

I survived a marriage that had many behaviours exhibited by someone suffering BPD. I dealt with verbal, emotional and physical abuse amongst many other of the attributes associated with this disorder. Constant threat of divorce, threatening suicide , delusional thinking amongst others.  After many years of this i developed a condition called NAAION [Non Arteritic Anterior Ischemic Optic Neuropathy] which is loss of vision.Fortunately it was only in my right eye.   I explained much of my personal life while married ,which I had documented, to the medical people including doctors, therapists and neurologist, diagnosing and treating my condition and all said that the condition was almost certainly from the abusive living conditions I was living under. They explained that due to the stressful situations and abuse that I endured that this condition in all likelihood was a result of these stressful conditions.

[tlc232]

JNChell -

Very much so -- my anxiety was overwhelming.   Nothing was ever good enough and the weight of the world was on my shoulders (all bills... .retirement... .two businesses... .).   I had no life and what little I had was consumed with dealing with someone who never made sense.   Worked my fingers to the bone, so all of the ailments that went along with it.   Getting better... .  nice to wake up without someone screaming at the bedside over literally nothing... . Not how to start any day.

grd123 -- Glad you are a survivor!   Glad we all are... .

[grd123]

JNChell I certainly know the feeling I sometimes would get woken at 3AM to get screamed at and now look back and think why did I tolerate this. I had three children and felt for them.
  I have a much more peaceful and tranquil life at this point and all the medical people I have dealt with due to the eye condition I developed have told me to eat healthy and excercise. I play hockey 2-3 times per week, swim , ski, bike ride and walk and am re building my life and feel much more positive now as I have gained back self confidence and self esteem.

[The Cat in d Hat]

I’ve had hypertension for years, but my medication went up 4x (doubled twice) over the course of 2 months, both times when she ended things.

Yes, stress most definitely contributes to physical health. She may be gone, but the pressure has not dropped back. Could be worse?

[grd123]

Hi The Cat in d Hat. I also developed hypertension and certainly agree that this can cause many health issues. My blood pressure has come down substantially now that I am no longer in a relationship with my BPD wife. I am now enjoying life again and not in a position where I dreaded coming home , saying or doing the wrong thing for fear of setting them off as she would argue until 4 AM in the morning on a weeknight because you washed a utensil improperly or left a finger mark on the fridge.

[JNChell]

Thanks for the replies, everyone. It’s really something how our emotions can take a physical toll on our bodies. I’m sorry that you are and have had to endure this.

I don’t even see her anymore, but she’s still here. I just wish I could wish this all away. I’m sure that you all can relate. I’m so exhausted and emotionally overwhelmed right now, and she isn’t even here. I’m feeling pretty weak lately, and I just wish some relief would show itself. Thanks for reaching everyone and for allowing me to vent.

[grd123]

JNChell i wish you well on your road to recovery it is neither easy nor simple and only someone who has lived one of these relationships would fully understand. I hope you are able to keep working out as I know physical excersise does help. I also spent much time at the library as near the end of the marriage i sold my business and tried working for the purchaser but it was as bad as my marriage. I was at the point where I did not want to go home or go to work so I quit my job. I had a non compete clause and during this time spent a lot of it at the library reading positive things to help the mental side of my life which did help and in conjunction with the physical exercising helped me get through this troubling episode in my life. I have since started back in business and am enjoying it more than before. This all took over three years.

[JNChell]

Hi grd123. I’m glad that things for you are back on track. Thanks for the kind words

[Kaboodle]

Did you experience adverse physical symptoms due to the stress and toxicity from your relationship?

I had a drastic increase in the frequency of my migraines. I developed abnormal uterine bleeding and had to have surgery. I also developed gastroesophageal reflux disease due to hiatal hernia, which has destroyed my vocal chords and tooth enamel. For me, this last condition is proving chronic and untreatable, and will be the legacy of my toxic relationship.

[JustNeedToTalk]

Yes major panic attacks.  And increased frequency in having them.  I have always suffered but this has worsened them.

Everyone is right the gym helps.  I work out with a friend who trying to lose weight so we motivate each other him for his weight and me for my mind.  I think finding a friend to work out with is a great idea because it's easy not to bother when you're on your own.

[lighthouse9]

Yes - she brought out the worst of some of my own stuff that I was usually pretty good at keeping under control psychologically, like OCD stuff. I've never needed medication for this, and though I did have some stressful stuff going on in my life outside of her, I didn't start meds until I discovered that her "unhappiness" in our relationship was coupled with her crushing on a guy from work. I took it personally and got help immediately, blamed myself for driving her nuts with my OCD, vowed to work on myself to save the marriage. I had no idea how much of a mirage my "problems" were and how even the healthiest person on earth probably couldn't have stopped her from splitting them and cheating.

About 6 months ago I started getting heartburn (never had heartburn in my life) and then it turned into an intense smell sensitivity, then throwing up in the mornings because of a combo of reflux and smell sensitivity. She went back and forth between being supportive and caring and then hating me for it, just like everything else, so I was constantly on eggshells whether or not to show any vulnerability around her. It's better when she's not around for a period of time, but then acts up again after I've seen her.

I also gained some weight that didn't make a lot of sense, given that I tend to stay pretty cautious about nutrition and fitness. It was your typical stress weight though - centered right in my belly and I was always bloated or having digestive pain. After she started the "leaving" process, I watched the belly weight go down almost instantly. My body has stopped holding onto stress as intensely, even though I'm not eating nearly as well (read: lots more pizza and such). I started a thread on the improving board right before it was clear that things are absolutely over for us about things we can or have "reclaimed" from the relationship, and remarkably food issues seem to be a big thing.

[RisingFromAshes]

The 2.5 years marriage to my H took a massive toll on my health.
I had an an auto-immune condition since I was 10 years old. It went into remission for 15 years and relapsed 1 year into my marriage. The doctor was very surprised and asked what has happened in my life so stressful because there is no other explanation for this as it's very unusual.
My IBS is worse than it's ever been and of course it is stress related and so are energy levels.
When I met my H, I was super strong power-lifter training 6 days a week. And now... .I have not been to the gym for the last 2 years trying to get through a working day without falling asleep at my desk.

[Kaboodle]

I was constantly on eggshells whether or not to show any vulnerability

This! Sometimes my now-ex would be caring and understanding; most times he would mock me or rage at me for being weak, sickly, old, and a "drama queen", or he would pester me for sex. I'll never forget the time he said, "If you're feeling depressed, then don't come around me, because I'm all about positive solutions."

Pfft!

[LightAfterTunnel]

I’ll never know how much of my constant fatigue in years past was a physical expression of the mental fatigue of dealing with my wife. Since I have “refound” myself my fatigue has disappeared.

However, the most obvious physical effect was 1 yr ago after she had a horrible dissociative episode and vanished for a day. My scalp started itching incredibly over the next days and I ended up with big psoriasis patches all over my head, including losing my hair in two spots.

I’d never had psoriasis before or since that prolonged period... .actually quite amazing when you think about it. If we don’t learn how to deal with our situations better then we will pay the price one way or another.

LAT

[toomanydogs]

Yes!

Horrible anxiety. Needed meds. Insomnia. Needed meds. My hair fell out in clumps. No meds for that. Developed GERD. Take Pepcid, elevated my bed. It was under control for a while, and when H left, it came back with a vengeance.

Eye pain. Shoulder pain. Inability to concentrate.

I have found that keeping active--even if it's brushing the horses or mucking stalls--helps me, as does Pilates and writing.

I used to worry a lot about my physical health. His P dismissed my concerns, and my FIL told me stress is actually helpful.

TMD

[JNChell]

TMD, did you ask your FIL just exactly who benefits from stress? Sheesh! 

[Jersey G]

I was told by an endocrinologist about 10+ years ago that I was constantly living in "fight and flight". My hair was falling out, I was constantly tired, along with many other symptoms. After testing... .I learned that my adrenals weren't producing enough cortisol.  The doctor said I needed to reduce stress in my life, and proceeded to ask about my home life.  I reasoned that living in stress was everyone's normal... .wasn't it?  Fast forward to the present- I have come to learn that even if living in stress is the American way- there are absolutely things we can change in our lives to reduce stress- amen?  I changed my diet... .started exercising etc. I didn't want to face the greatest source of stress... .my marriage.  I am still on many medications that are supporting my endocrine system, and JUST took the biggest step toward healing yesterday.  I made the decision for my physical and emotional health- that I need to separate from my spouse.  I am praying it'll be a step forward in both of our healing journey- and a temporary one- but I have to focus on me.  Our bodies aren't created to function well when marinating in high stress levels consistently.  <3

[toomanydogs]

TMD, did you ask your FIL just exactly who benefits from stress? Sheesh! 

JNChell, I was kind of expendable. My STBX was/is quite ill. Low functioning. I kept him stable for 10 years, and my FIL had a huge investment in maintaining the status quo, no matter how debilitating to me.

Ask me if I'm bitter (written sarcastically). LOL.
TMD

[toomanydogs]

I didn't want to face the greatest source of stress... .my marriage.  I am still on many medications that are supporting my endocrine system, and JUST took the biggest step toward healing yesterday.  I made the decision for my physical and emotional health- that I need to separate from my spouse.  I am praying it'll be a step forward in both of our healing journey- and a temporary one- but I have to focus on me.  Our bodies aren't created to function well when marinating in high stress levels consistently.  <3

Hi Jersey G!
My H left me in August then filed for divorce. At first, it was absolutely gut-wrenching, like sliding down the wall to the floor gut-wrenching, but now... .I sleep better. Without meds. I have less anxiety. Without meds.

I still have residual effects--concentration is still off, fatigue is still problematic. I'm guessing these residual effects are due, in part, to my financial situation and the limbo of not being married/not being divorced. Hard to maintain.

But I have no doubt when I'm on the other side of this divorce, my concentration will be back and the fatigue will lessen.

Good luck, Jersey G.

TMD

[bus boy]

My mental health took a nose dive, I had very bad depression, emotionally I was a disaster, I took to heavy drinking, lost a lot of weight, couldn't hold a job, couldn't eat couldn't sleep and weather it's related or not I was diagnosed with a brain tumour. That's all behind me now. These days I feel better than ever, in every way. I haven't drank for over 10 years, I survived a lot of pain in the past 10 years, survived the tumour, survived another crushing round with Xw and survived and living with my second occupant attaching it self to my brain.
   Just writing this post is making me cry with tears of gratitude. For so long I was broken, so strange how being so down and kicked while down rose me up to where I am today. I still have ___ ass days but I but I get over them.